Save Your Sanity: Help For Toxic Relationships

Are toxic relationships ruining your health? Is your immune system being depleted by constant anxiety?Walking on eggshells is a stressful way to get exercise. You need to change that and here are some ways.You can do so much for your own health. Dr. Sundardas Annamalay has made this is lifelong study and his mission is to help you recognize and realize all that you can do to overcome the exhaustion of emotional abuse, and other contributors to health issues. Emotional issues create physical issues. You want relief from both, and that's a very good thing to achieve.BIG QUESTION: Do you feel energized by being with the other person, or not? That answer will tell you so much. We talk about that.Early childhood patterns also affect our willingness to accept poor behaviors, or unwillingness to clarify and set boundaries. Even more so, to enforce those boundaries.Are you ready to feel be better...including your physical health? Tune in and hear these invaluable insights from Dr. Annamalay who is revered throughout

You long to be known, seen, heard, acknowledged, approved of and accepted. Those are the very things that a person with narcissistic or anti-social tendencies will not give you. That's how they manipulate you. You want those things and they pretend, suggest, or promise them. You know now that you're not going to receive them.I hate to have to be so strong, but it's essential: STOP HOPING!That person who manipulated and love-bombed you into falling in love with them is a mirage, a charade, a facade, a chameleon. That person is made-up and put on. That's not the real person.If you keep hoping that that mythical first-date person is real, you'll keep thinking that if only you could find the right formula while making yourself into a pretzel--that person would return. You know that you only see that person now when the Hijackal is really afraid of losing you, or really wanting something you don't want to give them, right?Sad, but true!That's why today's episode is SO IMPORTANT! Good people hold out hope that diff

When you're with a toxic person, you recognize that they love to keep you in uncertainty, on edge, and hyper-vigilant. Recognize that?Do you find your shoulders creeping up to your earlobes when you're around the #Hijackal?When that is so, you lose energy, and the stress makes decision-making difficult, right? You second-guess yourself. You argue with yourself. You get quickly exhausted, and decisions are postponed.Today, Mary Goulet is here to offer hope...and strategies. We talk about how to get back in touch with your own feelings, intuition, or gut instinct. That sometimes gets covered up by all the "noise" in a toxic relationship, right?Mary Goulet says, "Your gut is always a statement: do, don't do, or delay." Let her suggestions get you back in touch with what's best for you, and how let your body tune in and tell you.Decision-making? Mary says your gut is courage-based. That's good news, for a start!I think you'll find this to be a very insightful interview. Let me know how it helped by joining in on

So exasperating! Your partner seems like an extra child. Not what you signed up for, right!And, no amount of pointing out his/her failures, incompetencies, or lack of thought seems to change things, either.Infuriating!OK...I understand, but it's definitely not going to help if you are viewing your partner as an extra child. That alone needs your immediate attention!If you actually treat your partner as an extra child--giving direction, finding fault, ridiculing, shaming, and blaming--your relationship will always be lacking in those three MUST-HAVES: equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. It will always be frustrating, infuriating, and unsatisfying.And, the bedroom? Going to consistently be contentious. No desire because there's not respect. It's all going to go sideways, and I give you some pointed examples of why in this episode.So, if you're unhappy in your relationship, it could be that this episode can change all that as you understand the impossible dynamics of parenting your partner as a primary process

For women to be in their power does not mean they are seeking power over other humans! It's an inside job! Even though women have made strides towards equality for all humans, there are still many ways to address. Today, we're talking about the internal journey of finding our sense of self, getting in touch with how we may not be being our own best friends!How do you feel when you hear the term, "self-love?" Does it sound like how you feel, or does it sound like something obvious or foreign? Sometimes, I think it has been used to the point that people hearing it don't take it in, so we've addressed that today. And, what it means.How about women's feminine spiritual power? Intrigued? We explore this, and how we can manifest our true nature through accepting our power.So much to inspire women in this episode just for them, OR YOU!. Enjoy!Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What is self-love? It's sometimes over-used and unclear.Have women really come a long way?How to recognize whether it's our brain

Who wants to live in a pressure cooker? No one goes out and says, "I want to live with anxiety, hyper-vigilance, stress, and uncertainty. Give me that relationship!" Well, no one who cares about themselves does, right? Today, I'm using the contrasts between a slow cooker and a pressure cooker to highlight just what I mean. Most of us have one or the other--maybe, both--in our kitchens. We know what they do.Have you ever thought about slow cookers and pressure cookers in terms of how relationships start, grow, cook, or burn? It makes it quite clear!Healthy relationships grow. They're gently creating depth of flavor, slowly.#Hijackal relationships degrade and love to reduce even the strongest fiber to nothing.Which relationship sounds better to you? Less heat over more time to savor the flavor? Or, greater heat over less time to break things down?Are you genuinely captivated by your partner, or feeling controlled and a captive? Big difference!Think deeply about these points today, even though you may think they

Oh, more pressure! Somehow, the idea is often promoted that you're supposed to be best, most, top, smartest, most effective, most productive, most involved, ever-present parent...in order to be good enough! NO! NO! NO!Who really told you that you're supposed to be a "SuperMom?"Who's deciding that?Do you value what they're up to or how they live?Do you--should you--care what others think?Have you examined what "good enough" parenting is FOR YOU?Big topics worth talking and thinking through! If you don't, you can get caught up in the generalized idea that you're not doing a good enough job of anything! Ever been caught in that "slush bucket?"Today, Kimberly Lou and I discuss where we get our ideas of what makes a good mother, even a great mother. It may not be what you've accepted, or been told and not examined. Freedom!Kimberly has a valuable distinction: the difference between creating harmony rather than balance. You'll want to engage with that thought in this episode. She has some other provocative thoughts

In a previous episode, I promised to create an episode on my fundamental, absolute MUST-HAVES for a healthy relationship with another adult. Here it is!Whether that relationship is with your partner (most important), your parent, sibling, or adult children, these three things must be present or you are going to have pain, distress, stress, and resentment. Not good ingredients for a relationship you want to stay in, right?If you cannot develop, grow, or deepen these three must-haves, or only one person in the relationship wants to, you have big things to think about and big decisions to make. You'll especially have to think this through if you have children who are watching your relationship ...and learning about who they are, how to have a relationship, and what it means to be a man or woman in one!These foundations underlie every conversation you are likely to have in and about your relationship, too. They are that basic.Yet, often, you're so busy with the day-to-day incidents and must-do's that they go unad

Big leap from Trekkies and Six Days in Roswell to making a film called 'The Truth About Marriage?" I asked Roger Nygard about his fascination with seemingly impossibly deep subjects, and why marriage was his next plunge. You may be surprised by his response. Roger Nygard is obsessed with unraveling mysteries. Marriage can certainly be one, right? Curiosity, he believes, is our nature, and he enjoys delving into new explorations to shed light and plummet the depths. Roger says "Happiness is in the process" and we need to be challenged. Again, marriage can be challenging, right? What inspired Roger to look into the truth of marriage? He says that it was his own failures that caused him to look deeply at what was underneath the surface that he might have missed. Personal experience can shift your thinking in ways that a world of conversation cannot. Roger had those experiences, learned from them, and did what every inquiring mind does: he jumped into the why's, wherefore's, could have's, should have's, and why d

Being with a #Hijackal is relentlessly difficult, for sure.Watching how the Hijackal treats your children can be heartbreaking. Today's episode offers insights into the dynamics of having a #Hijackal parent, AND of being the other parent with one. IT'S DIFFICULT! Children look to each parent as the source of their value, for validation that they deserve to take up space and draw breath on this earth. A Hijackal parent gives a child a very skewed and uncertain view: everything depends on the Hijackal's mood or needs in the moment. The child cannot possibly understand. Things go sideways.You, as the other parent watching all this, may be feeling doubly hurt and doubly anxious, for yourself and for your children. The Hijackal wants the child to be compliant and meet their narcissistic needs. The child wants the Hijackal parent to like, accept, and approve of them. An immediately negative power dynamic is set up!How do I protect my child?How do I support my child?How do I do this all without incurring further wra

Ever feel stuck? Try as you might to get your leg out of the emotional muck, the next leg sinks in again? Did something happen long ago that still haunts and harasses you today?In this episode, you'll learn about where memories, fears, anxieties, and trauma are stored and how you can clear out that storage. Get some insights on clearing emotional clutter.Many current relationship issues stem from childhood experiences locked in cellular memory. Those childhood events and climates can definitely "infect" current relationships, especially your relationship with yourself. That can be changed.Perhaps, you've experienced trauma after childhood. That can change your perception of yourself and others. It can undermine self-confidence, or the willingness and ability to trust.Emotions are housed in the body, even though they often go unnoticed, or seem to lay dormant. Learn how this can affect you, your self-esteem, self-confidence, and ways you look at your world.Sherry Anshara offers wise suggestions for removing th

During the self-isolating shutdown, domestic violence has increased greatly. Hopefully, that will draw attention to the many people who need to be safer than they are. Unfortunately, the women and men who are being emotionally abused--experiencing emotional domestic violence--will once again go unnoticed. A BIG PROBLEM!Emotional domestic abuse on its own doesn't come with visible choke marks, bruises, casts, contusions, and black eyes. It comes with DEEP, LONG-LASTING EMOTIONAL SCARS! Fortunately, those can be helped to heal.It's been awhile since I've spoken about the many facets of emotional abuse. You need to keep them clearly in view. You need to step back from your relationship and recognize what's actually happening. Sometimes, you're so worn down by the tearing down and putting down that comes your way from a #Hijackal, that you can hardly face the enormity of it.Before you listen to this episode, I invite you to be in a place where you can have some time after listening to process your feelings. Take

What do you think the balance is between trust and fear? Is there one? How do you create it?You'll need that to be emotionally resilient, especially after emotional abuse. Susan Dascenzi talks about emotions as "energy in motion," a new idea to consider in light of her explanation, for sure. This changes things!Susan has walked through many things as a six-time survivor of sexual assault. She brings a unique perspective because, not only has she been aware of her spiritual core since the age of four, but she sees her challenges with difficult people and toxic relationships as gifts. Even, her emotionally abusive ex-husband!Obviously, she brings hope to you in this interview!Susan is a licensed psychotherapist, so her insights come from her experience and her expertise. She has processed so much of what most people who have lived with emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and sexual abuse need to walk through in order to move into a new space of healing and peace within.Great conversation! How about vulnerability? It

Still stuck with too much time up close and personal with a #narcissistic #Hijackal? That can be so difficult! They can be such emotional vampires, sucking energy out of every room.And, you end up getting way too much exercise walking on eggshells! This is the third in this Housebound With A Hijackal. In previous parts of this series, I've suggested never poke a #Hijackal. That just makes sense: they rage, threaten, or demean and it's just not worth it. Nothing moves forward. Today, I'm taking four things that #Hijackals do, and giving you internal antidotes--things you can do within yourself--to neutralize the external toxicity of the Hijackal. You know, those toxic demeaning, devaluing, discounting, dismissive ways along with the raging torrents of words and energy that are usually quite out of proportion with what's actually happening!Knowing that you have effective tools in your toolkit for those moments when a Hijackal dances on your last nerve is empowering...if you remember to use the tools. There is t

Sometimes, we play small. We hide out.Sometimes, we get into relationships that want to control us, to overshadow us, to keep us small.AND, sometimes, we just get an irresistible new idea of what is possible and we allow ourselves to run with it.GOOD NEWS: If any of those are true for you, you'll be inspired by this conversation with Lisa Cherney, and motivated to look at what's possible for you!Usually on Save Your Sanity, I'm talking with folks who are in, or have been in, a toxic relationship. Today, I'm bringing you inspiration, motivation, encouragement, and clear steps to not only see the future you want, but to have the courage to step into the future you want. When you've had #Hijackals in your life, you are so used to being limited by them, and by fear of what they think, want, or might do, right? It's natural. It's what the #Hijackal wants to achieve, too. And, you know when you want to step out of what a Hijackal wants you to do, you're going to meet with ridicule and resistance.Today, INSPIRATION

Still being housebound with a #Hijackal during this difficult time? Even after things go back to somewhat normal and the #Hijackal in your house returns to work, you'll be in better shape if you follow these practices now. If your #Hijackal works from home all the time, you'll find these strategies useful. However, they won't solve the chronic stress and anxiety caused by the need to be hyper-vigilant around a toxic person. You'll need help to navigate the challenges and clarify your thinking to make good long-term decisions.#Hijackals want to be the ones that make the rules, right? So, being told to stay home when it's not their idea, NOT GOOD!You will be blamed for everything, even for world events and other things totally beyond your control. You know that's true.Hijackals take no responsibility for what they say or do. When you remind them of what they said, they tell you you didn't listen well. In fact, they'll say you NEVER listen well. And, of course, they didn't say it. It's your faulty thinking or re

So much information online and in the media right now about the coronavirus!How do you know what to believe? How do you know what to do to stay safe and healthy in the face of coronavirus? My guest today, Dr. Dave Vigerust, is a long-time infectious disease and preventative medicine specialist. I'm talking with him because you may well be cooped up with someone who is toxic, pushing your buttons for the sheer joy of having power over you. Or, you may be cooped up with children who are bored and not wanting to listen? Or, other humans who don't seem to want to keep everyone safe.Dr. Vigerust has the accurate information, the scientific information about this coronavirus and other epidemics in recent memory. This one moves faster! That's why it's so important to listen to someone like Dr. Vigerust to get accurate information.Be informed about the coronavirus, and how the coronavirus spreads. That way, you can do your part to stop it.And, if you're cooped up with a toxic person, this episode will give you accur

Housebound with a #Hijackal? Did the first moment you realized that you might be quarantined with a Hijackal parent or partner send shivers through you?This is NOT THE TIME to try to work things out or point things out. Difficult though it may be, when you are 24/7 with a #Hijackal, that the time to be the coolest you have ever been!Difficult, toxic people freak easily. What do they do when they freak? They demand more power and control.OK, tell them they MUST stay home, and they are going to do two main things: refuse to stay home because "No one is gonna tell me what to do!" or stay home and be miserable, self-centered, and annoying, at a minimum. You know that.Today, I'm giving you these ten truths clearly so that you will not expect the Hijackal in your life to be different. You won't expect them to change. You'll save yourself the time, effort, anxiety, and stress of hoping they will change.Home 24/7 with a Hijackal? You'll get all the exercise you need walking on eggshells. These ten truths will help yo

Left a relationship and wondering about re-entering the dating life?Getting your courage to date again?Afraid to step out, or choose wisely?Need encouragement and inspiration to be self-confident?Karen Solomon offers some great ideas for Complete Communication that come from the key distinctions between men and women and how some specific, deliberate communication modalities will work for you.You're starting over in life, leaving a relationship, job, or mindset.What do you need to think about when starting over in the dating world?Are you Sexy, Sassy & Starting Over? Or, want to be?Especially if you are leaving a toxic relationship--a relationship with a #Hijackal--or, you were raised by one, you may be feeling fear, trepidation, and excitement all at once.Can I do it?How will I do it?Is there a good way to prepare to date again?HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Karen's story of discovery and inspiration after divorceWhat Complete Communication is and why it's importantWhat the common denominator among sex, m

If you're with a relentlessly difficult, toxic person (a #Hijackal), or were raised by one, it's likely you'll be feeling somewhat trapped, suffocated, limited, or held back. Let's start today to change that. FOMO! Lots of talk about FOMO these days: the Fear Of Missing Out. What are you missing out on just now? If it's love, freedom, possibilities, and joy, it's time to rethink, right? Today, I'm talking about these kinds of FOMO, and what you can do to allay your fears and step into the life you'd like to create:Do you want your life to be one way, and it consistently show up another way/Does there never seem to be enough time to get it together?Do you know what you're afraid of missing out on?Do you know what holds you back from grabbing it, or why it never seems to be within reach?Sound at all familiar? The good news is that you can start with recognizing these things and then move on to creating the life you actually want, and I'm here to help.It's not wise to make huge decisions quickly. I advocate smal