Save Your Sanity: Help For Toxic Relationships

I loved the TV series, Lie To Me. I watched the whole series three times. Why? Because it is fascinating to see what can be determined from the face with no words required! You likely see things in the relentlessly difficult person's face that you respond to. You may not recognize this, but you do.Facial coding is Dr. Dan Hill's specialty, and he's published about it extensively. He's the expert, and you'll learn so much from this interview...even if you've never know about #microexpressions before!#Hijackals have a recognizable smirk. I call it the #HijackalSmirk because it is a telltale sign. You've seen it. You know it. I asked Dr. Hill to explain this and you'll be very interested in to learn what's really going on within the #narcissist or other #Hijackal at that time.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What are microexpressions?How they register in our brainsWhen a smile is not really a smile at all9 ways anger can show on a person's faceHow contempt is distinct from anger and disdainHow obse

It's SO "sticky" to be with a covert narcissist, a #Hijackal! By "sticky" I mean that you think they're doing something but you're not sure. You hate what they're doing but you can't quite put your finger on it. You don't feel safe around them but they play on your empathy and you end up reassuring them. Sound familiar?You may be with a covert narcissist! By now, if you've been listening to my podcast, you know that I don't advocate being an amateur psychologist and diagnosing someone. So, let's call them Covert Hijackals! Same sneaky, play-on-your-heartstrings (and your last nerve) stuff! Very sticky!Today I'm giving you SO many clues to help you identify what's really going on in your relationship. Unpack the truth, and get on your own team. You're being played by someone who is appealing to the very best qualities in you. Very confusing! I can help. BeAClient.com Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:the differences between overt narcissists and cover narcissistswhy you might second-guess yourself

Heart-wrenching, heart-warming story of how my guest, Jennifer Maneely, found her way back from addiction to success in every way, on every level! Be inspired by her story, and her willingness to share her journey.You may have an addicted family member, and you so want to help. Learn what is actually helpful. Also, though, learn what may be well-meaning, but is actually unhelpful and alienating! Who knew? But hearing it from someone who can tell you how the addicted person hears your well-meaning--though perhaps misguided--words can be eye-opening. That's what this conversation will do!And, share it with folks who are addicted and who have addicted family members, too. That could be just what could make all the difference and create a breakthrough for them!Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Jennifer's story of being lost in addictionHow Jennifer found her way back to sobrietyWhat family can do that's helpful to an addicted family memberWhat families unwittingly do, thinking it helps an addicted pe

Ever wonder why it feels like you're hitting your head against a titanium wall when you try to make a #narcissist see your point? Or, wonder why a #narcissistic #Hijackal does not understand the concept of constructive criticism? It will all be much clearer when you listen to this episode, I promise!When I say that this is a little-known reason that you must know, I mean it! Understand these mindset differences may be the final piece you need to accept the futility of arguing with, reasoning with, or making constructive requests of a #narcissist. At least, things may get significantly clearer when you think of them this way.I hope so.Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why #narcissists cannot see your pointWhy #narcissists refuse to accept criticismTwo opposing mindsets in one relationship that cannot make it workWhy a fixed mindset keeps #Hijackals stuckWhy you cannot change the mind of a #narcissistUnderstanding these two points of view will clarify why #Hijackal relationships are so difficultHow

Sometimes, you might not recognize that old patterns are running in current feelings and experiences. That's a great moment of realization because, starting then, life can consciously change. That's powerful! Learning about Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as Tapping, gives you back some power to calm anxiety and change patterns. Deborah Miller works with energy through reiki, EMT, and coaching to help people recover. She has worked extensively with children suffering from cancer and their care-givers. Enjoy these new ideas!Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Feedback loops that keep old emotional patterns aliveHow our experiences reflect our patterns and beliefsWays to make changes that empowerRecognizing past traumasWhat is Emotional Freedom Technique, aka TappingHow to avoid blame and shame when looking at your pastGUEST: DEBORAH MILLERDeborah Miller has a PhD in Cell and Molecular Biology and is a Trainer and expert in EFT Tapping, a Life Transformed CoachTM and internationally-renowned

Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, or those with any of those tendencies are incapable of sincere apologies. In fact, they are also incapable of apologizing at all! That's why they can only make a "near apology sounding" few words! Unsatisfying? Yes! Underwhelming? Yes. But, too many people buy into them because there hope is high. Today, I share with you all the things you need to know to squarely face the truth of a #Hijackal apology, and why you are unwise to be buying it!Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Definition of a #fauxpologyWhy #narcissist's apologies fall flatWhy #Hijackals are not sorryApologies as further manipulation and controlWhat makes a real apology and why you can't get on from a narcissistHow fauxpologies are part of the abuse cycleWhat to keep in mind to not get hooked on the hope of a fauxpologyWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like

Bliss is a word that sometimes makes people's head spin and eyes roll. But, wouldn't you like to feel that you had things covered and eliminated your worries. That can be bliss! Moneeka Sawyer shares her emotional journey that allowed her to overcome limiting beliefs and defeat negative mindsets to create the life she wanted. She did it, and she shares how you can, too. Sure, she's made a fortune in real estate investing, and that may not be what floats your boat, however, feeling free, resilient, bold, and authentic might. And, that's just what she shares about her journey to create the success she wanted.You can do it, too, if you'll start with these ideas.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What Moneeka had to overcome to invite bliss and wealth into her lifeHow you can be marginalized by your self talkMoneeka Sawyer's definition of blissHow you might pre-emptively defeat yourselfWhy it's so important to become resilientShifting devaluing talk about yourselfFinding your path, values...and blissG

Underhanded and manipulative, so-called "emotional facts" are used freely by #Hijackals--relentlessly difficult, toxic people like narcissists, borderlines, anti-socials--to frustrate, confuse, and blame. (You'll notice the same in #Hijackal attorneys.) You need to recognize emotional facts. Learn to question and refute them quickly. Tips for empowering responses here, too.Hijackals® use emotional facts to suggest possible dire outcomes for something that is unlikely to happen. It's crazy-making! But, so is much of what #Hijackals do each day!Emotional facts are also a tactic for getting others to make hasty decisions based on fear. Have you noticed how much they enjoy pushing that agenda.I give you six steps to communicating with a person who is in the throes of presenting emotional facts, and they work well. Let me know how they worked for you.Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Where the term, "emotional facts," is usedHow emotional facts demonstrate narcissistic projectionHow emotional facts ar

Are you shying away from a tough conversation that you know is important?Would clearing the air really help but you're avoiding it? Sometimes steering clear of a difficult conversation is unwise. In fact, usually, it's unwise.Today's tips, strategies, and insights can empower you to step up and step in to difficult conversations that you may be avoiding because you're unsure how to do it with any sense of safety. David's C.A.S.E. formula will help!Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why people avoid tough conversationsWhy David believes tough conversations we avoid are doorways to confidence, success, and loveWhy it is worth it to embrace discomfortThe link between tough conversations and finding more enjoyment and productivity at workDavid's 4-part CASE formula for tough conversationsGUEST: David WoodDavid is a former consulting actuary to Fortune 100 companies. David built the world’s largest coaching business, becoming #1 on Google for life coaching and coaching thousands of hours in 12 countrie

Passive-aggressive much? You wonder if it's your fault, and #Hijackals definitely want you to do just that. So do non-Hijackals who are passive-aggressive! In today's episode, I give you thirty things passive-aggressive people say that are crazy-making, and show you clearly why and how they cause you to second-guess yourself and question your sanity. Why? So, you can see the patterns and recognize what's really going on...and, stop it!All passive-aggressive people say many of these. Not all passive-aggressive people are #Hijackals, BUT all #Hijackals are passive-aggressive. Recognize these so you won't take on their veiled blame (or, not so veiled!), and sneaky anger!Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What is passive-aggressive behavior?What does it sound like?30 crazy-making things passive-aggressive people say to make you second-guess yourselfUnderstand why you second-guess yourself when you hear themNo longer be sucked into believing a #Hijackal who makes things your faultFeel more confident th

So excited to bring you a guest who talks about Ayurveda again! I've studied it for years and I know the health benefits, for sure.I met Dr. Atousa Mahdavi at the New Media Summit, and knew she would bring great insights and tips to add to your health and well-being. Who knew then that we'd be in this pandemic situation where anxiety is a constant in most people's lives, even when they lose awareness of it.Invaluable information to take care of yourself! Enjoy.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How individuals respond to stress in different waysWhat is Ayurveda?What is Ayurvedic Psychology? The different constitutions (doshas) and how to calm themWhy Vata dosha needs the most attention in times of stress and anxietyHow to calm the mind and body GUEST: Dr. Atousa MahdaviDr. Atousa Mahdavi, is board certified in Integrative medicine and a doctor of chiropractic and ayurvedic medicine and an Ayurvedic Yoga Therapist as well as a certified Hatha yoga Master teacher. She has been in private practice in

Did you slowly recognize that you were on the receiving end of abuse?In a relationship that you hoped would improve and you thought you might help?Have you become entangled with life issues with someone you recognize as dangerous? Lana's story is powerful. But, that power had to be developed, stepped into, and leveraged to walk away from an abusive relationship. It wasn't easy, or quick. Take inspiration from her journey, and know that even in the most dire situations, you can take life-saving steps, too. You're worth it. Listen in.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Personal experience that you may relate toOvercoming the fear of leaving and its consequencesRecognizing the slow progression of abuseWhy you might not want to call it abusive...at firstHow to get over residual fearsKnowing why and how to set non-negotiable boundariesGUEST: LANA WOLFE, author of Like A Moth To A Flame: A Fatal AttractionLana Wolfe is a life coach helping others overcome fear and inner resistance. After spending 20 year

Do you know when you're being lied to? Does your antenna go up? Or, do you so want to believe the lie that you find a way to justify it? Liars--particularly Hijackal liars--count on you to believe their lies. It's all part of their need to feel powerful and in control. Don't believe them! Use today's episode to sort out what's really coming at you, and recognize the lies.You know it never works well to confront a #Hijackal: a person with narcissistic, sociopathic, psychopathic, and/or passive-aggressive tendencies and behaviors. Don't poke #Hijackals. Recognize what's going on. Don't let them think they have you outsmarted.Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why Hijackals lie How does a person become a liarWhy passive-aggressive people lie frequentlyNarcissistic people like to tell half-truthsBeware of people who tell you "Trust me!" Gaslighting is lying Differences between compulsive liars and pathological liarsWhy it's important to recognize these four kinds of lies in order to stop second-guessi

What about the state of fatherhood in the U.S. just now? Alec Lace, podcast host of First-Class Fatherhood, has some definite views on what is required. Father of four with a full-time job and a part-time shift with Uber, shares what he has learned talking with men in his car, as well as celebrities in many fields. In less than two years Alec Lace has soared to the top of the podcasting industry by interviewing some of the most famous people on the planet in order to achieve his vision of changing the narrative of fatherhood and family life through his groundbreaking show, First-class Fatherhood.What IS NOT happening that needs to happen for fathers to step up?What IS happening that needs to change?And, everything in between!Stimulating discussion on the state of fatherhood, and considerations for shifting into what Alec calls 'First Class Fatherhood."Do you agree? What are your responses? Love to hear from you.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:State of fatherhood today in Alec's viewDoes fatherh

Feeling trapped? Feeling stuck?Not sure how to move from feeling things are impossible to a new direction?You need to deeply consider these two things! When we start a relationship, things are rosy. Or, at least, we think they are. That sets up a dynamic that may go unexamined for too long, and a relationship can become very lop-sided.Is that how you feel about your relationship?Today's episode can make a HUGE breakthrough for you if you will think deeply about these two important factors: Idolizing and idealizing. You may not understand they accurately enough. You will after you listen. And, you'll know how to move in a healthier direction for you and your children.Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What happened at the start of the relationship makes a big differenceWhy you may idolize a new partnerHow idealization strays far from realityTwo things you need to examine if you're feeling trappedHow to get rid of old rose-colored glasses and see your relationship in the true light of todayHow doing

Too many people--especially, unfortunately, women--feel they are at a disadvantage in seeking a divorce because of financial control.If you're married to a narcissistic #Hijackal, that will usually be the case. What can you do? I'm delighted to bring Victoria Lowell to Save Your Sanity to discuss very real concerns people have when wanting to leave a toxic relationship but finances seem too troublesome. Have you ever thought you couldn't leave because of money?#Hijackals love to take financial control amid the other kinds of control they enjoy. You might find yourself unexpectedly having your name taken off houses or other assets. What do you do? How do you manage? What CAN you do?Big important discuss today with this financial advocate and coach. Great insights!Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What's your financial identity?How's your financial infidelity?How #Hijackals and others hide assets in divorceIs it possible to reverse a power of attorney?What if my partner does not make a full financi

Are you wrong every time you turn around? Does your partner--or mother--have to win in every conversation? Someone who has to be right all the time is verifying, not validating. That can not only be infuriating and frustrating, it's nasty! Sound familiar? Is there someone in your life who always thinks they have the facts. They remember events better than you. Know what you should do?That's gaslighting! When another person wants to define your reality for you--tell you what you want, think, need, feel, remember, that's gaslighting. They want to be in control of your experiences and responses in life, and that is taking away a basic right you have!Oxford dictionary:Verify: to make sure or demonstrate that something is true, accurate, justifiedValidate: to recognize or affirm the worth of a person or their feelings or opinions; cause a person to feel valued or worthwhileBig difference! Are you asking "What's going on in my relationships?" This could be it. Get tips for making it stop.Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS

You'll never have the partnership you want if you continue to see your partner as a project.You'll never be loved when your partner wants to fix or change you.BIG PROBLEMS! The three essential elements in a healthy relationship all need equal consideration for their well-being: 2 Me's and 1 WE! Too often, those elements are not considered equally. Each "ME" wants the floor, and the "WE" takes a constant back seat. That won't work because it will all be a struggle--a power struggle. That creates tension and stress which produce anxiety. No one does well when those things are prevalent!Today's topic highlights an underlying issue in relationships in distress: one partner sees their partner as a project.Remember Episode 115 about the 3 MUST-HAVES For a Healthy Adult Relationship? If not, I invite you listen to that episode. If you did, you'll remember that one MUST-HAVE is equality. That's simply not present when you think you have the right to "fix" your partner.Your partner cannot be a partner when you are tre

You spend many hours a day at work. Whether you go to a business setting or work from home, you will occasionally meet difficult, toxic people who are dedicated to putting you down and wearing you down. Michele PW shares her experience as a young copywriter and how it impacted her for years before she recovered true trust in herself. Toxic workplaces abound. I've been invited to work with individual toxic managers, and with teams with a toxic member. No one feels good about going to work every day in this environment. Things can change before there are too lasting effects, if you get help early.Michele talks about her specific experiences with a toxic boss, and how she managed to recover to become a successful business owner herself, and a successful writer. She shares how she became afraid of failing and not living up to the expectations of others.Sound familiar? Enjoy this episode and take her learning for your own situation.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How even a short time in a toxic wor

You know that look, that jerky look of superiority that #Hijackals give you? I call it The Hijackal Smirk. It's that look of disdain, disrespect, and "I'm superior and you are a fool" that Hijackals are infamous for. Got it? Contempt is lethal, hurtful, demoralizing, and a much deeper emotion that fleeting ones that we all have during the day. It is more complex.Contempt is the opposite of empathy and compassion.Contempt actually invalidates others: suggests that they have no good right to take up space or draw breath except to do my bidding. Have you ever felt that from your partner, parent, ex, or sibling? That's contempt.I like the great thought that Tim Otten put into his paper for Tilburg University on "Conceptualizing Contempt." His final conclusion for a definition of contempt was:"[Contempt is] a negative feeling with a downward social comparison wherein one feels superior and judges the other as inferior. One thinks of the other as incompetent, worthless, and one has no respect or appreciation for th