Save Your Sanity: Help For Toxic Relationships

Wondering why your relationship always seems a bit off? Why you cannot get the emotional intimacy you crave? The Attachment Style you adopted as a result of your early life experiences plays a big part in how you create and relate with others. Knowing your Attachment Style provides you with invaluable insights into how you create relationships, what you expect from them, and where your fears about them lie.GOOD NEWS! Just because you may have had poor models of healthy relationships in your young life doesn't mean you cannot emerge from that experience to create healthy, emotionally mature bonds now. It starts with recognizing your attachment style and how that colors your view of relationship. Then, you can work through to heal.When you're uninformed about Attachment Styles, you can feel a little powerless. Gaining this knowledge and choosing to move in healthier, more secure, and less fearful ways of being in relationship is empowering.Enjoy!Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What Attachment The

Try these strategies and tactics to change the dynamics in your relationship with a #Hijackal when they try to avoid responsibility or accountability, even--and especially--when they feel threatened by a potential flaw of theirs being mentioned. You know that everything will be your fault if you're with a narcissist, a Hijackal. The nasty skill of blame-shifting is a sneaky specialty. they hone carefully and practice faithfully.Infuriating. Frustrating. Unfair. So, how do you respond? It's trickier than you might think, because it is counter-intuitive. You have to engage with the tactics and strategies in this episode for awhile to change your responses to their blame-shifting. You'll increase your self-confidence when you do. Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What blame-shifting is, how it sounds and feels coming at youWhy #Hijackals use blame-shifting to hopefully overpower you and gain the "win"How you can respond so that the #Hijackal does not get the reaction wantedUnderstand how Hijackals w

An inspiring story of recovery and success after abuse in a toxic relationship! You'll be motivated by what my guest, Christie Lawler, shares. What she walked through, and went on to create is uplifting and positive. Just what you need to hear today? Probably! Christie Lawler is a successful consultant in what she calls the "eatertainment space." Very clever! She has thrived, but she walked through a lot of pain, second-guessing, and wondering. Being in a toxic relationship is confusing, and it has an aftermath, for sure!Christie shares how she recovered, and why it took a long time. (That's common, and usually necessary when it's done well.) Learn from her story because, as you will hear, she didn't focus on healing as her first step. Many folks don't. But, not dealing with abuse in toxic relationships is unwise. You need to get help to heal, and Christie did.Be inspired by her candid story, and what she has gone on to achieve.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Christie shares her story of recove

Yes, it's important to recognize the patterns, traits, cycles, and behaviors of the relentlessly difficult people I call #Hijackals®. In this episode, another important feature: what kinds of things you FEEL when you're with a Hijackal. That's so important to take note of because almost all those feelings are not good ones, right?Toxicity is poisonous! In fact, that is part of the very definition of the word, toxicity.If you're busy rationalizing, justifying, or making excuses for the bad behavior of another person, you may not notice the huge toll it is taking on your own life. Not good! Take these in and compare them to how you're feeling. Eye-opening!Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you can being emotionally poisoned without noticingHow the toxicity spreads into unknown corners of your lifeThe subtle effects of life with a #HijackalHow #Hijackals change you to focus on them without realizing their effect on youHijackals are crafty: they are clever at achieving their aims by indirect and d

When you realized your divorce was going to be difficult, I'll bet you worried about your ex talking badly about you to the children, trying to win them over. Did you? Did you worry about the children being lied to about you?Did you ex tell the children s/he was the better parent, the one who gave them more, etc.? This leads to Parental Alienation. Here's part of the definition of Parental Alienation Syndrome from the American Psychological Association: " ...a child's experience of being manipulated by one parent to turn against the other (targeted) parent and resist contact with him or her. The alignment with one parent and rejection of the other most often arises during child custody disputes following divorce or separation proceedings, particularly when the litigation is prolonged or involves significant antagonism between the parties."It's a significant concern when you are separating or divorcing from a #Hijackal, a relentlessly difficult, toxic person.Joe Goldberg offers invaluable insights into parenta

You are barely out of a toxic relationship, and are hoping to grab a breath and clear your head. That's the moment co-parenting calamities start, right? Then, you're free of the Hijackal, but not free of their self-serving shenanigans. OK, you need strategies to save your sanity. Listen in and grab them! Cardinal rule: Don't Poke A Hijackal®! That will always apply, and especially when you are co-parenting. There is nothing good that comes from poking Hijackals. It all comes back on you, doubled...or more. You know that. So, please stick to that rule ALWAYS!You gain some peace, and give up some control when you leave a Hijackal with your children. Some things you can do something about. Some, you need to let go of.In this episode, we hit the highlights below! Enjoy.Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you need a specific, exact, detailed child custody agreementWhat, why, and how to document things once you live apartWhat to do when your ex wants to "exchange" custody weekends (Might surpris

Do you know if you are actually a highly-sensitive person? That's MUCH more than easily having your feelings hurt. You will be VERY attractive to a person who wants to control you, and that's a devastating combination. My guest, Debbie Lynn Grace, is an expert who can help you understand the many ways highly-sensitive people are affected by their environment, life, and relationships. We take it further to give you the life-saving insights you need to recognize why you are attractive to #Hijackals--those relentless difficult, toxic people--and why you attract them. Best of all, we talk about WHAT TO DO!Any chance you would qualify as an "over-giver?" That's exhausting. In this episode, you'll hear the why's and how's to shift to a more balanced view, an empowered stance, and the willingness to take action to save your sanity! This episode can be the catalyst for changing your life if you are highly-sensitive...and, very insightful even if you're not! Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How to know i

Emotional abuse is sneaky. At first, it sometimes seems like a request that's a bit off, but you feel a compromise is in order. After awhile, everything is a bit off, and you're beginning to lose yourself, your confidence....and, your mind. These 7 Ways I'm talking about today will quickly deplete you, and why you need to recognize them for the lethal robbers they are. Trauma-bonding is an important concept to understand. In the first few minutes of this episode, I define and underline the various ways that #traumabonding shows it's difficult stripes. Understanding this will help you recognize what draws you back to staying with someone who you know is abusive and emotionally draining.See below for other highlights of this insightful, necessary-to-understand episode.Stay safe, healthy...and, playing on your own team!Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What emotional abuse does to shatter your self-esteemHow your self-confidence is weakenedDealing with chronic stress and anxietyWhat depres

Divorcing a Hijackal? A Narcissist? A relentlessly difficult person? You may be wondering how to find an attorney that you can afford and who will be able to withstand the nastiness of all there will be to deal with.In this episode, Jason Levoy, The Divorce Resource Guy, a former divorce attorney, shares invaluable tips for:Where to start?How to interview an attorneyWhat you need to be ready forHow to proceed if you don't have much moneyAdvice for representing yourselfCreating effective documentationIf you're thinking of divorce, listen in....for sure!Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Inside insights from a former divorce attorney on choosing an attorneyIs it wise to represent yourself? Why? Why not?Starting the process of finding an attorneyWhat kind of documentation to prepareDoes cheating matter when you're trying to get a divorce?Questions to ask a prospective divorce attorney GUEST: JASON LEVOY Jason became a divorce attorney specifically to help families going through these difficult times.

When a #Hijackal love-bombs you, it's what you've waited for, hoped for, and finally think is proving that their love is real. It's a sham. It comes from their fear of being without readily available supply to provide validation, adoration, and someone to control Awful, but true! You don't want to play this game any longer, right?You need insights and strategies to remember why you are no longer going to "buy" the love-bombing, even though you may really, really want to. You know it only leads to disappointment, so today I'm giving you six ways and a couple of suggestions for becoming immune to love-bombing, to listen and remember that love-bombing is all manipulation.I hope this helps you resist the urge to merge the next time a #Hijackal wants to woo you back with the weapon of love-bombing.Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How love-bombing is manipulation of the heart and mindThe short-lived nature of promises made to change #Narcissistic reasons for love-bombingWhy you may be tempted to belie

Many times, people fail to realize the impact of their emotional health on their physical health. They are more likely to recognize the impact of physical health on emotional health. That's often because we don't give full attention and value to our "invisible wounds." Emotional toxicity--living with abuse, childhood trauma, chronic stress and anxiety--directly affects your physical health. Yes, it may do so slowly and it creeps up on you, but it's happening all the same.Dr. Heather Herington says, "C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) is adult AIDS." Intriguing idea! We talk about this in some depth in this episode regarding inflammation, the brain, stress, and the workings of the body.Dr. Heather and I share stories of toxic relationships and how they shaped our lives. See how that matches with what you've experienced. It could be similar...and we share the stories of our healing, too.This could be a VERY important episode that could start you on an insightful healing path. I hope so.Big hugs,Rho

Because you are good, kind, compassionate, or pleasing person, you may not realize the ways in which you are enabling a narcissist to continue behaving badly. You know that you cannot stop their behavior, but you can take positive steps to stop enabling their behavior, and take your own power back. Listen in for the how-tos! In any ways are you too often rationalizing, justifying, or making excuses for the controlling and manipulative behaviors of a #Hijackal, a #narcissist? Recognizing that is an excellent starting point!According to the Oxford dictionary, an enabler is a "person who makes something possible, who encourages or enables negative or self-destructive behavior in another." In all honesty, do you do that? Is it just easier than fighting with them, or being perceived as finding fault. I understand that, for sure.Are you ready to take the first steps to stop enabling a relentlessly difficult person who simply wants to win, and tread on you? I hope so. You'll find encouragement in this episode.B

Do you own your own power? If you've been worn down, torn down, or put down in a toxic relationship, that might not be how you feel right now. Make it a goal, and listen in to today to hear new insights on shifting away from limiting beliefs and untrue thoughts about yourself. My guest, Diane Forster says, "Sometimes you need to take a step back so you can shift forward." In this episode, we explore the shifts possible to move from negativity to a more positive state of mind, from toxicity to healthier ways of being.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What Diane Forster means by "intentional living"Why Intentional Living is even more important in our world now than everWhat it means to "own your power"Dealing with uncertaintyBreaking goals into small steps and intentions Shifting negative emotions to more positive states of mindGUEST: DIANE FORSTERDIANE FORSTER is an Award-Winning Inventor, Best Selling Author, TEDx Speaker, TV Host, Podcaster, Intentional Living Expert and Re-Invention Specialist.

Never underestimate the effect of having a narcissistic parent or partner! Resist the urge to downplay the verbal and emotional abuse. You're not supposed to be abused...by anyone!!! Today, I'm sharing some ways to recognize your own trauma, so you can take steps away from it...whether you leave or not. Shahida Arabi, talking about childhood abuse and trauma, wrote in her article, What It's Like To Be A Complex Trauma Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse:"Survivors carry a sense of toxic shame, helplessness, and a feeling of separateness from others, of being different and defective due to trauma."If you have experienced childhood abuse and/or trauma, you are more likely to attract a potentially abusive partner. Sad news, I know. And, at some deeper levels, you may be "comfortably uncomfortable" with it, at least for a while.It's important to recognize your own trauma, and then to work it through so that you are no longer operating from it subconsciously. Today's episode will definitely help.Big hugs!RhobertaH

Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic people, have both a need and a want to make you always feel not good enough. Understand why and learn to respond in empowering ways, and that's a very good start! Nothing you do, say, or are will ever be good enough...unless they want something from you. Then, they love-bomb you, and the person you fell in love with returns--for a hot minute! You know I've said many times in these episodes that the person you fell in love with was the Love-bomber. The person you are having problems with is the real person. Sad, but true!So, don't be listening another minute to a #Hijackal telling you that you don't measure up. Don't let a Hijackal put your down, wear you down, or tear you down for another second. Today, I'm laying out why they behave as they do so that you can clearly recognize it.Then, SEVEN things you can quietly do to start pulling yourself up, no matter how hard the Hijackal wants to push you down!Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why #Hija

When you've been hurt, it's natural to want to get the hurt out by telling your story. There's a point, though, when that needs to be replaced by your new life story. Tonya Carter has walked through the hurt, reconstructed her story, and helps others see the value and walk through it, too. Powerful step! Author of Divorce Your Story, Tonya Carter wrote:"Once we understand that the only person we have full control over is ourselves, then life becomes simple."Listening to this conversation with Tonya can help you see the path to recovering from the pain of the story into another empowering stage and story. Letting go of your story opens you to new views, perspectives, and possibilities that you may not have considered. Get those insights now.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Hear Tonya Carter's story of leaving a toxic relationshipWhat she means by "divorce your story"Is shame and guilt always present in divorces?Why its important to stop wanting to fix your partner How to leave struggle behindWhy

Divorce is difficult for children, no matter what the reasons or circumstances. When you leave a #Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult person, a narcissistic person, a toxic person--you have so much more to consider. #Hijackals like to keep you in court, give you as little as possible, and want to take as much as possible. You know that. So, how can you focus on the children while balancing all that you have to also attend to? Today's episode with Dr. Larry Waldman will help with that. Kids get in the "loyalty squeeze" between divorcing parents. It's tough. They want both of you, even if one of you treats them badly. Get this expert's insights and advice.Need my help to walk through the muddle? Start here. BeAClient.com Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why Dr. Waldman believes divorce is prevalentWhat second marriages are likely to failTriggering abandonment in childrenWhat children learn when parents divorceHow to reduce trauma for a child of divorceWhy you need to return your attention to the ch

SO annoying! You want to be in relationship with a grown-up and the petulant child keeps showing up instead. Today, I'm diving into what's behind their self-centered world views and warped emotional growth patterns. Better yet, I'll share at least 6 things you can take action on to empower yourself! #Hijackals®, my term for the relentlessly difficult people who hijack relationships for their own purposes and then scavenge them for power, status, and control, confuse their desire for something with their right to take it. Have you experienced that?#Hijackals primary need is to win in all circumstance, with all people, about everything. They'll even do that with their children! Sad. Nasty!These difficult people do not like to be told "No" in any form, or in any form approximating "no," either. They are "partial adults" who quickly descend into being petulant children.Big hugs!RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How Hijackals get stuck emotionallyWhat "partial adults" don't like to do....think: work, pay

Ever feel too tired to even try to think your way out of a paper bag?Then, you may see thinking your way out of a toxic relationship as insurmontable on your worst days. Today, my guest, Robert MacPhee, and I will help you find the energy, courage, and skills to step out of mental exhaustion as well as emotional exhaustion. When you can count on your improved decision-making strategies, you're more likely to feel more confident in your decisions. Listen and use these new insights and tactics to lift yourself up, and make better decisions in favor of yourself and your children.Big hugs,RhobertaHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why it's important to focus on the decision-making processWhat "decision fatigue" is and how it may work against youHow you can get stuck in a comfortably uncomfortable spot and why you need to moveHow making excellent decisions impacts relationshipsHow improving decision-making can help you escape a toxic relationshipHow not to have regrets after making a decisionGUEST: ROBERT MACPHEERobert

You never feel safe. You're always wondering when you'll be the victim of something sneaky, nasty, or blatantly wrong. You can't quite put your finger on what it is, but it's impacting your health, self-esteem, self-confidence, and the lives of your children. It may well be ambient abuse. Good people--people with empathy and good hearts--are most likely to be preyed on my emotional vampires, emotional terrorists. Those are other names for #Hijackals. Of course, Hijackals® is my term for the relentlessly difficult, toxic people who hijack relationships for their own purposes, and scavenge them for power, status, and control. Unless you are a mental health professional, you cannot diagnose someone with a personality disorder. But, you sure can talk about the patterns, traits, cycles, and behaviors of Hijackals, right?Learn these ten ways to recognize ambient abuse, and take note of it. It's real. It's happening. And, if it's happening at your house, you want to see it clearly, and make good decisions as to what