Save Your Sanity: Help For Toxic Relationships

Narcissistic people starve you in so many ways. Every now and again a narcissist--a Hijackal--is kind, offers a compliment, or shows interest in your feelings. THOSE ARE CRUMBS. You may be so starved that those crumbs feel like a feast. You make a big deal of it, and think the world has reset in your favor. NO! The Hijackal wants something from you and knows how to get it. It's important to see this clearly.Emotional malnutrition is real. Malnutrition is the state of you end up in when you live with constant deficiencies, excesses, and imbalances in your intake. You don't get enough of what is life-giving and healthy. You get too much of what is depriving, degrading, and discounting. AND, nothing is every in a healthy state of balance. NOT GOOD ENOUGH! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:You find yourself starving for love, attention, acceptance, and validationWhy you get used to breadcrumbsWhy Hijackals will never engage in equalityHave you made yourself into a pretzel to try to please a HIjackal®?Hijackals want

So infuriating! Endlessly frustrating! Trying to talk with a narcissistic person--or any Hijackal--can be crazy-making. It usually is if you dare to even remotely want to discuss the dynamics of your relationship. You've likely been upset by their purposeful misunderstanding of what you say, what you do, and what you want. Why do they do it? What can you do about it? Listen in.Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people who hijack relationships for their own needs--have to "on top" and "winning" all the time. That means that they are always on both the offensive and the defensive. One way they do that is to purposefully misunderstand what you say, do, need, and want. Their need to be right and have it their way means that you must be wrong. So, they purposefully misunderstand you in order for them to "win." Or, think they did.Figure this out and see it clearly now. It will save you headaches and heartaches.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Misunderstanding you is convenient for themMisunderstanding you is a redir

Are you exhausted by running after pleasing someone who seems dedicated to never being pleased? That's WALKING ON EGGSHELLS. That's the game. You do everything as right as you think they want it, and you are never rewarded by getting it right. Sound Familiar? Narcissists and other Hijackals are looking for power, and one way they think works for this (because it usually does) is by withholding approval. That makes you run faster, they hope. Join me and find out how to stop getting your exercise on the Hijackal treadmill! .Hijackals® want you to always feel not good enough, less than in as many ways as possible. Narcissists want to feel more powerful, more in control, and more important than you every minute. So, it leads to you walking on eggshells...and, that's not good. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why walking on eggshells is SO exhaustingYou try to make things better, and they don't7 signs you're walking on eggshellsWhy narcissists want you to feel not good enoughWhy getting your exercise by walkin

... and that is unhealthy -- for YOU.Healthy relationships have equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. Toxic relationships do not. You will be coping tooooo much, and in balance tooooo little.Does that sound familiar? You could be giving your life away to a narcissist with nothing but promises in return. Listen in to this episode and find out what's true for you.To cope is defined as "to deal effectively with something" (Oxford) or to "deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties." When you have to do that ALL the time because you're with a person, partner, or parent who demands it, it's exhausting. Sure, we can cope with emergencies. That's normal and healthy. BUT, COPING all the time? NOOOOOO! That's what it feels like when you're with a narcissistic Hijackal, right? Everything is an emergency that you have to deal with: their emergencies, needs, demands, or directives.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why coping is an interim strategy, NOT a lifestyleWhen you find yourself running to please someone

SO FRUSTRATING! When you are with a narcissist or any kind of a Hijackal, you know that they use these three tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Hijackals hate accountability, and will do anything to squirm out of it. They lie, delay, and deny. But why? You likely have many ideas about why and I wanted to give you others. Hopefully, these insights will help you to see the depth of the insecurity and instability that is basic to narcissistic people. Yes, they don't seem insecure but they are. They often cover it well with arrogance and entitlement, however, it's still there and operating under the surface. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Narcissistic people need to put on a good show...and a false frontWhy lying, delaying, and denying helps narcissists and other Hijackals think they are in control and have power over you.The futility of thinking that narcissistic people will changeThe infuriating denial to make themselves rightWhat's up with the plausible lies and plausibe denialsI'm here to h

It's tempting. You may think you're being "nice." After a while, you're doing all the giving. Then, it's exhausting!Why does this dynamic happen? Why does it persist? What can you do to stop it? Listen in.In the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, you may think you've found your perfect, ideal, longed for mater. Things shift. Things sour. Things take a turn and the narcissist--Hijackal®--wants more and more while they give less and less. All the while, the narcissist also becomes more demanding. Does this sound familiar? You can give everything you have in every possible way and it may never be enough, or good enough, to please a narcissist because they believe in withholding love and approval. Sad. Nasty. That's why you'll want to gain clarity by listening to this episode.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Narcissistic people give FAR LESS than they take, especially in emotional real estate.Recognizing that you are doing all the work.Giving up being hooked on hope that a narcissist will change, a HIjackal

Yes, narcissistic people are self-centered, but does the reverse hold true? Are self-centered people always narcissistic? Important distinctions here that can help you understand the troubling folks in your life. Or, do you think it's a distinction without a difference? Listen in and see what you discover. In this episode, I offer you ten ways to see the differences between self-centered people and narcissistic people. These ten distinctions can be VERY helpful if you're wondering whether to stay in a relationship with a partner, parent, sibling, or friend, or to break away. That's valuable! HINT: One of them can and will change, the other? Not at all likely!We're all self-centered at some time...or wishing we could be. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have your turn in the sun. The operant word, though is "turn." Hijackals want to have all the "turns," right?HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:10 ways self-centered people are different than narcissistic peopleWhy it is important to see the distinctions betw

Hijackals insist you're not good enough...even though they chose you or gave birth to you. What's up with that!@##%%!? It's crazy-making and it's important to understand why this happens. And, why it continues throughout the relationship unless you change. It's not OK.This episode will help you clearly see through this crazy-making habit of emotional abuse: making you feel not good enough. It serves the Hijackal but it does not serve you. Understand these things so you can make positive changes right away.When someone needs to put you down in order to feel better about themselves, there's trouble. That's what happening with narcissistic Hijackals. They may you feel:"I'm constantly being put down.""They make me feel not good enough.""I am exhausted and feel worn down.""I'm losing my ability to think clearly about myself.""Am I really a terrible person?""Am I the problem in this relationship?"That's JUST what a Hijackal® wants you to be thinking. Let's change that!!! Listen in.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why thi

It's SO helpful to recognize the underlying resentments triggered in both a Hijackal AND their partner. Some may surprise you! Recognition leads to understanding which helps you to know your next best steps. Resentment is rife in all relationships with Hijackals...on both sides, too. You may feel it. Now, explore why and what's under that. Why? So you move forward wisely.Both Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people with narcissistic tendencies--and the person with whom they share a relationship will feel resentment. Very different reasons, but the same final result. It's important to learn the distinctions. It will help you understand why a relationship with a Hijackal is unlikely to sustain positive changes over time. Living in and with resentment coming towards you or coming from within you is consuming...and, not in a good way. Listen in!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Hijackals operate from resentment much of the timeNon-Hijackals live with resentment and often repress expressing itWhy you need to see t

Don't Lose or Abandon Yourself!Narcissistic people want all the attention as well as all the air in the room, right? You can find yourself giving it to them in hopes of them treating you better or liking/loving you more. Turn this around. Listen in to why you need to turn the focus on yourself and turn away from trying to please the narcissist.This episode is very specifically focused on your relationship with a Hijackal, or any narcissistic person. It is based on the dynamic that the Hijackal wants to continuously create and how it is different from a healthy relationship. Hijackals are NOT self-reflective. You know that. You can lose yourself in meeting the demands, or believing the accusations of a narcissistic person, right? It usually happens slowly over time. Listen in to recognize if it's time for you to turn things around and go in a healthier direction for yourself (and your children.)HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why this episode focuses on a very specific kind of relationship. Check that out!3 Must-Ha

No Object Constancy Creates Constant ThreatsObject constancy is very much missing in a relationship with a narcissistic Hijackal, and it's an essential ingredient of a healthy relationship. In this episode, I explain what it is and what happens when it's missing.Does your relationship feel like juggling jello? It will if you have a Hijackal in it!!!Learn how to see and understand what's missing in your relationship that causes SO much tension and second-guessing. You may be blaming yourself as well as being blamed by the Hijackal, and IT'S NOT TRUE! That's why thinking about this important concept of "object constancy" helps you to understand why you feel so pushed around by the extremes of the Hijackal. Fancy name for a very important concept!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why life seems so unpredictable with a narcissistic personHow things so easily go from getting along to being threatened with being left and you feel blind-sidedHow life with a Hijackal is like "juggling Jello" (Ever felt that way?)What "objec

Being with a narcissist or any Hijackal is exhausting! You really want to believe they love you and yet to scramble to find even little shards of evidence. Then, you make the shards sound like a whole thing, right? You second-guess yourself...because a Hijackal WANTS you to feel uncertain and confused. Listen in and recognize how and that this is happening, SO you can stop it!!!Self-doubt means you lose faith and confidence in yourself and your abilities. You can also start questioning your memory, wants, judgment, needs, feelings, and thoughts. A Hijackal preys on your vulnerabilities in attempts to keep you second-guessing yourself and questioning your sanity. Do these 10 signs of self-doubt and low self-esteem sound familiar? HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:How narcissists dominate the emotional landscape...or try toRecognizing the ten 10 signs of self-doubt and its accompany low self-esteemWhy Hijackals NEED to take up too much space and leave you too littleWhy eroding your self-confidence is a huge win for a

You look for signs that someone cares. You long for signs they love you, right? So any little glimmer seems hopeful. Yet, you feel alone, demeaned, dismissed, and ignored in so many ways. That's a problem!In this episode, you'll learn more about why you cannot find the emotional intimacy you crave with an empathy-deficient person, a Hijackal who is narcissistic.. And, what you need to know to make good decisions about it, too. p.s. ALL Hijackals are narcissistic!Hijackal® is my term for people who hijack a relationship for their own needs and purposes, and then relentlessly scavenge that relationship for power, status, and control. Got on in your life? A parent? Partner? Sibling? Adult Child? In-Law? Hijackals feel the need to take as much as they can from you, while giving you as little as possible to get away with. Familiar? Listen in.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why empathy is important to intimacyWhy you're not safe when there is no empathyWhy you must notice how you make excuses for the lack of empath

They keep you guessing, don't they? Narcissists--and all Hijackals--like to keep you in uncertainty, chaos, and confusion. You HOPE you know them, and then they make you question it. Can you rely on them? Only for one thing...and, I tell you about that ONE thing in this episode along with many signs showing you that it is unwise to trust a narcissistic person even you want to believe you know and like them. Honesty is a big question when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal, as well as respect, reliability, safety, and trust. Much as you want to believe they have those things to give you...sadly, they don't...and won't. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Where the idea of "know, like & trust" came from: Bob Burg's book, Endless ReferralsHow it applies to relationshipsThe one thing you CAN trust about Hijackals and other narcissistic folksWhat makes it almost impossible for Hijackals to love you6 predictable things about Hijackals® I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients

Partner? Parent? Sibling? Child? Someone holding you as an emotional hostage? SEE THE SIGNS! You may be making excuses for their behavior, and not seeing their destructive, manipulative ways. You need to clearly recognize these signs of emotional terrorists in action so you can clearly refuse to let them take you hostage.You can become a hostage so slowly that you actually did so willingly. You thought it was compromise, collaboration, and the loving thing to do. You may not have thought of it as abusive...and, now is the time to find out what's really going on. Emotional terrorists traffic in fear, obligation, guilt, anxiety, and hypervigilance. Do those sound familiar? You really NEED to know these signs! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:How emotional terrorists are similar to other kinds of terrorists <sigh!>What emotional terrorists do to hold you hostageHow your empathy can be played upon by Hijackals and other emotional terroristsWhy it's important to not take on board what they say about youHow recogni

Recognize These Sure Signs They Are Emotionally Unavailable...AND, it's not your fault! You can feel VERY lonely in a supposedly close relationship. You do everything you can to close the gap, yet nothing works. This episode will help you see what's up, and why it's a THEM problem, and not a YOU problem. Valuable to know so you won't lose sleep!Recognizing the signs of emotional unavailability can relieve you of thinking you're not doing enough, or not good enough. That's GOOD NEWS!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What emotional unavailability feels likeRecognizing that emotional unavailability is not caused by youHow emotional unavailability is a defense mechanismWhat emotionally unavailable people do and whySigns of emotional unavailabilityI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients,only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www

Wonder why you do what you do? Feel like you feel? What shaped you? Listen to this episode and check for these twenty ways you could be feeling and behaving that are result of things you may not even think about in your childhood. Good step towards enhanced emotional well-being.It's NOT direct cause and effect. People and events in your early life CAN lead to the way your feel about yourself in relationship in your later life. Important to recognize so that you can make conscious decisions about what is best for you. Two children in the same family can have very different perceptions and reactions to the same event. Everyone is different. AND, some of these may resonate for you. Others may be validating. All are good to think about! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:20 possible responses to what you learned about yourself and others in your familyNot everyone is affected in the same wayWhy it's wise to consider theseKnowing what you'd like to change is a powerful start for reclaiming your personal powerWhat contribu

Are you focused on a Hijackal and not on yourself? That's just what the Hijackal wants you to do. Time for focus on your own internal well-being. In this episode, you'll hear 8 MUST HAVES, and, more importantly, WHY they are an essential place to start when you're feeling put down, worn down, and torn down by a narcissistic Hijackal. Regain your center. Reclaim your power...and rebuild your life.Sound good? Great! You'll be on a good path to healthier relationships with yourself and others when you discover the power of these 8 MUST-HAVES. AND, put them into daily action in your life. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why balance is keyWhy balance is next to impossible for more than a hot minute with a Hijackal®Not co-regulating with a dysfunctional HijackalRecognizing your need for autonomy (Hijackals hat that!)You have the right to express your feelings, thoughts, needs, and wantsClaiming your space in life with anyone I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients,only $97FOLLOW D

It's a sad turn of events when a way of misleading and manipulating people is the word of the year for Merriam-Webster. It's TOO much. It's emotional abuse. It's TOO frequent. Have you been gaslighted? Do you wonder if you're experiencing it? It can begin very subtly, and you might feel a little flattered...or close. Slowly it becomes more persistent, and you might start second-guessing yourself and questioning your sanity. That's when you NEED to KNOW it's GASLIGHTING!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What gaslighting isHow it was chosen as the word of the year for 2022 by the Merriam-Webster dictionaryWhy it's important to see it when it's happening, or has happened, to youHow it changes your self-confidence and self-esteemThe impact of gaslightingI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients,only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: http

So frustrating, disappointing, and infuriating! Hijackals will NOT allow you to be equal in all the ways that count in a relationship. They reject it. It helps you to see it when you hear how and why it happens. You can feel it, for sure, but SO MUCH BETTER to know what's up, right?Ever have the lingering feeling that the person you have in mind right now is not interested in ever letting you feel good enough? Be right? Get what you want? That's because of underlying inequality in many cases. I mean it: this is SO important to recognize and lean into. It can be the beginning of changing the games they play.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What equality looks like...AND, what it doesn'tWhy Hijackals have no interest in equalityWhy Hijackals of all stripes really think you're disposableHow inequality creates such stress and tension...and, you often think it's something else doing that.How to see the inequality clearly and make good decisions about itI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for n