Save Your Sanity: Help For Toxic Relationships

Male and female children are differently treated--and affected--by having a narcissistic mother. SO many things you may never have thought much about!This episode will help you think in different ways about the long-term effects that having a Hijackal mother could have had on your sense of self, your self-confidence, your resilience...AND on your relationships. Use this episode to help you uncover hidden pieces SO you can turn them around and feel clearer and stronger.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Narcissistic mothers treat their sons and daughters differently\Why you may have learned to have no needs...or deny the ones you haveHow you were mothered shifts your responses in relationshipThe impact of lowering your expectations of having your needs metWhy it's important to purposefully examine what happened to you...and its impactI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www

Unless they want something badly, narcissists want you to be in emotional chaos. In fact, they want you to feel less than and inadequate. Back-handed and blindsiding, they do their best to keep you off center and uncertain. Learn about toxic shame and how it may be playing out in your inner dialogue and in your relationship with a narcissistic parent and/or partner. See it so you can stop it!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What is toxic shame?How is toxic shame different from "normal" shame?How do I know if I've experienced toxic shame?Why narcissists are so likely to pass along the toxic shame they live beneathWhy everything threatens a narcissistWhat narcissist do with toxic shame and why you need to know so you can avoid itI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/R

New! Your questions are the focus for this episode. Narcissistic or not so much? What are you wondering about? Recognizing the patterns, traits and cycles that ARE narcissistic is wise...AND so is discerning what is NOT narcissistic. Ask your questions in the chat and I'll answer them as clearly as I can. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Questions from audience about narcissistic traits Are alcoholics likely to be narcissistic?Do narcissists often have alcoholic tendencies?What about a nitpicky boss?When a man frequently cuts me off mid-sentence, is that a narcissistic?I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------

TRIANGULATION. See It. Say No, Step Away,. Understanding what triangulation really is allows you to see it more clearly and step away more readily. Get the inside scoop on this in your life. Once you see it, you can do something about it. You'll feel SO much better when you do.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What triangulation isWhy narcissistic people use triangulationHow to recognize the abuse of triangulationHow to step away, and say NO more oftenTaking back your power in small ways from a narcissistic relationshipYou often feel the triangulation before your recognize what's happening. A twisted story about you comes to you, and you're tempted to think it's a misunderstanding. When it comes from a narcissistic source, it's usually very purposeful; intended to confuse, concern, and create chaos. Does this sound familiar? Learn about the purposes of triangulation and how to catch it faster; how to redirect it and reduce the confusion.I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients o

Narcissists HATE to hear "NO!" You don't want to be a pretzel or a doormat, so you NEED to say NO when you mean it. Overtime, a Hijackal® may wear you down and try to get what they want by any means. How do you make NO mean NO...and make it stick? You already know how little a Hijackal® wants to be denied. A "NO" means that to them and they don't take it happily...or lying down. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Understand what a "NO" signals to a HijackalWhy narcissists hate haring "NO"What you can do to become assertivePracticing saying "NO"Making it stick require sticking with itI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------

It's all rosy, dreamy, and forever in the beginning...until it's not! You try and try to recapture interest, regain emotional intimacy, and re-examine every inch of your mental, physical, emotional self, and still the connection is intermittent. That's because narcissists--all Hijackals--create situationships NOT relationships. You NEED the clarity of this distinction to really accept the realities of a Hijackal relationship. It helps a lot! Calibrate if you're settling for a situationship. Great place to start! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why it's important to distinguish between a relationship and a situationship25 ways relationships are different from situationships....AND situationships will seldom become relationshipsUnsettling things you need to know--even if you don't want to know--to clarify why your supposed "relationship" never feels fully OKCan a situationship become a relationship? (Hint: rarely, if it's with a narcissistic Hijackal....AND I MEAN VERY RARELY! I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.Rhobe

Having a Hijackal adult child is confusing, infuriating, disappointing, and frustrating among many other things. (And, it's worse when your child creates children!) What you DON'T do is as important as what you do. Listen to this episode to hear 21 things to think about right away. If you can refrain from doing these 21 things, you'll be empowered and no longer feel like a hostage to the Hijackal's bad behavior.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why learning to say no to a Hijackal is absolutely essentialNo matter what old patterns you may have established, they can changeHow Hijackals® want to insist that their bad behavior (if they ever admit they have any) is YOUR FAULTWhy these 21 things are HUGE and might take a while to put in place....AND, YOU'RE WORTH IT!How you can give your life away to a Hijackal and why that's a very bad ideaI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http:/

You may not think about it like that, AND, it's true. Narcissists ARE Revenge-Seekers. Whether the revenge is subtle or obvious, small or huge, it's still revenge. Once you see what I mean, you'll see it clearly in your relationship...and, I hope you won't un-see it! It's nasty.Revenge is the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong you think they caused you. Hijackals® sometimes don't wait for you to do anything at all. There's just blame you anyway. Familiar? Yes, so they can be pursuing revenge for some slight they made up in their head while driving home. And, they believe their revenge is justified because they convinced themselves of the slight or threat...whether it happened or not! Yes, it IS nasty!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What revenge is Why Hijackals use itWhy you may have absolutely NO idea what they are upset about yet you're the one who is being discounted, put-down, dismissed, and violatedHow revenge relates to projectionHow projection worksThe third piece of the p

You can get terrible stuck--for a very long time--by buying into a partner's potential. You can see how it could be, so you hope it will be. There's the mistake. See the differences today so you can make healthier decisions right away.Open your mind to the idea that you keep buying into promises that never materialize. Is that possible? When you step back and look at the patterns, it's often the case when dealing with Hijackals®, or other narcissistic people. They'll tell you anything to get you hooked in this moment, promise you so much. Does it ever happen? Honestly, no, right? HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why potential is not enoughBuying potential can bankrupt youBeing in denial about a partner or parent's manipulationsWays to tell if you are stuck on a partner's potential rather than seeing their realityGetting clear that things are not going to change in a positive way with a narcissistic person I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHAL

It's confusing. You see what you think are loving behaviors. Then, you start wondering, but give a narcissist the benefit of the doubt. Then, you're in a pattern where things have gone lop-sided, pear-shaped, and somewhat south before you realized that you've confused being used for being loved. SO IMPORTANT TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE! Listen in.You SO want to believe it is love. I understand that, however, you also don't want to be taken in by someone who never intends to love you in any meaningful way, right? That's why this episode is essential to listen to...even if you don't really want to. Nobody WANTS to admit they are being emotionally abused, but you can't change what you can't--or won't--see, right? HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:t0 clear ways narcissists use youSee the distinctions between being love and being usedImportance of recognizing when you're being usedHijackals® have uses for you, not love to give you I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR.

Insults are a low, low form of expressing disagreement. Not strange that narcissists stoop that low, is it? Their incessant NEED to win means they will go low in hopes of winning quickly. Sad & nasty! Insults only show emotional immaturity. Think of the playground.Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong, said the philosopher, Rosseau. SO TRUE of narcissistic Hijackals!The philosopher, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, said "Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong." That certainly rings true in the case of narcissist's. They are more frightened of accountability that almost anything. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:the lack of emotional maturity in narcissistsWhy using insults appeals to Hijackals® so muchAn excellent quote from Jamie Raskin, "An insult is not substitute for an argument." July, 2023Why Hijackals and all narcissists try to distract with personal attacks and no logicRecognizing that insults are abusiveI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory s

You want a best friend and a narcissist won't be one. You want a confidante and a narcissist uses your words against you. At best, Hijackals® are frenemies. You're unsafe around them. You feel the lack of safety, but sometimes you don't want to admit it. You recognize the friend/foe nature of them, and don't want it to be so. Listen in to why it is important to recognize that frenemies is as close as you will ever really get to them. Sad, I know, but REAL!If you have a Hijackal® in your life, you have a frenemy. No doubt about it! A frenemy is a person who combines the characteristics of a friends and an enemy. Once you know a Hijackal, you know that the "enemy" is always lurking. You cannot relax completely...if at all. They are ready to pounce unexpectedly. And, it hurts!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What frenemies areHow frenemies scare youWhy you're often afraid to get rid of a frenemy10 distinct kinds of frenemies (Oh, dear!)Make a decision about them....preferably now!I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.Rho

Sure, narcissistic folks can be charming when you meet them. You just don't know what's lurking in the background, right? It can happen quickly that Hijackals® go from charming to manipulative, but it may take a while to catch on to what's going on. Basically, though, they are awkward, angry, and argumentative.In this episode, I talk about what "awkward" really means, and why it applies so well to the shenanigans of a Hijackal. Also, about why and the how the anger serves them, and results in you walking on eggshells. Once you see these things, you'll be better able to make good decisions for yourself about what to do about the behaviors.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Seeing narcissistic behavior clearlyHow narcissists are awkward as well as creating awkward situationsThe immature anger of narcissistic Hijackals4 ways to recognize the argumentative nature of narcissistsI'm here to help. Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.Emer

In healthy situations, you would never think that empathy and compassion could have downsides, right? When you're with a Hijackal, a narcissistic, or other endlessly difficult person, you can find that you've stepped over into some strange land where empathy and compassion cause you to suffer. SO IMPORTANT to recognize when too much is too much and it's hurting you.You'll also benefit from the tips in this episode to help you keep your empathy and compassion in balance. Game-changer!It's a slow slipping away into taking care of the Hijackal's emotional demands and ignoring your own needs. You can lose yourself...even, abandon yourself. Listen in and avoid that. If you feel like you have already lost yourself, know that you can certainly come back from it, stronger. It takes work, and may be the best work of your life.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why too much empathy turns toxic and howThe toxicity of enablingThe problem of over-identifying with a Hijackal®Losing yourself to meet the demands of a HijackalReclaim

A BIG complaint I hear so often is that the partner of a narcissistic person--a Hijackal®--is blowing up their phone...daily. It's such a sign of things going sideways, and it slides into that territory too easily! How do you know when it's too frequent? Too unreasonable? Too disrespectful? Then, what can you do about it? Listen in. This is basic to your well-being....and, more importantly, your safety!In the beginning of a relationship, a person calls and you may be flattered: "They like me!" When you're with a person with narcissistic tendencies, they blow up your phone to control you, to exert power over you. That's a whole different kettle of fish, right? Listen in. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why narcissists think they need to know what you're doingWhen calling to check in with you changes to calling to check up on youHow narcissistic people think you "belong TO them" not "WITH them"Why blowing up your phone is nasty digital surveillanceSteps to take to stop--or reduce--the unnecessary calls I'm here to

It is natural to want to be loved and love. We organically want to belong. Absolutely! It's healthy, too. However, narcissistic people and all Hijackals excel at manipulating you and your feelings for their own purposes.You give and give, and still it's not enough. Then, they tell you that their poor treatment of you is not abuse, it's because you're inadequate. (Sad.) Not true. You are being used--and abused (yes, abused)--when all you're long for is love, understanding, and inclusion. Narcissists exploit your desire for a healthy relationship. It's sad, nasty, and very manipulative.Listen in and find the words to describe what you're feeling and why..To EXPLOIT means "to make full use of or derive benefit from." Aren't Hijackals expecting things to work for their benefit all the time? There's no equality in that.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why it's natural to want to belong and feel part of a community/relationshipJohn O'Donohue's words on belongingUnderstanding ways you may be being exploited by a Hijackal,

Ever feel your head spin when you're trying to express your feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs to a Hijackal? Of course, you have. That's because they are masters of this phenomena know as WhatAboutIsm or WhatAboutery. It's a powerful defense and deflection strategy narcissists use to confuse! Learn what it sounds like because you already know what it feels like. When you recognize it and name it for yourself, you can refuse to play along with it again. The Hijackals defense mechanisms can be SO infuriating and frustrating. There SO many defense mechanisms It's crazy-making, and whataboutism is one of the most crazy-making. Learn more about that in this episode...and, what to do in the face of it.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why Hijackals® use whataboutismWhat "whataboutism" is and how it is definedHow whataboutism a dysfunctional defense mechanismHow whataboutism creates an instant double standardWhy hypocrites practice whataboutismWhat to do in the moment that you recognize whayaboutism is happeningI'm here

People ask so often: Do narcissists and other HIjackals know that they are being mean, difficult, coercive, dismissive, and more? You want to know. In this episode, I'll lay it out and explain it all, ONCE AND FOR ALL. Listen and take it in because knowing this answer can change your relationship forever.When you recognize what the narcissist or any other Hijackal does on purpose, you'll be affirmed that what you are thinking IS what is happening. Hijackals like to keep you as isolated as possible. They want to have power over you, and they do that by causing you to second-guess yourself and think you really are as flawed as they insist you are. Nasty!Do they know they are mean? Do they choose to be mean? Do they recognize the pain they cause? Find out in this episodeHIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Do narcissists hurt partners on purpose?Do narcissists plan to hurt you?Why a narcissist chooses to hurtHow a narcissist choose who to hurtWhy knowing this can change everything I'm here to help. Let's talk soon.Rhobert

Rigid thinking and what-about-ism are seriously linked. Know someone who is rigid in their thinking? They are RIGHT and that's all there is to it? And, if you don't agree with them, you're wrong...and, that there is something wrong with you? Hijackals® do that! Even entertaining your thoughts or feelings for a hot second is not on their playlist. Learn how pervasive this is so that you can clearly see it happening and make good decisions about the relationship.What-about-ism relates directly to rigid thinking. People who are narcissistic convince themselves that they hold the only true and right opinions, judgments, perspectives, and objectives. No one else is right. In this episode, I talk about why this is SO important to narcissistic Hijackals of all stripes. Do you recognize these in the relationship you have in mind just now? HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What rigid thinking isHow rigid thinking shows up in a relationship with a narcissistRigid thinking vs all-or-nothing thinkingWhy Hijackals need to believ

Maybe, you're too nice. You fawn. You'll do anything to keep the peace...or, at least, sidestep potential rage if you can. Peace at any price, you may say. Maybe, you find yourself fawning. (Hear more about that in the episode, too!) Emotional abusers appreciate fawning. It's easier for them and they don't care about you. ESSENTIAL to see these dynamics clearly if they are playing out in any relationship in your life. When you do, you can take steps to change the patterns. There's nothing wrong with being nice, but TOO NICE can set you up for emotional abuse. Listen to the 10 Whys. Emotional abusers--Hijackals--are emotionally lazy, so they prefer people-pleasers who are already trained and groomed to defer to them and their views, wants, and demands. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What happens when you're taught to be too niceWhy Hijackals® expect--and prefer--you to fawn over themWhat fawning is in a relationship with a narcissistic person10 WHYS Emotional abusers prefer people-pleasersUnconscious habits of r