Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

First up, have you heard of the new Podcoin app? It's pretty damn cool. Sign up using our special code, BITCHENPOD, and start your account with 300 coins! Then every time you listen to our podcast (or anyone else's), more coins! And during weeks when we're designated as a "bonus" podcast, you can earn those coins at an even faster rate, then cash em in later to buy gift cards or donate to charity. The app is free on iPhone and Android, and it only takes a minute to register. And don't forget that code! Are there things that people assume about you? Pitney tells a story of a couple you would NEVER guess voted for Donald Trump, and it send us down a crazy path where we talk about things people would never guess about us. Like how people assume Pitney smokes a lot of pot. Or how Amelia was a "total slut' in junior high. Then we talk about ways you can look that feel comfortable and fabulous but really are just a costume. And before you know it, we reveal two singers we love that may surprise you! Oh, and this we

We did it. We finally watched the Leaving NeverLand documentary. We weren't sure how it would affect us, but it definitely changed our minds about a lot. Some things, though, haven't changed a bit. Hear our history with Michael and the Jackson 5, the music and the hoopla; our opinions about past allegations and where we sit now with the history of the families damaged by the desire to be close to celebrity. (And can we talk about Oprah's hair a minute? Because what's going on there??) Promos: Invasion of the Remake and 2 Skeptical Chaps (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join t

Pitney and Amelia and flora and fauna. Amelia likes nature, as long as it’s not too natural. Pitney’s Easter lily has been resurrected from the dead, in fulfillment of the scriptures. Amelia wants people to stop giving her orchids. Pitney wants all sunlight to be banished from his home. This episode’s YOTV segment actually features Pitney. He saw a coochie once, and it scarred him for life. Amelia provided him with visual aids to help him help her imagine just what he saw. Trust us, you will love the story of “the throbbing thumb.” And ladies, you look fine. It’s LOVELY. Stop obsessing. You don’t need a lip tuck. Even Amelia didn’t remember the origin of Pitney’s obsession with “dips.” But you may never forget it. Nor will you forget the weird references to The Barbarian Princess, a favorite romance novel that may be revisited in the future! Promo: I Shake My Head (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves s

We had a whole show ready to go, and then Amelia had to be rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance! Of course we had to quickly record her telling Pitney all about it. So the first 30 minutes of the show were tacked on at the last minute. (Sorry the sound is a little tinny on this segment. And the rest was recorded over Skype. We make do when it's not ideal!) Pitney accidentally offends the old ladies at work. Our impressions of Drs. Phil and Laura and the people who actively screw up their own lives. Those obnoxious women who believe that all women MUST want to want children and will harrass strangers about it. Amelia changes Dr. Laura's mind. Are fertility treatments the ultimate act of vanity? Adoption is awesome. Parenting on purpose. Pitney doesn't hate ALL kids, just YOUR kids. (Yeah, this one might piss some people off. Bring it.) Don't forget 2019 is the Year of the Vagina! This week we are visited by Siana and Tricia from the 2 Girls on a Bench podcast! Hear them tell incredibly silly vaginal

This week we tend to hover around the crotch area. We swear it wasn't intentional. First up, Amelia shares the story of a weird chocolate treat with Pitney. Edible anuses. Yep, that's right. Then Pitney brings up the insane and splattery idea of enema-themed performance art, which reminds Amelia of the time Annie Sprinkle toured the country inviting audiences to view her cervix. You already know Pitney's dad is a creep. But now you get to hear an especially creepy story about him. It's so gross, you guys. You'll never think of cheesecake the same way again. You know what else is gross? Sharing porn with your friends. Don't do that. Eww. (Oh, and that song we were talking about? You really need to hear it. Pop You in the Pooper by Jeff Stryker) Boy oh boy, a lot of women really REALLY loved Fabio back in the day. We fantasize about a cruise ship filled with Fabio fans. And do you remember the Topaz Man? Amelia does! Pitney loves Paris Hilton's album. A lot. And once he screamed so loudly at TV news coverage of

Continuing our discussion of happy memories, we venture into our nerdy pasts! Amelia's first convention was TimeCon '84 in San Jose, California, which was an epic event for numerous reasons, but her fondest memories of that weekend all involve Jon Pertwee, star of Doctor Who from 1970 to 1974. He was incredibly kind to dorky, fifteen year old Amelia, ad she's got stories (and a cherished photo) to prove it! WesterCon '83 may not have been Pitney's first convention, but it was the first to blow his mind. Are you ready to hear the adorable story of young Pitney seeing his first homosexual in the wild? And what would be memories of fandom without a bit of Verity and Tricia? Then there was the tragic tale of Pitney's Doctor Who autograph collection. Grab a hanky. And last but not least, a quick story about Pitney going to Target and learning about Galentine's Day. (Do you know whose TimeCon nametag that is? Be the first to identify "Theta Sigma" in an email to us and Amelia will give you a present!) Don't forget

Lots of happy memories in this week's episode! Amelia took her dad to a big Star Trek event where William Shatner did a Q&A. Hear all about where she gets her love of all things Trekkie. Pitney recalls a rare happy memory of his father. (If you remember, his father was pretty scary. Check out our episode about the Mafia for more information about him!) Amelia and her mom and their love of Little Shop of Horrors. Pitney and his mom and her love of loudly cussing at people. Don't forget 2019 is the Year of the Vagina! Please enjoy a segment from our first guest vaginas, Lisa and Sam from I Shake My Head! Promo: Very Dark Very Quick (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)   Hey! Did you catch our LIVE two-hour New Year's Eve party? Check it out! We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not t

Riding a scooter around a Walmart parking lot drinking wine out of a Pringles can at 6:30am? Sounds like a great way to start a show! Amelia really gets perturbed when someone swipes through her photos on her phone without permission, and also how dare you assume she wants your dog to run at her dog just because you think your dog is nice. Pitney goes on yet another rant about how disgusted he is by TV commercials. You know how he hates eczema and people acting happy. We also reminisce briefly about those old Joe Namath pantyhose ads and nothing coming between Brooke Shields and her Calvins. And when did Glenn close turn into Robin Williams? Stop telling us to watch your favorite movies and TV shows. We're not going to watch them. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai. Young Sherlock Holmes. Avatar. The Princess Bride. It's a Wonderful Life. Game of Thrones. Breaking Bad. The Wire. Mad Men. Veep. Lost. Charmed. Buffy. WE HAVE REASONS! And don't forget it's the Year of the Vagina! Please enjoy a segment about why

First up, a promo for a special series of segments for 2019: The Year of the Vagina! Have you ever been in therapy? Have you ever been treated for a mental illness? Do you think you might need help? We know all about that. Hear Pitney and Amelia discussing their experiences with depression, anxiety, anger issues, and addiction. It's not the first time we've talked about this stuff, and it won't be the last, but it's the first time we've devoted an entire episode to how messed up we are! (Except for the part where Amelia talks about vaginas. But that's like a minute.) Promo: 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) Hey! Did you catch our LIVE two-hour New Year's Eve party? Check it out!   We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complai

We’re going LIVE on December 31st to ring in 2019 and celebrate our first 10,000 downloads! Hang out with us on Facebook Live starting at 10pm CST. Like our FB page and join our FB group to get all the latest info. (Details below.) This year for Christmas we’re exploring some corners of Europe whose traditions made us cringe and/or laugh. Learn all about the caganer, a vital part of any classy nativity scene! Hear about from whence children in Catalonia get their presents on Christmas morning! Did you know Santa has a black friend? Well, he’s really white guy in blackface, but hey! It’s festive! Speaking of cringing, we kicked things off this year with a taste of the new Starbucks holiday beverage, the Juniper Latte. Why drink one yourself when you can listen to us sharing one? Promos: 2 Skeptical Chaps and PodScure (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)   We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your

This week brings more of the exquisite bitchiness you've come to expect from us. We complain about how weirdly strict some copyright laws are, our hatred of giant pickup trucks (and other douchemobiles), and the idiots that drive them. Then Pitney shares a story about a weirdo who yelled homophobic slurs at him at Target, and we chat about how fabulous shopping at the mall can be. As of this week, we are only about 100 downloads away from the big 10K, and we promised to do something special for you when we hit that number. Tweet, DM, or email us your ideas, no matter how scandalous!   Promo: Whispered True Stories (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)   We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet

(Yes, we went with another sequel title. We're gonna keep it up until we completely run out of ideas!) A very happy Thanksgiving to our American listeners, and to everyone else, a reasonably good but unimportant Thursday in late November. Once again, Pitney and Amelia talk about their gratitude for things that make them happy, such as: Food additives! The joy of righteous anger! Finding out a big-shot Republican is just a patriot for money! The big scary light being shone on everyday racism! Our friendship! Our puppies! And, of course, our devoted listeners. whoever you are! Also, in a new Bitchen in the Kitchen segment, Amelia shares her secret for making the sweet potatoes she's famous for. You won't want to miss that! As of this week, we are only about 200 downloads away from the big 10K, and we promised to do something special for you when we hit that number. Tweet, DM, or email us your ideas, no matter how scandalous! Promos: The Retro Cinema Podcast  and 2 Skeptical Chaps (Want to swap show promos? Ema

It’s almost Thanksgiving, so we offer a bounty of the sort of ridiculous and rambling conversation you expect from us! Abandoned birthday cake, horrid song lyrics, loud neighbor fights, the Cassidy brothers, Pitney’s aversion to ugliness, the pain of pleurisy, stylish terrycloth short sets, window shopping via catalog, the glory of the station wagon, family vacations, Disney nightmares, and Harry Potter obsession! And you know there’s more! Promo: Work/Life Imbalance Podcast (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at

Happy Halloween, y'all! Did you know there are people determined to crap on your Halloween good time? People who think you're a horrible sinner for daring to have spooky fun on October 31st? You know who those people are? Evangelical Christians, of course! Hear what one "former Satanist" and a former teen heartthrob have to say about it, and then learn how the pious mommies in your neighborhood are going to try to make you their mission project! Then we have a few laughs looking at some seriously stupid sexy-fill-in-the-blank Halloween costumes and reminisce about our experiences with full-body spandex. (Pro-tip: Control your fluid intake.) Promos: Queens of the Damned Podcast and 2 Skeptical Chaps (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones

Pitney found an old notebook filled with stories he wrote years ago, stories about his beloved characters Marcus and Mona of the planet Galleria, and this week we share a spooky Halloween story with you! Yes, you read correctly. Pitney and Amelia venture into the world of Scripted Audiodrama!! Hear descriptions of glamourous Halloween outfits! Hear the squelching of grease in Latrino's castle! Hear the arrival of the Evil Princess Gertrude's spaceship! Hear the plop of grody bird poop! Hear more "likes" and "omigods" than in all of Moon Unit Zappa's Valley Girl! Promos: None this week! (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Join

This episode was inspired by Jamel Miles, the sweet little nine year old boy in Denver, CO who committed suicide after being bullied in school for being gay. We share our experiences with bullying and the lasting effects it can have on the psyche. School bullies, masc-for-masc bullies in the gay community, family bullies, imaginary fascist bullies: we've got 'em all! Then we go off on a bit of a Catholic tangent that we promise we'll come back to someday! Promo: In Poor Taste (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something a

Pitney surprises Amelia with the bundle of fabulous extras that came with the Deadpool 2 Year Anniversary Edition Blu-Ray, and she squees over the Colorforms and whatnot. Then a bunch of Marvel movie talk ensued: Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers Infinity War, etc etc. Amelia hates people who spoil movies, Pitney wants Rocket/Thor slashfic to exist. (We googled. It does. Because of course.) A brief discussion of Benedict Cumberbatch occurs, and it turns out that Tricia Von Liechtenstein is VERY into him, even to the point of uncharacteristic lewdness. This reminds Pitney of something stupid she said about another actor she had a crush on. It's really REALLY stupid. Fast forward to Amelia's trip to San Antonio and our visit to Hello Tallulah, a delightful shop filled with vintage clothing and accessories! We chatted with Kristina, the store's adorable pink-haired owner, who told us all about her wonderful business. You definitely need to stop by and see her when you're in town! Promos: 2 Girls on a Bench and

We've been watching movies! First, Pitney shares the plot of a trashy Lifetime movie they really enjoyed at the nursing home. Then he and Amelia talk about how wholesome Hallmark movies are, and how those stories always make the female leads look stupid. Pitney is VERY excited, however, about the dozens of new Christmas movies coming this season! Then Pitney and Amelia talk about a terribly homophobic and utterly problematic cop movie from 1982 called Partners, starring Ryan O'Neal and John Hurt. There's no way to talk about this piece of crap without being offensive, so deal with it. Finally, Amelia finds out what's up with that property Pitney's mom was selling in California, and comes up with a creative solution to get rid of those squatters once and for all! Promo: Invasion of the Remake podcast (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on

Sex! Sex! Sex! (Also gender!) The more we think about gender, the more fascinated we are by even just the IDEA of it. What is a man? What is a woman? And why do some people refuse to bathe? But first, Amelia is gonna drop some serious anthropology knowledge on ya, while she rips apart those paleo people and their stupid "this is how caveman ate" arguments. Promos: the Retro Cinema podcast  and 2 Skeptical Chaps (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help to support our show!  (Turn off that Con

We weren't in town long enough to record a whole episode, so this week we're giving you delightful miscellany! Tids and bits snipped from various conversations that add up to forty jam-packed minutes! A wandering discussion about a new anime cafe in San Antonio becomes a walk down memory lane peppered with people we've nicknamed and obsessed over. Pitney's obsession with a guy who makes Skyrim videos and pronounces words oddly. Amelia's disappointment in Sonic's failed jalapeno chocolate shake and Pitney's fascination with their new pickle slushie. And then Pitney got picked up by a hottie at Target! Promo: the Aggravated Hour podcast (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia