Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

Itching for more horror content? Well, mark your calendars, because ALL THE HORROR 2019 IS COMING! Sometimes horror movies come out that modern pagans are afraid will tarnish their reputations. Midsommar was one of those movies. But Pitney saw it and it's totally fine. Weird and freaky, but not offensive to his Wiccan sensibilities! Hear what he thought about its creepy themes and supposedly feminist outcome. Then we also talk about the movie The Witch, which Wiccans had issues with, but we think it's just fine. And in this week's Year of the Vagina segment, learn all about how much women hate the speculum! And click HERE to find out about a modern redesign that will probably never see the light of day, or the dark of vaginas, for that matter. Promos: #AllTheHorror, Florida Men  and 2 Skeptical Chaps (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list

Have you ever felt like you don't belong? Nerds feel that way a lot. But what if the fandom you're into isn't into you? Or what if you love a band/movie/show/etc but can't get down with the other fans because you're not extreme enough? This week, we talk about not fitting in with superfans. Vaginal flora! It could save your life! Learn all about your junk's awesome bacterial colony. Promo: #AllTheHorror! (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join the conversation over at our Facebook group! And if you're feeling generous, buy yourself a little something at our Zazzle shop and help t

It’s another episode featuring The Fabulous Steve! This week, Pitney and Steve tell Amelia stories about the fun they had at the Kerrville Folk Festival. Imagine camping in 100 degree weather for weeks on a ranch. Amelia CANNOT. I mean, the toilet situation alone! Would you go to a music festival if you weren’t interested in the music? Pitney almost never pays attention to the music at KFF, and he goes every year. And laugh along at stories about Kim or Yip or Eek or whatever that tweaky weirdo’s name was. And welcome back Jess and Philippa from the Everything is Awful Forever podcast, telling us more facts about vagina demons in Japan! Promos: Podscure  and 2 Skeptical Chaps  (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments?

(Go listen to our last episode if you didn't hear the first part of When Friendship Ends Ugly. We'll still be here when you're done.) This week picks up where last week left off, after Amelia talked about using a guided meditation to help her say goodbye to the friend who dumped her, with more talk about the usefulness of those sorts of recordings. Then, of course, we talk about guided meditations that completely suck in the most awful ways. Remember that time in our first year when we did the episode about how we hate people who are determined to live in misery? Well, this time we're bitching about the new agey dumbasses who never shut up about "love and light." Refusing to ever feel sorrow or anger or fear means refusing to live a full life as a human. And because we're not done being mad, we keep talking about the men who abandoned us. Then, last but not least, therapists. Some are great, some are meh, and some are horrible. Get ready for a name you may hear more of in the future because Amelia has become

Pardon the background noise in this episode. Amelia drove down to San Antonio to hang with Pitney and a bunch of doggies, and we recorded a long conversation that's going to stretch out over two episodes! (Sorry things cut off so abruptly there at the end of this one!) Pitney hosted a Litha gathering at his house on the night of the Solstice, so we talked a bit about writing rituals and what an outlet that can be for Pitney's creativity. Then we reminisced about the coven he used to be in, which took us to a story about a falling out with another member of his order. Actually, "a falling out" isn't strong enough. That witch tried to destroy his reputation, so he retaliated! It's pretty amazing. But the story of the pain of the end of that friendship led to Amelia telling a story of an ugly de-friending she's been dealing with recently, and the steps she took to heal from the pain, which included a powerful ritual. Then we laugh about the people who think "love and light" will solve all the world's problems, i

Happy Pride, y'all! It's the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, which were just shy of a month before Amelia was born! COINCIDENCE? To celebrate that bit of LGBTQ history, we'd like to share some of our own history, with our good friend The Fabulous Steve! Steve lived it up in the 1970s and 1980s, and we recorded hours and hours of conversation with him. (Much of it will be featured in future episodes.) The early years of the AIDS crisis, back when nobody really knew what was going on. The lack of appeal of safe sex. (We're just being honest!) And a quick aside from Amelia about dental dams! Life in the Castro. The riot following Dan white's whopping seven-year sentence for the murders of Mayor George Moscone and Harvey Milk. The first gay bar with windows. Getting arrested for being "too gay." How fabulous Janet Mock is. The glory days of gayborhoods. Amelia's cousin has dirt on the rich and famous. When all those gorgeous actors from the Golden Age of Hollywood were just waiting for the right girl. St

Pitney recounts a funny article on the 2 Skeptical Chaps Facebook page (you really should be following them!), which kicks off a discussion about the types of bumper stickers that idiots put on their cars. Then Amelia vents about how nobody knows how to drive any more. Do people still take driver's ed? Because they sure don't act like it. Also, a quick story about the disgusting hovel where Tricia Von Liechtenstein lives. Plus, for your Year of the Vagina pleasure, a visit to the wandering wombs of ancient Greece with your guides, Philippa and Jess of  Everything is Awful Forever! Promos: 2 Skeptical Chaps  and Things Joe Hates (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.

It's the third anniversary of our first episode! We're amazed we're still here, and we've got all of you to thank for that. Drop us a line so we can thank you individually! This week we're talking about addiction. We've mentioned before that Pitney has had some battles with alcoholism over the years, and Amelia was a problem pill popper. We're going to tell you about all of it. What it's like to be an addict. What it's like to be close to an addict. what it's like to lose an addict you love. All those lies that addicts tell themselves and their friends. Things addicts insist are true, but they're full of crap. We pull no punches, and you might hear some things discussed that you never expected. But, as always, we laugh a lot. (And for your Year of the Vagina pleasure, the effects of opioid abuse on cooch function!) And if you're an addict, or you think you might be, there's no shame in asking for help. If you're not sure who to talk to, there's always us. We mean it. Promo: 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap sh

It's that time of year again: Our TEXAS FRIGHTMARE WEEKEND SPECIAL! As always, we recorded in the car on the drive home from Dallas, and reminisced about the great time we had at Texas Frightmare Weekend. Hear all about us meeting Tim Curry (yes, THE Tim Curry) and how amazing the con staff was at handling the enormous crowds who showed up to get a glimpse of his greatness, and some crazy stories from the bar at the Hyatt Regency, one of our favorite places on Earth. Enjoy this week's Year of the Vagina segment, which teaches you everything you never knew you always wanted to know about VAGINA DENTATA. Also, since we were cruising down IH-35 at the time, we couldn't help but comment on things we passed on the road! And as a special treat, we were joined by Todd (aka the Horror Nerd) from the Imaginaruim podcast to talk about how some people say that there's no good horror any more, and how those people are STUPID. How to find Todd: https://horrornerd.net https://theimaginariumpodcast.podbean.com/ https://pod

First up, have you heard of the new Podcoin app? It's pretty damn cool. Sign up using our special code, BITCHENPOD, and start your account with 300 coins! Then every time you listen to our podcast (or anyone else's), more coins! And during weeks when we're designated as a "bonus" podcast, you can earn those coins at an even faster rate, then cash em in later to buy gift cards or donate to charity. The app is free on iPhone and Android, and it only takes a minute to register. And don't forget that code! Are there things that people assume about you? Pitney tells a story of a couple you would NEVER guess voted for Donald Trump, and it send us down a crazy path where we talk about things people would never guess about us. Like how people assume Pitney smokes a lot of pot. Or how Amelia was a "total slut' in junior high. Then we talk about ways you can look that feel comfortable and fabulous but really are just a costume. And before you know it, we reveal two singers we love that may surprise you! Oh, and this we

We did it. We finally watched the Leaving NeverLand documentary. We weren't sure how it would affect us, but it definitely changed our minds about a lot. Some things, though, haven't changed a bit. Hear our history with Michael and the Jackson 5, the music and the hoopla; our opinions about past allegations and where we sit now with the history of the families damaged by the desire to be close to celebrity. (And can we talk about Oprah's hair a minute? Because what's going on there??) Promos: Invasion of the Remake and 2 Skeptical Chaps (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet at us at @bitchenboutique! Stay up to date by liking our Facebook page! Join t

Pitney and Amelia and flora and fauna. Amelia likes nature, as long as it’s not too natural. Pitney’s Easter lily has been resurrected from the dead, in fulfillment of the scriptures. Amelia wants people to stop giving her orchids. Pitney wants all sunlight to be banished from his home. This episode’s YOTV segment actually features Pitney. He saw a coochie once, and it scarred him for life. Amelia provided him with visual aids to help him help her imagine just what he saw. Trust us, you will love the story of “the throbbing thumb.” And ladies, you look fine. It’s LOVELY. Stop obsessing. You don’t need a lip tuck. Even Amelia didn’t remember the origin of Pitney’s obsession with “dips.” But you may never forget it. Nor will you forget the weird references to The Barbarian Princess, a favorite romance novel that may be revisited in the future! Promo: I Shake My Head (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves s

We had a whole show ready to go, and then Amelia had to be rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance! Of course we had to quickly record her telling Pitney all about it. So the first 30 minutes of the show were tacked on at the last minute. (Sorry the sound is a little tinny on this segment. And the rest was recorded over Skype. We make do when it's not ideal!) Pitney accidentally offends the old ladies at work. Our impressions of Drs. Phil and Laura and the people who actively screw up their own lives. Those obnoxious women who believe that all women MUST want to want children and will harrass strangers about it. Amelia changes Dr. Laura's mind. Are fertility treatments the ultimate act of vanity? Adoption is awesome. Parenting on purpose. Pitney doesn't hate ALL kids, just YOUR kids. (Yeah, this one might piss some people off. Bring it.) Don't forget 2019 is the Year of the Vagina! This week we are visited by Siana and Tricia from the 2 Girls on a Bench podcast! Hear them tell incredibly silly vaginal

This week we tend to hover around the crotch area. We swear it wasn't intentional. First up, Amelia shares the story of a weird chocolate treat with Pitney. Edible anuses. Yep, that's right. Then Pitney brings up the insane and splattery idea of enema-themed performance art, which reminds Amelia of the time Annie Sprinkle toured the country inviting audiences to view her cervix. You already know Pitney's dad is a creep. But now you get to hear an especially creepy story about him. It's so gross, you guys. You'll never think of cheesecake the same way again. You know what else is gross? Sharing porn with your friends. Don't do that. Eww. (Oh, and that song we were talking about? You really need to hear it. Pop You in the Pooper by Jeff Stryker) Boy oh boy, a lot of women really REALLY loved Fabio back in the day. We fantasize about a cruise ship filled with Fabio fans. And do you remember the Topaz Man? Amelia does! Pitney loves Paris Hilton's album. A lot. And once he screamed so loudly at TV news coverage of

Continuing our discussion of happy memories, we venture into our nerdy pasts! Amelia's first convention was TimeCon '84 in San Jose, California, which was an epic event for numerous reasons, but her fondest memories of that weekend all involve Jon Pertwee, star of Doctor Who from 1970 to 1974. He was incredibly kind to dorky, fifteen year old Amelia, ad she's got stories (and a cherished photo) to prove it! WesterCon '83 may not have been Pitney's first convention, but it was the first to blow his mind. Are you ready to hear the adorable story of young Pitney seeing his first homosexual in the wild? And what would be memories of fandom without a bit of Verity and Tricia? Then there was the tragic tale of Pitney's Doctor Who autograph collection. Grab a hanky. And last but not least, a quick story about Pitney going to Target and learning about Galentine's Day. (Do you know whose TimeCon nametag that is? Be the first to identify "Theta Sigma" in an email to us and Amelia will give you a present!) Don't forget

Lots of happy memories in this week's episode! Amelia took her dad to a big Star Trek event where William Shatner did a Q&A. Hear all about where she gets her love of all things Trekkie. Pitney recalls a rare happy memory of his father. (If you remember, his father was pretty scary. Check out our episode about the Mafia for more information about him!) Amelia and her mom and their love of Little Shop of Horrors. Pitney and his mom and her love of loudly cussing at people. Don't forget 2019 is the Year of the Vagina! Please enjoy a segment from our first guest vaginas, Lisa and Sam from I Shake My Head! Promo: Very Dark Very Quick (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)   Hey! Did you catch our LIVE two-hour New Year's Eve party? Check it out! We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not t

Riding a scooter around a Walmart parking lot drinking wine out of a Pringles can at 6:30am? Sounds like a great way to start a show! Amelia really gets perturbed when someone swipes through her photos on her phone without permission, and also how dare you assume she wants your dog to run at her dog just because you think your dog is nice. Pitney goes on yet another rant about how disgusted he is by TV commercials. You know how he hates eczema and people acting happy. We also reminisce briefly about those old Joe Namath pantyhose ads and nothing coming between Brooke Shields and her Calvins. And when did Glenn close turn into Robin Williams? Stop telling us to watch your favorite movies and TV shows. We're not going to watch them. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai. Young Sherlock Holmes. Avatar. The Princess Bride. It's a Wonderful Life. Game of Thrones. Breaking Bad. The Wire. Mad Men. Veep. Lost. Charmed. Buffy. WE HAVE REASONS! And don't forget it's the Year of the Vagina! Please enjoy a segment about why

First up, a promo for a special series of segments for 2019: The Year of the Vagina! Have you ever been in therapy? Have you ever been treated for a mental illness? Do you think you might need help? We know all about that. Hear Pitney and Amelia discussing their experiences with depression, anxiety, anger issues, and addiction. It's not the first time we've talked about this stuff, and it won't be the last, but it's the first time we've devoted an entire episode to how messed up we are! (Except for the part where Amelia talks about vaginas. But that's like a minute.) Promo: 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) Hey! Did you catch our LIVE two-hour New Year's Eve party? Check it out!   We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complai

We’re going LIVE on December 31st to ring in 2019 and celebrate our first 10,000 downloads! Hang out with us on Facebook Live starting at 10pm CST. Like our FB page and join our FB group to get all the latest info. (Details below.) This year for Christmas we’re exploring some corners of Europe whose traditions made us cringe and/or laugh. Learn all about the caganer, a vital part of any classy nativity scene! Hear about from whence children in Catalonia get their presents on Christmas morning! Did you know Santa has a black friend? Well, he’s really white guy in blackface, but hey! It’s festive! Speaking of cringing, we kicked things off this year with a taste of the new Starbucks holiday beverage, the Juniper Latte. Why drink one yourself when you can listen to us sharing one? Promos: 2 Skeptical Chaps and PodScure (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)   We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your

This week brings more of the exquisite bitchiness you've come to expect from us. We complain about how weirdly strict some copyright laws are, our hatred of giant pickup trucks (and other douchemobiles), and the idiots that drive them. Then Pitney shares a story about a weirdo who yelled homophobic slurs at him at Target, and we chat about how fabulous shopping at the mall can be. As of this week, we are only about 100 downloads away from the big 10K, and we promised to do something special for you when we hit that number. Tweet, DM, or email us your ideas, no matter how scandalous!   Promo: Whispered True Stories (Want to swap show promos? Email us!)   We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and earn a STICKER! (Everyone loves stickers!) And please subscribe or add us to your favorites list on your favorite platform so you never miss a show! And share us with your cool friends, not the lame ones. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Write to us at PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com! Tweet