Limited Appeal

We had some technical difficulties this week, which required Luc to type most of his contributions (but the laughing seems to work, most of the time). See if you can tell the difference, huh? In the episode, we start a new contest: Who's That Bird? (Non Bird Edition). Warren awards three points per round: one point for describing the non-bird's appearance, another point for identifying what the non-bird is trying to convey by making the sound, and a third point for naming the collective noun that describes a group of the non-birds, such as a murder of crows or a gaggle of geese. As usual, you should play along and keep score for yourself against our guesses, but we're using the honour system, so we assume that none of you deserve any points. If you're a Sphingidologist and wish to protest this grossly unfair scoring system, contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We start out this episode with great difficulty refining the title, but we get there eventually... sort of. Then we ponder what would happen if everybody lost the ability or capability to hiccup. This leads to an interesting discussion about drinking water upside, thumps, and horse magazines. And we also get side-tracked by famous Italian cartoon star, Mr. Hiccup - although he should probably be called Mr. Singhiozzo. Email us at maskedman@limitedappeal.net if you think the hiccup extinction has already begun. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In this episode's Nature Walk (with a dramatic echo), Warren describes a recent study of cockroaches (cool!) in which the studied shelter choice in cockroaches. (Ame et al., 2006, PNAS) Thanks for the science, folks! In their study, the authors released 50 cockroaches into a cage containing three enclosures that could contain 40 cockroaches each. The cockroaches split evenly to occupy two of the three shelters (25 in each shelter). When the shelters were enlarged to accommodate more than fifty, all the cockroaches moved into a single shelter (after some consultation and probing). Neat! Obviously this has big implications for collective decision making, but honestly we don't talk about those much. If you have suggestions for new B-movie screenplays involving giant insects, send them to us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Are you ready for a pineapple show? Well, if not, don't worry. This whole show is designed to get you ready for the pineapple show, I guess. Somehow we start the hype by talking about our guest DJ, Jacco Macacco. If you haven't yet heard about Jacco, you're in for a (somewhat horrifying) treat! The late 1790s were apparently full of spectacles that far surpass anything in modern sport, provided you're not averse to unnecessarily inhumane fuckery. Poor Jacco, and poor Puss! If you're not totally depressed by poor Jacco's story to continue, we move on to promote (sort of) Faith No More's upcoming album. Warren has a nice suggestion for making their music radio friendly, which involves Samuel L. Jackson and, obviously, monkeys. Let us know how excited you are about the new album, the Snakes on the Plane, or the Pineapple Show! Contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In this week's edition of Name 5 Things, we try to name five phobias that are probably too specific to be an actual concern. For example, the fear of peeing your pants in a colour other than yellow while being covered from head to toe in processed cheese. Turns out the processed cheese bit is essential to making this particular phobia too specific no matter what kind of pants you are wearing. Anyway, we discover that one way to make a phobia more specific is to add a locational qualifier. But if you get too specific than there's a risk Warren will disqualify the suggestion, because he is a dick. If you have any of the fears we discussed, especially if you live in Borneo (I'm thinking of you, President Widodo), please let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This show is an extended episode of Urban Legend: did you know that in the middle ages, it was fashionable to serve a gelatin dessert made from the party host's nail clippings, which would impart a flavour of the host to the guests? Well, it's apparently upsettingly true, even if the details of preparing this kind of specialty have been lost to time. We spend a lot of time considering how long a guy would have to collect his trimmings to host a party, and this musing leads to an unfortunately horrifying dose of Google Images. I implore you: resist the urge to verify how horrifying this particular topic can be in image form. It's as horrifying as the audio, but more. Ugh. If you know any recipes for preparing gelatin from trimmings, send them to us (sans images) by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We kick off the new year with an Urban Legend: did you know that before every game, famous Canadian basketballer Steve Nash watches the final game in the movie Teen Wolf for inspiration? He also has a fondness for fat basketball players (attribution: see the movie), and would like to change his team name. And he likes passing. Without much by way of transitional material, at some stage, Warren suggests an email innovation for the postal service, which is either genius or ridiculous. You pick! If you own a postal service and want to adopt Warren's suggestions, contact us to arrange one of our easy-to-choose payment schemes (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Merry Tedmas, everyone! After a long hiatus, in honour of the season we return to the Superhero's Phone Booth for a special festive Tedmas session. The superhero is… Candy Cane Boy! He runs around poking people with his magical candy cane, and anyone he pokes who has been naughty instantly disintegrates into a snowy white powder (not sugar, just burned human). Candy Cane Boy then snorts the disintegrated naughty person, for some reason. I will quote Warren, who explains, "He's a dark hero." And how does the candy cane decide what qualifies as naughty? Does its philosophy evolve after careful introspection or persuasive arguments? How does it judge the gorilla whose nature is simply to shit, and then to throw? We contemplate these questions and more, considering the morality of this character, whether you judge him to be effective, or just an asshole. Let us know your verdict by email: (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode we finally take another nature walk! The topic this week: unicorns. OK, so maybe it's not as natural as usual, but there's a lot of undiscovered country concerning unicorns, so it's a rich vein to mine. Much of our discussion focuses on the proper dimensions of things: how many cubits per horn, how big a unicorn sleeping kennel should be, how long a wingspan you need to fly or glide over someone holding a piss trampoline, etc. If you want to contest any of our conclusions about unicorns (and don't mind publicly admitting your virginity), send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

By the time you get through the intro, you'll be suspecting something awful is coming your way. Aaaaannndd, you're right. We start by talking about deep fried things, but then the discussion takes a sharp turn to the nasty. Sorry, but we need to get this out of our system (ahem) every once and a while. For those of you who don't like discussions of bodily functions, you're probably not a regular listener, right? Anyways, after explaining the rules to a twisted legendary Australian game, Warren reveals his discomfort with handling feces, which leads us to a bunch of related topics (there are several related topics, as it happens). Listen if you dare. If you think your butter has gone bad, then don't blame us. But do email us next time you're going to have a shower (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

As promised, and perhaps much sooner than expected (since we don't encourage expectations of any sort), we present for you, round 3 of What am I eating? We're increasing some constraints, and relaxing others: now one of us needs to eat a food and a drink, plus toast someone, but it no longer has to be something we would all eat. Are you satisfied, Josh? You shouldn't be, because this is just the beginning, and although we make some progress towards resolving the final scores, only a psychic could predict them accurately (apart from the fact that John will get his reacharound somehow). If you want to play along in our game, you should only listen to the first part of the episode (we'll use the honour system here), then send your guesses for what Warren is eating by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). All entrants receive the amazing prize of not having to listen to the end of this episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We start this week with the increasingly irregular mailsack segment, where loyal listener Josh sends in a complimentary email, but prods us to complete at long last our "What am I eating?" contest. The incredibly loyal and patient listeners among you will know that we began the contest with two editions quite some time ago, but never really got around to the requisite additional editions we need to determine the winner. Sadly, on the way to addressing Josh's email we get a bit distracted, and can barely decide whether to address his complaint or leave him in limbo a bit longer. Next, T-bone reads out a somewhat less specific email from John Arthur promising us a place in his super-secret millionaire society for free yes free no catch. Our inability to find the correct website is a shame in light of somewhat recent concerns about some jackass patent troll suing Adam Corolla over his popular podcast. We offer Adam sanctuary in our Canadian podcast on the condition he doesn't ruin our high quality recording atm

This week Warren presents us with a real quandary in Foody Goody: what is the difference between soup and tea? If you think this is easy, hold on! It's a lot more complicated than you think, and most of the criteria we first propose are clearly violated by one or more exceptions that disprove the rule. Consider the following questions: "If you made a soup only out of leaves, would that be tea?"; "If you eat the tea leaves, does that make it soup?"; "Does it matter what part of the meal the tea/soup comprises?"; "What if you have a cup of tea, and you accidentally drop some macaroni in it?" This is a minefield, folks. It's a wonder that anyone can sleep at night given all of the unresolved questions! If this gives you insomnia that fuels some ideas, send them our way via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

To begin, Warren asks us to name 5 pairs of words, that if they were anagrams, would work well in a dyslexia joke. Turns out this is a pretty tough assignment when one has limited inspiration. See if you can better our contributions (I'll bet you can), and email us with your suggestions: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Then, in Polish the Bishop, Warren asks us to come up with a word for the near-universal urinal stand-off that occurs when two guys are trying to pee at the urinals in a public toilet. It's unspoken, but you don't want to lose this race, apparently. Unless you're T-bone: he'll stand there for hours to pee in peace, and he doesn't owe anyone. Fuck everybody! John, on the other hand, is a toilet sprinter who knows nothing about the subtle contests that have been going on without his knowledge. Do women have similar contests I wonder, or are they just as sensible as drunk people? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We kick off a brand new season with a new edition from our "staggeringly popular" segment, "How about that?" Warren describes the circumstances leading up to and surrounding the trial of a 17th century "habitual troublemaker" (great job if you can get it) George Spencer, who was convicted of bestiality (sort of – listen for the details) on the basis of dubious testimony from a stillborn piglet and himself, and possible also on the basis of his appearance. Did I mention this is not an Urban Legend segment? What's the difference between molesting a pig (an obvious crime) and being ordered to fondle a pig by a court (which is just following instructions)? And how can you tell if a pig is showing a "working of lust"? Oy. To be honest, we really don't provide any answers, but we do draw inappropriate conclusions about the nature of early forensics teams. How about that? Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Warren starts by clicking on a testicular cancer mascot this week, and this makes us wonder whether Senhor Testiculo has a prominent mole, or whether it's just an ear, or his balls (do balls have balls?), or his arms. Or maybe just a gaping wound where he was severed from the rest of the body? As promised, here's a link so you can judge for yourself: http://www.limitedappeal.net/extras/photos.html Then, in Urban Legend, Warren explains the origin of the word butterfly: in middle Dutch-land and Germany, the locals noticed that their local butterflies excreted a substance that probably looked and tasted like butter, at least according to the history books. Hence, the butterfly! Try it on some toast, if you have a magic box in your house that can perform the complicated steps needed for preparing some. Let us know what your local insect frass tastes like via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Happy Tedmas everyone! It's that time of year when we try to include and alienate everyone in our special annual Tedmas show. Hard to believe it's Tedmas time already, but there it is. One minute you're soaking up the sun, the next you have to put up your shed. Unless you live in the southern hemisphere, in which case, you're possibly still in the sun, or unless you have no shed in your basement, in which case, you can just sit under your house stilts. Warren points out how we have until now been inadvertently exclusionary about Tedmas, and naturally we spend some time trying to decide whether this is a good or a bad thing, while inaugurating a twist on the holiday that will make it more (or perhaps less?) inclusive. Anyway, Happy Shedmas! Isn't that better? If you have no house, or no basement, or no shed, you can always join T-bone in his basement for the holidays. Email us to make arrangements: (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

WWHHHAAAAAANNNNNNNNNHHHHH! Yup, that's the sweet sound of Scotland. While the ringing in your ears dies down a bit, here's a twisty-twist on Urban Legend: Warren will present an urban legend, and then claim his own story is bullshit, and then we need somehow to contradict him: many years ago in Scotland, a common pub game involved grabbing or punching the stomach or genitals in an attempt to encourage audible burping or farting. Plausible, isn't it? Then, in Dictionary Plus, Warren suggests a new system for talking about the reverse order of things. You wouldn't want to be stuck trying to smoothly say seventh or ninth from last without a clever word, and anyway, figuring out what the hell someone means when he or she says propreantepenultimate! This is a serious problem, obviously. What do you think of our new system? Email us: (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

How much Limited Appeal is there, if you wanted a podcast marathon? We never actually tell you, but it's a lot. We're talking morning, noon, night, bullshit, bullshit bullshit, bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit. Somehow this prompts Warren to audibly crank up his podcast machine to check. On another topic entirely, have you been paintballing? If you've never heard of this, it's not nearly as degenerate as it sounds: just a bunch of folks pretending to shoot each other while pretending that they're not actually shooting each other. In the head and face. Don't let our conversation convince you this is a ridiculous hobby, though (even though it almost certainly is) – give it a go, and let us know how you do by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net)! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Did you know that you can't slip someone a valium? Well, you could, but it wouldn't be effective. This is important if you're trying to secretly get someone to relax. Note this is not exactly the placebo, because there's an element of subject awareness to the effectiveness, apparently. It's pretty fucking confusing, and perhaps (what do you know?) bullshit. How about that? Maybe part of the standard placebo trialing should involve subterfuge. We think Hrobjartsseon and Gotzsche have a lot to answer for, not least an explanation for some alternative delivery mechanisms for diazepam. If you want to explain yourselves, fellas, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.