Limited Appeal

For this episode, we revisit Inventions and Shit, our segment in which we present ideas of new inventions for free (mostly) in case any venture capitalists are listening. Warren's latest idea is a toilet water warmer, which, you may have guessed, warms the water in your toilet. There are several major benefits (or perhaps problems) depending on your anatomy, digestive physiology, and temperature preference. And maybe the country of origin of your dog. If you are a robot (preferably not a racist or masturbating one) and wish to license our idea (please don't) you can contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Having been stuck on Season 11 for a while, we skipped 12 and went straight to 13. Bad luck be damned! By the way, have you been eating salami wrong? Quite possibly. Anyway, this episode marks a return to our contest feature Nature Walk, Who's That Bird Non-Bird Edition, Round 5. How dramatic! For this contest, we have to listen to an audio clip of a nonbird, describe the nonbird or name it, describe what the nonbird is thinking, or what it is trying to achieve with the sound, and then provide a collective noun for the animal. Play along at home, though you'll be hard pressed to match the amateur natural history insights we muster. If you need any more nostril-based trivia, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

I was going to write about Warren's introduction of a topic, and I guess I have. SPOILER ALERT: Warren mentions more than one thing not particularly central to the latest Predator movie that had (until our discussion) seemed unbelievable, but we resolve that for him. Then, for our segment "How About That?", Warren bring up the Pepto Bismol and Nyquil donut range for the Voodoo Donut shop in Oregon, not to mention the Cock and Balls donut. Somehow their range is not as variable as it could be, especially if they had listened to some earlier suggestions from Limited Appeal. I was going to look up the exact episodes and refer to them, but I guess I have not. If you have any questions besides which episodes those are, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode starts with a Nature Walk, featuring Who's That Bird, non-bird edition, possibly round 4. T-Bone's dog previous success has him well ahead, maybe. Warren plays the sound of a nonbird, and each of us has to guess what the nonbird looks like, what it's trying to communicate, and provide the collective term for it. We each take a guess, which is as non-illuminating as usual. However, the correct answer sets off a real flood of interest in the water economy of the animals in question. Trust me, this is weirder and more interesting than it sounds, provided it doesn't sound very interesting to you. If you have any experience with unconventional sources of water, send us an email to tell us about it (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode, Warren describes a situation in his work bathrooms that has been troubling him: one day the overseers at Warren's office replaced the paper towels with air dryers. However, some people must have complained, because at some point someone added a box containing so-called "door tissues". This way, people who had previously used paper towels to open the door had an extra paper towel that they could use to open the door after air drying their hands. Then the problem became what to do with the door tissues, so the management installed a garbage can outside the toilets marked "Door tissues only!" Then someone ripped down the door tissue box, so there was still a garbage can but no door tissues. We discuss the complex series of pointless events for far longer than you might imagine. I was really annoyed by this story when Warren told it and writing it down again has infuriated me again. Believe it or not, the first half, infuriating as it is, is outmatched by the conversation on homophones that follows.

This episode involves a Nature Walk contest, "Who's That Non-Bird: Killer Edition". (We'll save the killer birds for another day.) The contest question is this: which non-birds are responsible for the most human deaths in the world per year? Warren asks the rest of us to guess the top 11. Here's a little foreshadowing: Warren will cite some stats for non-animal causes of death for contrast, and John will contest them furiously. This contest is only one episode, but it's still surprisingly long, or at least it feels that way... If you want to correct any of Warren's statistics, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Merry Tedmas everyone! In the spirit of the holidays, and just in case you have a collector in your Secret Santa exchange pool, in this episode we try to Name 5 Things that are Bad Ideas for collectible products. For example, Warren explains that cereal producers had tried to make cereal boxes collectible, which is a real thing (https://www.eater.com/2016/2/16/11008926/cereal-box-collections-history). Oh Ted help us. Anyway, Warren asks us to name five other things that would be a bad idea to make collectible. I have a suspicion that some of these things already exist, and that I shouldn't have flushed them if I wanted to make money on some mint condition toilet paper. Opportunity squandered! Let us know what you have failed to collect by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This week we open the show uncertain about Carol Burnett's status. Turns out: still funny! Then we try to name five possible sport team names that are strange, yet somehow intimidating. Warren's suggested example is "The Long Starers". We come up with many suggestions, but most of them are perhaps more off-putting than intimidating. Anyway, our discussion naturally leads us to discussing how cereal prevents masturbation. You'll want to stay away from all those sexy, sexy foods, like vinegar, and pickles. PICKLES! So hot…. If you've not yet succumbed to temptation, you can send us an email and describe your favourite strategy for resisting self-abuse (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode aims not to provoke. Consider yourself warned! We begin with a "How about that?" segment, in which Warren notes that both words tit and boob are palindromes. How about that? We discuss maintaining palindromiety for plurals of palindromes, but it's a bit controversial, and maybe even dangerously close to provocative. To avoid crossing a line, we try to name 5 things that you can stuff into other things to invent a new food item. For a simple example, Warren suggests putting a carrot into a cucumber, to make a (maybe) cucott. Some of the other suggestions are more involved, but perhaps no more provocative (although T-Bone does lose it at one point). If you find the content provokes any kind of response, eat some piroshka to cool off. Then if you're still feeling hot, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In this episode, we bring you a nice relaxing audio bath, because you deserve it. Warren presents Pooh Corner to start us off, by recounting an incident on a small plane in which the toilet contained no sink, but only hand sanitizer. Is this an adequate solution? What if (however it happened), you actually got poop on your hand? Would the sanitizer be sufficient, really? Are your hands food-safe? Does the answer depend on the provision of towels? Or does it depend primarily on your diet (think about it)? What if we could sterilize your hands effectively? Is it better to use the sanitizer or toilet water? Apparently the FDA is alert to the problem, but perhaps the good folks there might want to consider some of our suggestions. If you need any advice on sinkless handwashing, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Recently the Supreme Court of Canada clarified what constitutes bestiality, and apparently it must involve penetration. But this raises a host of new questions, including the issue of the peanut butter loophole. Are you for or against it? On this week's Nature Walk, we resume our Who's That Bird non-bird edition contest with round 3. Feel free to play along, by trying to guess what the nonbird looks like, what it is trying to communicate, and what a group of the nonbird is called. Fair warning though for the competitive listeners in our audience: our guesses are really close this week, so you might not have much of a shot. If you want to complain about this, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

T-Bone brings up a recent episode on Vice featuring FMT: fecal matter transplants. Yup, it's that kind of episode. But before you flee in terror, this is a legitimate topic, honest. Turns out that for a subset of people, FMT is a real life-changer. And some animals (horses, rabbits, and assassin bugs) have their own version of FMT, but it usually involves eating instead of enemas. Is your neighbor giving you top-quality material? Whatever your situation, we hope you celebrate your microbiome these holidays, and that the new year brings you hardly any dry mornings, whatever the condition of your gut flora. To complain about this episode, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net)! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We begin this week by discussing the many sporting achievements of famous Mongolians. By many, we mean really 3, which is not to insult Mongolia but rather to reflect our quickly performed poor research on a Wikipedia page, which, incidentally, actually only named 2/3 of the athletes we discuss. Then most of the episode is devoted to another edition of Foody Goody, in which we continue our ongoing (and of indeterminate length) contest, "What am I eating and drinking and toasting?" This week John plays the moderator, and fulfills his role with the expected amount of surliness (provided I know what the word surliness means, which I'm not sure of as I write this description). If you're a craft spirit entrepreneur, we have a million-dollar idea for you! Contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) if you decide to brew a batch, and we'll gladly do some free promo on our show! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

After an unexpected but somehow still predictable delay, welcome to Season 11! Wow. We start with Foody Goody, but trust me, you won't want to be eating yourself while you listen. At least not at the start. Yuck. Anyway, feel free to skip ahead to 02:40, and you'll hear us conduct round 3 of "What am I eating and what am I drinking and toasting to?" This time, T-Bone will do the eating and drinking and toasting. Play along! See if you can understand why gum is like a popsicle, because one of them has a stick. If you want to explain the grammatical rules for describing Jesus's belongings, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

While adjusting T-Bone's audio, we accidentally start to consider the many ways in which humans like donuts. You may be surprised to hear some of them! Inevitably, that discussion leads us to flatworms, of course. If you're not aware of hypodermic insemination, or haven't thought about how it might affect a lonely worm, you are in for a real treat. And, in a strange departure from most of our content, some of the material we bring up is actually pretty close to true. You can probably figure it out on your own, but if necessary, do a Google Images search for pointy wieners for help. Top tip: under no circumstances should you actually follow the advice in the previous sentence. To complain about the retinal scarring you may have suffered if you didn't heed the warning above, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

After another transparent attempt at generating internet traffic, Warren explains his admiration for the Coors shotgun can, which persists in spite of his dislike for the beer itself. Find out how Warren does physiotherapy on himself to get ready for hockey, and the danger with three syllable words. You never know what's gonna happen! At least sometimes. Anyway, without much by way of transitional material, we somehow move on to the weirdness of Penn and Jillette's names. Are you mononymous? If so, don't be anonymous! Let us know your mononym by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In this special Tedmas edition of Foody Goody, this year we establish the "burger" as "traditional holiday food". But how do we define a burger? If you think this is straightforward, you haven't thought about it enough. Does it need toppings? What are acceptable patty constituents? What shape should the patty take? Hot? Cold? Cooking method? So many problems! Never fear, though, T-bone comes up with an elegant solution for you after we whip up so many questions – consider it a Tedmas gift, from us to you. Send us your Tedmas message by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Spam is welcome, but not Spoose. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Welcome to another edition of Inventions and Shit! John starts the segment with a suggestion for a new food product based on a geometry pun, and that somehow leads us to the pedagogical consequences of improper mathematical terms by fast food franchises. Obviously. The we resume our contest “Who's that bird?” contest (non-bird edition) with round two. As always, we encourage you to play along. See if you can discern what the non-bird looks like, is doing, and what you should call its group. If you prefer not to play along, there's another reason to listen: a first ever result for one of our contests. Plus a lot of groaning. Send us feedback or suggestions by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We present for your consideration a new social problem: Warren was reaching for a food item from the top shelf at the grocery store, and some guy on a mobility scooter offered to help him reach. How do you think Warren handled this? Yup, you're right. It was awkward for a number of reasons that have to do with both the situation and Warren's reaction to it. This leads us naturally into a Name Five Things segment: what are other similar situations where someone disadvantaged offers to help you and it's either a sign of how shit you are at something or it makes you uncomfortable in some other way? If you can add to our list, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.