Limited Appeal

It's the first episode of season 8! It's great!! The start of this season is motivated by drunkards outside of Luc's house, who may have been singing the bagpipe song. Or maybe Amazing Grace. Anyway, on the topic of Scottish problems, Warren asks us to solve the problem of Scottish independence. We get a bit sidetracked by thinking about the nature of the question for the upcoming referendum, so we don't have any brilliant solution for Scotland, but maybe that's for the best. If you want to use the name "Drunken Lotharios" for your band, go ahead! But let us know by email so we can give you instructions for how to send us royalties (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Luc makes a return visit to the Safari Park where he previously met a chimp with serious rectal problems (see Episode "The Assey Wonders of Wunderbar"). Understandably, this leads to speculation on the nature of the afterlife. What if you don't like sand? Or boobs? Or sandy boobs? Then what, huh? Also, we get repunched in the mail sack by Zeth, who generously responds to our rather ungenerous response to his earlier email. I gotta hand it to the guy – he's extremely dedicated. Maybe excessively dedicated. That kind of dedication is crying out for a safe word – if you want to suggest one, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Get ready for yet another special (and extra long) holiday episode of Limited Appeal. This time, Warren has a new series of bird recordings for us to describe (just like previous episodes of Who's That Bird), but the extra twist is that each bird has some kind of Christmas significance, and Warren is awarding extra points if we can figure out how. Extra points = extra drama (or possibly just extra bullshit). Three whole rounds of bird guessing! But they are extra weird sounds, so it's totally worth it. We hope you have an extra-ordinary holiday, and look forward to hearing about your Adventures in/at/over/around Tedmas via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Ho! Ho! Ho!, and for good measure, Ho! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

After starting out with some excellent intro music (Sparks is da man!), Warren introduces this week's Urban Legend. This is an update of an earlier episode (Linda's Favourite Hiding Spot), in which Warren had described the invention of the dildo. Turns out the true origin of the DILbertDOugh is in fact botanical, but this time it involves witchcraft and the, ahem, vaginal "administration" of "flying ointment". (I'm not sure which set of quotation marks is more important, so I'm leaving both in.) Anyway, this is why witches are associated with broomsticks. See? All of a sudden the sexy-witch costumes at Hallowe'en take on a whole new dimension. And wait till you hear about why they hand out Hallowe'en chocolate bars! Absolutely filthy. If you have any stories of hypoglycemic intrusions to pass along, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode's mailsack contains a friendly invitation from The Four Listeners Podcast. We briefly consider the appropriate way to respond, but we're actually not very good at appropriate, so the segment ends up being unnecessarily (but perhaps predictably) hostile. Yeah. Soooo, sorry about that Zeth. To be fair (or at least somewhat less unfair), since the recording I have listened to a bit of Listeners, and it's not so bad. They even have a possibly frequent Aussie guest Kath (I only listened to bits of one episode, so I can't be sure), whose voice is nearly (though not quite) as awesome as SVGs. Ahem. Anyhoo, since after this we still have some spare time – we also tackle some "current" events: the issue of separatism in Quebec. Warren suggests a change in nomenclature that will probably finally settle all the conflict. If you want to help with the production of the updated "Canadian" Heritage Minute vignette, starring Warren and his uncomfortable headset (we're thinking about you, Mr. Lightfoot), send us

Today we spend a predictably large fraction of time discussing farts and bees. How are they related? Well, they're mostly not, but they partly ARE (arguably). Exactly how? Well aren't you equipped with the questioning persistence of a three year old? Just listen to the podcast – it's full of health and safety information on important (arguably) gastrointestinal physiology. Guaranteed to have some approximately scientific facts, at least some of the time. But no fart noises, because we're a classy (arguably) podcast. If you can clarify how yahoo answers terror-ists are ranked, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We begin this episode with a foody goody segment in which John suggests a pizza innovation. Flavoured crusts! No, not the kind you already heard of, because that's NASTY! Our discussion gets a bit derailed by trying to define "stuffin' it with the NASTY", and after that, by a strange decision to substitute definitions of adverbs (and then later, adjectives) with their dictionary definitions. Try it with your friends, or possibly with your political representatives, but maybe not with poets, or singers (it's too annoying to talk to them, obviously). If you want to swear at us in Italian, or in any other language, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode we wanna push you around! Actually, we try to name 5 song titles that could be used to describe a recent bowel movement. You will not be surprised that this is easy for some of us. Warren has a list of 40, and he's even categorized his responses: see if you can name 5 of his categories instead of songs, because otherwise this is too easy. On topic, shouldn't the verb to "soil oneself" or "soil something" only be used if you've been eating dirt? No? I seem to be in the minority on this one. Also, why does the urban dictionary specify the cause of an incident? Seems to be superfluous in the context of providing definitions, no matter how many up-votes there are. If your name is Jarome and you write for the urban dictionary, contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) to explain yourself. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This week we try to name five things that are beautiful, no matter what they say. Did you spot the ambiguous pronoun? Once you figure out the antecedent this may make more sense. Maybe? Have you checked out a cockroach's face recently? Don't even get me started on their bodies. almost as hot as hurricanes! Sexy, sexy hurricanes, especially when they come in pairs. Then Warren introduces a new segment, Elucidate This!, in which Warren reads a poem and the rest of us try to analyze it and find its deeper meaning. It's awesome! And perfect for the ladies, especially those who like some kinds of poetry. G-rated poetry. If you have any poems you want to submit for analysis, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We can't wait! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

For the first time in a long while, we reach deep into the mail sack. In reference to Episode Muffcake, a listener comments on all the crap in our podcast, and suggests we might want to run for office. Luc questions the relevance of cupcakes and muffins for public policy planning, but perhaps he's unfairly dismissing some broadly relevant aspects of baking for the common good. Perhaps. Next, Warren refers to an episode of Seinfeld in which pastrami is designated as the most sensual of salted cured meats. He asks the obvious question: what is the least sensual salted cured meat? Does sensual have too many sexual connotations for you? How about sensuous? No difference? You obviously don't work in a charcuterie shop. Cop that, John Milton! If you don't like it, feel free to punch our mail sack (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Season 7! Can you believe it? Oh. Anyway, to kick off a brand new season (that you apparently are completely unsurprised about, ya dick), we try to name 5 pairs of words that rhyme but, when you say them, think to yourself (or possibly say aloud), "Words, you got NO business rhyming with each other!" This is harder than it sounds, in part because we don't really know what this means, and Warren doesn't even has an example. What makes words have business rhyming with one another? If you sufficiently relaxed to have a suggestion, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Happy 2012, everyone! To bring in the New Year, we discuss how in some cases, autoerotic entertainment involves altered consciousness. But only in moderation! You don't want to do this in excess. Ahem. After that PSA, we do a bit of arguing over whether rewind still works as a word to describe going backwards on an audio track. It doesn't, which probably means that last sentence was inscrutable. Oh well. Finally, we talk about pies. Is there such a thing as a bad pie? Are you sure? Have you checked? See if you think any of Warren's creations are worth re-creation, and let us know your review by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Are you thirsty? I thought so. Grab a bottle of liquid fish, and join us on a Nature Walk: for the mercifully final Round of Who's That Bird: A'Frickin' Edition. Play along, even if you are a former goalie for the Oilers and a bit high right now. It's guaranteed to be almost completely bullshit, but we do provide the right answer at some stage, so it's conceivable, if unlikely, that you could learn something. Who knows? Also, see if you can guess who has to eat whose reacharound. Maybe it will taste like fish! Let us know where we can get our hands on some young rev by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Merry Christmas everyone! And good ted-ings to you all. We start this brand new season-appropriate episode by trying to name 5 Christmas or Tedmas gifts that sound well-meaning, but would cause the recipient to ask for just a card next year. Have you received any plastic broken necklaces? How about some gluten? A new world? Some bready soda, especially if you're a celiac? Send us your wishlist by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Warren begins the show by reminding us of googlewhacking: the game where you try to combine two words to generate a single google hit. This is becoming increasingly difficult, for which the author of these descriptions takes a small amount of credit for contributing to the combination of otherwise unrelated keywords. You're welcome! Then T-Bone describes his recent trip to a rather more adult-themed version of Disneyworld than I remember. In polish the bishop, we can't decide whether we're dealing in innuendo or not. I guess that's your job, if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge. If you don't know what I mean, or if you're a particularly avid robot fan, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

In this part 2 of the non-video game video dance party, or whatever, we feature a Limited Appeal record for topics considered with minimal transitional material. And that's saying something! After some introductory obsession with penises (peni?) we enjoy us some Foody Goody, then MMMM!! Macaroons, by Katrina Robinson, then all of sudden we're talking about the potentially constraining effect of running speed on intelligence. And that's just the start! Here's an arrow diagram of the episode: Intro -> Don Johnson's partner -> Penises -> Xylophone solo -> Macaroons -> Sheep stomach -> Coconut beatings -> Ostriches -> Fast but dumb -> Small heads for maneuverability -> Converse, inverse and contrapositives -> Do dinosaurs exist? -> Things that we can test with our own two feet -> Yoda -> Teaching with his fucking mind -> Light sabre holding technique -> Gray hair on your back -> Mouth DNA -> Genghis Khan -> A series of bullshit, untrue science "facts" -> Name 5 Things that are totally pointless because the premis

We're live! Face to face to face. One face is missing. But it probably also has nose hair. Ugh – this is, even, by our standards, a rather disgusting episode. What about above-the-ass back hair? Listen carefully, and you'll discover whether these traits are a tipping point concerning whether we'll be able to continue procreating. Or maybe that's a complete bit of nonsense that you won't be able to help but shake your head at. Anyway, if you're still listening by some chance, we later try to name 5 band names that could be a phallic euphemism. Play along. Not with your phallus, you pervert! With our name around 5 things segment. Jesus. If you can stop touching yourself long enough to free up one hand, and if you want John to send you a free photo of his back hair, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

In our Nature Walk this week, we feature round 4 of Who's that Bird, A-Frickin' Edition. When I write "round 4", I mean of course the 4th time we've done this segment, as opposed to a comment on the shape of the segment, which may or may not be cigar-shaped. It's not clear how many heads the segment has, but perhaps judging by the quality of our bird identity guesses, there are probably fewer than you might think. Anyway, play along! If you do, you might be surprised at how much is going on during a small stretch of bird song, especially in contrast with how little is going on during a small section of our podcast. If you want to start an argument about the shape of a goose's bill, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

After a seemingly interminable and trivial preamble, we discuss the development of the biggest supercomputer in China (we think it's China, anyway). It's possible the computer's function is to censor discussion of Chinese secrets, or offensive dialog, in which case we probably will set a few flags. So, to make amends, Warren suggests we make deliberately inaccurate and offensive statements that we can then rebuke ourselves. Do we manage? Have a listen to found out. If you work for the Chinese secret service, and wish to poison us by email, here's our address: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

This episode we ask if gravity has a special relationship with balls, particularly when a kilt, or a dog, is involved. Watch your step! In name 5 things, we try to name 5 provocative movie titles for dogs. I know, it's ridiculous. My main job here is to write descriptions, so you can't blame me for the fact that the topics are bullshit. Anyway, you can't really complain unless you already know 5 provocative dog movie titles. You don't, do you? If you do, send us an email with your suggestions (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We probably won't do anything with them, but the act of sending them to us may or may not be cathartic for you. If you don't, then quit your bitching (ha!) and listen to the doggone (ha!) podcast. Ahem. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.