Save Your Sanity: Help For Toxic Relationships

"Oh, we're just friends." You want to believe that, but how do you know if it's true. Here's how to tell if that "friendship" IS emotional infidelity, an emotional affair, and/or just plain cheating. Don't be fooled. See & believe these signs!!!It's tempting to believe them, especially because then you don't have to feel the feelings or take action. BUT, doing so is unhealthy! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What an emotional affair really isIs it cheating?Why Hijackals (relentlessly difficult people) are often emotionally unfaithful10 BIG differences between "being friend" & having an emotional affairWhat emotional infidelity looks and sound likeThings people say when they're actually cheating emotionallyI'm here to helpLet's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients,only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelp

Find yourself afraid you're not good enough? You won't be hired? You won't be wanted? Loved? Accepted? Fear of rejection may be the culprit underlying those thoughts. SO IMPORTANT to recognize so you can overcome the fears that may be holding you back from healthier relationships with yourself and others...including the NASTY Hijackals!Recognize the limitations that the fear of rejection creates in your life, so you can reject it! No need to allow that fear to rule. See it. Reject it. Change it! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Dr. Shaler's definition of emotional abuseHow you feel when you fear rejectionHow fear of rejection limits your life & relationshipsHow Hijackal (narcissistic) parents control you with this fearI'm here to help Let's talk soon.RhobertaIntroductory session for new clients,only $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/Relatio

Bit by bit, you start to second-guess yourself, and even question your sanity. Gaslighting will do that! Learn what it is and how to recognize even the most subtle forms. ALSO, gaslighting is emotional abuse. So, see it so you can stop it from making you crazy!Gaslighting is emotional abuse and psychological manipulation. NOT GOOD! The sooner you see the more subtle forms as well as the more obvious forms of gaslighting, the sooner you'll step back and reclaim your self-confidence. May not happen overnight, but it will happen!HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Obvious & subtle examples of gaslightingHow repeatedly gaslighting you wears you downHijackals want to define your reality for you I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFAC

Lies of any kind undermine trust. Big difference between folks who decide to lie and those who don't. Learn how you can respond effectively, though it may not stop the lying. Learn the distinction between natural & pathological liars. It's a big one! But, does it make a difference when you're on the receiving end of it? HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why people lieWhy Hijackals think you'll finally believe their lies. (Do you?)How they lie about the most important thing: loveDifferences between natural liars and pathological liarsWhy you may not be willing to pay the high cost of uncovering deceit...but need to! I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER: 

Can you trust a smile? How do you read a smirk? What's the difference? What do they mean? When dealing with narcissistic Hijackals, you REALLY need to know! Learn about detecting signs of danger. Know when you need to protect yourself. Know when it's safe to connect (and, it rarely is when you have a Hijackal partner, parent, sibling, or adult child, sadly) HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:The confusing clash of non-verbal cues from HijackalsThe difference between a genuine smile and a "social" smileWhy Hijackal smiles are often forced, and their laughter is hollow8 nasty reasons Hijackals smirk I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com

Yes? No? Maybe? Someday? Your head can be spinning! What to believe? How to decide? What to pay attention to? MIXED MESSAGES keep you hooked, questioning your sanity, and second-guessing yourself. One thing you CAN BE CLEAR about: you need to see those mixed message for what they are: CONTROL.It's tempting to focus on the parts of a mixed message that you SO want to be true. You can fool yourself that way. And, you'll suffer. Hopefully, this episode will help you with insights to stop all that. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:What kinds of mixed messages there areHow mixed messages can be delivered over time and/or in one sentenceExamples of mixed messages from parents & partnersHow you decide what part of a mixed message to believeI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodc

Whether you have a Hijackal parent, partner, sibling, or other of the narcissistic variety, knowing how they manipulate you with their voices is important to recognize. AND, they only do some of that manipulating consciously. Once you're aware of these important cues, you can refuse to be affected. GREAT!This episode will help you see how you're being subconsciously affected by the tone, pace, volume, and other cues that a Hijackal gives through their voice.HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:How your body reads the HijackalWhy your mind argues with your bodyWhy you need to know you can trust your body's wisdomHow Hijackals manipulate you with their voiceKnow what you're actually taking in...andKnow to trust your bodyI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK: h

Relief! Yes, you think you'll feel it when you leave an emotionally abusive relationship, and you will...in some ways. Then, in too many ways, the Hijackal is likely to do everything possible to exert continued control over you...and, over your children. Eight ways Hijackals continue to exert control. Is it happening to you?(NOTE: This episode ends abruptly due to technical issues.)HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:How domestic violence and domestic abuse can continue after separationWhat post-separation abuse is6 ways to prepare for after leaving a Hijackal ( or anyone who is narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, psychopathic, or sociopathic)How ACEs--Adverse Childhood Experiences--often follow separating from a HijackalPreparing to be safe after leaving an abuserI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST: ht

Who has told you what to do and how to do it? Who told you who you are and what you're worth? Did it include "shoulds" and shame? So important to recognize because it may be still playing a part in your life. Also, others can still tap into it, especially Hijackals. So many ways that narcissists and other Hijackals want to exert power over you, and do it by continuously shaming you, making you wrong, small, guilt-ridden, and diminished! Toxic shaming is one of those ways. See it clearly so you can reject it! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why you may not realize how many times you've been told you "should"Why "shoulding on yourself" is toxicThe myth of perfectionismWhat toxic shame isHow toxic shame is perpetrated Internalizing toxic shame I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanit

People have learned that making another person feel guilty is a quick way to control that person's emotions...negatively. You may be so used to it and you haven't questioned whether or not you've actually done what you are being accused of. OR, even more sad, you've been blamed so many times you've begun to feel that EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT. That's what happened when a healthier human spends to long with a Hijackal parent, partner, OR WORSE, both! Clearly see this damaging tactic for what it is, and why it is effective SO you can say NO!!! to feeling guilty any longer. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:Why narcissistic folks want to manipulate you with guiltDifference between guilt and feeling guiltyReasons people want you to feel guiltyHow to stop feeling guiltyI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST: htt

When you're dealing with narcissistic Hijackals, you think one thing is in place, and the Hijackal thinks another. You think you have agreement and you sadly learn you don't. And, boundaries! SO important. Be clear what they are and how to manage them.Hijackals constantly move markers, and you need to know how to respond in healthier ways. Refusing to hold agreements or respect boundaries is emotional abuse in a relationship. Not acceptable, right? Know these distinctions and get very good at setting and maintaining boundaries. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why distinctions among expectations, agreements and boundaries are importantWhy boundaries need to be carefully thought throughThe most important thing after clarifying a boundaryWhy boundaries are essential when dealing with toxic relationships and emotional abuseI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBS

So confusing to be with a demanding person! Worse to be with a demanding Hijackal who feels entitled to take center stage while walking over you to do so. Recognize the signs of enmeshment and how they serve the Hijackal but fail to serve you. In fact, enmenstment can hurt you terribly, mentally and emotionally..Beware of people who say "I know you better than you know yourself." Hijackals love to think that, and say it, too! Not only is it gaslighting, but is untrue. BUT, they need it to be true so they feel in control and able to see a clear path to manipulation.and control. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What enmeshment is Signs you're in an enmeshed relationshipHow Hijackals and other narcissistic people use enmeshment and pretend it is loveWhy you need strong boundaries, well-expressed and maintainedWhy it's essential to cultivate honest, healthy autonomyI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new cl

Crazy-making? Oh, yes. Hijackals and other narcissistic folks can create havoc. You start second-guessing yourself, and even questioning your sanity. You can't tell which end is up or where you begin and end, either. Cognitive Dissonance plays a big part! If your relationship causes you to feel anxious, be paralyzed by self-doubt, or have difficulty making clear decisions, you're likely experiencing frequent moments of cognitive dissonance. Not healthy! It's crazy-making. So important to recognize what's happening, and start saying "NO!" HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How cognitive dissonance can cause you to feel like your head is about to explodeExamples of cognitive dissonance that narcissistic Hijackals createHow cognitive dissonance affects you & your view of your relationship What to do to reground yourself & stop believing the HijackalI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

How do Hijackals make you second-guess yourself and question your sanity? Basic to them doing that is the two patterns in this episode of Save Your Sanity. Recognizing them in all their forms can help you in Escaping the Hijackal Trap.Hijackals are ALWAYS defending themselves, whether they need to or not. They are ALWAYS DEFENSIVE. Always on the alert for anything that could vaguely pass as shame coming their way. That makes for a volatile, tense person laying in wait to accuse of thing they did not do. Sound familiar? Emotional intimacy is too much of a threat to a Hijackal, so they use these two big strategies to keep the truth from emerging. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Two HUGE blocks to emotional intimacy5 ways Hijackals deny the truthI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYour

Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people--like to dish out and scatter disrespect whenever they want to demonstrate power and control. NO! That has to stop!In this episode, I'm offering you 8 solid ways to work within yourself and say NO TO DISRESPECT. Eight very good ways to reclaim your personal power and give voice to some boundaries. Listen in. These are MUCH NEEDED strategies!Respect means to have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. Do Hijackals offer that? NO! That's where your relationship with a Hijackal basically goes off the rails: they have no respect for you...or, for anyone else. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why & how to shift your internal dialogue with yourselfWhy not to buy into their attempts to upset youWhat to say to refuse the abuseHow to respond to their yellingI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHAL

Live with someone or raised by someone who was always finding fault? Always against something? Always putting you down? The wear and tear of these kinds of emotional abuse is immense...and continuous. See these ten chronic abuses you may not even realize are happening daily!Chronic criticism wears you down, tears you down, and gets you used to being put down. None of those are good things! If you had a Hijackal parent, and find yourself with a Hijackal partner, you'll have a lifetime of constant criticism leaving you to wonder if you'll ever be good enough. Have you experienced that?HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:10 emotional abuses that create constantly feeling criticizedWhy Hijackals, narcissists, etc. have to put you downExhausting ways Hijackals try to make you feel not good enough\How Hijackals are defensive and offensive simulatneously I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW D

Wonder why you feel so alone even though you're in a relationship? Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, toxic folks--want to affect you, want to control how you feel. Abandoning you while with you creates a very lonely place. Notice these 6 ways so that you will be able to see them coming and not take them as personally.Hijackals are constantly searching for places to exert power and control. This episode will also help you to recognize that, although Hijackals make these things you're fault, they are NOT YOUR FAULT!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How Hijackals--narcissists, and other toxic folks--desert you even when they're in the same room with youHow Hijackals show their lack of interest Why it's important to understand feeling abandoned when the person is still there6 ways this abandonment shows up in your relationshipI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALE

When you're living in anxiety, you cannot think clearly, right? Hijackals love to cause anxiety. They think it gives them power, and they look for ways to control. In order to make good decisions about the relationship, you need antidotes to anxiety to recognize the emotional abuse. It becomes such an everyday thing, and usually only creates more anxiety. An antidote is a remedy to counteract, relieve or prevent the effects of something. Just what you need for "Hijackal bites!" And, those can stay open wounds for a long time unless you know how to close them and begin the healing process. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:List of signs of anxiety10 Hijackal ways designed to increase your anxiety10 antidotes that allow you to reclaim your personal power, and shift your toxic relationshipSome reasons why it is difficult to change your patterns...and, how to do it anywayI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for ne

When you recognize that it is emotional abuse that is driving these four debilitatiing --and, therefore, unhealthy-- responses to how you're being treated (or have been treated, particularly from your parents,) you are on your way to seeing your next best steps clearly. Listen in so you won't take the blame, or make excuses for, a person who is driving you to have these feelings.Being with a Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult person--is confusing, chaotic, and disappointing. The emotional abuse can go unnoticed for too long. See it for what it is by recognizing these four response now.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you feel exhausted in a toxic relationship4 ways you respond when being emotionally abused by a HijackalNever mistake possessiveness for protectivenessHow you internalize emotional abuse & the effects of doing soI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA

Many Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people--make a big statement on Valentine's Day (and, any other day they want to secure your full commitment.) LOVE-BOMBING, strangely, is yet another kind of emotional abuse. Why? Because it's mostly show and no go! In this episode, learn more about love-bombing, recognizing it, and not falling for it. SO important to be aware of what's really going on!Ever felt so special, so cherished one day, and in short order, felt so devalued, discounted, and dismissed? You may have been love-bombed. Ever felt so taken care of only to find that you were actually being taken advantage of? You may have been love-bombed. It's hard to admit.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What love-bombing isWhy love-bombing is emotional abuseSigns of love-bombingWhy narcissists and other Hijackals love-bombHow love-bombing affects youI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOL