Save Your Sanity: Help For Toxic Relationships

Do you allow yourself to acknowledge that you've been traumatized, or may have been? It's an essential beginning step for understanding why you feel a certain way, or have a particularly negative view of yourself. Emotional abuse can definitely create trauma within you. In this episode, you'll hear very specific information about trauma and how the body takes it in.When you are traumatized, you often have diminished ability to describe the feelings you have in words. You need to be able to do that to recover. Freezing and/or collapsing are ways to protect yourself by shutting down. You need to overcome the overwhelm of that. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:A definition of trauma and how it feelsWhy you simply stop talking about the trama to suppress itHow you find yourself outside of the community you need Why Hijackals--narcissistic and anti-social folks--need to isolate youI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory sess

You want to be a good person, a nice person. Your parents probably wanted that for you, too. Yet, you find yourself on the receiving end of emotional abuse, and you don't understand what you did wrong.Nothing, likely! Hijackals--narcissists, anti-socials, borderlines-histrionics--look for "nice" people who they hope will bend over backwards to do things for them. Especially, they are delighted by enablers who go the extra mile to allow the emotional abuse of Hijackals.No need to wonder about those dynamics as you'll soon see when you listen to this episode. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why caretaking is not always a positive thingHow you get trapped to continue caretaking a HijackalRecognizing enabling so you can stop doing itEscaping the trap of doing for emotional abusers what they can do for themselvesI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE: ht

You cannot get blood from a stone, and you cannot get emotional intimacy with a Hijackal. Yes, in the beginning of the relationship, they do a good job of imitating a person with whom you could develop that emotionally intimate connection that lasts a lifetime. No, they actually don't have either the capacity or the willingness to do it, though. Learn to recognize the clear signs of a person who will never let you close, or want to be close with you...because they are too emotionally immature. Sad. True. See these signs early in a relationship to prevent later pain.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What emotional maturity looks like in a relationshipWhy you cannot have emotional intimacy with an emotionally immature person11 ways emotional immaturity shows upWhy Hijackals cannot accept emotional intimacy but are comfortable with being emotional abusersI'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97FO

You can begin healing even while you're in an emotionally abusive situation, small steps and nano-seconds of healing. Understanding my phases of healing from emotional abuse encourages you to begin and continue the healing journey. Wherever you are--even if you have not started the journey yet, seeing there is a pathway can help.If you want to be emerging empowered from a past or present in which you experienced emotional abuse, you need this episode. Understanding the blueprint and anticipating the process is wise, and will make you much less susceptible to going back to a Hijackal of any stripe....even a Hijackal parent! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Healing begins with realizing that and how you have been woundedThe three phases of the healing from emotional abuse processWhy it takes longer to heal than you want it toClearly see the patterns and ready for a change? I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory sess

Too many times, you hope a Hijackal will be different. They may even promise to be, or seem to understand the need to change. But, it's just for a hot minute, right? These ten ways Hijackals generally behave are ones you need to believe will never change...no matter what is promised. Really!Hijackals and other narcissistic people are focused on meeting their own needs. Self-absorbed. Self-involved. Self-satisfyining. That's them. And, they want to control you and everything else they possibly can, especially in the home. Clearly see these patterns in them so that you'll recognize how frequently they occur. . HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognize how frequently these ten predictable behaviors show upDon't expect Hijackals to change. They almost never do.Narcissists & other Hijackals repeat these patterns to control you.Clearly see the patterns and ready for a change?  I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory

The Fawning Response creates a constant imbalance in a relationship. Hijackals love that! You're helping them control you, and you sure don't want to do that for a moment longer, right? Fawning happens when you attempt to avoid conflict and trauma by appeasing people and demonstrating or feigning interest to earn the approval of others. Sadly, it also causes you to deny your rights, interests, thoughts, feelings and to abandon what's healthy in adult relationships: equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. You may avoid conflict in the moment but you're also giving up too much. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognizing the fawning response 12 Ways fawning makes a Hijackal happyWhy narcissistic people want you to fawn...and then, make you wrong for it8 steps to take to stop the fawning response and reclaim your powerReady to take back your power and give up fawning?  I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session fo

When you deeply think about these eighteen reasons, you'll recognize eighteen things you can heal so you won't attract, or keep, an emotional abuser. It's a BIG step to recognize these because you are capable of changing...especially when you know exactly what and why to change. The Hijackal, the emotionally abusive person, will not change.You will...once you clearly see what' needs to change!Emotional abuse is something you get used to even while you're hating it. It needs to stop, right? In this episode, you'll recognize steps you can take to make that so, and feel good.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:18 reasons that Hijackals are drawn to people pleasersDefinition of people-pleasers & their traitsInsights into what you need to heal to say no to emotional abuseHow Hijackal parents set you up for Hijackal relationshipsNeed help to say no to emotional abuse?  I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for

The holidays bring out the worst in Hijackals. I'm sure you've noticed. Why does this happen? What do you need to be watching for? And, what do you do to? This episode can help you reclaim your power during the holidays. When you're living with, have left, or were raised by Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, self-centered people, you may dread the holidays. Hijackals are much more than attention-seekers. They are attention-demanders. That's why they hijack holidays, leading you to dread both them AND the holidays! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:10 ways Hijackals ruin holidaysWhy Hijackals--narcissistic people, anti-social people--think they MUST be in controlHow Hijackals play on your hopes, emotions, and expectations of the holidaysWhy you should take your own car to events...especially during the holidaysWere you abused? Are you being abused? Are you healing from abuse?. I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: In

Whether it is parents or partners that make you feel worthless, unwanted, and unappreciated, it leads to emotional abuse. It's important to recognize these basic truths about emotional abuse so they will not continue to damage your life. Hijackals and other emotional abusers don't want you to feel worthy, wanted, or welcome. That would make you their equal and they are having none of that. You've likely noticed that. Hijackals are always in competition with you...for no other reason than they live in morbid fear of being wrong or shamed. So, they learn tactics to control, manipulate, and rewrite history. I know it's difficult to actually say to yourself, "My partner (or parent) is emotionally abusive." You may feel embarrassed, or worse, you may feel unkind saying that about someone who is actually abusing you. That's why it's important to recognize emotional abuse, and call it what it is. Then, you can begin extricating yourself from it. Healthy parents want and welcome their children. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S

Sometimes, it's hard to see emotional abuse when it's happening. Sometimes, you were young and thought it was normal. What about now? Are you living in it, or suffering from the long-term effects of it? How do you know? Listen for answers to these questions.Emotional abuse can be hard to recognize in the beginning. Some people have difficult naming it, even after experiencing it for far too long. This episode will help you understand the underlying nature of living with emotional abuse. I offer the analogy between living with emotional abuse and having black mold in your house. Understanding those similarities can help you get a handle on the extent of emotional abuse you may have experienced, or be experiencing.Think of the effects of living with spreading mold in your basement or under your kitchen sink. You are unaware of it, yet it keeps on affecting you. Eventually, you find the cause. I hope this episode will help you pinpoint emotional abuse earlier, rather than later.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Sign

We all have things we fear, things we may not even be conscious of. Hijackals exploit your deepest root fears to manipulate and control. They make those fears worse and more real. Recognize these fears and how the Hijackal feeds them.Oxford Languages defines fear as "an unplesasant emotion caused by the believe someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." There are many roots to your fears: the places things grow from. When you were raised by, lived with, or left a Hijackal, you will have had your fears magnified by the experience, in most cases.Time to recognize these ten fears (there are many more) and how Hijackals prey on them to keep you scared, small, restricted, confined, and controlled. Nasty!Once you listen to this episode, you will be empowered to see how Hijackals use your fears and wounds to manipulate, control, and coerce you. With that knowledge, you can recognize the emotional abuse. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How Hijackals are attracted to people with woundsHow you

Everyone experiences trauma differently. Frequently, folks don't recognize or acknowledge their trauma, either. This episode will help you understand how you may--or may not--have processed trauma, and why you may be recreating it, too.You cannot separate the mind from the body. They are constantly interacting and informing one another. When you have experienced trauma, both your mind and body are affected. And, you may not have realized what happened to you.Dr. Gabor Mate said, "Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically that then interferes with your ability to grow and develop. It pains you and now you're acting out of pain. It induces fear and now you're acting out of fear. Trauma is not what happens to you, it's what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you."When you see that clearly, and you relate it to your experience, you can choose a healing and recovering journey. Vital to recognize if you'd like to change your life!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:The body/mind connectio

The energetics of relationships with Hijackals can shut you down emotionally, and even physically. Understanding what happens within yourself and why can help you thaw, move, and take action in your own best interests. You need to hear this to empower yourself and get unstuck! You are not powerless, although you may be feeling that way. You may be so worn down and torn down that you are overwhelmed by the negative energy that is always being sent your way.We are energetic beings. We need to be balancing the positive and negative energy, the heightened and depressed energy, and therefore, we need to recognize when we are receiving or feeling too much charge, or the opposite: feeling depleted and exhausted. And, we need to know what's causing it. In this episode, I talk about the energetic interchanges of relationships with Hijackal--narcissists and anti-social folks, too.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Energy exchanges can be damagingHow Hijackals are constantly sending "high charge: in your directionThe en

Knowing what healthy love is allows you to examine your own relationship more accurately. Don't settle for crumbs. Wait for the full meal.Did you see healthy love growing up? Did you experience it? Did you feel it?Did it make you feel safe and loved for who you were as you grew? If you didn't experience this when you were young, you may be settling for less than is healthy now. Find out today!Dr. Shaler's definition of "healthy love:""Healthy love has an equitable balance between autonomy and intimacy, demonstrates equality, reciprocity, and mutuality and operates with honesty, safety, trust, respect, and reliability. Then, it is a partnership, greater than the sum of its parts."Is this what you're experiencing in your primary romantic relationship? Make it your goal. Don't settle for less.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Where we get our contexts for healthy loveThe necessary balance between autonomy and intimacyA definition of healthy loveThe 3 must-haves of a healthy adult relationshipCreating healthy partner

Emotional abuse. Don't ignore, tolerate, or deny it. See it clearly for what it is, AND how it is affecting you daily. Do you feel putdown, degraded, or are your feelings dismissed and discounted? Is someone trying to control you and/or manipulate you? The whole idea behind emotionally abusing you is to tear you down and wear you down to a state of emotional exhaustion. In that state, the Hijackal thinks you will be too distraught to put up a fight or defense. (Of course, even if you were to put up a fight or defense, an emotional abuser sees that as an opportunity to threaten, or rage....or worse. You need to see these red flags clearly, and recognize that what you are being accused of has nothing to do with you. It is the way of the HijackalHIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What coercive control is (See more in this episode.)The many faces of controlWhy the Hijackal makes isolating you from support sound romantic and attractiveHow many ways are you being surveilled by a Hijackal, a narcissist?The sad ways Hija

Learn about the effects the "upside down parenting" of narcissists and other Hijackals can have on your adult life and relationships. Great insights to help you make positive changes, and life easier. First, though, you have to see it clearly to understand what really happened to you. Listen in to further understand the impact having a Hijackal parent makes. As a child, you have no experience and the inborn understanding that you need your parents to survive. With a Hijackal parent, things go sideways in the first two years of your life, and stay warped, slipped, and damaging throughout. IMPORTANT to recognize the facts in today's episode to better understand why you do, think, and feel as you do in your adult life and relationships.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What tractability isHow tractaiblity leads to the "upside down parenting"A main big difference between healthy and unhealthy parentingThree big issues Hijackal and other narcissistic parents create for youHow having emotionally unavailable parents aff

Hijackals are good at emotional blackmail. They are experts at the "Gotcha!" And, they constantly use it to their advantage. Learn more about the components of that blackmail and how to counteract them. Then, Hijackals fail to succeed at using it against you effectively!Learn what you can do to respond in empowering ways when narcissistic, borderline, or anti-social folks try to control you using emotional blackmail. This episode will help you understand how that emotional blackmail shows up, what its desired result is, and how to say no to it.Healthier people aren't looking to control you. They care what you want, think, feel, and need. Hijackals don't. So, you need strategies for working within yourself and with the Hijackal to stop the emotional blackmail.Emotional blackmail according to Dr. Susan Forward: "when people close to us threaten, directly or indirectly punish us, when we don't do what they want." Does that sound familiar? You can stop it. Listen in.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:The connection be

Yes, Hijackal's eyes are not the windows to their souls as much as windows into their fears and desires to control. It's real. You're not imagining it. You can feel safer with the insights in this episode.Research shows that humans notice faces first. Generally, that is what attracts us. Eyes tell you so much, if you interpret their messages accurately. When dealing with Hijackals--narcissistic, borderline, anti-social, and histrionic folks, you MUST get the messages clearly or you'll be damaged, emotionally, if not physically. That's why this episode is particularly important. Healthy people want to read healthier things into peoples' expressions. You must not do that when you're with Hijackals. You have to believe what is written on their faces or you will be in trouble. Misinterpreting the messages in their eyes can be dangerous. Not believing those messages? More dangerous. Rage eyes. Vacant eyes, Dead eyes, Black Eyes, Psychopathic Stares. Do you know the difference? Do you know what they indicate? Do yo

You may not know these terms but you know the undercutting feeling one produces, and the scramble the other does! Very important to recognize and say no to! Listen in.Hijackals--people with narcissistic, borderline, passive-aggressive, anti-social traits--play to win. Only to win. They cannot and will not tolerate blame or shame to touch them and they work hard at being two or three steps ahead of either of those at all times. This episode sheds light on two sad, and important, ways that they try to make you take responsibility for their deficits. As I said, sad! You may be familiar with projection. That's when the Hijackal projects their feelings or characteristics onto you, usually things they are afraid are true about themselves. Much more on that to hear. You may not be familiar with introjection. That;s when you unconsciously internalize and incorporate the characteristics, ideas and attitudes of other people into your own thoughts and behaviors, usualy to reduce your anxiety or fear of loss. Now, you ca

Hijackals--passive-aggressive. narcissistic. anti-social folks--thrive on tearing you down. Sometimes, it's a slow picking at you. Sometimes, it's a constant beratement. Either way, you need to stop it from getting into your head and under your skin. And, if it's already there, I'll help you get it out. Listen in.Hijackals--my word for people who hijack relationships for their own needs and purposes, and then relentlessly scavenge them for power, status, and control--feed on having power over you. It's what gets them up in the morning! Sad.Hijackals thrive on tearing you down, wearing you down, and putting you down. It feeds that need for control. SO, they will say anything to you that keeps you small and makes them feel big. Nasty!Whether the Hijackal you have in mind is your parent, sibling, partner, or adult child, subtly or crashingly crassly, they will find numerous ways to make you feel small, worthless, and insignificant. Does this sound familiar? Some of them only do it when fearful or stressed (that