Save Your Sanity: Help For Toxic Relationships

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor3 Empowering Responses to Backstabbers, Rhinos & Hijackals®Some days, it's very tempting to not go to work because of the people who are there, right? When backstabbing, bullying, malicious gossip, and all the antics of toxic people are present, you have even more incentive to stay home.Maybe, meetings take place surreptitiously, or are changed without adequate warning so that some people miss them is a way this shows up where you work. And, similar things happen at home when there are difficult, toxic people there, too.Oh, yes, and Hijackals® and Rhinos like to take credit for things they did little or nothing to achieve, too! Sound familiar? What do you do then? Listen to these empowering strategies for ideas on your next best steps.Bullies at work? Oh, yeah! They're there, and they wear you down and wear you out. You need these pro-active anti-bullying responses to feel safer around them...and more powe

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor14 Questions To Ask To Know If It's AbuseAs I mentioned in previous show notes, being in an abusive relationship--even minimally abusive--is a little like being part of that urban legend of cooking frogs: you don't notice the dysfunction and abuse because the heat is slowly turned up. And, then? You're cooked!Coming to a place of recognizing abuse when it presents itself is a long journey for most people. Why? Because most people are good, willing to accept and go the extra mile, compassionate, and kind. When abusive behavior shows up, they are understanding at first. That's when it starts going sideways! And, if it happened in your home when you were a child, you didn't see it coming!Yes, it is wise to wait and see the patterns, traits, and cycles to be clear that what you're experiencing is abusive. Many people can say one abusive thing, one time, in the heat of the moment. Abusive people do it WAY TOO FREQU

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorIs Your Hijackal® Partner Difficult, Or Actually Dangerous? Being with a Hijackal is a little like being part of that urban legend of cooking frogs: you don't notice the dysfunction and abuse because the heat is slowly turned up. And, then? You're cooked! You want to believe that a Hijackal can change. In fact, most people in relationship with these difficult, toxic people are good people who want to believe that if they love, understand, be patient, nurture, and stand by these folks, things will get better. The likelihood of that happening is slim to none. Sure, it may happen for a week or two, but it won't stick!So, you HAVE to recognize the difference between a difficult person, and a dangerous person. In this episode, I'm giving you six things that that you will have to do differently, and why that has to happen right now.If you see patterns of behavior that are ones intended to dominate, control, or alien

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor5 Telling Things People Say That Show Their Passive-Aggressive SidesWhen you experience passive-aggressive behavior from someone, it messes with your head. You question yourself. You second-guess yourself. It's crazy-making. A passive-aggressive behavior pattern in someone leaves you feeling confused, second-guessing yourself, and questioning your sanity. "Did I? Didn't I? I thought I did. I thought we agreed. Didn't we?" Sound familiar?You know about Hijackals® from my books and podcasts. One thing for sure is that all Hijackals are passive-aggressive, but not all passive-aggressive people are Hijackals. That's important to note, because passive-aggression may be the only truly annoying this about the person.Once you can put your finger on what's so annoying, you can set some boundaries, and communicate more clearly about what you need and want. That's important with a passive-aggressive person.(If you're won

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor8 STRONG STEPS TO HANDLE BULLIES AT WORK...AND, AT HOME. You feel bullied. You see others being bullied. It's not right! Perhaps, you shy away. You sometimes take a day off to get away from the toxic environment.You are ready to stop this nonsense, and today, I'm going to give you some solid steps, some strong steps, to understand the bully, and know what is in your power to do about it.If this is a workplace bully, you may think that the bully should be management's problem. True, however, management may not be doing anything about it. After all, they don't have to work with this person every day, right? You do. So, you need to do something, too.Bullies may or may not be Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic people I talk about here. It is possible that the bully is just a truly scared person who leads with their anger to avoid appearing weak. There are possibilities to consider.And, I've written a&

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor7 WARNING SIGNS AND WAKE-UP CALLS THAT YOUR PARTNER MAY BE MORE THAN SELFISH You excuse. You rationalize. You justify. And, repeat. You think that if you are more understanding, loving, compassionate, or giving then the demands will stop. Not if you're with a Hijackal®! That's why it's so important to know if that's the case.And, I've written a free ebook for you to find out. How To Spot A Hijackal. Get it HERE.Having someone in your life who demands to be the center of attention is exhausting. Even if you just give in and let them have the limelight, you cannot help but have some resentment brewing within, and that's exhausting.In today's episode, I'm talking about verbal signs. In fact, I've given you seven things that a MORE THAN SELFISH person will say often, or at least, seem to be saying--or behaving--all the time. And, you don't want to hear them. It makes you scream inside...if not outside, occasionall

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor4 SNEAKY SIGNS THAT MEAN LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP TROUBLESomething is wrong. It's off. It's sideways. You may not be able to put your finger on it, so let me help.You may be used to these things, and that's not a good thing! How did you get used to them? Maybe, a parent did them and you learned these ways so early on that, even though you hate it, you accept it.Time to change that. Once you really understand these four things, and TRULY ACCEPT that you cannot change them in the other person, then your life can improve by leaps and bounds. Yes, if you've been in the relationship for a long time, it might get nastier and messier for a while before it improves. Hijackals® don't like to be actually seen! They don't respond well to it.You know about Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic, disturbing--and often dangerous--people we talk about here on Save Your Sanity. These four things are almost in their DNA

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor12 THINGS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE ALWAYS DO, BUT DON'T OFTEN REALIZE. You want to be seen, know, loved, and valued. Of course, you do. Yet, you may be afraid to really enter into relationships. One way people think protects them from intimacy is to adopt passive-aggressive behaviors.You push people away with passive-aggressive behaviors, right when you're longing for them to come closer. The good news is that you can change. And, if the passive-aggressive behaviors belong to someone else, you can learn how to recognize what's going on and make some changes. That's what today's podcast is all about.You know about Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic, disturbing--and often dangerous--people we talk about here on Save Your Sanity. Well, all Hijackals are passive-aggressive, but not all passive-aggressive people are Hijackals. That's good news, because you might have been thinking otherwise.In today's

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorThere is something wrong, something off, in your relationship. You can feel it, and you may not be quite able to put words to it, to describe it to yourself even. Yet, you know it's not right!Good start! Go with your gut!Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic, disturbing--and often dangerous--people, have "tells." Those are the signs that you need to see as early as possible...even if that happens after you've been with them for ten years. Or, if you were born to them and only see it all now!In today's episode, I'll help you see how what you thought were the great traits of the person, are NOT what's real about them. Sad, right? You fell in love with Prince or Princess Charming, and now you've got the Prince or Princess of Darkness. So disappointing!If you're like most people whom Hijackals target, though, you'll do your very best to make excuses for their bad behavior, to rationalize and justify it.

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorDon't you just hate it when you feel manipulated? That's what happens far too often when you have a Hijackal in your life. And, you hope for better, but nothing really seems to change.Today, I'm talking about six subtle signs to watch for, signs that you are being manipulated. They're tricky to spot because...well...you're not a Hijackal! You don't think that way. So, they are important to know about.People who MUST manipulate do it because that's the only way they know to survive. Unfortunately, you are expected to accept it, settle for it, and allow it.In today's episode, I hope you'll see that you have the right--and the responsibility--to step up and speak up. You know, though, that that often leads to arguments, threats, and, far too often--the silent treatment. So, do the work I'm talking about in this episode first, within yourself.See these six signs. Then, notice what you can do to make it stop. Thes

Sometimes they are hard to see... they don't really look red, or they're not very big... But don't ignore them. This quick episode will identify major red flags you NEED to pay attention to.Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 \I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Support Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals

SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help DoctorToday. I talk about what happens if you're raised by a toxic, difficult person. What are some of the things that you might look at within yourself and:the way your life is goingthe way your relationships are goingthe way you feel about yourselfthe way you expand or contract in the worldThat might have its basis in being raised by a difficult toxic parent somewhere deep down inside yourself.You know you're not quite fine. You might say you are, but you know you're not and maybe you can't even put your finger on how you know you're not. So I wanted to offer some things today that might help you understand that. Deep down in there, there are some beliefs. I'm going to talk about five of them that you might just examined and see if they're true for you.This can help you understand what a horrible gift your Hijackal parent gave you.I created the term, Hijackals, for those people who hijack relationships for their o

When you considering divorcing a toxic person, or when you ARE divorcing a #Hijackal, and you have children, there are many considerations that might be important in other divorces.#Hijackals MUST win. They don't really want the children as much as they want to have control over whether or not you have them. And, of course, they want control over the children, too. People--you and the children, in particular--are what we call "supply" to Hijackals. You supply them with validation, attention, interest, and all other things each one needs to feel large and in charge.Whether you say you're leaving, or a Hijackal is discarding you, that #Hijackal still want to control the situation in every way possible.When you have children, there are very specific things that are different and MUST be considered.Aside from the co-parenting, there are other details its important to stay mindful and aware of when divorcing a Hijackal and you share children. Protecting your children's emotional and mental health needs to be top o

What You Need To Do For Your Kids When Co-Parenting With A Hijackal® Ex! A #Hijackal parent is not benign: s/he affects the way your children see themselves and think about themselves. The #Hijackal parent models behavior for children long before the child even has language. Your children have already seen too much, right?You've left, and removed yourself from the day-to-day influence of the Hijackal. Only problem with that is that your children have to go to the Hijackal's house and you have no idea what s/he is saying or doing to your kids!On top of that uncertainty, you have to uphold the condition that most divorces in the US contain: you promise to not speak badly of the other parent to the child. Most #Hijackals ignore that. Best if you don't, though.When the children tell you about what's going on at the other house, and how they feel about it, validate the children's feelings, and support them to view things in healthy ways.So much to learn about coparenting with a #narcissist or other kind of Hijacka

You parted ways with a toxic partner, a #Hijackal, maybe a narcissist.And, now s/he has come back, promising to be different and professing undying love?Or, you were discarded by a toxic partner.And, now you're lonely and hurting, and thinking that maybe it was all that bad?You're thinking of apologizing for nothing you did wrong because you're trauma-bonded.You know the answer is a flat-out "NO!" but I know that's not always easy to pull off.Today's episode gives you some quick tips to keep your clarity and stick with your original decision and stay alone.Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 \I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Support Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. 

Passive-aggressive behavior will drive you slowly round the bend!Foot-dragging, procrastinating, truth-evading behaviors! Crazy-making!Passive-aggressive people are often fearful of telling their truth the first time out. They will tell you what you want to hear in the moment, and then, when they don't follow through, they try and blame you for it. Crazy-making!I've written a few books on #passive aggression and I invite you to have a look here on my Amazon page:https://www.amazon.com/s?k=%22rhoberta+shaler%22&crid=2XI4F84XB7QS3&qid=1577601563&sprefix=human+design%2Caps%2C504&ref=sr_pg_1Want help from Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Support Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything C

#Hijackals, those relentlessly difficult, toxic people, want you to feel unsure of yourself. Keeping you on guard and off balance gives them a sense of power and control. I'm sure you don't want to give another person power and control over:who you arehow you arewhat you dowhat you thinkwhat you feelwhat you needwhat you wantand what you remember.Am I right? I'm sure I am. You're an adult and you deserve to be in a relationship that is equal, reciprocal, and mutual. Anything less than that is not healthy enough.Not only do #Hijackals make you second-guess yourself, they put you down, wear you down, and tear you down...until you say "No more!" Today's episode is a good start.Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/

Trust often seems impossible, but trust is absolutely necessary for a relationship to be successful.It's important to be able to calibrate your level of trust within a relationship consciously.Today, I'm using a example of how trust became a major issue in a mediation within a corporate team. Imagine how that translates into a love relationship.All the denial in the world cannot cover up the effects of a lack of trust.Are you able to trust yourself?Are you able to trust your partner? Are you even willing to trust your partner? How do you learn to trust. Listen in.Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Support Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. Dr. S

Is conflict something to be avoided? Are you uncomfortable around conflict?How do you know when to confront? Will you confront a difficulty head-on?What about when someone's behavior is crazy-making, or someone's behavior is confusing? What about when you're with a toxic person, when you're with a #Hijackal? Today's answer is to a question about setting boundaries with a person who is always blaming? #Hijackals make everything your fault. #Hijackals see you as prey. You're not. Good tips for knowing what to do and how to respond. Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.com Podcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctor #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #M

How do you learn to trust? How did you learn when you were young?Were you able to trust when young?Who did you trust? All the answers to those questions can be basic to how you trust others now. And, to your ability to trust yourself, too!If you've been with a difficult person, a toxic person, your ability to trust and your willingness to trust will need some attention. Today's BONUS episode is a start.Want to work with Dr. Shaler? Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comPodcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctor#trustyourself #trustothers #trustwhendating #howtotrust #whocanItrust#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisoci