Grits To Glitz

Can Bay get any more hick with the opening question? But seriously! Such a packed show! We talked about nasty HOA meetings and cute sea critters and trips to hilly cities and twisted ankles. We talked about dining in amazing places and Amy placed well in a basketball bracket thingie, woo hoo! How are Bay's new cats faring? Is she bullying them with terrible names? Maybe. You decide! Tell us the plural of hippopotamus! itaintlatin@gritstoglitz.com!   Prepare for an HOA meeting! Or just do a beehive hairdo! Cutest octopus video we've ever seen! Bring your lovah to the Welshly Arms hattub

We took a long break and then had too much to talk about! Amy took her exchange student to Disneyland! Bay adopted two kitties! Lots of chatting! Vocabulary Vixen drops by with a hint about when NOT to abbreviate shit! And who put this swim team report here? It belongs over there! Call us, y'all -- 44-222-96269!   Stay in a pretty vacation place with VRBO! Adopt black kitties! Or just adopt bonded pairs of kitties! You're so good, go directly to Disneyland! Get glittery mouse ears! [Full disclosure: Those are not Amy's glittery mouse ears. She is special and unique, and we can't find the exact same mouse ears!] Get old-fashioned fountain treats with Bay at Phoenix Pharmacy and Fountain! Go funkalicious shopping in Highland Park! Meet Amy and Hanne in San Francisco at... Wait, no, don't, that's a little stalkery, y'all. But wave at them for Hanne's spring break!

FODDER! Man, y'all's minds go right to the gutter -- and that's why we love you. Hey! We're back! Sorry about the long break, but we were sick. But it's all good now, because we're seeing drone shows and wearing Christmas frocks and exchanging Christmas presents and ... Wait a minute, did Amy even say what she got for Christmas? Doesn't matter; she gets to go to Ikea! Write to us and tell Bay how her son should decorate his dorm room! amy@gritstoglitz.com or bay@gritstoglitz.com!   Links: - Drones over Bellagio! - Festive holiday frocks modeled by beauteous Grits to Glitz hostesses! - Get mid mod chic Judy Lee vintage jewelry!

Amy got an exchange student! Bay visited Amy in Missouri! We ate a lot of food we liked! We drove a long way! Bay has PTSD because her boss moved the office from one place on Gay Street to another place on Gay Street! Do you like calendars and fun perfume? So Do Our Awesome Listeners! Please don't abandon us just because we almost podfade every October. Come to Bay's house for Thanksgiving at Christmas! That's an official invitation; RSVP as necessary to bay@gritstoglitz.com. Call us at 44-222-96269! Get yourself an exchange student! Cutest cabin in Pacific, MO St. Louis Art Museum I know what you did last night How to deal with a bad contractor

Amy has had a terrible couple of weeks -- like, seriously, suddenly she has Bay's karma. From a favorite little restaurant suddenly taking a terrible turn for the worse, to a massive -- MASSIVE -- leak under the patio, it's all just, "Ugh." Bay, in the meantime, has turned to a life of crime. She stole a parrot. Well, a cockatiel. Does it count if the victim had 3 weeks' notice while Bay said things like, "I'm going to steal that cockatiel"? (Vocabulary Vixen may need to help us define the word "steal.") Stuff like that happened! Worry with us! 44-222-96269!  NO, NO, NOT NOZOMI! The cave under Amy's patio     Martini & Rossi Asti Spumante! This is what St. Louis will look like in a couple of weeks, *plus* Amy & Bay! Write a scholarship essay! Feed a parrot!

We're fine. We hope you're fine. It's been a weird month, and then stupid stuff happened in Las Vegas. Like every thinking person, Bay and Amy bounce between being sad and being, well, a little angry about that. It's OK; we'll all hug our dogs and be better someday. Speaking of dogs -- Amy almost owns a dog! Is the adoption final now? No? How 'bout NOW? Amy is programming stuff in Las Vegas, and Bay answers the phone really well in Knoxville! Las Vegas commissioner's GoFundMe for victims Find a [possibly hungover] dog sitter at Rover.com! Adopt a needy Frenchy!

Oh, y'all, Amy needs help feeding people! Not really; she figured it out. (Grocery stores deliver now, y'all!) Seriously, though, this episode bolts from entertaining friends to doing good things for rescued French bulldogs, past Bay's culinary efforts and right through the good that buying two pocketbooks can do a mother, and up to and beyond burritos and cool TV shows like Project Runway. We're back into PR, y'all!!! Tim Gunn is our hero!!  Arf, arf! Aloha! Cute custom dog clothes by Deb! Two days to make a chicken thing? Best macaroni and cheese, EVER, Yankee Doodle! Entertain guests with cheese platters! Fly a DJI Spark drone and be the star of your own movie!

She ain't getting old! Dammit. Now, listen, we have a lot to talk about. There's Amy's startling new fashion obsession. There's a new Frenchie in our lives, and she snores. Bay's eclipse menu is more like a bridal shower, and we all want to go to St. Louis to see Amy's new foster dog. Finally, programmers, help Vocabulary Vixen out: How do you say the singular of "parentheses"???  Project Runway's Season 16 - Should we hate the twins? (Bay doesn't.) (Yet.) Amy likes house dresses, but doesn't wear 'em to Walmart. The horror of Ta Ta Towels! ALOHA!!!!! She snores. We die. Where are y'all parking for the Great American Eclipse of 2017? French Bulldog National Specialty's gonna be in St. Louis!

PAR-TAY!!!! Right? Well, right? Like, y'know, like people do in, like, Las Vegas? Where Amy lives? But this time, the lights are going to go out where Bay lives, the band of totality of the Great American Eclipse on August 21st! But Amy's still gonna party. With friends. Who drop by Las Vegas. Because it's a vacation destination. (Dammit!) We're fine, Amy's fine, Bruce is fine, and we love looking up old baby items because our mommy tried to kill us with the 1960's versions of "car seats," dammit! Speaking of Mommy Dearest - did we ever tell you how we shielded each other from her wrath? No? Well, then this episode is the one for you! Call us! 44-222-96269!   - Eclipse maps! - Genetic testing! - Key Largo resort! - Tenn Tech! - Chandelier Bar! - Stuff we sorta remember from our infant years!

Time for a Grits to Glitz trip report! Bay went to the mountains and stayed in Amy's cabin, and she has a lot to say about it. Wilderness! Wild animals! Stupid people! Tubing! Nice people! People with sticks! Torrential rain doesn't mix with onion rings! And for heaven's sake, if you say the car is unlocked, MAKE SURE THE DAMN CAR IS UNLOCKED!!! Other than that, we've got mini health reports (we're fine!) and we love The New Yorker's punctuation sexiness. Write to us! caffeineisawesome@gritstoglitz.com! Caffeine! Communion! Cubs! Tubes! (Couldn't come up with a C-word for tubing, sorry.) Commas!

Cars, cancer, kidney stones, cats, cosmetics, a cacaphony of cookery criticism, and tubing. One of these things is not like the others! Sigh. Such a typical Grits to Glitz kind of Independence Day! Call us -- 44-222-96269! Amy's Lincoln is so polite! Bay lusts for a totally different kind of car! It's not the c word; it's atypical ductal hyperplasia! Kidney stones can make you feel like you need to go! Lips By Amy! Cracker Barrel on steroids (especially the prices)! Whist, Stove & Spirits seems awfully nice! Toodle on a tube in Townsend, TN!

Yes! Bay and Amy are back, and all they can talk about is fostering stuff. (Although, really, they should concentrate on fomenting change.) Amy's got a strange dog in the house! Welcome, Bruce! Bay's buying what Amy's selling: Lipsense lipstick! Write to us at AmysGotABrandNewPup@gritstoglitz.com! French Bulldog Rescue Network Petfinder's Before You Foster Buy lipstick from Amy!

It's kind of a sad show, folks, because we had to say goodbye to Amy's French bulldog Lana. But it's also kind of a fun show, because then we talked about how Woodrow went to Las Vegas and Amy painted a picture and Bay remembered the recipe for Harvey Wallbangers. Grab a bottle of Galliano and join us! Leave us voice mail at 44-222-96269! DO NOT look at the adorable dogs who need homes from the French Bulldog Rescue Network! DO NOT buy retro liqueurs from tiny tots! Get real Galliano from real grown-ups. DO NOT skip Paint Nite if it means getting to drink'n'paint with Amy! DO NOT go to the Eiffel Tower Restaurant without Bay... EVER AGAIN!

How much worse is it that Bay *should* have had this thought for Episode 316?! This is an overdue episode and a weird one, since Amy's had wonderful Satyrsphere company, and Bay went to a commencement ceremony for a community college in a community that is, shall we say, somewhat Trumpy in flavor? And Amy has some sad news, but we're staying upbeat and hopeful! Then Bay gets all judgmental in the name of Vocabulary Vixen (but seriously, she will smack you), and Amy totally flirted with that cute tasteful guy at the David Sedaris concert. Write to us at John316YouHeathens@gritstoglitz.com!!!!     LInky party: Listen to the Satyrsphere! Learn at UNLV! Warble "Blue Moon of Kentucky"! Wish Lana luck and longevity! What hockeys in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas!    

What's wrong with this ice bucket?   Nothing! Nothing is wrong with Amy's ice bucket!!! But, my goodness, it took a while to get to that point. Do you love your refrigerator? Amy might need some recommendations... someday... Anyway! Bay's cat is still an attention whore, and the French Bulldog Rescue Network surely has devoted volunteers! Bay, despite being 17 years old, just celebrated a major anniversary. Amy's car needs washing almost as much as Bay's does, and we're obsessed with the S-town podcast. How 'bout you? Call us! 44-222-96269! How to fix an ice bucket! Emilia rustic Italian restaurant! Help the Frenchies by bidding on stuff! Pooch-friendly Crowne Plaza Knoxville! Wash your car! S-town podcast!

Amy and Bay are together in tiny Townsend, Tennessee, and It's A Real HOOT!!! Get it? Hoot? We heard hootie owls? GET IT? OK, yes, we may have been drinking at the time. We pulled a Harper Valley PTA at an HOA meeting, and then we went shopping for shoes, and we got pedicures, and we had lunch, and we rode an alpine coaster, and it was the best best-friends-and-booze bonanza in the boonies we could have ever asked for! If you go to Cades Cove, you must dine at the Burger Master. No excuses! Write to us and tell us your best hootie owl story. Bay@gritstoglitz.com or Amy@gritstoglitz.com or HarperValleyScandals@gritstoglitz.com!!! Crocs sandals aren't as ugly as the Crocs clogs! Seriously, China Glaze should give us free stuff as much as we shill for 'em: In Awe of Amber is gorgeous! Little cabin in the woods! (Amy's cabin is for rent, y'all!) Delicious drive-in dining at the Burger Master (meister burger...) Smoky Mountain Alpine Coaster is totally worth the time! Is this microblading thing a scary eyebro

Sugar, would you like some coffee? This week's show is super Southern, thanks to an email from a dear listener! Do you subscribe to any magazines? Let us know at 44-222-96269! Someone tell the Satyr that Bay needs remedial lessons, too, OK? Southern Living has a style section, y'all! Tell Trump to take a hike - subscribe to Vanity Fair! The B52's are awesome! World's first ATM! Cheetos tongue-coloring cheez balls from 2009! (Even they were orange, though!)

Oh, if only we could read calendars! Well, we're podcasters, not weathermen. The Vocabulary Vixen is back, and we like movies and protesting and voice mail and all kinds of stuff. Listen to podcasts! Write to us at TheOscarsAreRigged@gritstoglitz.com!!! The Allusionist podcast makes the Vocabulary Vixen very happy! "La La Land" had nifty dance homages! The Big Listen is a podcast about podcasts! Visit Anaheim like Amy! Join an Indivisible group and protest like Bay!

Cell phones pockets, tasty Triscuits growing in the yard, Shazam and smacking your Mama when she gets the song right -- how much more insane can this episode get? I'll tell you how much -- Barbra and Liza and data managers and nap technology, and some protesting and Vocabulary Vixen, and OMG, We Changed Our Theme Song?! Bay and Amy are off to a wild ride for a podcast this week. Call us to complain! 44-222-96-2-69!!! Lascivious Biddies rock our world! Buy a pocket book (or two)! Triscuits! (TM) [Hey, Nabisco, you wanna be a sponsor?] :D Data Manager is the best app! Babs + Neil = violent, violent Bay! Patton Oswalt makes Amy swoon! (Well, really, all of us, but Bay seems to be hogging the spotlight this week, so we're just going to say "Amy," but y'all know it's both Amy and Bay who are swooning - right?) Nap science! Bay went a-protesting!

Why weren't you in Vegas? All the cool kids were there! We're heavy on travelogue, light on notes this episode. We relive our giddy weekend and share with you the behind the scenes drama, the gambling and carousing exploits, the dining and dancing on tables...y'all do remember dancing on tables, right?