Simply Abundant Intuitive

Negative beliefs have a field day in your head, but they also creep out to your interactions with others, to you looking in the mirror and being judgmental and a plethora of other ways you rain on your own parade. WHY DO YOU NEED TO BE ANYONE ELSE? You are YOU…more feminine or more masculine—there is no right or wrong, but the truth is so many of you judge how you are supposed to be and then the sinking feeling when things do not go your way hits and you feel too much or not enough. Feeling not enough or too much in the moment stops you in the middle of a conversation, in the middle of anything and everything inside of your body. That heaviness, may have you immediately switch course to find a way to hide out, or it may have you say things out of fear of losing whatever attention you have on you….those feelings influence your choices when you are not okay with them. The judgment stick you use is what makes it hard to do the things you really want to do. And if it is a relationship, a job, money, socializati

When you’re a kid and your mom or dad reacted to you at times as though you had done something wrong, and you had not. You might have felt misunderstood or confused by their words or actions. In those moments, mom or dad were dealing with their own stuff and some of their frustration, anger, exhaustion, sadness, anxiety, etc was put on you. As an adult, do you still carry baggage leftover from your parents' choices? We are clueless as kids, we have no idea why mom or dad feel how they do and treat us how they do. They weren’t saying, “Hey, I am really frustrated by this problem at work and I am sorry I took it out on you.” Or maybe they ignored you, no matter how much you wanted their attention? And at other time they told you that you were too much, too difficult, or always doing something wrong. Whatever it was that created the idea that you were somehow responsible for how your parents felt, it was not a true observation, even if they said how they felt was all your fault. The truth is: Your parents proje

Robbie Kramer was popular in his small, private school growing up, but when he asked a girl out in 7th grade and got rejected, his confidence was crushed. It wasn’t until the end of his junior year of high school that he mustered up enough courage to try again. This time, it was successful and he continued his dating spree through college. After graduation, however, Robbie worked long hours at an investment bank and realized he didn’t know how to date in the traditional sense—when he wasn’t surrounded by college girls. This led him to study personal growth and attraction through books, workshops and mastermind groups. He discovered that attraction wasn’t just physical, and the act of attracting someone could be learned. Putting his new-found knowledge to the test, Robbie became the test subject in his own dating experiment. In 2006 he launched a blog that documented his crazy stories, growing his audience of men who wanted to crack the dating code themselves. In 2008, after losing his banking job, Robbie beca

You just poured your heart out to a friend or mate via text and got some annoying response like “sorry to hear that,” or no reply at all. What gives? Now on top of feeling vulnerable from what you just shared, you’re hurt, confused and angry. How dare they make you feel this way! Wait, how can someone MAKE you feel something? They can’t. No one reaches inside you and presses a button that causes your reaction. You feel this way because you’re attached to an outcome; perhaps you were expecting sympathy, validation, concern or something else from them. This is how insecure attachment works, folks. Wanting something from someone and not getting it can stir up anxiety and neediness, or it can cause you to shut down and run. Maybe both! The antidote? First, understand your intention. Second, speak your truth because truth isn’t attached to an outcome. It is a pure expression from your heart that expects nothing in return. That’s what we’re talking about in this episode because expectations like these are painful,

The hard truth about insecure attachment is that it doesn’t just affect your personal relationships. It affects every part of your life, including your career. Whether you’re struggling with boundaries at work or micromanaging your coworkers to feel validation, all your behaviors stem from fear. You’re afraid that your colleagues will see you as a failure, or they will criticize you. I’ve been in your shoes, and I let my insecurity affect my work life for a long time. Despite being promoted, managing others, I was a huge people-pleaser and perfectionist, despite winning sales awards, I never felt fulfilled. I would swing from one management extreme to the next, micromanaging and then letting them fend for themselves. I held so many negative feelings toward my work, as I was truly disconnected from it, but I stayed there because I was afraid. This insecure attachment is costing you opportunities, money, and happiness. If you’re ready to make a change and start taking action in your work, listen to today’s e

Your relationship with yourself is reflected in your relationships with others. If you didn’t receive much unconditional love as a kid, you do not know what it’s like to give yourself love and attention. And if you don’t give those to yourself, others won’t be able to give them to you because you teach people how to treat you. Disregard your own feelings and other people will follow your lead. You also can’t receive what doesn’t already exist inside you, so if you’re looking for someone to fill an internal void, it won’t work. You will continue to struggle with your relationships if you do not become emotionally available to yourself first. So how do you become more emotionally available to yourself? Start owning and valuing your own feelings. This will be uncomfortable because you’ve probably spent your life avoiding and/or discounting them. But if you don’t value your feelings, no one else will. You will continue looking for people who give you breadcrumbs of love and attention because it’s what’s familiar

Think about something in your life that you continually complain about. Maybe it’s a partner who won’t commit, or your inability to get past a first date. Do you feel defeated and/or concerned you can’t have what you want? As with many things, it boils down to a lack of self-worth. If you believed in yourself, you wouldn’t worry so much. By contrast, look at the things you don’t sweat. Maybe it’s constructive feedback at work or squabbles with a family member that happen over and over, but don’t get you down. Whatever it is, if it’s something you do well or aren’t afraid of losing, you’re usually not concerned about it. The areas where you DO get wrapped up in concern are what you want to pay attention to. In this podcast we’ll look at what you get hung up on, believing it’s elusive, and why. Awareness will help you stop the behavioral patterns that can lead to self-sabotage. Because you ARE capable of handing life, even when it doesn’t go the way you want.

Anxiety and insecure attachment often go hand-in-hand. I’ve thought about this a lot recently because my boyfriend has no real concept of anxiety and that horrible feeling I used to have that I might die. Why? Because he’s securely attached. It’s helped me see how far I’ve come in my own growth because I don’t suffer like I used to, but at the same time I realize how much anxiety played a role in my life, especially with the partners I chose. I used to pick men who had their own issues around insecure attachment, which reflected all of my insecurities and perpetuated this cycle of unease. Healthy relationships based in secure attachment are NOT characterized this way, but I didn’t have a clue; I thought my relationship experiences were perfectly normal. If you’re not honest with yourself about who you’re choosing and why, you’ll keep focusing on people who reflect your own insecurities, increase your anxiety and aren’t available for emotional support. When in an anxious state, you don’t make choices based on

Having trouble detaching from a toxic relationship that is over because you swear he or she was your best friend? You try “no contact” and focus on yourself, which is great until you hear from them and lose all the ground you gained. You get sucked back into the hope that he or she has become the person you believed they could be, you know the best friend you imagined them to be plus more (lover, partner, et al). You hold onto fantasies and expectations about the day they will finally wake up and get it. Does that happen? No, but you aren’t able to detach. It’s hard to commit to your own well-being when you can’t let go. No matter how many times this person has hurt you, you may still feel this “best friend” connection to them, which is a painful place to live; especially if they have moved on and are in a relationship with someone else. Don’t fight against your feelings—they are real and should be acknowledged—but look at what is actually happening. The more you see what’s true, the more clarity you’ll have

As a kid, Polly wanted to be anyone other than herself. She felt like a weird kid and was uncomfortable in her own skin. Growing up in a tumultuous household with an aggressive and violent stepfather, Polly learned early on to tune into nonverbal cues, something that has served her well as a coach. As she got older, she naturally gravitated toward relationships with men who treated her poorly. Because of her low self-esteem, she put up with cheaters. She thought that’s what she deserved even though it broke her every time. Later she realized she let others treat her badly because she didn’t have a loving relationship with herself. “The level of empathy you have for other people directly correlates with the level of empathy you have for yourself.” Join me for some straight talk with Polly about how our experiences “code” us, how we reflect our intolerance onto others, how a picture of yourself as a child can be a powerful healing tool and much more. She’ll share a big wakeup call she had 11 years AFTER she s

Imagine what it would be like not to beat yourself up all the time, or to stop shaming yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. What would it be like to tell your inner critic to shut up, and instead make choices that feel good to you? I’ll tell you what it would feel like: it would be fabulous. I know this because that’s where I live now… although I used to have a very different address. I used to think my best life hinged on my partner. If things were great with him, my life would be peachy. Well, that’s not called fabulous; that’s called attachment. If you are making (bad) decisions because of the person you’re attached to, you are not living your best life. Those decisions come from fear of losing the relationship, not from love. They come from scarcity, not abundance. When you stay in attachment, your world becomes very small. In this week’s podcast I’ll help you identify what you actually want and start making decisions that feel good. Because you deserve fabulous!

When insecurely attached to someone, you probably react to them in one of three ways (depending on your mood or day of the week): wanting to run away screaming, clinging like a piece of moss or numbing yourself so you don’t feel much of anything. This back-and-forth can make you feel crazy and out of control, like you are trying to cut an invisible cord between you and the other person. But you can’t cut it and you are stuck in struggle. Perhaps your partner says he/she will commit, but never does, so you keep looking externally for answers. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work and just perpetuates the struggle. Instead of fighting the anxiety and frustration of your current situation, stop. Struggle is a choice, so give yourself permission to be right where you are. You can continue going in circles or you can surrender to where you are right now and accept all of your feelings around it. It’s ok to feel stuck, it’s ok to feel frustrated, it’s ok to feel crazy. Allow all of it, then be curious about what you ca

You can picture it: that special someone loving you, supporting you, giving to you, doing things for you. You have a vision for how your life will be when that person is in it (and it’s a lot better than your life is now!). If it doesn’t happen, you imagine yourself crumbling into a million pieces. It HAS to happen. This can be a desperate feeling full of shame, believing if you don’t find that person, it means you’re worthless. You need them to love you so YOU can love you. But, my friends, that’s backwards. First you must focus on loving yourself. That’s not always easy, especially if your parents didn’t know how to show you love and affection. In this week’s podcast we’ll use a journaling exercise to explore the emptiness you feel, and what it would be like to have someone love you so you can start directing those things toward yourself. You can choose to live in a fantasy of what being loved would be like, or you can take steps toward creating it. Reality is available to you, and it’s so much better than

Petia grew up in the Czech Republic, and from an early age, she was a people pleaser. She learned from her abusive stepdad that everything had to be perfect. Petia washed dishes and cleaned the house while her little brother watched TV, yet her deepest desire was to be loved. Not getting the love she wanted, Petia developed an eating disorder at age 11 which she struggled with for two decades. At 18 she ran away from home and even attempted suicide. Gravitating toward what she knew, her relationships were often with abusive men who cheated on her. She went through life believing something was wrong with her, yet a deeper feeling tugged at her, telling her there was more. With the help of a mentor, Petia identified her core values and realized that her choices in life actually went against those values. She also saw how she lost herself in relationships, catering to her partner’s needs while ignoring her own. Join me for a lively conversation with Petia where we talk about self-love, surrender, manifesting (w

You find out your partner is cheating the same day your bathroom floods. Then you call your friend on the way to the hardware store and get rear ended. We’ve all had days like that (ok, maybe not exactly like that!), but those days or series of days where the world feels like it’s conspiring against you. And of course, the first question you ask is WHY? What did you do to deserve this? It feels like your life is falling apart before your eyes. We like to believe that if we’re good girls and boys, life will go our way. Unfortunately, that’s not how things work. Sometimes the s**t hits the fan. Not because you’re bad, but because life does life. I have been challenged with this lately with my husband in the hospital. I can control my thoughts, my actions, my feelings and my words, but I can’t control life. I can’t pick and choose the outcomes I want. In this week’s episode we’ll talk about that desire for control and letting go of it. How to look at what you’re holding onto and why. How to be emotionally prese

You have probably heard some version of “what you think, you create.” Meaning your thoughts create your reality. If your love life feels like a train wreck (or any part of your life, really), this can be a scary idea. Are you creating the situation you don’t want by ruminating on negative thoughts? By constantly thinking there are no “good ones” out there, are you actually making it true? Well… yes and no. Thoughts play a role, but they are not the only factor. Trying to simply stop the thoughts or replace them with positive affirmations doesn’t make them go away. It runs much deeper than that. In this week’s podcast we’ll talk about everything that exists between thoughts and actions, and where to focus if you want to change your situation. Believing your reality is only caused by your thoughts is limiting and untrue. If you want to change what isn’t working, you need to look at your emotions, beliefs, motivation, words and actions that stem from your thoughts. The good news is if you do this, you absolutel

Did you grow up feeling you were too much, not enough, too nice, too cold, too sensitive, too shy, too annoying, too inquisitive or too ANYTHING? Basically, instead of being loved for your whole self, did you feel like you were simply tolerated? Maybe you wondered, throughout your life, if people even liked being around you because those too much/not enough beliefs were always with you. So, to move from tolerance to love, you worked hard to prove yourself worthy of someone else’s company. And did those people (intimate partners, friends, family members, etc.) treasure you for the wonderful human you are? Probably not. Why? Because you didn’t treasure you. Self-love isn’t simply about spa visits, eating healthy, working out or treating yourself to a new outfit. It is attention, connection and awareness to yourself. And you cultivate it by slowing down, feeling your feelings and choosing what makes you happy. When you love yourself, you have compassion for who you are, what you are and why you are. And that is

What do you want from me? What do you need from me? How can I make your life easier (while draining myself)? If these questions, or some version of them, come out of your mouth frequently, your value probably comes from what you do, not who you are. Throw insecure attachment into the mix and you can become over-the-top nutty in what you’ll do to receive validation that you’re okay. And that need can feel like trudging uphill backwards, especially if it seems like someone always gets more than you. Like there are only so many pieces of validation pie and you have to fight for your slice. But what if you didn’t have to perform like a circus seal, and could feel valued simply for breathing? How weird would THAT be? In this week’s episode we’ll explore why you overperform and when it started (yep, probably childhood). Where did that urge to be “extra” come from, and when did it become your default setting? Then I’ll challenge you NOT to perform and sit with those feelings. Patterns are hard to break because the

Are you in a relationship or dating someone who’s more robot than human; someone who intellectualizes everything and doesn’t show any warmth? Or what about someone who makes big promises all the time and never, ever follows through? Or maybe you’re with someone who appears and disappears without warning, pretending it’s normal, making you think YOU are the crazy one? These are signs of an Avoidant relationship. If you find yourself in one, you have to ask yourself… why are you there? Is it because you mistake those butterfly feelings for real love? Those feelings actually stem from a fear of abandonment. You’re trying to get the other person to cooperate with you and see your value, fearing they will leave you at any moment. It’s chemistry mixed with anxiety. There is also zero consistency in these relationships. So if you’re in a situation like this, realize it’s not healthy and look at how you got here. You made the choice to be with an Avoidant… which means you are also an Avoidant. Or an Anxious Avoidant

Are you living with secrets? Maybe you're hiding your shopping receipts from your husband, or maybe you're leaving out parts of your stories because you fear the repercussions. In some cases, you might not even be aware that you're withholding information from your significant other. All these secrets stem from one ultimate truth: you're afraid of change. You can't be 100% committed to someone if you're still hiding parts of your life. Keeping secrets may save you from ever having to change, but it also keeps you from experiencing a happy, healthy relationship. If you're ready to be courageous and leave secrets behind, listen to today's podcast episode.