Simply Abundant Intuitive

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Sarah Prout, co-founder of the Manifesting Academy and host of the Journey to Manifesting podcast. Sarah was the victim of domestic violence in her 20s, but it was actually her husband’s destruction of her clothes and other possessions—not his physical abuse—that led her to finally call the police. Once on her own, she and her two children lived below the poverty line. Sarah, however, found gratitude in every blessing, from putting dinner on the table to having a pillow to sleep on. Gratitude through adversity allowed the next steps of her life to unfold. While on welfare, she built a community online organically and learned about the power of abundance… something you can have without a penny to your name. Now she combines abundance with manifesting to help millions of others create magic in their lives. Sarah believes that you manifest through your connection to The Universe and empowering your emotions. Learn more about her

When you’re in pain, do you feel like no one cares? If you didn’t receive emotional support as a kid, you probably grew up believing your feelings didn’t matter, yet you desperately wanted them acknowledged. On the flip side, you probably go to great lengths to cater to other people’s feelings because you have learned theirs matter more than yours. Being caught in this cycle of validating other people’s pain while talking yourself out of your own is a sucky place to live. Let’s say your mom never calls, yet expects you to call, visit, etc. You’re hurt because her feelings and desires always take priority over yours. And if you bring it up, she gets defensive, putting it back on you. You learn to keep quiet and may actually feel guilt around expressing your feelings. Putting the responsibility on someone else to validate how you feel is a powerless position to be in. YOU have to decide your feelings matter, and that they aren’t any less important than someone else’s. Your pain is real and having it doesn’t ma

Blaming others is a way of avoiding responsibility, but what if YOU are the one who is blamed? And what if you’re blamed for something you didn’t do? If you were blamed a lot as a kid by your parents, siblings, friends, etc., it is probably a trigger for you as an adult. Maybe you feel like you have a magnet inside, attracting situations where you end up as the fall guy for stuff you didn’t do. Those magnets are often negative beliefs like “I am bad,” or “I am wrong,” or “I deserve misfortune.” It can also lead to overcompensation where you rescue others and people-please to prove you really are a good person. Maybe you’re blamed for dropping the ball on a project when it was someone else’s responsibility. You get yelled at for something your co-worker said he/she would do, but didn’t. You bend over backwards trying to fix things, even though it’s not your problem to fix, because you feel awful and want to avoid further blame. Maybe your negative beliefs even convince you it IS your fault. If you’re blamed f

You may think boundaries are set for the benefit of others, and get angry when they aren’t followed. But you probably go against your own boundaries all the time without realizing it. People take their cues from how you treat yourself, so if you’re upset about putting in extra effort despite expressing your need for help and you keep doing it, look at how you continue to pick up the slack. If your partner is constantly making plans with you at the last minute, despite you asking him/her to plan ahead, you have to ask why you stay in a relationship with yourself where you are disrespecting you which is then reflected in this relationship where you don’t feel like a priority. Even if you yell at them or punish them for their unacceptable behavior, you’re still allowing it to happen, because you are not respecting you. Boundaries are not the responsibility of others, they are yours. If your boundaries aren’t being respected, look at whether YOU are respecting them. Telling someone what you want or what is accep

“Are you doing what you love?” is not a simple question, nor is it a magical road without potholes. People complain all the time about being unhappy in their job or relationship, yet do nothing about it. Complaining is easy; action is very uncomfortable. If you don’t believe in yourself you may be waiting for someone to tell you that you’re good enough, or to give you permission to jump. Playing the waiting game is fear-based. Do you want to live from a place of fear or a place of love? If you don’t want the same life, you have to do something different. There is no other way. Fear and negative beliefs hold you back much more than any external factor, so once you identify your internal obstacles, you can work though them. Otherwise you’ll be talking about the same dream to the same friends who secretly roll their eyes at you. They want to be supportive, but they are tired of hearing what you want, and then watching you do nothing to have it. Taking action is hard, so start small. What do you enjoy that you’r

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Guy Finley, bestselling author of more than 45 books and founder of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit Center for Spiritual Discovery. Guy wasn’t raised in an environment that encouraged his precocious existential questions like "Why are we here?" He grew up in a show business family where wealth and success confused him because the adults around him seemed so afraid and angry. At age 17 Guy received a football scholarship to USC. It was an extraordinary achievement for a junior, but he lost that scholarship when a tackle left one of his legs paralyzed from the knee down. Guy sunk deep into his own pain, wondering who we was without a football scholarship. It wasn’t until a friend pointed out that all he did was talk about himself that Guy realized how egocentric he had become. That conversation was a turning point, leading him on a journey to explore our dysfunctional and denying nature. He believes pain is not to be

People cherry pick conversations because they want to avoid the elephant in the room. If someone brings up a topic you’re trying to steer clear of, you may get defensive or change the subject. It’s classic Avoidant behavior and it often comes from wanting to project a certain façade. If you want to look like the perfect parent, for example, you probably won’t ask your kids questions that would elicit answers to the contrary, like times when you disappointed them. You fear judgment from others, but it’s really the judge in your head that’s causing you to deflect and avoid. This can happen in relationships when there is a question about “where things are headed.” You don’t want to ask because you’re afraid of the answer, so you avoid the topic all together and pretend everything is great. You think you are avoiding pain, but you are trading that for a lifetime of heavy feelings like anxiety, guilt and shame. Avoiding what you don’t want to hear doesn’t make your desired reality true. To shoo the elephant away,

Most people don’t like confrontation, avoiding it like the plague. It’s a way of hiding out. It’s also a stressful way to live because it creates a lot of internal and external drama. You may be afraid that someone will get mad at you, judge you or even leave you. It’s easier to keep quiet than to speak up and deal with any potential consequence, right? Better to have everyone think you’re this great, easy-going person. You don’t want to be known as a pot stirrer or bad guy. Who want’s that around? By not having difficult conversations, however, you actually create the drama, guilt and anxiety you are trying to avoid. Those emotions are heavy and you end up carrying them with you. Confrontation is uncomfortable because you’re afraid of what may happen. You want to control how other people feel about you… but you can’t. Trying to keep the peace or make other people happy comes at the expense of your own well-being. You pay a hefty price for going along to get along. Are you sure it’s worth it?

Are you stuck in a state of limbo, waiting for something to change? Maybe you’re in a dysfunctional relationship, hoping your partner will make a decision for the both of you. You’re physically present, but don’t look at why you are choosing to stay while doing nothing to improve things. Let’s say you’re married and resent your spouse for not communicating, never wanting to do anything fun, etc. But you don’t leave… and you also don’t work on the relationship. You exist in this half in/half out state, never addressing your fear around choosing to leave or emotionally committing to the relationship. Maybe you don’t want to make a wrong choice, or you feel lost and confused, but not making a choice about your relationship is actually a choice. Limbo-land creates its own drama and it can keep you stuck for a very long time, waiting for a sign that never comes. If you find yourself occupying this middle ground, look at your fear around making a decision. What are you avoiding by staying where you are? How does i

As a partner, friend or parent you can always share your opinion and suggest what you would do in their situation, but you can never truly force them to do something. It’s ultimately their choice. Even with the parent/child relationship where you do have some control over their actions, you can’t crawl inside their head and change what they believe. You can hope they eventually see your wisdom, but whether or not that happens is up to them. A person’s mind can only be changed if they do it themselves. In some cases, there might be an opening, so encouragement can give them confidence to take action, but the choice is still theirs. When you force someone’s hand, even if your intentions are good, you run the risk of pushing that person away and creating emotional distance. You can make your kids to go to church or to a different school, but you can’t make them love it. In fact, you can sometimes do the opposite by creating resentment. If you find yourself in this situation, come from a place of sharing your ex

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment,” I talk with coach, speaker and creator of Her Bold Voice, Kim Boudreau Smith. Growing up Kim learned to be seen and not heard. She became a corporate “yes” woman, living her life based on how other people thought she should live it. This contributed to low self-esteem, perfectionism, excessive exercising and an anxiety disorder. Then at the age of 48, an exhausted Kim fell asleep at a stoplight in broad daylight. This “wake-up” call forced her to look at why she was so unfulfilled and ungrateful for what she had. She was afraid that if she didn’t start opening up and getting honest with herself, she might not see her 50th birthday. One source of shame Kim confronted was her education, so at the age of 50 she got her high school diploma, followed by her Associates Degree and coaching certification. She learned how to have a relationship with her inner critic (who she calls the hag in the attic), acknowledging her presence but not lettin

Have you ever gotten to the point in a relationship where you can’t stand things anymore? Maybe it’s a past relationship—or something you’re going through right now. No matter what you do or how much effort you put in, nothing changes, yet you hope your situation will improve or your partner will suddenly wake up. When you’re in an attached relationship you often have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be, so eventually you decide you’re done. It’s an intellectual decision because you think the problem lies with your partner, yet you still have an emotional attachment. You’re done, but you’re not DONE. When you end a relationship prematurely, you continue to suffer. You think ending it will solve everything and things will be different when you’re apart. The next relationship will be better… only it isn’t because you are still the same person. You find yourself in another unhappy relationship that you end up leaving because you never worked through your issues. When you start tak

Do you feel restless in some area of your life? Maybe you’re avoiding something. And instead of focusing on what you’re avoiding, you direct your attention toward some bright shiny object you believe is the answer. All your effort is put in that direction—you’ve figured it out! But as you eventually discover, it’s not the answer you thought it was. That’s because you’re solving the wrong problem, and the longer you chase this bright shiny object, the longer you avoid what’s really going on. Let’s say you and your partner are both checked out of your relationship, but instead of talking openly about how you’re feeling, you talk about moving. If you moved into a bigger house, farther away from the hustle and bustle, everything would be better. That extra space would lead to fewer arguments. You’d justify your move to friends: lots of parks nearby! Even if you have never mentioned parks being important to you before, you dig your heels in. Yep, moving is the answer to your relationship woes and you can’t wait u

Depending on someone else for your emotional needs is a powerless position… but being a servant to someone else’s needs is just as powerless. I’m not talking about being supportive or caring, both of which are important in a healthy relationship. I’m talking about assuming the responsibility of someone else’s emotional well-being, and vice versa. The problem is that even if it makes them feel good in the moment, it won’t last because you can’t make up for what they don’t provide for themselves. If you don’t feel like a priority in your relationship, believing everything and everyone else comes before you, you probably build up resentment because your needs aren’t being fulfilled. Maybe one night he/she makes dinner to show that you’re special, which feels great in the moment, but the next day things go back to normal. Your remain in this unhappy place because you are relying on your partner to make you feel important instead of looking at where you don’t make yourself (or your feelings) a priority. When you

Shame is a universal emotion, but it is based on our own personal stories. Long ago you developed stories of right and wrong; good and evil. You then used those stories to direct your behavior. If you acted “wrongly” according to your story, shame likely resulted. Because shame is painful, you avoid it or blame someone else for how you feel. Shame may stop you from taking action because of anticipated failure. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s your story about right and wrong that triggers your individual shame. When you’re able to recognize shame as a product of your story rather than a universal right or wrong, it becomes easier to break apart. Let’s say a friend told you a secret about someone, but later you learned that friend told a bunch of other people… so you figured it wasn’t really a secret. As a result, you told someone else in your friend group, but when it got back to the person who told you, she got really upset. Everyone turned against you, so you felt shame based on your story that you’re a b

Avoidants avoid—that’s what they do! And when they try to avoid pain, they remain stuck in a state of struggle (although they don’t know they’re in struggle). If you are an avoidant, your emotions are often left unbothered and undisturbed. You may go through life believing you’re happy because you have numbed the pain. But if a crisis hits and your emotions are out of control, you compartmentalize them, hoping someday you’ll feel better. You probably isolate yourself or shut down and avoid vulnerability in an attempt to protect yourself from pain. On the surface you look like you have everything together, but inside you’re filled with anxiety from trying to avoid your pain. If you’re the kind of person who bends over backward for a family member, yet gets frustrated because that person always complains, you may be avoiding a deeper pain. Maybe you don’t like to be criticized or do things wrong… but you don’t know that about yourself because you don’t allow yourself to “go there.” Instead, you bury those feel

Patterns are like bad habits: very hard to break. This is because they are old, usually developed in childhood as a means of emotionally adapting to situations. They are based on negative beliefs like I’m not good enough, I’m unlovable, I will never amount to anything, etc. Over time these repetitive thoughts and behaviors run on autopilot, making them even tougher to spot. Patterns are also familiar, providing a sense of safety… even if they lead to what you don’t want. Breaking a pattern means opening yourself up to the unknown, which is frightening. The great thing about patterns, however, is they CAN be changed once you become aware of them. If you tried to be perfect as a kid, careful never to make a mistake for fear of being punished, you will carry that perfectionism into adulthood, thinking you always need to do better than everyone else. You may think other people are the problem because you do things right and they do things wrong. Even if you become aware of this and try to stop, it can feel impos

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment,” I talk with entrepreneur, leader and YouTube influencer, Evan Carmichael. Evan’s darkest moment came at the ripe old age of 19. He was working his butt off at a software start-up making $300/week, frustrated by their lack of success and the same cheap bean salad lunch every day. After nine months of grinding without success, Evan called his business partner and quit. When he hung up the phone, he cried harder than he ever remembers crying. He had never identified as a quitter, yet there he was… quitting. The next morning Evan realized the pain of regret would be worse than the pain he was in, so he went back to his business partner who let him back in. Future regret is what fueled Evan forward, but he knew he needed a new path. Instead of reinventing the wheel, he took a page out of Bill Gate’s playbook and landed a $13,000 partnership deal three weeks later. With a model that could be replicated, he and his partner grew their software

I was a control freak most of my life, keeping everything tightly held. But as I have learned may times over… control is an illusion. If you aren’t happy with your situation, it’s not about the outside; it’s about the inside. Trying to control people or situations serves as a distraction from the lack you feel inside: lack of attention, value, importance, love, etc. Those feelings are painful, so you go into overdrive to prove you’re a good person worthy of love, value and attention. You need that external validation because you don’t feel it inside. Control manifests in work and relationships. Maybe you are bad at delegation because you’re afraid something won’t get done the way you want. Or you try to control other people’s perception of you by being a workaholic so they say, “Wow, so-and-so is always working late. What a dedicated team player!” But controlling how other people see you is an illusion, and it will keep you running in circles. If you find yourself wanting to control something, ask yourself w

You’ve heard there are two sides to every story. Actually, there are as many sides as there are people involved because stories are based on perspectives. When you build a case against someone, believing you are right and they are wrong, you are sticking to your story (i.e. your version of reality). It’s all subjective, however, and your story becomes an illusion. When you cling to it, possibilities are restricted because everything needs to fit into what you believe is true. Your stories color everything, so understanding when your actions are based on a story is very important. If you want a partner who fits into the story of how you want your life to be, you’ll look for that person through tunnel vision. Maybe you envision your home together, and how you want it decorated. You see that person accommodating you in every way. Then one day, your partner asserts him or herself and stops going along with the program. You’re completely thrown because they no longer support what you envisioned. You’re then left