Simply Abundant Intuitive

Ever notice how quick you are to say, “I don’t like X” or “I can’t stand it when people…”? Whether the subject is food or a person’s behavior or how something looks, you probably respond negatively on autopilot. This can be as simple as calling someone an a-hole for cutting you off on the freeway or as damaging as dismissing someone outright because you disagree with something they believe. Hate begets hate so the more you try to banish those unsavory people or situations from your life, the more they crop up. A hater mentality also allows you to remain in your comfort zone, avoiding what you fear. It leaves you disconnected from yourself because all of your focus is on what you don’t like or disapprove of. It robs you of your own wellbeing. Instead, what if you were to be curious about what you don’t like and why? What if you put proverbial duct tape over your mouth whenever you felt like vocalizing your dislike for someone or something? When you acknowledge you can’t control what is outside of you, you are

This podcast was inspired by an email from a listener. After getting out of a toxic relationship, she noticed her knee-jerk reaction of throwing up emotional walls when someone expressed interest in her. As someone who wants a healthy, committed relationship, she knows she needs to work through her fear, dismantle those walls and let people in… but how? Walls go up when your head takes control and runs amok with fear-based stories. For me, this happened when comparing my dates to someone I was still hooked on, or to an on-again-off-again relationship. Basically, I compared them to what was familiar: my unhealthy insecurely attached relationships. My walls also went up when someone appeared too available because I would look into the future and imagine being stuck in a relationship I wasn’t sure I wanted. When toxic relationships are what you know, healthy ones feel foreign. Fear leads every step you take, making it almost impossible to let someone in. Breaking down those walls comes from surrendering to you

If you stopped for a moment and asked yourself about the unrest you feel about a mistake. What would you hear in your head? Could it be something like: "I cannot and will not take the responsibility for having made a mistake, misjudged someone, upset someone or anything else which could make me in trouble with myself." Add to that in trouble with anyone ever. The thought of responsibility feels like a loss of control, as though you are nothing. Now, this is a "feeling" not necessarily reality. But when I look back at the feeling, it could feel like a black hole I was falling into. Something else I would obsess about in terms of "mistakes" is in a situation when I used to think someone else "thinks I did something wrong," because I always tried to do the right thing. It is something that haunted me from childhood forward. I would ruminate for hours about how I should have done it differently so as to avoid trouble. But to say I did something out loud, as though I am responsible? No way. If you find yourself

When insecurely attached to someone, you probably react to them in one of three ways (depending on your mood or day of the week): wanting to run away screaming, clinging like a piece of moss or numbing yourself so you don’t feel much of anything. This back-and-forth can make you feel crazy and out of control, like you are trying to cut an invisible cord between you and the other person. But you can’t cut it and you are stuck in struggle. Perhaps your partner says he/she will commit, but never does, so you keep looking externally for answers. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work and just perpetuates the struggle. Instead of fighting the anxiety and frustration of your current situation, stop. Struggle is a choice, so give yourself permission to be right where you are. You can continue going in circles or you can surrender to where you are right now and accept all of your feelings around it. It’s ok to feel stuck, it’s ok to feel frustrated, it’s ok to feel crazy. Allow all of it, then be curious about what you ca

You may walk around with the fear of being called out or criticized. You want to be seen how you think you are, it's a lot of work to try and control what you cannot. It's as though you are constantly playing Monopoly, making it a mission to buy all the properties and negotiate for what you need. So tiring when your life is this way too. Self-protective and self-absorbed--I need to take care of me, me, me through working on my image, so I cannot be faulted. Ugh. Self-absorption—everything outside of me is about me—its how I define myself. I assume and I personalize, so that I am above anyone thinking I have done wrong. I need to stay one step ahead. Even if this seems unfamiliar to you, as in you do not see yourself operating this way (but maybe you see it a teeny bit--that's okay--listen in), do you know anyone like this? You cannot handle for anyone to think poorly of you. This is what it looks like when you are looking for others to help you to feel whole, because you do not feel that way just being you.

Most insecurely attached people have an identity crisis going on that either they are aware of or completely checked out of. Many identify as introverts that are avoidants or anxious avoidants, but really they are isolationists. The clock says 5 and they are looking for the sanctity of their home. Sometimes being the isolationist lets them come out and play for a bit in a group—but do not get too close and do not bring them drama, they will run once again. On the other side of the coin are the more extraverted insecurely attached peeps—the ones who cannot be alone and go from relationship to relationship. Being around others keeps them from dealing with what is going on inside…yes, they avoid too, but their outer actions to do it look different than those who lone wolf it. Both are emotional isolationists. Both are two sides of the same coin. Where one may run for cover from a group the other will make the group their thing. Both need validation, but have different ways of gaining it. One needs it covertly a

Some kind of advice, right? Having permission to do what it is you fear will f**k up your life is usually what will actually give you the life you want. It won’t destroy you, fear is the very element that holds us back from moving forward, moving on and making the change you want to happen. Emotional commitment is truly unmatchable. When you step outside of your head, stop asking for advice from others, you are taking steps toward f**king your life up as it feels like you are free-floating unsure of where you may land. And that is ok! Sure, life's not exactly problem free, but if you choose to do nothing then whatever situation you're in will continue to remain static. Most of the reactions you'll get from people are based on their own life experiences, so how is that relevant to you? Exactly. So go f**k up your life and it will, inevitably un-f**k your life. True change lives outside of your comfort zone. It's to see, feel and know your fear, and go through it like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride (and don’t hold on, le

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Andy J. Pizza, an American illustrator from Columbus, OH and creator of the multi-million-viewed Creative Prep Talk podcast series. As a child, Andy's mother abandoned two families and slipped into drug addiction. To escape from what he describes as a "curse" he began illustrating and eventually began working with his dream client, Nickelodeon. After a series of ups and downs, he eventually lost this dream opportunity and eventually won them back. Andy discusses how his journey was the only way he could slay his dragon and reflects on how seeking out new role models played a pivotal role in allowing him to find himself. Nowadays Andy is the creator and host of Creative Prep Talk, a podcast series that offers-up his expertise on how to turn your passion into your job through marketing and business strategy. Learn more about Andy's podcast at www.soundcloud.com/creativepeptalk

Anxiety isn’t the enemy—it’s just trying to do its job. It sounds the alarm when fear comes up, stepping in to take care of things. It provides a clue to your internal workings: where you lack trust, what you fear, what you don’t accept, etc. It is wrapped up with self-judgment and the fear of being seen. Trying to fix it by solving external problems won’t work. Even if the situation stops causing anxiety, that sleeping bear still lives inside you. Anxiety grows when you hate it, disown it, try to reason with it and push it away. Instead of running from it, sit with it. Listen to what it tells you. It can lead to some eye-opening truths that may be hard to see. Being whole means accepting the dark and the light, the negative and the positive. These are all parts of you that need to be embraced. Trying to ignore the dark and disowning those parts of yourself will leave you stuck in resistance. Start by reintegrating the “negative” aspects of yourself you have abandoned; the parts that are shameful or make you

Do you think other people should bend to what you want? To satisfy your way of doing things or perform the way you want? You may have this expectation without realizing the rules you are creating: it’s too late to make plans, we can’t talk on the phone more than once/week, etc. In relationships, this usually creates pain. Rules are related to control because you don’t trust yourself to be in a flow with your partner. They also result from a lack of healthy boundaries. Needing things to be a certain way creates a false sense of security. Instead of relying on rules, allow for compromise. This isn’t about compromising your values or who you are; it’s about finding a middle ground that works for both of you. When you find yourself putting your foot down, unwilling to compromise, ask yourself what your goal is. Are you trying to control the other person? If so, why? What are you trying to protect yourself from? If you feel like you have to be strict with how you interact with someone because you’re afraid of bei

“I attract avoidants” has almost become a mantra for anxious pursuers who are convinced they are only attracted to people who shun them. They believe relationships require a lot of effort, thus feeling a deeper connection to partners who reject them. If it comes easy, something must be wrong. This anxious pursuer is always focused on their partner, pushing, pulling and waiting for that “wake-up” moment that never comes. Let’s say you start dating someone who checks a lot of your boxes, but they rarely contact you so you do all the work. You create excuses to contact them, enticing them with sex or whatever carrot you think will prove irresistible. You live in the fantasy of feeling close to them, making the reality of rejection both painful and comfortable. The irony is that if they DO get close to you, you’ll distance yourself. This push/pull dance is a pattern, with fear of abandonment at its core. To break it you need to connect where it hurts, accessing those deep feelings you avoid like the plague. Inst

As much as we want life to be black and white so we can keep things neat and tidy, it’s not. That is your intellect trying to run the show. Everything is a shade of grey, especially when it comes to emotions. When you put your mind in charge of your emotional state, you make fear-based choices. There is no deep connection to yourself so you rely on rules rather than trusting yourself. Emotions are esoteric; they cannot be easily described or labeled because words are a mental construct. Stop trying to separate the black paint from the white when they are all swirled together. Let them mix, it’s ok! When it comes to emotional change there are no absolutes. You have to feel your way through, make mistakes, and keep on going. Needing a bunch of black and white rules means you don’t trust yourself. If you wait for a sign that it’s ok to step into your fear, you’ll be waiting a long time. It’s ok to live in the grey and not know how things will turn out. In fact it’s the only way to emotionally grow. When you fin

Your relationship with yourself is reflected in your relationships with others. If you didn’t receive much unconditional love as a kid, you do not know what it’s like to give yourself love and attention. And if you don’t give those to yourself, others won’t be able to give them to you because you teach people how to treat you. Disregard your own feelings and other people will follow your lead. You also can’t receive what doesn’t already exist inside you, so if you’re looking for someone to fill an internal void, it won’t work. You will continue to struggle with your relationships if you do not become emotionally available to yourself first. So how do you become more emotionally available to yourself? Start owning and valuing your own feelings. This will be uncomfortable because you’ve probably spent your life avoiding and/or discounting them. But if you don’t value your feelings, no one else will. You will continue looking for people who give you breadcrumbs of love and attention because it’s what’s familiar

BUT WHY? You think if you can just understand what happened in your relationship, you can manage your emotions and put things back together. You won’t have to deal with loss or disappointment because you will make it work. If you can just understand why you were cheated on, broken up with, or treated badly, you can become the person he/she needs you to be. The problem with “understanding” is it is mental in nature, and a way of avoiding your emotions. Instead of sacrificing yourself to be what the other person wants, look at the feelings you’re afraid to deal with. Let’s say you’re walking on eggshells in your marriage, never asking what’s wrong because you’re afraid your spouse will ask for a divorce. Then you learn he/she has cheated on you. You fight back tears in an effort to understand so you can save your marriage. You’re terrified of loss and think that if you can figure out what happened, you can fix things. But at what cost? If you alter your behavior to be someone you’re not, you’ve sacrificed your

Having trouble detaching from a toxic relationship that is over because you swear he or she was your best friend? You try “no contact” and focus on yourself, which is great until you hear from them and lose all the ground you gained. You get sucked back into the hope that he or she has become the person you believed they could be, you know the best friend you imagined them to be plus more (lover, partner, et al). You hold onto fantasies and expectations about the day they will finally wake up and get it. Does that happen? No, but you aren’t able to detach. It’s hard to commit to your own well-being when you can’t let go. No matter how many times this person has hurt you, you may still feel this “best friend” connection to them, which is a painful place to live; especially if they have moved on and are in a relationship with someone else. Don’t fight against your feelings—they are real and should be acknowledged—but look at what is actually happening. The more you see what’s true, the more clarity you’ll have

Do you want people to act a certain way, treat you a certain way or do things the way you want them done? Do you expect them to live up to your standards of what is acceptable, or who you think they should be? The problem with expectations is they lead to disappointment. So when someone inevitably lets you down, do you blame them or nag them until you get your way? Do you threaten to leave? What is your favorite flavor of ultimatum, and how far will you go to get your way? The root of these expectations and the need to have things your way is based in lack. If you were filled with love for yourself, it wouldn’t matter what other people did or didn’t do. The problem isn’t the person who doesn’t live up to your expectations—it’s your need for those expectations in the first place. If you are constantly irritated by what your partner eats and you nag him/her to make different choices, ask yourself why. What does it trigger inside of you and what meaning do you give it? Until you account for what drives you, you

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Alyssa Aubrey, Founder and Director of Medicine Horse Ranch, an experiential learning center that incorporates horses into human development. Growing up, Alyssa was the daughter of an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother. At 8 years old she remembers a fight ensuing after the police brought home her drunk father. Unable to listen, she climbed out her bedroom window and ran as fast as she could, stopping short at a horse ranch where a Palomino greeted her at the fence. Alyssa felt something pull her to the horse so she hopped on. It carried her around all night leaving her with an overwhelming feeling that she was safe, she wasn’t alone and she would survive the storms of her life. Years later when Alyssa lost her boyfriend in a freak accident, she would draw from that strength. Today Alyssa incorporates horses into her leadership development programs where her curriculum has earned her the AIA Meritus Award. She is also

For many people, fear motivates their decision-making; particularly the fear of loss. They think choosing this way will somehow circumvent struggle, but it just entrenches them further. Coming from fear always costs more than coming from happiness, peace or love. So why do you do it? Emotional baggage creates a negative perspective from which you view your choices. You falsely believe making a decision from this fear-based state will somehow save you. It won’t. If you’re in a dysfunctional relationship and want to leave because you’re unhappy, fear may keep you stuck in it. Letting go of that relationship could mean your partner finds someone new while you remain alone. Or you fear your partner is the best you’ll have and no one will come close. You make your decision to stay based on the fearful stories you tell yourself, but this means more painful struggle, not less. You will continually find yourself faced with the same problems you’re trying to escape unless you sit with your feelings, connect with your

We all have stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how life should be, even if those stories are subconscious. To keep those stories alive, you expect everything outside of you to cooperate. If your story is that you’re creative, can’t sit still and need a lot of variety, you may expect your jobs and relationships to adjust to your changing whims. And when they don’t cooperate, you cling even tighter to your story and push against reality. This results in struggle: when reality doesn’t match your story and you choose to believe your story (mostly unconsciously). Struggle is painful, but it’s also painful to give up the struggle because you’ve done it for so long; it feels safe and familiar. A common story is “I’m alone, nobody wants me, I’m not good enough.” Then what happens is your actions support it so you keep creating your single status. Dating is a struggle because it goes against your “I’m alone” story. Instead of choosing reality (there are available people out there and you can have a relati

Do you live your life based on rules, promises and agreements you made as a kid? Maybe you think things need to be a certain way, but you’re not sure why. Promises can influence many areas of your life without you even realizing it. It could be something as simple as why you don’t like broccoli. Maybe your dad hated it so you thought there was something wrong with it. To please your dad, you decided not to like broccoli either. Years later you still don’t eat broccoli because you think you don’t like it, but you haven’t tasted it since you were a kid. The problem with these unspoken rules and promises is they have NOTHING to do with what you actually want. They are like a bunch of road signs that push you in a certain direction, keeping you from experiencing life. If you grew up with parents in a dysfunctional relationship, you may have equated marriage with yelling and pain. As an adult, you might have trouble with long-term relationships without knowing why. You don’t realize your younger self made a promi