Simply Abundant Intuitive

What do you do to block pleasure? Do you create obstacles for yourself to jump over in order to earn pleasure and happiness? Do you look joy in the face and say, “What did I do to deserve this? This must be a mistake!” If you are more comfortable with pain than pleasure, you’re not alone. Even if you WANT happiness and even visualize what it may look like, you probably fear it. Even during those fleeting moments of pleasure, there is a good chance you are waiting for the other shoe to drop, which means you never truly enjoy it. When you view life through the lens of work/reward, you believe you have to endure pain to get to pleasure. Pleasure comes from allowing it; not when you have “earned” it or when the work is done, but every day. And you have the power to let it in. But allowing is uncomfortable when pain is what you’re used to. Deciding to enjoy an experience instead of trying to protect yourself from disappointment or figure out why it’s happening is a choice, and it involves breaking old patterns. P

People who are beyond anxious and can also be characterized as ambivalent, avoidant, disordered, etc., may have been raised by a narcissist. These are people-pleasing perfectionists who lack self-trust and tend to hide out because of guilt, shame or fear. They don’t feel connected to their achievements even if they work incredibly hard, and are definitely insecurely attached when it comes to relationships. They may feel defective and worthless even though they wear a mask that projects confidence and value. So how does all of this relate to a narcissistic parent, and what can be done about it? You learn how to handle (or NOT handle) feelings from your parents, including the giving and receiving of love. If your perception of yourself as a child was invalidated, you may be riddled with self-doubt as an adult. Perfectionism is about avoiding criticism, which you probably endured from a narcissistic parent. Maybe you felt weird, different or unlovable. As an adult, the inner critic keeps all of this alive and w

Everything you think about someone online is an assumption. Most people know this, and yet we use social media as a way of finding information to confirm our beliefs. You may look for people who fit into your worldview, whether it’s about raising kids, relationships, religion, social mores, etc. And when you encounter those who don’t share your view, there may be a tendency to react and get defensive. Of course, you’ve seen behavior online that you would deem unacceptable, like belittling others, name-calling or acting holier than thou. Or maybe you have felt emboldened to say something on social media that you would never say in real life. How consistent is your online life with your offline one? Social media reflects how strong our beliefs are. Maybe you compensate for your belief that you’re an outcast by sharing a group photo. Or you may post a photo of yourself at some swanky party if you believe you will never be successful. But how does that feel afterward? And how does it feel when you judge someone

How much time do you spend analyzing the behavior of yourself and others to understand or figure things out? What about analyzing your feelings? Do you try to deconstruct why you’re feeling a certain way, or focus on how you SHOULD feel instead? Analysis keeps you in the same pattern of thinking, and thinking solves nothing on an emotional level. The only way to get emotional clarity is by actually feeling. A common example is trying to figure out if you are in love with someone or attached to them. You start thinking about this person and the story you’ve created, so you’re not actually uncovering your true feelings about them. Instead, you have to go into your body and locate the physical feelings without analyzing or judging them. When you picture yourself with this person, do you feel connected to them, or do fear and anxiety erupt? Thinking about your feelings is safe, but when you analyze and ruminate, nothing changes. Connecting with your feelings allows you to piece together the parts of yourself you

It’s easy to get stuck in your story, believing nothing will ever change. Maybe you curse the universe for working against you, saying nothing ever goes your way, but it’s not anything external that keeps your life on repeat. It’s you. More specifically, it’s how you perceive life and interpret experiences. If you believe you’re doomed, that’s what you will help create. It’s safe and easy to draw on past experiences and use those as signposts for what’s ahead, but that leaves little room for anything new. If the story you tell yourself is you always sabotage relationships, you better believe that’s what you’ll keep doing because your perception creates your reality. Let’s say you were insecure about your skills in bed from a past relationship. Now in your current relationship, your partner is often tired. But instead of acknowledging the reasons (health problems, late nights working), you start to think there is something wrong with you. Those insecure feelings from the past resurface and you start to distan

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Anthony Trucks, former NFL player turned serial entrepreneur. Listen in as he takes us on his journey through foster care to the NFL to now where he is a master of navigating the identity shifts that life puts us through on the path to reaching our full potential. Learn more about Anthony at www.TrucksTeam.com.

I hear people say they want to change all the time—whether it’s getting divorced, changing jobs, finding a partner or improving a parental relationship. They say they are willing to do what it takes, and even connect with their feelings, but the needle doesn’t move. Frustrated, they go into victim mode by getting defensive (but I’m doing everything I can!) or blaming others (my therapist is useless). The problem is, these people are only scratching the surface. To make significant changes, you have to address your subconscious patterns and beliefs that live deep inside, tangled up like barbed wire. Many people are resistant to this deeper work because it’s painful, but their unwillingness creates the barrier to change. The more you dig your heels in and insist you’re doing everything you can, the more you’ll remain stuck in the same old thought process where you prove to yourself over and over this is as good as it gets. Until you’re willing to “go there,” you’ll keep battling yourself. Part of you wants to

It’s easy to label someone as toxic, obnoxious, boring, etc. in order to dismiss them. Sometimes it even happens without knowing much about the person. Why do you do it? What is happening inside when you are quick to write someone off or decide they are no good? Perhaps you feel threatened in some way, like part of you believes they are better than you. Judging them can provide a sense of superiority or self-righteousness. But who’s to say you’re doing things right and they’re doing things wrong? This happens a lot on social media where someone proclaims they are dumping the toxic people in their lives or getting rid of negativity without looking in the mirror to ask what they are doing to attract it. Once again it is NOT about other people. Toxicity is a judgment we use to keep from looking at our own behavior. Labeling others is an excuse to engage in bad behavior, and it doesn’t make you superior. When you catch yourself labeling others, ask how it serves you. What benefit do you get from it? Needing to f

How often do you find yourself in a situation where you just cannot take being there another minute longer? The appeal of running away, distracting and hiding when anxiety or discomfort surfaces is huge. Our society even teaches us how to dispose of things: cut bait, kick someone to the curb, cut your losses, etc. Those tactics may provide immediate relief, but it doesn’t help you grow. You may not even realize you do it, because you’ve been doing it for so long, it’s just what you do. Let’s say you’re on a date and don’t feel attracted to the other person. In fact, you have this overwhelming urgency to leave but you don’t know why. You picture yourself at home and cozy in front of the TV, so your mind tries to quickly plot an escape. Sure escaping is easy (and the voice in your head sure is persistent!), but what if you became curious about why you want to run and explored that for a minute? Don’t you want to know what is happening inside of you that creates this feeling? What you are trying to avoid is exa

How do you usually wake up feeling? Are you excited about the day ahead, or do you worry about what could go wrong? Maybe you awake in a panic. You don’t know why, so you start racking your brain for what you may have forgotten. Or maybe you simply have an anxious feeling you can’t shake, so it ruins your day. However it manifests, it’s horrible and you want it to stop. Maybe you even try to drown out the negative feelings by focusing on positive affirmations, but that does nothing to quell your anxiety. Because negative emotions are difficult to accept without understanding where they come from, you create a story (or search for a story) about what they mean. It’s very possible, however, that your feelings are not tied to anything specific. If they ARE related to something, sooner or later that will present itself so stop trying to figure it out. Moving out of an anxious state requires surrender and allowing the feelings to be what they are. When you wake up each morning, do a body scan and focus on what yo

How often do you try to avoid someone being mad at you? Do you attempt to do things perfectly for fear of being blamed, then berate yourself when you fall short? Let’s say you usually do the ironing at home. One day your partner goes to grab a shirt before a big meeting. There are a few wrinkles—nothing major—but he/she is clearly upset. You feel horrible. Your partner doesn’t say it’s your fault, but they are clearly annoyed, so you feel this wash of shame and your “I’m not good enough” belief surfaces. But what if his/her reaction has nothing to do with you? Perhaps they were triggered, but instead of sharing what was going on, they snapped back in anger. You can’t control how other people feel, so walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting someone doesn’t work (nor is it a fun place to live). If you do anger someone, be compassionate toward yourself and allow the feelings of shame to surface. When you feel them, they will disappear much quicker. Not taking on the responsibility of other people’s feelings isn

Do you believe you are a trustworthy person when it comes to love and relationships, yet have trouble trusting your partner (or potential partner)? Maybe you are afraid they will cheat so you use that as an excuse not to commit. When your behavior is in reaction to someone else (i.e. I’m not going to commit because I suspect he/she is cheating), there are definitely trust issues, but it’s actually not about the other person. It’s YOU that you don’t trust. When you don’t trust yourself, you end up with a ping pong match in your head because you can’t make a decision. Then, when you eventually do make a choice, you second-guess it. Trust isn’t about what is comfortable or familiar, it’s about truth. It is definitely not the story in our head! If you are always in a state of truth with yourself and the world, you will feel more confident in your decisions. Become aware of your actions, particularly inconsistencies between what you say and what you do. If you say you want a healthy relationship, yet you stay in

You’re picky about who you date, looking for Mr. or Ms. Perfect (i.e. someone who won’t hurt or disappoint you). Then you find someone who likes you. There is mutual chemistry, and yet, they seem hesitant. You know what it was like at the beginning (which could have been last week), but now it feels as though they are slip sliding away. Perhaps it triggers in you the feeling of neediness. You cling to them by people pleasing, while accepting breadcrumbs of attention in return. You do this because it is probably what you were taught as a kid—to focus on making others happy in order to get the love you want. But does that actually work? Contrary to what you may believe, relationships do NOT have to be painful. In fact, those hot and cold feelings around whether to stay or go, wondering what he/she wants or how you can make him/her act as you want are signs of attachment, not love. Even more clear are those who are avoidant. The overwhelming feeling of responsibility someone who is avoidant can feel makes them j

If “what if’s” rule your world because you’re always afraid of making the wrong choice, you live your life with one foot in and one foot out. In other words, your lack of commitment keeps you stuck, convinced life is working against you. You will actually look for evidence to support your non-decision, then complain the Universe doesn’t have your back (but it doesn’t have your back because you haven’t put a stake in the ground). This plays out in all areas of life: dating but never committing to a relationship, calling your business a “hobby,” signing up for online classes you never finish, bouncing between different diets, etc., etc., etc. When you don’t trust yourself to make a choice and stick with it, you avoid making one at all, telling yourself and others you want to “keep your options open.” You believe hedging like this will save you from pain, frustration, disappointment or failure, but it doesn’t. What you end up doing is robbing yourself of the sweetness of life. Instead of being in the moment, yo

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Neeta Bhushan, an Emotional Health Educator and Executive Performance Coach to global leaders and CEOs as well as thousands of women from all walks of life. Listen in as she takes us through her journey through multiple losses and a toxic relationship to now where she has written two Amazon best-sellers Emotional GRIT and The Book of Coaching spoke at Women Economic Forum founded SchoolOfGrit.tv and had a lot of fun and laughter in the process. Learn more about Neeta at http://neetabhushan.com.

Have you ever met someone where the chemistry was incredible, but it led you to act like a complete lunatic? Maybe this person canceled dinner plans, triggering you to do things that made you cringe WHILE doing them. But you couldn’t stop it from happening. You barely recognize yourself because you’re usually pretty even-keeled. When triggered into this crazy mode, some people throw objects or scream in public or send a million text messages or stalk someone on social media or sleep with their ex. You feel shame for your actions, desperately wanting your equilibrium back, but this person you are attached to—the one who triggers your crazy—has you strung up. You feel powerless. So what causes “normal,” rational people to spin totally out of control? Often it’s a combination of scarcity and fear of abandonment. You’re afraid love can only come from this person who you have wildly intense feelings for, reminding you of how hard you worked for love as a kid. And you’re afraid that if you don’t hold on for dear l

A lot of people think happiness is like an amusement park ride with intense highs that must be chased. But happiness is subtler than that, and what you THINK leads to happiness may actually result in the opposite. Many anti-happiness behaviors become patterns without you realizing it, and they can end up ruling your life. By recognizing and then stopping them, you actually challenge yourself to become who you truly are, which is critical to true, sustained happiness. In this podcast I address more than 20 behaviors that lead to UNhappiness including rescuing, looking for problems, assuming, control and many more. They are all designed by your subconscious to keep you safe because it’s what you learned many years ago. Most of the things you do are strategies from when you were young before you had the ability to even know why you have chosen to do and say the things you do. It makes change and vulnerability look scary. Letting go of these patterns takes time, so be patient with yourself. The first step is rec

Most people have narcissistic tendencies, it is part of what keeps human beings alive. Without it, no one would be here. The problem with slapping that label on your partner is that it may prevent you from seeing and acknowledging your own stuff. No one is in a position to judge others, and doing so is often a reflection of how you see yourself because other people are mirrors for your own behavior. If you want to solve the “narcissistic” issue and feel a sense of well-being, instead of disempowerment, you have to take responsibility for the red flags you ignored. Even if you ARE in a relationship with a narcissist, you have to ask yourself why you’re there. Labeling others is just another form of blame, and it is used to avoid taking responsibility for your actions. When you look for sympathy for your situation from the person you’re with instead of owning your role in being there, it keeps you stuck in victimhood. Love cannot be earned through blame or manipulation. Instead of wanting sympathy and to be re

Do people ever do things that annoy you, but you keep it to yourself because you know they won’t change their behavior? Or have you broken up with someone out of anger and regretted it later? Maybe you want to express your regret, but figure your ex has probably moved on… so what’s the point? It all seems like a waste of effort. The thing is, sharing your feelings has nothing to do with changing the other person. It’s about changing you. Speaking your truth sends a message to yourself and others that your feelings matter; that YOU matter. This is particularly important if you spent your childhood disowning your feelings, believing they had no value. It’s not about getting someone else to change—you have no control over that. It’s about honoring what exists inside you and being vulnerable enough to share it. Each time you express your feelings without any expectation attached to it, you grow your love for yourself. And when you do that, you’re able to love more openly and unconditionally with others. Stop tal

You’re in a dysfunctional relationship that isn’t making you happy. Your partner doesn’t treat you the way you want, so you’re always complaining and thinking about leaving. But you fear being alone; maybe your lifestyle would drastically change if you were to split. You keep waiting for things to change, and maybe he/she even reacts to something differently than you expect, giving you hope the tide is turning. It doesn’t. Your friends and family encourage you to leave, saying you deserve better, so you berate yourself for staying. This constant struggle between staying and leaving is exhausting, and it distracts you from dealing with the one thing you have control over: YOU. What if you changed the game, stopped listening to everyone else and gave yourself permission to stay? What if you welcomed this relationship with open arms and used it as an opportunity to grow yourself? When you accept where you are instead of spending all your time and energy wishing things were different, you can start dealing with