Bearded Scrutiny

This week the team dives into Park Chan-wook's Vengeance Trilogy, featuring Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance. They also fudge their way through Korean politics and spend fifteen minutes making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger. So that's worth a listen.

This week the team digs into the 80's "classic," Explorers. It's an hour and a half of mostly nonsense with River Phoenix, Ethan Hawke, and some other kid. There are weirdo dreams, German parents, bonkers science, and oddly sexual alien women molesting young boys. 

Bearded Scrutiny has reached it's epic 50th episode and there's no better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than the Broads List! Listen as the team counts down their personal Top Ten Broads. Everything from performances, to movie choices, to plain old boner-potential is taken into consideration. When they're done ranking woman the dig into the world of hip hop music. Nope, that wasn't a typo. You read that correctly. 

This week the team tears into what could very be the greatest "B" movie of all time. There are ninjas, an adult "rock" band that sings songs for children, a group of bikers led by a very out of place asian man, a long lost father, and a lot of poorly hidden drugs. It's nuts. It makes no sense. It's awful. It's hilarious. It's fantastic. 

It's time for another top ten list! This week the team counts down their favorite comedies, actually agrees on a couple of them and spends the rest of the show discussing the comedy chops of Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock. Pst...one of them if funnier than the other. Can you guess which?

This week the team digs in the very odd Jennifer Lawrence thriller, House at the End of the Street. Actually, digs into might not be the correct way to put it. Briefly reviews and instead babbles about a wide variety of completely unrelated subjects is far more accurate. Whey get sick of Jenn and her big round face, they chat about everyting from Fifty Shades of Grey, to a Logan's Run remake and graphic masturbation in the movie Stoker.

This week the team reviews the 1992 animated, boob-filled disaster, Cool World. They also give their thoughts on Man Of Steel, Jack The Giant Slayer, The Last Stand, The Great Gatsby, and a bunch of other recent releases. While they're at it, Steven claims that summer blockbusters are beginning to annoy him, John thinks Superman is Charles Foster Kane, and neither of them know what to make of the new Terminator rumors.

This week the crew does their best to review the best and worst of 2012 and give their thoughts on 2013. They are fully aware that 2013 is half over, and yet, here they go.

This week the crew settles in to review two flicks about the devil doing devilish things. First up is the Eli Roth produced, The Last Exorcism, in which a small town preacher goes head-to-head with a teenage girl offering him "blowing jobs." Things get really nuts when they tear into the 1975 Joan Collins flick, The Devil Within Her. There are lots floppy boobs, some pervert little people, and a toddler with a left hook that could take down Ali.

After a rather lengthy hiatus the crew returns to talk about the Oscars as if they haven't already happened and give their lists for the Top Ten Action Movies of all time. What will they agree on? What won't they? How many times will one of them bring up erections? How much does Steven really hate Will Smith's children? Find the answers to all these questions and more!

This week the team tears into A Good Day To Die Hard. It's the newest addition to the Die Hard series, it's got Bruce Willis, a mysterious woman in black leather, Chernobyl, and a bunch of explosions. But was it any good? John and Steve can't seem to come to terms on this one. Plus Steve says Stan Lee was little more than an "idea man," and there's some talk about Old Ladies Bangin' Boys 1-36. Quality stuff.

This week the crew reviews the "epic" team-up of Steven Segal and Steve Austin in Maximum Conviction and spend most of the episode laughing about how truly terrible it is. Plus John makes  Jumanji reference, Steven brings up the even creepier side of Segal, and The Flick-Off finally makes its return to the show!

This week the crew is tossing not one, but two really crappy movies your way! Thanks? First up is a mostly terrible70's flick about the head of a racist getting sewed onto the shoulder of a black guy and a car chase that goes on far too long titled, The Thing With Two Heads. As bad as that might sound it's not nearly as awful as Taylor Lautner's latest pile of garbage, Abduction, in which he stars as a teenahe super-spy on the run from Doc Ock's strange offerings of burgers and milkshakes.

This week Steven and John tear into a "classic" bit of 70's exploitation titlec, The Big Bird Cage. Busty Pam Grier hangs out (very literally) in a teensy shirt, a naked amazon runs through the jungle while lathered in pig grease, and a bunch of crazy women hungry for dong rape a gay man. Plus Sid Haig flashes a thirty second crotch shot. Yep, it's one of those episodes.

This week the crew reveals the top ten movies that make them weep like toddlers with poop-filled britches. John reveals to the world that he's dealing with a wealth of daddy issues and Steven seems to have a weird obsession with placing little children in situations of great peril. There's also a bit of Jamie Foxx talk, Michael Bay rears his ugly head, and the worst song in the history of songs becomes the show's new favorite soundbyte. 

In this special holiday episode the crew digs into the classic stop-motion, Tim Burton produced holiday film, The Nightmare Before Christmas. Everything from their favorite Jack Skellington song to Tim Butron's days as a Disney animator are discussed. Also there's some porn talk. And a few mentions of Hulk Hogan. And the Hulk Hogan sex tape. Happy holidays, loyal listeners!

This week the crew tries to make some sense of Ridley Scott's return to the franchise that gave him a career, Prometheus. Does it live up to expectations? Is it even any good? Why were the giant blue men walking around in diapers? During a particulary long edition of the Flick-Off they discuss the Coen Brothers, Kevin Smith, Lara Croft, and Steven admits to bawling like a little girl at the end of The Professional. Good stuff.

Twivember officially comes to a close! This week the boys are once again joined by resident Twilight expert, Nina Perez, as they attempt to find some semblance of sense in the utter nonsense that is New Moon Part One. Everything from weddings, to vampire sex, and "imprinting" on toddlers is discussed. Tom Cruise also makes an appearance, and he's wearing his placenta bib. 

This week the crew is joined by their old pal, Nina Perez, and the trio attempt to sort through the utter nonsense that is Twilight: Eclipse. Prepare yourself for an hour of sparkly vampires, and shirtless werewolves, and simplistic tales of high school "love." Steven also goes on a bit of a Glee rant, John coins a one-liner or two, and Nina admits that she’s never seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

This week the crew digs into yet another addition to the Twilight saga, New Moon. When they’re not  poking fun at Taylor Lautner, and spousal abuse, SNL sketches no one remembers, they manage to do some actual reviewing. In the news section Disney and George Lucas are discussed and Steven finds a way to complain about a guy who donates 4 billion to charity. Go figure. More reviews at www.beardedscrutiny.com