Bearded Scrutiny

In honor of Halloween and because top 10 lists are so incredibly annoying, this week the crew is giving you two of them. That’s right, in this episode both Steven and John count down what they consider to be the top 10 horror films of all time. Does this result in a hour of bickering or are they more in tune with each other then you might imagine? What makes the list and what doesn’t? How annoyed will you be with their selections? How many emails will you send to let them know just how disappointed you are?  All this, plus a bunch of Jeff Goldbloom impressions and a bizarre mention of Jim Varney in this spooktacular episode!

In this episode the crew tears into a wacky Julian Sands flick from 1989 called Warlock. Along the way they chuckle at the absurdity of a tubby Mennonite hero, fondly recall Boxing Helena, and try to figure out why exactly why the enjoyed Warlock quite so much. Instead of capping off the episode with a round of the Flick-Off, they discuss all the news that’s worth discussing and shake their heads at Hugo Weaving.

This week the crew digs into the cult-classic, Killer Klowns From Outer Space. Ove the course of the episode  Steven admits an add attraction to big-breasted klown women, John brings up George Lucas, and the boys get into a shouting match over the mostly forgotten Mel Gibson flick, What Women Want.  Plus there’s a little trailer talk and as always the episode comes to a rousing conclusing with another edition of The Flick-Off.

Horror Month begins in a big way as the crew digs into Clive Barker’s cult classic, Hellraiser. Along the way John does his best impression of Denzel Washington and Steven transforms into a foley artist of the highest order. Plus, the Flick-Off returns. Admit it, you missed the Flick-Off.

Once again the team is joined by guest reviewer and admitted Avengers nut, Nina Perez. The fresh-faced trio of reviewing nerds has another long day ahead of them as they attempt to offer up the final word on Phase One of the Marvel Universe. Part two of this two-part extravaganza features Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, and The Avengers. When the reviewing has concluded the crew takes a little time to give their thoughts on Phase Two.

This week the team is joined by guest reviewer and admitted Avengers nut, Nina Perez. The dynamic threesome of reviewing goodness has a long day ahead of them as they attempt to offer up the final word on Phase One of the Marvel Universe. Part one of this two part extravaganza features Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and Iron Man 2.

On this episode the crew digs into the recently released, Dredd 3D, compare it to the Stallone version, and complain that it doesn’t seem to be finding an audience.  They finish the show by offering up their opinions on the latest trailers to make their way to the web., including the newest Twilight flick, Speilberg’s Lincoln, and yet another Nic Cage debacle.

This week the boys compare the 1960 version of The Time Machine to the 2002 version and give you the low down which is better. It’s Rod Taylor Vs. Guy Pearce! It’s Simon Wells Vs. George Pal! It’s Morlocks with LED lights for eyes Vs. weird Lord of the Rings Orcs! Two movies enter, one movie leaves. Buckle up and slide the lever forward.

This week the boys put on their futuristic reviewing cones and dig into the 1968 classic, Barbarella, in which Jane Fonda plays a futuristic something or other who does a bunch of wacky stuff in space. She also spends five minutes in an orgasm torture machine. It’s a weird flick, and it’s a weird episode, and you don’t want to miss it. 

In this episode the crew sinks their prehistoric teeth into a boob-filled, blood-soaked, 3D gorefest called Piranha 3D. John gets a wee bit creepy and provides a fantastic new soundbyte, while Steven sports yet another Hitchcock boner in this week’s edition of The Flick-Off. Plus the boys drool over the milfy goodness of Elizabeth Shue. They’re perverts.

In this episode the crew digs into a review of the 1990’s cult hit, The Crow. They compare the movie the graphic novel, discuss the career of Brandon Lee, and deal with a sudden onset of cupcake burps.

This week the boys slide on thier leg warmers, puff up their hair, and pop a cassette single of the latest Cyndi Lauper LP into the tape deck before attempting to review the John Hughes classic, The Breakfast Club. As usual the episode ends with another rousing edition of The Flick-Off in which John impersonates Darth Vader and Steven admits to having a bit of an Elliott boner. 

This week the crew heads back to the days of a pre-beard Chuck Norris and reviews the one of the earlier flicks of the mustache-dynamo himself, Silent Rage. They also talk about Christian Bale, mention boobs quite a few times, and chuckle at a Katey Segal song that you’ll be humming for the rest of the day.

For the first week since the debut of the podcast the boys spend forty minutes just cant seem to agree on a movie. After forty minutes of back and forth, childish bickering, and the occasional boob joke, they end up right back where they began. Which side will you fall on when it comes to The Majestic?

To better prepare you for the release of The Expendables 2, the boys settle into a review of the original. They talk about missed opportunities with Statham, reflect on the early days of Stone Cold Steve Austin, and complain that the movie has far too much “acting” for their personal tastes. As always, the show ends with a rousing edition of The Flick-Off, which featured Ben Affleck’s oversized noggin.

Mere weeks after Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo officially became the “Greatest Movie of All Time” the bearded duo offers up thier review.  Steven showcases his rather lengthy Hitchcock-boner and John’s Sander-boner makes an unwelcome appearance in this weeks edition of the Flick-Off. 

This week the Steven and John settle in to review the one and only teaming of two of horror’s most iconic figures. It’s Freddy and it’s Jason and it’s a bunch of fart noises, and a whole lot of Beyonce hate. It’s also an episode you don’t want to miss.

This week the boys review their second Paul Verhoeven movie in less than four weeks. They also spend an almost uncomfortable amount of time talking about hookers with three boobs. Yep, in honor of the remake, this week’s movie is none other than 1990’s Total Recall.

This week the bearded duo settles in for the long haul and reviews every single Batman live-action movie. They applaud the the good and mock the bad, and argue a bit about the stuff they can’t agree on. When the smoke has cleared they take the time to discuss the future of the series and what they would like to see Warner Bros do with the rest of the DC universe. For a specific review, jump to the times below: BATMAN 2:00 BATMAN BEGINS 20:00 BATMAN FOREVER 38:00 BATMAN AND ROBIN 53:00 BATMAN BEGINS 1:11:00 THE DARK KNIGHT 1:26:00 THE DARK KNIGHT RISES 1:41:00 THE FUTURE OF THE SERIES 2:08:00 For more reviews check out: www.beardedscrutiny.com 

In this episode the boys dig into one of Steven’s favorite movies, Robocop. It’s Paul Verhoeven at his best, Peter Weller at his best, Kurtwood Smith at his most evil, and there’s a toxic-waste man too. During the Flick-Off the bearded duo disagrees on the movie Walk The Line, one of them goes into a bitch session on the Oscars and the other reveals his love for circle jerks. Yep, it’s that kind of episode.