Delight Your Marriage

You have too much riding on this.  There is too much to lose or gain.  Don't give up.  My goal today is to encourage you. You're doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you're winning. You're seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn't look like it matters.  You're seeking to do God's will in the midst of your circumstances.  My husband is on the show today because he's the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you're on the right path, you're doing the right thing, and I am proud of you.  Love, Belah PS - If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - If you have yet to check out our free stuff -- do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free

Sometimes we look at our blowups and wonder -- how did we even get here?  How did a wrong turn, an unpaid bill, an unwashed dish, or a burnt potholder... turn into World War III? What happened here? And why is this kind of nonsense tearing our family apart at its foundations? It's because you're not really fighting about a potholder.  You're fighting about all the unmet expectations from the years and years of pain you've experienced. And so is your spouse.  How do you get out of this cycle?  And more important: what does Jesus require of you in this cycle?  What does is matter in eternity whether or not you succumb to these kinds of blow ups? Well, my goal is to give you a bit of fear of the Lord to decide you are going to be a real follower of Jesus and the blow ups aren't gonna fly.   I hope you'll listen in with an open heart and a desire to grow and be edified. And ultimately a desire to grow closer to God's will for you. Blessings,  Belah PS - Two things:  1 - if you haven't yet checked, there are a ton

I used to be so weirded out by sex, because I was pursuing Jesus with everything.  How could my life be sold out for Christ and have to engage in such carnal behavior? Then God opened my eyes to quite a lot. I hope you'll listen to today's podcast with an open heart and willingness to let Him reveal His true design and desire for you in your marriage.  Love & Blessings, Belah PS - if you need immediate help with your marriage/intimacy please set up a call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help: delightyourmarriage.com/cc 

Masculinity Reclaimed (the program these gents took to transform their lives, by God's grace) has opened enrollment and it all closes down this Monday, October 18, 2021 11:59pm EST delightyourmarriage.com/minvite -- How frequently have you heard of marriages "on the rocks" or getting divorced? And how frequently are you hearing of marriages transformed and healed and better than when they were dating! (In just 3 months!?!?!?!)   HERE!   God is doing it HERE!    I want your faith to be inspired and encouraged and for you to feel true HOPE that if it can happen for him and him and him and him and him and him and him... It could happen for you! (And these are ONLY the men from the program who are brave enough to have their face and voice out on the internet for all to hear/see!) It's a movement and we have the largest turn out we've ever had in the free Men's Masterclass! And men are joining Masculinity Reclaimed left and right.    Now is your time -- you owe it to yourself to find out if this is where God would

If you're looking for hope that your marriage or intimacy could change, you've found it.  These are rapid-fire stories of how these men's marriages literally transformed in simply 3 months.  Here are these guys saying in rapid-fire interviews: "Now, it's better than when we were dating" "She initiated 5x in a week" and she didn't know he was doing the program. "Our emotional connection is so much better than it was...she's softening" "Our intimacy is night and day different"    If it can happen for them, why not you? I bet you'll hear your own story in theirs.   The Masculinity Reclaimed program is what they did and now God has transformed intimacy for their marriages! Listen in to hear hope and encouragement!   Join the Masculinity Reclaimed program before it all closes down 11:59pmEST on Monday Oct 18, 2021 delightyourmarriage.com   Blessings, Belah   PS - Once you go through MR, I'd like to add your testimonial to the list---it's pretty long at this point, but I want yours too :) Why not have the most ama

delightyourmarriage.com/minvite   If you join within the first day, you can get the fast-action bonus Team Strategy Session with Belah!   Hope to see you on the inside! Belah

This Monday -- Oct 11 is when the Men's Masterclass begins -- sign up delightym.com and please send it to your friend who may need this. --Now to the show!-- I think all the wives will want their husbands to listen to this one.    Because I have the good fortune of working with men every (work) day and hearing their unfiltered thoughts about intimacy... I can help you understand why your wife often rejects you.   One of the major truths is that it's SCARY to initiate sex with your wife.    So, you probably do...   But in general, it's a half-invested way, in hopes that her rejection won't feel so painful. Because from experience it has been rejected, even your best attempts.   Fast forward to today.    Now, because a husband's attempt at enticing his wife to make love is so "inadequate" for fear of rejection. (Jfyi "inadequate" was the thesaurus's replacement for "lame" :) ) For this reason, the wife naturally would reject it.   But what if we took the fear out of this exchange entirely? And your enticing her

He does not know it will cost him his life.   Sounds like a horror movie -- where the killer is waiting in the woods without the person knowing. But the person should never have come into the haunted house in the first place -- if only he knew it would cost him his life. (Isn't that how those horror movies go? I don't actually know, I don't watch them.)   But, my hope is that this episode would grab you at your core.    I hope it does.    Our society says the absolute opposite of this about sexual sin.   It's so sad and so awful the way sex outside of marriage is touted in our society as "normal" and even "healthy".   Oh but it grieves God. And it destroys a man's soul.    "He does not know it will cost him his life". Prov 7:23   So I want to ring the bell. I want to yell in the streets -- you don't know the danger. You can't see the wreckage, but it is happening whether you see it or not.    So, much of Proverbs warns against the temptation of the wrong way of sex (and so many other places explicitly as well

delightym.com Join us!  Some gents have met together to go through the material carefully after each class (like a Bible Study!). Some men have moved their vacation schedules! Some men asked if they should take off work to make sure they can be a part.  Our team does an amazing job of making this a fantastic experience for the attendees -- very interactive with quizzes, points, prizes and most of all an opportunity to gain the perspective and tools that could change your marriage forever! Join us, Oct 11, 12 & 13 delightym.com

Get inspired and encouraged by Nick's story. It's amazing! They were miserable. He had plenty of ministry and church background. He certainly tried his best! They had 5-kids, including a brand new baby. But he and she had resigned themselves to misery. He didn't even want his kids to get married because it was so painful for both of them. But in 6 weeks it all turned around, by God's grace!   Why do I share this and other stories of God's transformation? 1 - Because you need faith that YOUR marriage can change.  2 - You can get specific insights that Nick changed and why his wife transformed.  3 - And to convince you that you need to take the free Masterclass coming up in October 11, 12 & 13.   delightym.com can get you straight to the Free Men's Masterclass sign up. (It's easier to type than delightyourmarriage.com but both will get you to the registration page!)   (To help spread the word about DYM--even internationally to countries where evangelizing carries the death penalty (not an exaggeration!)--le

Our society today so often wants to ignore God's design and essentially forget the fear of the Lord. But, he made men and women in His image and those uniquenesses are incredible! Physiological, psychological, emotional, and sexual...UNIQUE. Each of our uniquenesses is God's glory revealed. It's our opportunity to search out His glory through each other.  And it makes sense that the enemy wants to undermine God's design in every way that he can. One way is pretending that we're the same.  Why is this bad? Well, husbands assume their wives are intentionally hurting them because she is "withholding" love (in the unique way he receives it), thus grounds for unfaithfulness/divorce/all manner of destruction. And wives assume their husbands are intentionally hurting them because he is "withholding" love (in the unique way she receives it), thus grounds for unfaithfulness/divorce/all manner of destruction. But if we start with the perspective: My spouse, my "ezer kə·neḡ·dōw" (from Gen 2:18), is WILDLY different than

Pastor Nathan's wife had abuse/trauma growing up that severely inhibited her sexual desire and affection with him.  They were good people and she wanted to love him well, but couldn't because of her past.  And her libido was SO low.  Pastor Nathan went through the Masculinity Reclaimed program and his wife transformed before his eyes. (She didn't do a program). His favorite moment was when he said after a very passionate experience and he said "thank you"--she responded "well, it was because I wanted it so badly"! -- Pastor Todd & Donna had a great marriage. (Donna joined him for this interview!) They come from a long line of pastors and are very busy doing a lot for others.  And it was really good -- but intimacy was physically painful for Donna and she also had low drive. Pastor Todd joined the MR program (almost by accident) and he felt like he didn't belong there because everyone seemed to have it much worse.  And he felt that her physical pain wasn't because of him at all.  But, he took a step of fai

This is the next part of Communication Secrets and I think it's an important addendum.    We talk about what to do when you're disappointed with your spouse.    When you want them to change.    When you feel they were irresponsible.   I have two examples for you:  1 - When a friend was irresponsible and God brought conviction even when He kept me from saying anything. 2 - When I was irresponsible (I know---unbelievable!) and God brought conviction even when my husband didn't say anything.   I hope this brings you encouragement, direction, and skills as you attempt to live God's way in your marriage.   Love,  Belah   PS - The free Masterclass is coming up soon (for a limited time) and I encourage you to sign up ASAP so you don't miss it! delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass PPS - I'm excited to invite you to an "Intimacy Secrets Summit" that I was honored to be a part of. A superstar cast of intimacy experts that I would encourage you to get a seat with! Coming up next week!

So much stress revolves around communication. I've been there! My husband and I have miscommunications everyday. Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.  That is silly and allowed for laughter. But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions. Or when you're in a stressful situation and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).  Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.  I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.  I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches: "Your spouse should be your best friend", or "You have to be compatible with someone to be happy", or "If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.” Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?) Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!   Blessings, Belah PS If you need immedia

Two brothers were at the playground the other day.  I was talking to their mom. This happens to be a beautiful playground with a huge fountain and amazing monkey bars, places to run, sand, swings, ride-on toys, and loads of other kids to play with.  But guess what these two did? They fought over the same circular "stool" to stand on! The mom and I laughed. With everything available for them to do, THAT is what they had to fight about. Then I think about God.  We get into squabbles with our spouses. Over... Who told the story most correctly, who knows the quickest way to the store, what they really meant by that phrase, whether or not they're late, who squishes the toothpaste out correctly... Oh... Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His thoughts higher than our thoughts, are His ways higher than our ways. God have mercy! May we get it right...get into God's will for us.  That starts with the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord puts our lives, habits, tiny things we do, and ways of being into th

I really do mean this title.  I keep seeing miracles, but when people don't recognize God's working in their lives... it may not continue.  It seems that sometimes people can get so fixed in a mindset of misery that when God does a miracle, they can think it was just a fluke and go back to their same ways of thinking.  The problem with that is, when your wife does something out of the ordinary and you don't thank God for it and have a grateful heart about it, she thinks it didn't matter to you and doesn't do that, or anything more, again. Or, if your husband finally does some movement in the direction you've desperately prayed for him to go, but you don't believe it's really real, he decides it doesn't really matter to you so he decides he won't do that (very vulnerable) thing again. We have to recognize God's miracle, let go of the past, trust His hand in our lives and live like He has done the work.  Ten lepers were healed. Jesus didn't call it faith that they were healed. He called it faith when the one le

Do not let the sun go down on  your anger IS a scripture.  But for us go-getters it often feels like an argument has to get settled before any of us go to sleep. So there we are fighting about sex at 12am and wondering why the conversation didn't make both of us feel warm and connected? My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her.  My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her. Forgive him. And... as the scripture actually reads:  "Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger". And get a good night's rest. Then be wise about how to have a real and connecting conversation in the future that moves the ball forward. Short and sweet today. But hopefully powerful for you! Blessings, Belah   PS - If you'd like some free downloads check them here:

I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it. Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral. Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good. My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean. Maybe it's our human nature? Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do... He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.  (We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader. ​​And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.) But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse... I was doing everything and unless I woul

We're all insecure.  Which I think is why God says "do not fear" so often in the Bible.  The only one we are to fear is Him. (Which when we get that right, it puts everything else in perspective and it's a lot easier to not fear everything else.) We have to take courage in all aspects of our lives in order to do God's will. And when we fear the wrong things we get off track.  Whether it's fearing rejection or meanness from your wife. Or whether it's fearing what he thinks about your body. When we take courage in one area of our life it permeates to others. When we take courage in our intimacy in our marriage, it permeates to taking courage to do what God wants us to do in other people's lives.  I am really excited to speak to you today about the fears that typically hold men and women back from doing intimacy the way I think God intends: naked and unashamed, aka naked and courageous.   Blessings, Belah PS - If you need to speak to someone about what a next step might be for you in your walk and journey.  You

If you've ever heard my husband on the podcast, you'll want to hear him now. I was speaking to a mom at the playground and she was remarking at how calm Darrow is. "I think babies love him because they can somehow sense his calmness and presence. It's very unique.” I couldn't agree more.   On today's episode, you'll hear the amazing stories! (I was hoping to go "rapid fire" through a ton of the stories... well, we definitely didn't do that, but I think it's actually a lot better this way.)   If you're a man who is suffering in your marriage, you will find encouragement, validation, and hope---you are not alone. Your marriage can change. It has for many others.   Where these men started from was seriously bleak. But, wow! It is wild to see where they they have gone! Darrow says it's like they were stuck in this deep, deep mud - frustrated, angry, in pain, sad, and ready to give up (you may be able to relate), and now they're on the red carpet - like a dream. No one would ever imagine they were ever in that spo