Delight Your Marriage

Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022! delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse -- How many broken, sad, dramatic stories have you heard this week, this month, this year? Where hearts are broken and families torn apart? Maybe you're even in a similar situation. This is why I want to share as many of these transformations as possible. Here's where Steve began... "I felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel and there was no light at the end. Divorce wasn't an option. But I was feeling hopeless it could ever be different." Sadly, this is not the first time I've heard a husband describe his marriage that way. He is committed to Jesus. He loves his family. He wants his kids to grow up in a Godly home, with joy and laughter. And he wants them to see what a wonderful marriage can look like. But instead, his wife is cold. Stand off-ish. Sex is just a scheduled thing that happens because it's on the (very bottom of) her checklist. A lot of frus

Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!   Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?    Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?   And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?   The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!    If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?   Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!   Here at Delight Your M

I promise I didn't put them up to this... But I was nervous about what they'd say, so I asked if they'd let me hear it before it went live.  Golly... made me blush and eyes water. It meant a lot to me.  But more than that, I hope you feel like you've been invited into our DYM family virtual living room and know that we love you and we care about you.  This DYM Team is truly amazing. I am honored and blessed to be a part of others doing this amazing work.  I just came back from sabbatical this week, and things are better than when I left :) So, God is working through these wonderful individuals and I'm so glad you finally get to meet: Dana, Darcy, Kevin, Vikas, Kyle, and Ali! I believe that you'll be encouraged to hear more of their stories and their work. May it comfort you! (If it can happen for them, it can happen for you! Don't lose heart!) Love & Blessings, Belah   PS -- if you'd like to witness your marriage transform as these team members have (all of them saw dramatic changes in their marr

Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You're not alone! Many who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here, are separated and/or on the verge of divorce. Many others, have good marriages but want an even better one! In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, "I kind of resigned myself to, 'That's what it is and this is how it's going to be.'" After finding Delight Your Marriage, "It gave me hope for the first time in a long time." Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping guys to continue moving in the right direction.  For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come! Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry. We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environme

How would you rate intimacy in your marriage…any type of intimacy?    Do you wonder why intimacy is such a difficult topic in marriage? Do you wish you could understand why husbands and wives see this topic so differently?   How do you know if you’re off target in how you relate to your spouse?    Maybe you feel like you’re not the one with a problem, it’s your spouse… “You don’t know what you don’t know!”  Listen in as Pastor Luke shares how things that he thought he knew and had a handle on, had a whole new light shone on them in Masculinity Reclaimed. He also discovered that some things that he had once found confusing, now seem so clear!   Pastor Luke explains why he thinks Delight Your Marriage is effective, “It’s easy for women to understand how women feel. It’s easy for men to understand how men feel, but if you can find a man who understands women or women who understand men, I think they have a responsibility to help bridge that gap. Belah has it and she is living into that responsibility. She is

"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God! In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands. He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with. Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course. You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM! We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level o

"She felt he was pushing her towards sex and she would pull away and it would make him angry". After 37 years of marriage, God has done a work in their marriage. Even though they were best friends, this was something that was always this "friction" between them. She felt like she was up against a wall all the time and being pushed caused her to have no libido. She had never, ever spoken to ANYONE about sex, ever. And she said now she is able to speak about it. After 37 years of questions and pain, now she's feeling healing. He thought he was expressing his heart and it was just pushing me farther from him sexually. She says this freedom in intimacy "impacts everything". I think this will give you so much hope and insights into what you can do as a husband, and how you can be encouraged as a wife. God is still transforming hearts! Blessings, Belah PS - If you'd like to find out if a program that Julie was discussing that she or her husband went through, join us on a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc t

What a fantastic interview with Gary Thomas! If you're not familiar with him yet, I think you'll be glad that you are now! Gary has a new book out: Married Sex -- to add to the other books that have been such a perspective shift for me and many I know. His heart is specifically about God's design for marriage as an opportunity to grow closer to Him. I want to share one specific phrase, the tagline of his bestseller Sacred Marriage, "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" That inspires me and encourages me away from secular values and norms, and provokes me to be more aligned with God's will and desires. But know, dear listener, he believes that enjoyable and pleasurable sex is a great part of God's plan! How? Well, we talk about tools and tips and understandings around sex and the differences in men and women that can give you a whole different view of what God intended sex to be.  Gary helps people open their hearts to more. And because you can see so clearly his pursuit f

Do you ever feel humbled by your mistakes? Do you ever feel flat-out humiliated?    Oh my, do I fall into that sometimes!  I think the enemy feels glad about that -- and then the shame he heaps upon us while we're recognizing the mistake (and maybe the enormity of it.)   And that's when God's truth (as Kyle, DYM Mentor, reminded me of yesterday) is so helpful. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1   See, when we go out of our comfort zone and try to do God's work, we're going to trip. And that's normal.  One reason I hope and pray that you have seen me trip is so that you can have more courage to get out there and do something that God has called you to do also.  It takes courage, and we're going to trip. I'll raise my hand to that. We're going to mess up.  But the nice thing is God is present and He is helping us to get up and get better over and over again. Note: Perfection isn't even a real possibility anyway -- who gets to decide what "perfect" even is? Who

This is a resource to invite your wife to Delight Your Marriage, and to me, Belah Rose.    I would love for you, husband, to listen first and see if you might use this as a warm introduction to my material.    It's so easy to see words on a page and be repelled by it, but it's far better for us to get to know each other on a personal level and I'm hoping that's what this episode allows for.    (For those who have already gone through MR1 -- or are the recent graduating class -- I especially made this for you!)   If you've done the work on yourself, I think it makes sense to pray and ask God for His timing and see if this might be a tool that He can use for a brief and positive introduction to the work.  The work that is transforming families and marriages around the world -- by God's grace!  Blessings, Belah PS -- If you'd like your marriage to have the passion (even if you're really great friends right now), then you need to chat with one of our Clarity Advisors. Allow them to hear your story and see if a pr

I think we often forget about the power of words. Especially if the "party" we're talking about isn't present.  But what about the "party" that is present?    Here's a true saying: "those who talk to you about others, will talk to others about you". And when your spouse hears you judge another person, they may feel glad that you consider them a confidant.  But the problem is, they also get to hear what kind of person you are.  They understand if you judge others, you're going to judge them the same way.  And judging outside of the bedroom means judging inside of the bedroom. A judging mindset doesn't stop when you get in the sheets -- and your spouse knows it. And specifically, women, can't feel safe and free if she knows she's sharing a mattress with a meany.    Then, Jesus has some pretty scary things to say about our words: "But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken." Yikes!    Who needs to go delete a few social media posts (or doze

Jfyi, I recorded all of this episode (except for the very last portion) about 11 weeks ago, so for those currently in DYM programs -- take it personally -- but not because I recorded it thinking of you specifically :)    What is masculinity?  What our society says it is? Powerful, rich, authority, direct, right, muscular, able and willing to kill, tough, deep, deep voice, no emotion, immovable, winner in every arena, sexually desired, admired by all... Do you feel you have to always have the last word or you're considered weak? Do you feel you have to fight to preserve your "manhood"? Do you feel you have to have sex in a certain way/frequency/variety/engagement/enthusiasm from her, for you to feel like a man? Do you feel your wife has to treat you with respect for you to feel like you're masculine?   I get how it is confusing based on the poor role modeling we get in our SERIOUSLY backward society.   The problem is...  A mature woman scarcely gives a crumb about the aforementioned descriptions.  An

Do you have your goals for 2022? Do you have your goals for Q1 of 2022? I don't just mean business/work goals. I mean goals that help align your life with God's will. Do you have a system for discerning God's will? Well, in this episode I give you my system for discerning God's will and writing goals accordingly. It's thorough, comprehensive, "begins with the end in mind", and keeps an eye to meeting Jesus central. Too often people fail to consider the big picture so the small picture seems like it doesn't matter. Well, I want to give you a serious kick in the motivation and "you can do it!" through this episode. Because -- through Christ -- you following God's will, can be super practical and doable! Here's my system. The beginning of January is when everyone is excited about goals, so I suggest you use that momentum to set your own goals for the next 3 months (Not year, 3 months -- you'll hear why). Now is the best time to discern and commit to those goals. --- Also, if marriage is on that list...we can

Oh, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and we wish you fear-free Christmas, and we wish you a faith-filled Christmas, and from all of us at D-Y-M!   That's just one example of why my kids drown out my singing when I make up words to popular tunes.    Regardless of my kids, here's another one I'm proud of... ---ehemm--- Let it go.  Let it go.  Don't worry 'bout it anymore-- Let it go.  Let it go --- Just wait to see what's in store.  We don't know, what God has planned.  But if we trust in Him --  He'll give us the strength to stand.  ---*bow*--- I am proud of that one. They... are not.    (I promise I sang neither of those on today's podcast episode.)   But today's conversation is about faith. Faith is what we celebrate at Christmas.   The faith we have in Jesus being brought into the world for us. And this is the faith I want to remind you of during this season that often can get crowded up with all the holiday festivities.   I want to talk about how vital faith is for the miracle you're looking for in your marr

Oh wow -- what an awesome and surprising conversation I got to have with Ebony.  Firstly, this was supposed to be my opportunity to coach her as a recorded call for our ladies in the group. But, it turned into her sharing her testimony and wonderful insights and encouragements from her life that I just had to share with you! She was raised by a single dad, her husband was raised by a single mom.  Due to trauma and difficult heartaches in their history, they've suffered many challenges. She has 3 kids and wanted to rewrite the story of their future families. When she found DYM it was after she had a season of working on her mental health through therapy. (Something I have done and highly recommend as well!) When she found the DYM podcast, God started speaking to her through the material. And she decided to get on a Clarity Call and join the program.  She didn't tell her husband because so many times in the past she has said something, he'd get his hopes up and then he would be disappointed.  She decided she wo

How do we process feelings in order to bring about healing into our relationships, rather than cause tension and strife? Can we trust our feelings? Do you struggle to interpret your spouses feelings? Does your spouse misinterpret your feelings? This podcast will help give some guidance about healthy ways to process our feelings and the feelings of those who are in our lives. What is your compass? Although feelings are real, feelings can be a disastrous compass. Feelings are volatile, unpredictable, and often, not even accurate to reality. There is a MUCH better compass to live by! In order to act in wisdom with our feelings, they cannot be our leader! Rather than react to our feelings, we need to respond to our feelings.  To be direct in our communication is easy for the speaker, but it is hard for the listener. Does our communication style make those who hear us feel safe, cherished, respected, admired, and loved? Yes, feelings - wisely handled - can be so helpful in so many ways! I invite you into this podc

Last week was part 1, and today I'm excited to bring you the last few items to rekindle the romance, intimacy, connection that may have been lost over the years.  Today, I am giving insights on sex, including responsive vs. spontaneous drive and libido. Which I think will help men and women - high or low drive. Seriously, if you know someone struggling in marriage -- these are the episodes to send them.  It's definitely high-level but if they'd follow it -- oh, my -- they'd be in a better place!   Blessings, Belah   PS - If you need help, we're here! Sign up for a Clarity Call (free, but worth $300) to determine how we can help you... delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - For a limited time (this training is going away soon!) there is a free masterclass for Christian wives:  delightyourmarriage.com/wm Wife, it would be an awesome Christmas present to him for you to take it!

So this is a catch-all type of episode that seeks to give you high-level insights where you can almost immediately gain traction in rekindling romance, passion, and connection your marriage -- or just take it to the next level.  So, if you've been looking for something...anything that could help -- here you go! If you have a friend who is on the rocks with their spouse, send them this episode (and the one coming out next week). If they follow it, I believe they'll witness God's dramatic transformation. Blessings, Belah PS - If you need help with your marriage immediately -- get on a call with a Clarity Advisor to go through how we can help you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - If you are a wife and want to give your husband true connection for Christmas... take this free masterclass only available for a short time -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/wm

JUST in time for the holidays! Please listen to this before you have a blow-up with the people most important to you. I'll give you a lot of tools that you can implement immediately. (Warning: All of the scriptures below and in the episode are personalized to your spouse, but if you know you'll be seeing a certain someone who triggers you, put their name in there, too!) --- When I look at scriptures like... Phil 2:3 “Do nothing towards [your spouse] out of selfish ambition or strife but value [your spouse] above yourself.” “Care not of your interests but care about the interests of [your spouse].”    That's kind of a knock in the face needed to stop always thinking about ourselves, isn't it? And don't most of our marital fights start because that's the only one we're thinking about?   I just wonder if we'd be proud of ourselves if a transcript of the last fight was read from the pulpit on Sunday.   But...you may be thinking about when your spouse comes at you with... -Untrue accusations... -Totally, self-cent

You have too much riding on this.  There is too much to lose or gain.  Don't give up.  My goal today is to encourage you. You're doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you're winning. You're seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn't look like it matters.  You're seeking to do God's will in the midst of your circumstances.  My husband is on the show today because he's the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you're on the right path, you're doing the right thing, and I am proud of you.  Love, Belah PS - If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - If you have yet to check out our free stuff -- do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free