Delight Your Marriage

So, this is such a fun story to share. I believe it will inspire hope, excitement and most importantly faith that God can do this for you too! I remember speaking with Timothy on our first call together and the sincere pain and loneliness he felt with his wife which was so visceral and real.  He reached out firstly just to thank me for an encouraging podcast that he stumbled upon after a really tough moment between he and his wife and it encouraged him. My heart went out to him. A big part of him thought the state of his marriage was "just the way it was". How could a class fix that?    Timothy shares what happened to him when he got the tools and training of Masculinity Reclaimed. What happened to his marriage when he implemented it.  What changes he made. Week in and week out he "showed up" and did what I asked -- and what I think you can tell by listening to his story is that he changed.  She didn't know he was doing the program, but she started responding to his change. He was a "Delight Your Marriage bin

If you are wondering why she won't initiate or she doesn't have passion when you do...  Here are a few things you may be missing. Too many men reach out to me and work with me that need this.  If we really believe the Bible, then its instruction will solve the "unsatisfied sexually" dilemma in your marriage too! Spoiler alert: Being the spiritual leader is a turn-on for your wife! Here's why. Maybe it didn't matter to her early in your relationship, why would it matter now? Here's how. What does being the spiritual leader mean? What would help her to feel like you're filling that role? And here are practical insights to give grace that will motivate her. I fall prey to the issues all women fall prey to which cause us to lose focus on priorities. How do you help her in a way that motivates and does not repel or bring distance between you two?   You'll also hear from a missionary in a hard-to-reach country about how his marriage lacked passion and frequency, but he shares what he was getting wrong and how you c

Coming up on their 35th wedding anniversary, Kim didn't even want to celebrate. "I don't like you.... I don't want to be mean, but I don't want to lie either". And Kim definitely didn't want Russ to listen to my material. Because she didn't want him to think more about sex than he already did. But, after taking the Free Men's Masterclass, Russ felt God told him to go forward with the paid Masculinity Reclaimed program... without her knowledge. He felt (at least at first) it'd be better for her not to doubt his changes were sincere and not just to "get sex," plus he admitted his motivations became more sincere as he went through the program. But now she knows... And I'm excited for you to hear what happened at their anniversary just several days before this recording. How their marriage, intimacy, and kids have changed. And what SHE thinks about it all now. If you're suffering in your marriage with pain, feeling unloved, I think hearing from Kim's perspective what changed in her husband that drew her to

Today's topic is a topic that I hear a lot about from men and women.    I'm addressing men because I think there is a lot of misunderstandings about what turns a woman on. I want to give you some practical help. I'm not mincing words here (though I do make up my own--if you're a long-time listener you understand. :)   This may be some of my best guidance for men, and so I hope you listen with a pen and paper. But women may never have been able to articulate their challenges before, and this may give them language for it...       - What matters to her in orgasm    - How to tease    - How to make her enjoy the experience    - Why she doesn't now   Men, I believe this could transform your intimacy if you let it.   Blessings, Belah PS If you like this, I have a FREE Men's Masterclass coming up Monday, July 19, Tuesday, July 20, & Wednesday, July 21. This is a great effort for me and my whole team (including interactive coursework and an opportunity to win discounts or free coaching with me). Some men have be

Life is messy.    Things get busy.   Our focus can get on things that just don't matter.   But...    We get to start over.    We can take a breath.    We can reach to see God's perspective.    What does He think about this situation?    What matters to Him most in this difficulty?    I don't think we can see His perspective unless we're well-rested.    Unless we "come to Me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.”   It's a discipline to come to Him...to receive His rest.    It's a discipline to not fill your schedule, mind space, sad moments, loneliness, or even the spots of boredom with things that crowd out our possibility to ponder God's perspective on it.    Because God has a totally different perspective on our lives than we do.    We all get off-base.    Loving our spouses the way they receive love isn't natural.    We're seeking to do something supernatural when we love our spouses well.    So if you are noticing you're falling on your face while trying to do that, or you've got

She wanted nothing to do with touch, much less intimacy. For years.  She loved the Lord and it took a journey for Him to bring her to a place where she was ready to receive teaching around the importance of intimacy. When Dana felt like her marriage was all but broken and then God took her on a journey and helped her to see what was missing in their marriage.  They hadn't made love (at all) for years. And when she took the Free Women's Masterclass the Holy Spirit spoke to her and completely transformed her marriage in a week! And this is her story of transfomration. From being repelled by his touch to craving intimacy with her hubby! Blessings, Belah PS - If you'd like to take the Free Women's Masterclass that Dana speaks about it's available here for a limited time! delightyourmarriage.com/sc   PPS - If you're a husband who is hoping and praying for your wife to have this kind of transformation, let's see how we can help you. Fill out a Clarity Call application so you can speak to a DYM Clarity Advisor -- so

"It's part of life." But it really is, IF we're growing. If we numb and distract ourselves away from God's growth opportunities, we can really get off track.  When you have made a mistake, own it, apologize for it, learn from it, and tether yourself to Christ BECAUSE of it.  We can't do this on our own. We're not supposed to. And if you think you can, sin is probably getting in there.  When you make a mistake it is a grace.  "It is His kindness that leads us to repentance." Romans 2:4 How cool is it that he redirects us on THIS side of eternity.  Accept a failure as a gift. A gift to grow. A gift to say "never again". A gift to completely change everything. A gift to make an important tweak. A gift to make a life-altering habit change.  (Yes, habits alter our lives... more on that another time!) Bravo to you for growing. Bravo to you for listening to God's leadership. "His ROD and His staff, comfort me." Psalms 23:4 His rod is his direction and redirection -- we get to be comforted by the fact that He will no

When she says, "We just don't communicate," or "You never listen,"...she is talking about this learnable skill.    Listen to her heart. Listen to understand. Listen to let her know you understand and care.   Not listening to respond or even defend yourself.    It is to listen to her emotions and sit with her in her pain. To be curious and to give her a safe space to share. When she shares her emotions (her heart) vulnerably, you are witnessing courage.    You are on sacred ground.    Tread carefully and gently.   For Mother's Day, just the other weekend --   Did I get diamonds?    A weekend getaway at a fancy resort?    A stainless steel, 14-quart Instant Pot Duo Mini 7-in-1 Electric Pressure Cooker?   I mean...    Sure those would have been good gifts.   But...   what I got was priceless:    Hours of his full attention.    He got excited about what I shared.    He cared about what matters to me -- how I'm growing,    how I was feeling,   and genuinely wanted to hear more.    He noticed my feelings -- wanted

It's ok to not feel amazing in your marriage all the time. This is real life and sometimes things happen.  Someone gets sick. Someone is tired. Someone was selfish. Someone wasted away their entire Saturday watching superhero movies and didn't feel like being an intentionally seductive tigress. (This last one was definitely me).    Your spouse is wonderful, but even in the best marriage there will be moments of the negative side of the wave. And that's ok. That's normal.  If you're a 2 out of 10 and on the best days you're a 4 out of 10... I want you to get to a 9 out of 10 and the bad days are just a 7 out of 10. So, get your marriage to a better spot but when you're up there in your healthiness, expect waves.  Also, if you want to work with Belah to get your marriage healthy (up your marriage to an 9 or 10), find out more by getting on a call with her or a member of her team to see if it's a good fit. Fill out an application here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".    My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.    What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.   You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.   For many, it works (by God's grace).    But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.    This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.    Here's what I hope for you.    I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.    Whether they do X or not, you get to love

In our family, we are going through some important paradigm shifts around parenting - through a coach, articles, books, etc. It's great! It’s also hard to look at the mistakes.  The truth is that it is hard to change. It is not only difficult to do things differently, but it also takes courage. It takes courage to say, "You know what? I was doing things wrong and now I'm going to do it better.”  It's vulnerable and can feel excruciating - very! But it is strength, not weakness, to change. God is a good God and He will lead you when and how He wants you to change.  There are times the enemy will use those genuine convictions from God as opportunities to take you into a tailspin of self-doubt/self-loathing...don't let him!  Here are some fantastic tools to give you more insight to help you change faster without the issue of depression that you've done it wrong for so long.  That's the beauty of Jesus...He is leading you. He is guiding you.  He is revealing what He wants to reveal to you in the season He

Duty sex" or "lazy or selfish husband". These are phrases I hear a lot. And it's sad.  It's certainly not what a good and loving marriage should be. "Duty sex" often means a wife's body might be present during physical intimacy, but her mind and enthusiasm are far, far away. These are painful to a man's heart.  And "lazy or selfish husband" is usually the man who from her perspective takes her for granted--the romantic getaways, surprises and special gifts or experiences are long gone and his character is abysmal. These are painful to a woman's heart.  It comes down to our discipline to change these parts of ourselves. Feelings are important and God-given. They get to be acknowledged, drained, and let go. They are important, and you can curiously listen to them (in yourself and others), but at the end of the day they don't get to "drive your bus"--your values do.   In this episode, both husbands and wives will be edified to become more aware of their own gaps of discipline which is causing their feelings to

I talk a lot about success stories. To inspire you that transformation can happen and God does it all the time! But this is really all about unconditional love. That your actions and words towards your spouse are "I love you no matter what."  Why is that such a difficult posture to take with our spouse? I think our culture and society teaches us to compare, wrong ways of interacting with our spouse and a very "I won't do that unless you do this." So, this podcast episode is to... 1-Remind you that you're doing a really good job at a hard thing. The fact that you're listening in means you want to do this God's way--and I'm proud of you! 2-Remind you that this is all about loving the way Jesus loves.  3-What to cut out of your life that may be getting in the way of you doing this.   Bravo to you.    Love, Belah

2 Different Stories: 1 - Norm's wife shared that she wanted to end the marriage. That she didn't like or love him anymore.  ​ He prayed fervently, listened to, and read lots of resources (including to all of mine :), but he didn't realize he was missing some key components that were actually undermining the good he was doing. ​ He joined Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) because he wanted the marriage that he heard from other MR Graduates had. He shares the specifics of what he did that made the difference in his marriage: ​ "A complete 180...our marriage is completely reborn, everything is wonderful...she's pursuing me now." ​ Before frequency was 1x a month and often ending in an argument. But now she comes to him and it's about 3x a week. And it's open and loving with awesome visuals and freedom from her.  ​ She didn't know he did the program. And still doesn't know. But she says she's "in love" with him now! ​ He said "It's never been like this in our entire marriage" in intimacy and every other way. --  Here's

ANNOUNCEMENT: For those of you already registered for the FREE Masterclass---they are being released at 7pmEST, TODAY.  Or sign up here: delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass   --  About 15-20% of couples are "sexless" meaning very few instances of intimacy per year. When I work with these couples it's evident that both people are hurting. ​​And often the husband doesn't realize he's injuring his wife on a daily basis which prevents her from coming towards him in intimacy... which leads us to Paul's powerful testimony of Jesus' work in his marriage. This conversation is such a joy because you can’t help but be in awe of God after listening.    Paul and his wife had been married 38 years. And unfortunately, many of those years were sexless.    Though they spent 21 years in counseling, tens of thousands of dollars on counseling, they had experienced separations and he said they were housemates and often adversaries.   “The year before your course, we had sex 4 times” and as he puts it there was no intimacy, just

Have you ever felt like your intimacy was just a duty that needed to be marked off the “to-do” list? What about that sex was great physically but emotionally it was empty? Or, have you gone to bed wondering why this amazing, God-given thing is causing so much strife in your marriage? Kyle & Ali were both there at one point in their marriage… Ali saw sex as a “thing” that was constantly there pestering her. She was intimate with her husband to please him and only him. Their children noticed that their marriage was suffering. They were not emotionally connected, so they were not acting as a team. They communicated solely to run their family. But then... They took a leap of faith and joined the Delight Your Marriage men’s program and women’s program! Now Ali loves communication and their home is a “peaceful and cozy environment.” The pressure is gone and she feels the freedom to initiate. Intimacy is a priority now and not just another chore to be done. In fact, she shares,s, “I desire sex now! I didn’t thin

Anne and Glenn lived in a blissful honeymoon state at the beginning of their relationship, until their relationship quit growing and grew stale. They described it as being stuck in winter.   Anne felt like intimacy was an obligation and sex felt forced. She did not feel emotionally connected and he did not feel physically connected, so the suffering began.... and stayed for over two decades.    The power of a praying wife… God touched Glen and caused him to start a journey to better himself and turn his marriage around. He stumbled upon a Delight Your Marriage podcast and shortly afterward signed up for Masculinity Reclaimed.    In fact, at 3am God prompted him to sign up… and he’s glad he did!   He discovered how to date his wife again, how to connect deeper, how to forgive, and how to be vulnerable in his marriage. Not only did Anne begin to notice the changes, but so did their daughter and son!   The trickle effect continued when Anne decided to take the Delight Your Marriage, Intimate Freedom course. She

If you want your marriage to change... this is required. Faith. Faith that it will change. But how do you even get there? How does it relate to your life? I have some extremely practical ways for you to have a renewed sense of faith that things can change. Keep in mind, if you don't have faith things will change---undoubtedly they never will. It is so easy to compare our lives and our circumstances to those around us. Add on plenty of cultural norms that make negativity almost an expectation. That becomes the breeding ground for anxiety, worry, depression, and angst to grow.    But God has called us to live a life full of joy and abundance even in our marriage and intimacy.    Join me as we discover the deeper meaning of faith, what having a disciplined mindset means, and how to visualize positivity for our lives in the middle of a hard season.    Blessings, Belah    PS If you’d like to join the FREE training for women all about confidence in intimacy — which will be available for a limited time — go to delig

Today’s interview is with Jeremiah, a graduate of my Masculinity Reclaimed program. They had a pretty good marriage. And originally their sex life was pretty good, but life happened…   Like many of my listeners, once kids came into the picture things began to deteriorate in that department.    She no longer felt emotionally connected and he no longer felt fulfilled intimately.    Jeremiah realized he was only getting out of his marriage what he was putting into it; it was not actually all her fault.     So, he set out on a journey of self exploration, enrolled in Masculinity Reclaimed, learned how to emotionally connect with his wife, and slowly but surely progress began to follow.    At one point he basically says -- honestly, I thought the men you interviewed of their success through your program were paid actors… until it happened to our sex life!   But most importantly he shares in this episode the specific shifts he made in himself that transformed their intimacy.   Join me as we dive into how Jeremiah w