Editing Our Drinking And Our Lives

Jolene and Aidan catch up after a long break in recording a podcast. Listen in as they share what they’ve been up to the past couple years and where they are focusing their attention these days. CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -https://www.instagram.com/jolene__park/ Email: jolene.park@gmail.com   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: Aidan Donnelley Rowley aidandonnelleyrowley.com Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com  

Feeling zapped, exhausted and just plain tired? Alcohol may be what you are turning or have turned to in the past to unwind and get a reprieve from the demands of modern life. So, what can you do to downshift and rest without a drink? In this episode, Jolene and Aidan discuss their personal experiences with burnout this year and the practical steps they are taking to reignite their energy. They both share how alcohol used to slow things down for them during times of pressure yet the alcohol itself was draining in the long run. Now that alcohol is long gone from the coping repertoire, Jolene and Aidan share they are getting deep rest and replenishing their internal fire.  CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: aidandonnelleyrowl

Have you been berating yourself for your drinking, either past or present? It is time to delve into the work of forgiveness and self-compassion.  In this episode, Jolene and Aidan share how they approach thoughts of regret and shame around their drinking. Forgiveness is not that easy but powerful reframes and self-education can deliver relief and grace during those times you berate yourself for your past drinking behavior. Jolene discusses how brain chemistry is often the underlying cause of the gray area drinking cycle and how to view your drinking with compassion and understanding. Aidan reflects on how her cycle of gray area drinking was aggravated by thoughts of self-loathing and shares how she reframed her thinking to finally stop the cycle and feel into forgiveness.   CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecuriti

What happens when Jolene and Aidan have a bad day, dine at an idyllic bistro in Paris, or desire to escape tough feelings? Sometimes they feel the urge to reach for a drink - but they don’t actually follow through. They also discuss how they manage the feeling with self-compassion, joy and confidence through the pissy moods, bad days and the feelings of missing out.  If you are struggling with moments of wanting a drink or thinking that you SHOULD be able to have just one then this conversation will be a balm for your soul. Learning to tolerate the discomfort in the moment is something that Jolene and Aidan are mastering in order to stay the course with an alcohol-free life.  CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: aidandonnelley

Three years after giving up alcohol Aidan started having lightning thoughts about her purpose. And, as Jolene comes up on her 5th alcohol-free anniversary, she too feels deeply connected to her intuition and is able to access her inner knowing with more ease. And, as a result, their lives keep getting better and better. So, in this episode, Jolene and Aidan felt called to share their own experiences with how intuition both led them to quit alcohol as well as to a deeper connection with their own inner voice. They also share how drinking used to numb their pain, fear and discomfort and left them both feeling scattered and stuck in life. Yet, that tiny voice inside that was saying “I know I need to stop.” was still there, whispering to each of them. No one said, “alcohol isn’t good for YOU” or pushed them to stop. But they both listened to that little whisper. And since then that voice of deep inner knowing has grown louder, stronger and clearer than ever.   If you are contemplating giving up alcohol and need

There is a polarizing trend around drinking labels and what constitutes as “problem drinking”. So, what is gray area drinking and where does it fall on the “problem drinking” spectrum? This is a conversation in which Aiden and Jolene invite listeners to hear their personal stories with gray area drinking and one in which they work to define exactly what this label stands for. One doesn’t have to have a crash and burn story to stop drinking. Neither Jolene or Aiden had one. But, they both had a voice inside telling them “this doesn’t feel right”. That is all it takes to know that drinking isn’t working in your life. Jolene finds that it is more common than not that people identify with this gray area yet there is not a lot of conversation around it. Jolene and Aiden discuss why they didn’t need formal treatment and why no matter the route taken to becoming a non-drinker that we are all in this together. There is no judgment and in the end, we all need to do what is right, ok and safe for us. It is ok to say “I

Drinking is often intertwined with our closest relationships. So much so that we may continue drinking, even though a voice inside is wishing to stop, so that we don’t disrupt the status quo. How do we remove drinking from these relationships and what can we gain in the process? Aidan has been married for 14 years and met her husband at a bar. Their relationship began soaked in alcohol. When she quit drinking she credits her husband's support as making a huge difference in their progress. Now they enjoy a relationship that she says is much more peaceful and they have gained depth in conversations and talk about bigger and more interesting things now that drinking it out of the mix. Maybe there is less to worry about and more to look forward to when we finally untangle our relationships from alcohol. Jolene discusses how alcohol has affected her dating relationships and how she finally realized that alcohol was blocking the type of relationship she truly wanted. Before she went alcohol-free, dating often revol

One of the greatest gifts of going alcohol-free is experiencing life deeply in the present moment. There is a quality of clarity and expansion that comes when we aren’t trying to escape into a drink. Yet, what do we do when the present moment is hard and trying? How can we sit in the hard moments without longing to escape? That is the million dollar question. Jolene is going into her 5th year not drinking and discusses how she had to develop the ability to tolerate pain in the present moment. She highlights the power of writing and journaling to stay in the present moment and talks about how to stay grounded and anchored through times of positive expansion. Ultimately the key to staying with trying moments is curiosity and a willingness to navigate the hard edges sober. Aiden shares how she is coping with the death of her mom. She has been feeling the intense emotions which accompany grief and credits not drinking with her ability to hold it together. During her mom’s final years, Aiden was able to show up wi

Grief is vast and there is no formula for how to deal with it. Often when drinking takes a turn, loss and grief are found buried under the layers of the pain numbed by alcohol. When we go begin to unpack our relationship with alcohol we often find this story of loss and become reacquainted with the pain. Yet, we are rarely given a model for how to cope with grief sans alcohol. So, what do we do when we no longer use alcohol to numb the pain of loss? Aiden is currently grieving the death of her mother and discusses how she is processing the pain without alcohol. It isn’t easy and she feels the inevitable anxiety that is part of grief yet she reflects on how writing through her mom’s illness gave her control and served as a soothing self-care practice. Aiden shares why she is feeling stronger through the grieving process without alcohol and how this very conversation had a therapeutic effect. Jolene discusses how the loss of a romantic relationship in her late twenties triggered her gray area drinking. Loss can

Aidan and Jolene look back on one year of podcasting together and talk about the things that have happened in their lives as a result.  They both shared their bright light moments -Jolene talks about her TEDx talk that she gave in November 2017 and Aidan talks about her TODAY show appearance in April 2018. Jolene also talked more about her online community for Former Gray Drinkers that she recently launched. This membership is for those who have made the decision to stop drinking and want to connect with others who have made the same decision. She wanted to make this as accessible as possible and offer practical content through guest expert interviews and her own virtual training classes. The content focuses on the things we care about once we stop drinking such as weight loss, hormone balance, emotional resiliency, relationships, intuition, financial wellness etc.   To join go to Healthy Discoveries and click on “work with me” then click on Former Gray Area Drinkers Community. When you enter the coupon code

While every aspect of our lives can improve sans alcohol, the reality is there are still aspects of our lives that can still be difficult after we stop drinking. Both Aidan and Jolene have found that finding their flow, purpose, and focus helps them deal with reality. Giving up drinking does not solve all our problems but it allows us to clear the decks and look at what we need to focus on. Removing alcohol is not a protection or guarantee against hard, painful emotions or events. But giving up alcohol does allow us to recalibrate and pull in the resources that we need the most. Aidan has observed that the farther she gets from alcohol the quieter things get. Things don't feel as dramatic. Things get more stable and predictable. Not drinking has become a more measured, stable way of being. Jolene recommends looking into resources like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help deal with the physiological underpinnings of why we drank. The reality is we’re dealing with physical, emotional and

Jolene and Aidan talk about reaching out to a therapist, people in our lives who are supportive and we know are like-minded or communities online or in person. Opening up to people in our life versus trying to figure out this drinking question on our own. But sometimes it’s actually hard to reach out. They also discuss how and when to reach out to others who we are concerned about. Jolene mentions her Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers that she just launched to offer the “what’s next” content and community after we stop drinking. Join and learn more here. Jolene also shares her steps: 1. Reach out, 2. Stay, and 3. Engage. Even if we feel okay and think we're 'fine', staying and engaging are important pieces to reaching out. We're putting in the engagement deposit in our energy bank account. Continue to reach out. The reality is we’re more alone than ever, yet we're wired for connection. We are social beings wanting and needing to connect.   CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Online Community For Former Gray Ar

Jolene and Aidan share experiences they recently had with alcohol being front and center in their life. Even though they no longer drink they still encounter hard moments. These moments can be confusing, baffling and hard, no matter how good, strong and committed we feel. When drinking was part of our identity there will be moments where we’re reminded of who we used to be when we were around alcohol. They talk about what alcohol represented to them plus the effect that alcohol created and other ways and options to have that same effect and feeling now. Aidan recommends noticing and naming that it’s a hard moment and then actually experiencing the moment and to get to the other side. The practice of being uncomfortable is what takes the intensity away. Looking beyond the appearances and appreciating the complexity that there are deeper stories behind the drinking pictures that seem so romantic and perfect. SUBSCRIBE Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stre

Jolene and Aidan talk about how social media and Instagram initially brought them together to start this podcast. They discuss how online platforms have played a role in changing how we think about drinking. It has become easy to quickly form online alcohol-free communities and the alcohol conversation is shifting because of podcasts, blogs, Instagram, and FaceBook groups. There is a sense of accessibility that is powerful and good. People can dabble and be "sober curious" at a distance. They can listen and participate at their own comfort level. The community of people becoming interested in this alcohol-free lifestyle is growing. But then there is a flip side to social media as well. Are we hiding behind our computer screens? Face-to-face interaction is an important ingredient as well. She Recovers provides a great in person conference once a year. But do we need more on-going in-person alcohol-free conversations in our local communities? There can be a powerful connection, story, and vulnerability within s

What do others say when they are drinking or not drinking around us? How did Jolene and Aidan navigate other people's opinions early on? People will certainly have conversations and opinions, but the fear of what others will think and say is often worse than what's actually said. Some people can be threatened or feel strongly that drinking is a part of life that shouldn't be missed. Taking alcohol out can feel punitive, perfectionistic and unnecessary for many people. However, the stronger you get in your own stance and the decision to not drink the easier this all becomes. If you feel confident and carry that energy into your interactions and social life, Jolene has found her friends have stayed her friends regardless of whether she drinks or not. Some people have even pulled her aside and said they're thinking about cutting back or taking a break from drinking themselves. Arm yourself with an explanation of why you're not drinking. It can be quick and simple. Also, ask yourself how much you're seeking and n

Is it possible to moderate? What do Aidan and Jolene think about moderation? Aidan says she could moderate but felt miserable. It wasn't pleasant to think about and plan for all the time. It takes the joy out of her day. However, moderation helped bring both Jolene and Aidan to their resolute decision to stop drinking for good.    Jolene found once she drank the first glass of wine the neurochemical activation had begun and it was very difficult to moderate and say no to more glasses of wine.  If you're thinking about moderating you've probably passed the point of being able to moderate. Your energy might be better spent in simply stopping altogether. However, limiting and cutting back on alcohol is a great first step. Questioning why you want to be able to keep drinking is helpful too. The question becomes not can you moderate, but do you want to moderate? It's a choice. Ultimately for both Jolene and Aidan, dealing with the hard stuff in life is better than the merry-go-round of back and forth drinking. Qui

Jolene and Aidan discuss the troubling marketing of alcohol memes toward women and moms. The promotion of excess as a way to escape and cope is what's being promoted. These memes send the message that drinking is the way to make life better. As many are quietly trying to feel okay and justify their own drinking it's easy to thoughtlessly share these memes. Aidan voices her concern for people who are currently struggling with alcohol and how this marketing shows up in their lives especially when it's brought into the wellness world.  What is the message we're sending? How can we question without coming across as angry? Wine has become a big part of the female culture and the feminist message of independence. Women are being sold the message that booze is a way to take the edge off but we're really just diluting our power. Habitual alcohol consumption is stripping us of our strength -- energetically and emotionally. Tell Better Stories 2018 on Instagram is calling this out. Jolene and Aidan also share ways we c

Aidan and Jolene discuss how they found alcohol-free like-minded people through blogging, Instagram, FaceBook groups, and when social media connections can turn into friendships in real life. Jolene mentions how This Naked Mind and The HOME podcast weren't available when she stopped drinking so the online world is quickly and rapidly changing.  They mention in-person groups like AA, Refuge Recovery, SMART Recovery, Women and Sobriety, Life Ring and the importance of being with people face-to-face which helps calm and regulate the nervous system. Aidan is part of a sober bookclub that was started by Mia Glow who is SoberGlow on Instagram. Begin to research and explore what local groups are in your area and available for you to tap into. While some friendships dropped away, they both added many new people to their life as well. Being public can expedite finding your people. Aidan recommends paying attention to people's energy and how it impacts you. If there are people who criticize and make you feel less than,

Aidan was public with her decision to not drink in 2012 with her Year Without Wine blog posts, but Jolene stayed quieter and more private in the early months of quitting drinking for good. Jolene shares how she wrote a blog post when she was 60-days alcohol-free but she didn't publish it. Through the evolution of not drinking though, they both developed and claimed more of their voice, which Jolene demonstrated in her recent TEDx talk. It's a very personal decision that depends on many factors, but if you feel called to speak out, Aidan recommends speaking publicly because the connection to others that it brings can be profound. Waiting for others to give us permission to go alcohol-free will never happen, so there is a leap we must take. As time goes on family and friends do tend to step up and are supportive of our decision.  Ask yourself what is your purpose in being public? For Aidan, she believes it's a conversation that needs to happen. For Jolene, she feels there is a missing piece regarding the physio

Do you make New Year's Resolutions? What happens when, if you fall off course or routine? In this episode, Jolene and Aidan discuss The Four Tendencies (the upholder, the obliger, the questioner, and the rebel) by Gretchen Rubin.  They also discuss how personal values, intentions, and clarifying your 'why' plays a role in making decisions and choosing things like your word for the year. When we understand our patterns, approach, personality, and biochemistry we can make empowered edits within our own lives. Is Dry January good or is it just a way to just beat ourselves up for indulgences through a 'cleanse'? Could a 30-day cleanse be a way to make us feel like we always need "to fix ourselves." Jolene believes a true cleanse needs to be medically supervised and we need to be careful that we're not starting from a place of thinking we are deficient or defective. Both Aidan and Jolene agree that when we think of making a change as a way to improve and add/enhance something it tends to stick and last longer. The