Dear Dougy

When Tyler Feder was 19, her mom died of cancer, an experience she captured years later in her bestselling graphic memoir Dancing at the Pity Party. In the years since, Tyler has described herself as a “dead mom person” - reflecting just how much of her life was shaped by the death of her mother. But this past winter, Tyler’s dad also died, adding a new aspect to her identity, this time as an adult orphan.   In this episode, we discuss: The contrast between her parents’ personalities – mom (quiet, creative, cat-like), dad (gregarious, emotional, dog-like) - and which of those aspects Tyler carries forward in hers.  How writing, art, and community help her process grief.  One of Tyler's favorite questions about her parents. Why tangible keepsakes matter so much.  The difference having a parent die when you’re still a teenager vs an adult.  How her family approached her father’s illness and death compared to her mom’s.   Living with worry and fear about her own health and mortality.  Follow Tyler’s wo

In 1986, when Kristine S. Ervin was eight years old, her mother was abducted, sexually assaulted, and murdered in Oklahoma. Decades later, Kristine tells her story in Rabbit Heart - A Mother's Murder, A Daughter's Story, a memoir weaves together her fragmented childhood memories, growing up with grief, and then as an adult, reckoning with the painful details of her mother's death. The course of the book shifts when there is a break in the cold case of her mother's murder, leading to a trial and eventual conviction of Kyle Eckhart, one of the men responsible. In this conversation Kristine reflects on what it means to grieve for her mother and for the violent way she died. She explores the power of imagination in grief, the struggle of piecing together memories shaped by others, and how writing became both an outlet and a way to preserve a connection to her mother. Together, Jana and Kristine talk about: What she remembers about her mother and which of those memories are shaped by what others remember.  How Kr

When someone dies, the story is often one of sadness, longing, and loss. But what happens when the person who died was also someone who caused great harm? For Kathy, who was sexually and emotionally abused by her father, his death when she was 11 brought more relief than grief. In this conversation, Kathy shares how her early experiences with grief and trauma shaped her path as a social worker and volunteer, including her current work with teens and tweens who are grieving.   We explore:   What it was like to have her dad die while carrying the painful secret about his abuse The mixed emotions of grieving someone who caused great harm How volunteering gave Kathy a sense of purpose and visibility at a young age The importance of creating space for young people - and adults - to share the full range of feelings about the person who died, including the hard and complicated ones What Kathy would want her 11-year-old self, and other kids in similar situations, to know Kathy’s story broadens our und

How do we move from seeing grief as something to fix or overcome, to understanding it as a lifelong companion and guide? In this conversation with Rev. Dr. Jamie Eaddy CT, CTP - educator, death doula, founder of Thoughtful Transitions, and creative force behind The Ratchet Grief Project® - she invites us to reimagine grief as a friend who helps us navigate loss, change, and transition. Drawing from her personal lineage of grief through the deaths of her grandmother, cousin, and uncle, Dr. J. shares how these experiences shaped her work supporting individuals and communities, especially those living at the intersections of marginalization and oppression.  We explore: How personal experiences with family deaths shaped Dr. Eaddy's career path  Redefining grief beyond death - as our natural response to loss, change, transition, unmet expectations, unrealized dreams, and shattered assumptions  The concept of "befriending grief" - viewing grief as a companion and guide rather than something to overcome  The R

Welcome to a special "podcast takeover" episode. This week, Lindsey Whissel Fenton, creator of Speaking Grief and Learning Grief, steps in to interview Jana. Their conversation centers on Jana's beloved Boston Terrier, Captain, who died in December 2024 at the age of 15. Lindsey understands this heartache well, as her own sweet dog, Birch, died in May 2022. As a skilled interviewer and a thoughtful friend in grief, Lindsey was the perfect person to explore Jana's experience of loving and grieving for Captain.  Together, Lindsey and Jana delve into how Captain came into Jana's life, the complexities of caregiving for an aging pet, the difficult decisions surrounding their end-of-life, and the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways pet grief can be minimized or dismissed, by others and sometimes even by us.  This conversation weaves between the personal and professional, touching on: How Captain became a cherished part of Jana's life The physical and behavioral changes Captain experienced in his last two years 

When Susie and Nick Shaw’s nine-year-old son William died in a skiing accident, their world shifted permanently. In the six years since that day, they've found ways to carry their grief and stay connected to William, while continuing to honor the boy who inspired so much good in their lives and in their community.  In this deeply moving conversation, Susie and Nick reflect on William’s life—his empathy, his humor, and the motto he created for himself in the year before he died: “Be Yourself.” A simple but powerful phrase that inspired their nonprofit, William’s Be Yourself Challenge.  Together, we discuss: The day William died and what they’ve come to understand about control, safety, and loss Navigating grief as individuals and as a couple  Supporting their son Kai in grieving for his brother Raising Bodhi, their child who was born after William’s death  Creating family rituals, including monthly taco nights and birthday celebrations  Returning to Big Sky, Montana to visit the spot where

Jessie was 21. Molly was 11. Two days after their joint birthdays, their mom, Jill, was murdered by Molly’s father. In the hours, days, and years that followed, there was little room for grief. Jessie and Molly were expected to keep going — and they did. But that forward momentum came at a cost.  It’s been nearly 20 years, and only recently have Jessie and Molly begun to revisit what happened and what it’s meant to live with unspoken grief and unacknowledged trauma. As part of that process, they discovered a manila envelope packed away in storage - inside were eight children’s book manuscripts written by their mom in the 1980s. Finding those stories sparked a new chapter of connection with their mom and motivated them to work towards getting them illustrated and published.   Note: This conversation includes descriptions of domestic violence, stalking, violent death, and suicide. If you or someone you know needs support, see the list of resources below.  In this conversation, Jessie and Molly talk about

How do you keep your heart open to love after it's been broken apart by grief? Danielle LaRock was just 19 when her father died of a heart attack. In 2022, her partner Ian died suddenly. Then, in 2024, her beloved dog Blue died, and with Blue went many shared memories of time spent with Ian. The experience of loving and being loved by Ian opened up places in Danielle's heart that had closed down after her father's death. That openness has stayed with her, even as she grieves for both Ian and Blue. That ongoing love and connection have shaped Danielle's grief and the ways she tries to support others who are also grieving.  We discuss: How Danielle coped - and didn't - as a college student after her dad's death The isolation of being surrounded by peers who hadn't experienced the death of a parent Meeting Ian as children and reconnecting as adults How Ian's own experience with the death of his dad helped him understand and support her grief Being present for Ian's medical crisis and emergency brain surgery  T

In this episode, Camila returns to Grief Out Loud six years after her first appearance to share how grief continues to evolve. What began with the sudden loss of her mother at age 21 has now expanded to include the ongoing grief of caregiving for her father, who is living with dementia and Alzheimer's disease.  Camila discusses the unique challenges of long-distance caregiving, the differences between sudden loss and gradual decline, and how these two types of grief intersect in her life. She also discusses navigating major life milestones—including getting married during the pandemic—without her mother's presence.  We Discuss: The difference between sudden loss and the "slow grief" of watching a parent decline  How grief has shifted in the 15+ years since her mother's unexpected death Losing her father as the co-archivist of her mother's life and their family history Managing long-distance caregiving The failures of the elder care system in the U.S. The role of chosen family and support Wedding pla

In this deeply personal episode, Mark Chesnut returns to Grief Out Loud to share his experience of losing his sister Glynn to ovarian cancer. Glynn chose medical aid in dying after nearly four years of treatment, giving Mark and his family the unusual experience of knowing when death would occur. This conversation explores the complexity of "scheduled death," the challenges of finding appropriate language to discuss medical aid in dying, and how knowing the date changed their family's grieving process. Mark Chesnut is a journalist, editor, public speaker, and the author of: Prepare for Departure.  Mark previously appeared on Grief Out Loud in October 2022, discussing caring for his mother at the end of her life. Mark lives in New York City with his husband Angel and recently wrote an article about his sister's experience with medical aid in dying.  This episode is the second in our 2025 three-part series highlighting the voices of communities who have historically been underrepresented in the grief world. The

When someone dies, our relationship with them doesn't just disappear. Sometimes the relationship changes in ways we never expected, allowing us to feel closer to them than we did when they were alive. This can leave us learning to grieve not just for what we had, but for what never got the chance to have with them. In this episode we talk with Never Faull about grieving for their father, who died in 2018 from cirrhosis of the liver. Nev shares how their relationship with their father was distant during his life and how they've found ways to create a deeper connection with him after his death. We also discuss what it was like for Nev, who came out as trans six months after their dad dies, to navigate grieving while also celebrating a new unfolding in their identity.  Topics we discuss: Navigating grief in complex parent-child relationships The impact of undiagnosed autism on family connections Creating meaning and relationship after death The symbols and rituals that help Nev feel a connection with their dad'

Daria Burke is an author, executive, and healer-at-heart. She's also a grandchild grieving for her grandmother and a daughter estranged from her parents. In this episode, Daria shares the profound impact of losing her maternal grandmother at age seven and how that early loss reverberated through her life. This loss and grief exist alongside the immense healing she's done around growing up in poverty, childhood trauma, and her parents' absences, addictions, and the eventual estrangement from them. With the recent release of her memoir, Of My Own Making, Daria opens up about the moment, decades later, that reawakened the grief for her grandmother - finding a newspaper article about her fatal car accident. That discovery, and ensuing grief, started a new chapter in Daria's healing process. In our conversation, we talk about inherited trauma, the emotional weight of estrangement, the invisible grief of childhood neglect, Daria's healing practices, and how she  stays connected to her grandmother through what she c

In this episode, we delve into the grief experiences of children and teens with autism. Our guest, Jennifer Wiles, M.A., LMHC, BC-DMT, FT - Director of the HEARTplay Program and a dance movement therapist with decades of experience - joins us to discuss how children with autism process grief and how parents and others in their lives can support them. Drawing on her background in both nonverbal forms of expression and grief support, Jennifer shares compassionate, practical insights rooted in her work with families. This conversation is both timely and essential, especially during Autism Acceptance Month, as it highlights the importance of expanding how we understand and support grief beyond more traditional approaches rooted in words.  We discuss:   The importance of using direct, concrete language when talking about death  Common misconceptions about how kids with autism express grief  Why behaviors often interpreted as indifference may be expressions of deep emotion  How sensory ove

Grief often arrives without warning and changes everything we thought we knew about ourselves, our families, and the world around us. In this episode, we talk with Erin Nelson and Colleen Montague about their new book, When Grief Comes Home, a resource created from years of both personal loss and professional experience supporting families who are grieving. Erin, founding Executive Director of Jessica’s House in Central California, and Colleen, Program Director, discuss how they came to write this book that blends memoir, practical tools, and reflective questions.  We discuss: Erin's personal experience with grief including the death of her husband when their children were just 3 and 5 years old, her mother from suicide, and her son Carter, who died in an accident The unique impact of sudden loss  The power of rituals and expressive activities  What teens really need when they are grieving Strategies for returning to school and work Activites and discussion starters parents and caregivers can use to c

What does it mean to lose your anchor people? In a short period of time, Renée Watson experienced the death of her mother, her mentor Nikki Giovanni, and her childhood friend, Charnetta. Renée shares how these experiences influenced her latest novel for young readers, All the Blues in the Sky, which follows 13-year-old Sage as she navigates grief after the death of her best friend. Renée Watson is a #1 New York Times bestselling author whose recent book All the Blues in the Sky explores grief through the eyes of a young person. Her young adult novel, Piecing Me Together, received a Coretta Scott King Award and Newbery Honor. Her children's picture books and novels for teens have received several awards and international recognition. Many of her books are inspired by her experiences growing up as a Black girl in the Pacific Northwest. We Discuss Experiencing multiple significant losses in a short period of time  The impact of losing "anchor people" in one's life  How Renée's mentor and frien

In this deeply moving episode we talked with Myra Sack about the love, loss, and legacy of her daughter, Havi. Diagnosed with Tay-Sachs disease at just 15 months old, Havi's life was brief but profoundly impactful. Myra shares how she and her family navigated the unbearable reality of their daughter's illness and death, including transforming their Shabbat ritual into "Shabbirthdays" held every Friday to celebrate Havi's life.   Myra reflects on the arduous medical rollercoaster that led to Havi's Tay-Sachs diagnosis, the challenges of navigating a world that struggles to support the bereaved, and how she and her family find solace in sharing Havi's legacy with others. She also discusses her memoir, Fifty-Seven Fridays, and how she started E-Motion, Inc. an organization that harnesses movement, community, and ritual to support those who are grieving.   We discuss:  The ongoing presence of grief, particularly during milestone moments and everyday life.  How Myra and her husband Matt created th

What does it mean to live with an incurable illness while navigating grief, time, and the complexity of human connection? In this episode of Grief Out Loud, we sit down with Caroline Catlin—writer, artist, and grief care worker—to explore her experience of living with an incurable brain cancer diagnosis.  Caroline shares how her relationship with cancer has evolved over the past six years, from the early days of fighting for a diagnosis to the ongoing reality of regular scans and the uncertainty of what’s next. She speaks candidly about anticipatory grief, the way mortality shapes her daily life, and how her work in end-of-life photography and peer grief support informs her perspective on loss.  We also discuss:  The impact of a life-altering diagnosis on friendships and relationships  How people can better support those living with illness  The intersection of living with illness and supporting grieving children  The unique grief of knowing time is limited—and learning to live with

In this episode of Grief Out Loud, we welcome back Carla Fernandez, co-founder of The Dinner Party, to talk about her new book, Renegade Grief, in which she explores the question: "Now what? What are we supposed to do after someone dies?" Carla reflects on the death of her father, the unconventional paths she’s taken to process her grief, and how The Dinner Party came together from a desire to create non-traditional spaces for young adults navigating loss. In this conversation we delve into the dominant narratives around grief — and how the few that do exist may not fit for most of us. From potluck meals to altar building, Carla shares creative ways people can honor their grief and build community at the same time. We discuss: The inspiration behind Renegade Grief and why Carla wished this book existed when her dad died. How traditional grief support spaces often don’t work for young adults. The origin story of The Dinner Party, and how one dinner with friends who “get it” can change everything. Why food, me

In this episode Bryan Jung talks about the experience of being only nine years old when his father, a prominent lawyer in the Korean community, was tragically shot by another lawyer. Fifteen months later and just nine days before Bryan’s 11th birthday, his father died. Bryan reflects on the impact of his father’s death, the strength of his family, and how he continues to honor his dad’s legacy. He shares how his grief evolved over time, the role of community support, and the lessons he’s carried into his own life. Bryan also discusses founding This Is Why, an online platform that provides space for individuals who lost a parent as a child or teen to share their stories and find connection.  We Discuss:  Bryan’s memories of his father and the impact of his death on their family  Navigating life after his father’s shooting and the challenges of childhood grief  The role of community support and the strength of his mother in keeping the family together  How volunteering at Camp Erin deep

In this episode, we talk with Judy Lipson, author of A Celebration of Sisters. Judy shares her journey of sibling loss, reflecting on the deaths of her sisters—Margie, who died of anorexia, and Jane, who died in a car crash—and how their absence shaped her identity. She opens up about the complexities of sibling grief, the impact of Margie's long battle with an eating disorder, and the moment when the grief she had pushed aside for so long finally caught up with her. Through writing, ice skating, and organizing a fundraiser in their honor, Judy found ways to reconnect with her sisters and keep their memory alive. She also discusses the evolving landscape of sibling grief support and how sharing her story has helped others navigate their own losses. We Discuss: Growing up as the middle of three sisters The shock of losing Jane when Judy was 25, and then Margie nine years later The challenges of grieving while balancing responsibilities How ice skating and philanthropy became outlets for her grief The changing