Wife Of An Alcoholic: Recovery | Loving An Alcoholic | Codependency| Michelle Lisa Anderson

When you love someone suffering from addiction to alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, gambling, or whatever else they may choose, we get angry. Their addiction starts to overtake their lives and relationships, right? Of course we get angry. So this week we’re talking specifically about how to let it go.  Here’s the thing: if we don’t find ways to let that anger go, it can build and become toxic to us.  It can start to cause resentment and bitterness. It can start to seep into other parts of our lives that just don’t deserve to have anger there. Has that ever happened to you? I know it did for me. And there’s no judgment.  It’s just part of our lives because we love someone suffering from addiction.  So today I’m here with one quick tip on how to let go of some of this anger. A little strategy and technique that you can use throughout your day.  Start with the small situations, and work your way up as you get more and more comfortable with this little tip.  You ready? I know you can do it! We’re here for you, we

Does your child suffer from addiction? Have you found them drinking, using drugs, huffing, or taking pills? If their parent suffers from addiction, that means they have a genetic predisposition.  Today we hear from a brave women in our community who caught her son smoking pot, and started a ten year battle with addiction that’s still going on to this day.  Her boundaries, staying in her lane, and not enabling saved her son. And they’re closer than ever in their relationship.  Let’s make space for Natalie and her story. She’s truly an inspiration as a mother, as a wife, and as a powerful, strong woman.  Find more: https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast/

When we love someone suffering from addiction, it can be hard to let go of the blame. This becomes especially true if you’re a parent with a child who’s suffering from addiction.  And it’s not your fault. Nothing you did, didn’t do, said, or didn’t say has caused their addiction. Sometimes it can be really hard to actually believe that.  And let’s be honest: your loved one may even tell you it’s your fault. And that’s hard to get over.  So today we’re exploring more reasons it’s not your fault. There’s proof it’s not your fault, and this can be helpful for some to actually believe it’s truly not their fault.  If you’re struggling with taking the blame, and thinking it’s all your fault, listen to this episode, and last week’s too.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/why-they-might-suffer-from-addiction/ It's not your fault: https://loveoveraddiction.com/not-your-fault/ For parents: https://loveoveraddiction.com/parents/ For wives and partners: https://loveoveraddiction.com/loa/

Are you a mother or father with a child suffering from addiction? If so, do you take on the blame of their addiction? Do you think it’s your fault? Do you think that you did (or didn’t do) something right, and that’s why they’re suffering?  I’m here to tell you it’s not your fault. And when you listen to today’s episode, you’ll hear why it’s not your fault + another loving truth.  We have a free masterclass just for parents who have a child suffering from addiction. You can learn more and sign up here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/parents/ Find more: https://loveoveraddiction.com/not-your-fault/ Join the parent community here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveOverAddictionForParents/

Thriving. It’s more than surviving. It’s joy, excitement, opportunity, fun. And let’s be honest, when we love someone suffering from addiction, it can be very challenging to get to that space within ourselves.  I know it took me a long time, but I did get there. And I know you can too.  Today we hear from our community. Which you know, I’ve said a thousand times, I love our community. These women are full of power and wisdom. And listen, they’re thriving. They’ve done a lot of work to get here, and now they’re in a space where they’re learning about their own selves.  For some of them it’s coming back around to who they once were, and for others, it’s discovering a whole new self.  Isn’t that fantastic?  Please listen to (or read) their ways of thriving with open hearts and minds, and as always, without judgment. Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/thriving/ Join the community here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/  

Today we find gratitude. Which let’s be honest: in our situations, that can be really hard to do sometimes.  We had to share this episode again today because we wanted you to hear these brave women from our community, and how they find gratitude, all the while loving someone suffering from addiction.  It is certainly a practice, and we want to lovingly encourage you to find one way to be grateful for addiction today.  Let’s make space for our sisters’ gratitude, and we’ll make space for yours too.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast/

You’re part of this community, and let’s be honest, most people don’t actually understand what you’re going through.  Your baseline for chaos and lack of control are more than the average woman ever has to deal with.  We asked our community to share some of their holiday tips. It’s so nice to hear from other women who actually get it. They are living it right now too, or have lived it in the past.  Our community is such a source of power and wisdom. Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally and find inspiration: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/ Find more details: https://loveoveraddiction.com/community-holiday-tips/

For years I played the role of the fixer and mender. I held it all together. I was the glue. Without me, my ex-husband and his addiction would fall apart.  I thought if I could just run around and excuse his behavior, clean up the messes, hide the evidence, fib to his boss, it would all be okay eventually.  Can you relate?  Well, I was wrong.  Once I learned what I should actually be doing, I dropped that exhausting role of trying to be the glue.   Instead, I let it all go. I let it all fall apart. Everything. I stopped fixing. I stopped lying for him. I stopped covering. I stopped downplaying.  And here’s the thing: it actually helped. I know, that may sound crazy, especially if you’re in the thick of playing this fixer role.  Listen to find out how letting it all fall apart can be the most helpful thing you could do for your partner (and yourself).  Find more: https://loveoveraddiction.com/letting-things-fall-apart/ Join us: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addict

Today we get to hear a real life story from a brave woman in our community. Her story is absolutely amazing, and we talk on big topics like letting go of codependent behaviors, supporting children through the chaos, and how to handle it when one child is extremely loyal to their father. Truly, she’s found peace and happiness whether he’s taking pills (and drinking) or not.   Find more: https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

When we love someone suffering from addiction, our relationships aren’t ‘normal’ by any stretch of the word.  We can take on strange roles that we never imagined before, like taking care of our partners like they’re our children.  Can you relate? Do you find yourself reminding them of appointments? Picking up their laundry? Cleaning up their messes? Driving them places? Making all their food?  There’s no shame here. We’re a judgment-free community. And I found myself in this exact position when I loved a good man that suffered from addiction.  I thought I was helping, but I was actually hurting.  Find out how to let go of acting like their mother, and where to put that energy and effort instead.  Learn more: https://loveoveraddiction.com/taking-care-of-your-partner/  Join your community: https://loveoveraddiction.com Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Here’s the deal: today I get to share a conversation with you - one I had with a Love Over Addiction Sister in our community.  She’s sharing her personal story about loving a good man that suffers from addiction. We cover big topics like why (and how) she ended up here in the first place.  We talk about how her lack of self-confidence impacted her whole relationship, and where she is today with her two young children.  As always, please welcome this brave woman with loving, judgment-free acceptance. Find more here:https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast/ Join your community: https://loveoveraddiction.com Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Growing up, weren’t we all taught that when we feel guilty about something, that’s our conscience telling us we’ve done something ‘wrong’?  I know I was. So when I was married to a good man suffering from addiction, dealing with feelings of guilt was hard, because I assumed I was in the wrong.  Here’s the thing though: addiction doesn’t play by the rules. All those ‘helpful’ tips and tools out there don’t apply to us, and our relationships, because we love someone suffering from addiction.  Addiction breaks rules, lies, manipulates, and is aggressive.  Well, I have a different idea: feeling guilty can actually be a good sign that you’re doing the right thing, and that you’re on the right path. Don’t worry, I’ll explain everything in today’s episode.   Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/feeling-guilty-is-a-sign/ Join your community: https://loveoveraddiction.com Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Her son (and her husband) both suffer from addiction. She has twin sons, one suffers and one doesn’t. And she thinks she knows why… Usually we don’t get into the details of why someone may suffer, but when you’re a mother with a child suffering it can be helpful. We talk about why and much more.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast Join your community: https://loveoveraddiction.com Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Some people try to avoid their anger. And in my experience, women especially.  As women, we seem to be the ones that always hold it together. So getting angry makes us look bad, like we’re falling apart.  But we’re not.  Here’s the truth: Anger is a very real and true emotion. And when we love someone suffering from addiction, anger is completely normal.  In fact, if you think you’re not angry, I encourage you to take a deeper look at what’s really going on. Today we’ll explore what’s underneath that anger. We’ll look at its roots, and find out how to use the anger for good.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/why-anger-is-okay-and-how-to-use-it-for-good/  Join your community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

I love hearing stories. It’s so powerful, and these real life examples can open our eyes and hearts to our very own potential.  Today, listen to our conversation with one of our brave Love Over Addiction sisters who shares about her relationship with a good man that drinks too much.  She gets brutally honest with us about the baggage she brought from past relationships, how her husband has set boundaries on her, and how she’s come to a place of compassion and gratitude.  She’s found her own happiness and continues to heal and recover, all the while she’s staying married, and her husband is still drinking.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/addiction-as-excuse/ Join the sisterhood: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Addiction lies. It has to in order to thrive. And we, as the partners, loved ones, and spouses, we get the brunt of these lies.  Do you feel like you’re reading into everything, questioning each detail, asking clarifying questions, or wanting them to verify their story? Do you check their phone for ‘proof’ they’re telling the truth (or not)?  I did. There’s no shame or judgment here. My ex-husband lied to me constantly. So I was always on guard. I had a strong intuition, but it was continually being tested.  I felt like I was going crazy. I was exhausted. Can you relate?  So one question I hear from women in our community all the time is this: “When can I trust again?”  And that’s the question we’ll answer today.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/learning-to-trust-again/ Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

When we love someone suffering from addiction, we deeply desire for them to get sober. We dream of the day they decide to be done with alcohol, drugs, pornography, or whatever else, for good.  Well today, we hear from a woman in our community who’s been married for over 35 years. And her husband has been in and out of recovery for years.  She’s learned to trust her intuition, come out of denial, and discover herself, whether he’s sober or not. It’s a daily challenge for him, but she has boundaries in place to protect herself, stay in her lane, and be happy, no matter what he’s choosing that day.  Hear her story, and how she’s found compassion for her husband today.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/their-long-road-to-recovery-and-yours-too/  Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

When we love someone suffering from addiction, it can be hard to see the light of day. Our once very accurate judgment and perception is now being manipulated into something else.  I remember feeling so lost, thinking, “What is actually going on?” I felt crazy. Have you ever felt like that?   As I started my own recovery and healing, I discovered that there are little tools and tricks that I could use in those moments to find clarity. To remind myself that I’m actually not crazy. I used these tactics day in and day out when I was married to a good man suffering from addiction. So today I share two simple lessons with you that I was reminded of when my ceiling caved in a few weeks ago.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/lessons-when-your-partner-suffers-from-addiction/ Join the sisterhood: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally (and see the ceiling): https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Here’s the deal: you reserve the right to change your mind at any time, for any reason.  Why is that important? Because if you’re anything like me, you put a lot of pressure on yourself to make the “right” choice.  And sometimes you may even get stuck or frozen in indecision, because you’re too afraid of getting it ‘wrong’. There’s no judgment here. I’ve struggled with this all my life.  Whether it’s coming from your inner perfectionist, pressures from society's expectations, or even friends and family, find out why it’s okay to get it ‘wrong’.  And why we need to allow ourselves grace and space to mess up.  Find more: https://loveoveraddiction.com/why-its-okay-to-change-your-mind/ Join our judgment-free community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally and see all the ways I get it ‘wrong’: https://instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

When I was healing from loving a man suffering from addiction there was one thing that was part of all of my days: self-care. And I know, I get it, self-care is all the rage right now.  But self-care should meet your needs, and not necessarily be ‘trendy’. My self-care right now is a bowl of ice cream and an episode on Netflix. My self-care has been physical movement, walking with my dog and kids, taking a bath with all my favorite soaps, among other things.  My point is that it doesn’t matter what you do, but when you can do it every single day, you’ll have a breakthrough.  For me, it helped me feel more calm, more available to handle the chaos that did come my way, and overall, more grounded.  Find more details here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/take-care-of-yourself/  Join our community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/