Wife Of An Alcoholic: Recovery | Loving An Alcoholic | Codependency| Michelle Lisa Anderson

When we love someone suffering from addiction, we may feel crazy when we try to talk to them about an issue or something going on.  You may find yourself questioning whether or not this is normal. You may have forgotten what a healthy discussion looks like. When we love someone suffering from addiction, our ‘normal’ is much different than everyone else's.  On today’s episode you’ll hear a couple of examples about what a healthy discussion looks like and what an unhealthy one looks like.  And exactly how to handle it if you’re in the ‘unhealthy’ discussion pattern.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/healthy-vs-unhealthy-discussion-patterns/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

Today is all about the power of positive thinking. And you know that in this community we talk about feelings and we give you actionable steps to take so you actually feel better.  On today’s episode you’ll hear about two powerful tools you can start using now to influence your thinking in a positive way.  They’re simple. Yes they take practice, and yes, they will make a difference.  Learn more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/power-of-positive-thinking/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

When you love someone suffering from addiction, we tend to take on certain roles in the relationship. We want to help our partners get sober, and sometimes we find ourselves grasping at straws in order to make it work.  There’s never any judgment here. We understand what you’re going through and know that you only want to help.  We’re here today to offer you tips and tools to navigate your relationship. Today’s a good day to be honest with yourself about what’s really going on: inside of you, with your partner, and in the relationship. Make space for yourself to explore, grow, and learn. Be open to what comes. We’re here for you. You’re not alone. You can do it!  Read more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/relationship-roles Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

For those in the US, today is Memorial Day. We honor those that have served this country for our freedom. Thank you. To their wives and children, thank you.  When we love someone suffering from addiction, holidays (like today) can be an excuse to drink or use more than usual.  So our podcast episode is all about you. It’s all about finding the answer you may have been looking for, and maybe where you didn’t expect it.  We dive deep into questions to ask yourself, and yes, have a conversation with yourself in a closet, bathroom, or your safe space.  There’s never judgment here, I did it all the time. And a lot of women in our community do too.  Learn more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/prove-something-find-answers/ Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

Feeling better is a process, right? If there was some magical, fantastical button that would just make everyone feel better with no work, we’d all be there.  But that’s not the case. We have to put work into how we feel. And like anything that has a true reward in life, it takes effort. There’s a process.  Honoring (and knowing) that process can be helpful as we’re working through our own healing.  It can also be helpful to know the process as we see our loved ones work through their own healing.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/five-stages-to-feeling-better/ Join our community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

We’re all still in some sort of lockdown due to the coronavirus.  When we love someone suffering from addiction, we have our coping strategies. We all have things we do to help us through those particularly rough situations.  We teach those tools and tips in the programs, but here’s the thing: you may not be able to use your normal coping strategies right now.  Right? We can’t necessarily pick up our keys and escape to the grocery store, or out shopping, or to a coffee shop. All that’s changed now.  So today I share a different strategy. Something you can do at home and a practice you can choose to help cope.  Is it hard? Yes. It is. That’s just the loving truth. But does it work? Yes. It does. Also a loving truth :)  Find more details here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/finding-compassion-is-your-choice/

In this community, we love someone suffering from addiction. And most of us are fixers by nature. We’re helpers. We feel deeply for others, and all we want to do is help in a loving way.  In most cases that help or desire to fix is outwardly focused, meaning that we’re focusing our attention and love on someone else.  So today we talk about taking that inward. And focusing that energy and attention on ourselves, and what happens when we do that.  Find more details here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/something-you-can-fix/ Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

Have you ever wondered why you landed in this relationship with someone suffering from addiction in the first place?   I know that I did. And we’ve heard the same question from countless women in our community.  It’s a great question, because if we’re being honest, none of us ever dreamed of being in such a relationship. Right?  Today we talk about why you’re here in the first place. It’s good stuff. Listen on your next walk, drive, or while you’re cozied up on the couch with your headphones and a cup of tea. Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/why-this-relationship/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

When we love someone suffering from addiction, the relationship will most likely become more unhealthy over time. Meaning that our ‘normal’ morphs and changes and we take on roles and behaviors that relationships without addiction don’t struggle with.  This is one way that we give away our power. So today we talk all about staying in your relationship and keeping your power. Because let’s be honest, if you’re going to stay, then you must take back all your power you’ve given away and find new avenues to be empowered in your situation.  And especially now, when we’re at home in these uncertain times. Everyone is walking around in masks, protecting ourselves and others. It’s scary. It feels surreal at times.  So let’s focus on staying with power today, okay?  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/stay-and-find-your-power/ Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Subscribe to the podcast: https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast

When we love someone suffering from addiction, we try hard all the time. Our day-to-day life is harder than most, and we know that it requires more energy to manage our relationships.  And let’s be honest: it’s hard. Sometimes we try so darn hard, and it feels like we make it half a step forward at best. Can you relate to that feeling? I know it can feel very defeating.  So today we talk about why it’s okay to take a break from trying so hard. It’s nice to have ‘permission’ to do something like that, isn’t it?  I hope you find encouragement and hope in today’s episode.  Find more: https://loveoveraddiction.com/stop-trying-so-hard/ Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

When you love someone suffering from addiction, you may question why you stay. And let’s be honest, with everything going on right now, all the shelter-in-place and stay-at-home orders, we’ve got a lot on our minds. It’s a lot to process and work through. My heart goes out to you, sister. I was once where you are today, and you’ve got a whole other layer to navigate being at home with these uncertain times.  Today is all about why you are staying in your relationship right now - or maybe why you stayed as long as you did. I share why I stayed as long as I did, and why that whatever you choose, it’s fine.  It’s your choice, and frankly, like me 10 years ago, you may just not be ready to leave yet. You can find hope, sister. Regardless of where you are today, let’s drop the judgment and focus on our own healing.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/leave-unhealthy-relationship/ Join us: https://loveoveraddiction.com/

**Listen to this episode for a special update from me during this time** A lot of times in the recovery world we, the loved ones, are labeled as codependent people. They basically use that label to explain why we might have gotten into this relationship in the first place.  Labels set aside, we all got into our relationships for different reasons. And of course, we’re each choosing to stay or leave for our own reasons.  Here’s what I think: being labeled as “codependent” can have its benefits. I believe there are ways to use these codependent tendencies for good. Today you’ll hear about three benefits of codependency. What do you think? Do you have these benefits like I do?

We’re empathetic loving women that take care of everyone else. Right? Can you relate? Raise your hand if you always care for someone else before putting your own needs first.  I was once that way. And I still have to remind myself to take care of myself instead of focusing on everyone else.  So today I’m here with a tip about how to love yourself when you love an alcoholic or addict.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/how-to-love-yourself-while-loving-your-alcoholic/

When we love someone suffering from addiction we can become so bogged down with their choices and addiction.  It’s nice to hear tips, new ideas, and things to try that can actually make a difference in your day-to-day life. And here’s the other great thing: It lets you focus on yourself and what you’re doing and less and less on them and what they’re doing.  We hope you enjoy these 12 quick tips that you can start implementing today!  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/12-things-can-help-get-sober/

When we love someone suffering from addiction, we can take on the role of fixer, solver, and just plain ‘figure-everything-out-and-make-everything-better-er’. Am I right?  We take on their addiction and with that, we take on lies and mistruths that lead our beliefs. The truth of it is that taking those on is harmful. It’s not beneficial to our healing.  When we can remove the goggles of their addiction and see the situation truly for what it is, we can let go of these lies and move forward in our own healing.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/3-biggest-lies-while-loving-an-alcoholic-or-substance-abuser/  Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

When we love someone suffering from addiction, we think that if they can just get sober, all the problems would melt away. We’d somehow have a “normal” life after that, right?  I know when I was married to a good man that suffered from addiction, that’s what I thought.  Today we have an interview from our community who shares her story and how they got here. Her husband hasn’t had a drink in over five years, and she continues to practice her healing every single day. We talk about big issues, like a near death experience for her husband, why she was excited about that, and what her line in the sand is.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast/

When we love someone suffering from addiction it’s so easy to feel completely isolated and alone. It can start to feel like we’re living a lie because we tend to cover up their issues for them. We take on the role of fixing and solving. We hide, we may even lie. There’s no judgment here. I get it. I did it for years.  So today we’re here with some encouraging words. We’re here to lift you up. We’re here to tell you that not only are you doing an amazing job, but we’ll tell you why that’s the case too.  You deserve this.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/encouragement-and-love-for-the-wife-of-an-alcoholic/ Join the community: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

Today’s episode is raw and real. We all have our own personal reasons for staying or leaving when we’re in a relationship with a good person that is suffering from addiction.  In everyone’s journey there comes a point that we get real about our reasons for staying (or leaving).  That point comes at all different times and for all different reasons, but it will happen.  When I got real about why I was staying I found some pretty uncomfortable reasons that were hard to admit. Now, this is my personal story. These are my personal experiences, and of course, I realize everyone is different.  There’s no judgment necessary towards me (thank you) or towards yourself. We’re all doing our best, and each of our situations are unique and similar all at the same time.  Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/i-stayed-with-my-alcoholic-husband/ Join the community here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

When we love someone suffering from addiction we so often feel alone and isolated. We can feel left in the dark, like no one really knows what’s going on. And that’s true. It feels that way because more often than not, that’s what’s actually going on.  That’s one of the reasons why we love sharing these interviews with women from our community. It reminds us that we’re not alone. There are lots of women out there that actually understand what we’re going through. Hearing their stories can help us find our own power, hear new insights, and of course, help us not feel so alone.  We highlight codependency, boundaries, finding professionals, and trusting yourself through her story.  Find more details: https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast/ Join the sisterhood: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/

If we’re getting real with each other, we’ve probably all had a conversation about pornography in our relationships.  Pornography is completely normalized, accepted, and expected as something that men (and women) do to cope, relieve stress, or otherwise find a release.  But here’s the thing: how do we know when it’s an addiction vs. just watching pornography for other reasons?  That’s a great question, and something we explore on today’s interview with our very own Laurie. Let’s make space for her as she shares her story and connects with me about her husband’s pornography addiction.  Listen and find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/podcast/ Join your sisterhood: https://loveoveraddiction.com/ Connect personally: https://www.instagram.com/love_over_addiction/