How To Survive

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 253...and I'm smarter than a beaver.   Prey (2022) tells the story of Naru, a young Commanche woman who is eager to be recognised as a great hunter. To earn the respect of her peers, she intends to hunt a creature which normally preys on humans... but it's a classic case of be careful what you wish for, as an intergalactic hunter equipped with lasers, invisibility and a bad attitude has just rolled into town.   We talk about the honour codes of intergalactic hunters; the importance of taking your chances; and the obvious benefits of silencing any gargles, coughs and clicks when you're trying to employ stealth.   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If it bleeds, we can kill it.   We're back in two weeks with 'exhilarating gaming horror mash-up' (The Guardian), We're All Going to the World's Fair, or if you don't want to wait that lo

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 252...and this wasn't what I had in mind when I agreed to help out on your film.   X (2022) tells the story of aspiring pornstar Maxine, who takes a roadtrip to a remote farmhouse to shoot an adult film with her motley film crew buddies. Will the farm's elderly residents, including the mysterious and apparently infirm Pearl, prove happy about providing the backdrop for a smutty film? Who could say.   It's smiles all round as we discuss revisionist slashers and elderly flashers, alligators, octogenarian daters, electronic masturbators and fundamentalist Christian agitators, and ask ourselves whether this is the most likeable cast of survivors in the subgenre's history?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Pointing it and waving it around is usually enough to scare them straight.   We're back in two weeks with sci-fi sequel Prey (2022),

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to get every episode one week early, plus monthly bonus episodes and more.   It's episode 251...and I mean, we really put on a show.   Nope (2022) tells the story of OJ and Emerald, horse-wrangling siblings struggling to keep the family ranch going in the wake of their father's untimely death. But when mysterious events beset their farm and the nearby theme park, the pair set out to collect undeniable evidence of the strange goings-on, with the help of an enthusiastic technician and a not-so-enthusiastic cinematographer.   We talk themes and theories, UAPs and UFOs, discuss having eyes bigger than your belly and painting eyes on the planet, and wonder whether anything in the film is anywhere near as scary as a chimp on the loose. All of which leads to one important question: how would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You don't look at it unless you want its attention.   We're back in two weeks for Ti Wes

How to Survive is back on a fortnightly basis, starting on Wednesday 21st September with Jordan Peele's Nope and Ti West's X on Wednesday 5th October after that. If you don't want to wait that long, head over to Patreon.com/HowToSurvivePod, where for $3 a month you can get every episode a week early, plus a bonus episode every month AND help us decide what films we cover next. Thanks for joining us, as ever, and feel free to get in touch on HowToSurviveShow@gmail.com or @HowToSurvivePod on Twitter.

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's Christmas, and our second 2021 Christmas Special. Home Sweet Home Alone (2021) tells the story of Pam and Jeff who find an heirloom worth thousands. They believe that it has been stolen by local kid Max Mercer and set out to recover it by any means necessary. By coincidence, Max's parents have accidentally left him home alone and travelled to Japan - so he'll have to fend off Pam and Jeff by making booby traps out of household products. We discuss burns, scrapes, stabs, cuts, and bludgeonings. We talk about fire safety; common-sense PR moves; and the power of a normal human conversation. All of which leads to one important question: how would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Uh, this is garbage. I don't know why they are always trying to remake the classics. Never as good as the originals. Next time: We're on a break for a while. Stay tuned for further updates and see you in 2022! x Get in touch! HowtoSurviveS

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's Christmas! And the first of our 2021 Christmas specials. Better Watch Out (2016) tells the story of Ashley, a babysitter and her charge, Luke. In the run-up to Christmas, Luke wants to try to seduce Ashley, but before he can make his move, a home invasion makes an already uncomfortable situation much less comfortable.  We talk about the importance of trigger safety; the merits of a 'less is more' approach to seduction; and we ask how much of a Christmas movie this really is. All of which leads to one important question: how would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: She's like twice your age. I really don't think it's gonna happen. Next time, Christmas continues apace. Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 250...and she's still here. Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021) is the latest installment in the beloved horror franchise, and marks the first time we've watched a brand-new entry of any of our favoured franchises since we started the podcast! Margot reconnects with her estranged family who belong to an isolated Amish community, but not everything is as it seems. However, in a stroke of good fortune, Margot has brought along a documentary crew to capture crystal clear 4K footage of all the things that go bump in the night.  We revisit a modern horror staple, discuss the rights and wrongs of activities paranormal and otherwise, ask if a found footage film as ever looked less 'found' than this and ponder whether you should reconsider telling a cult member that you've uncovered some creepy cult member business going on. Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I know every Amish family within a fifty mile area and they ai

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 249...I thought we could help him, but I was wrong. It's time we cut out the cancer. Malignant (2021) marks James Wan's glitzy return to the horror genre with what feels like a run through the greatest hits of his filmography. We've got abductions, nightmares, haunted houses, but how well does it all hang together? We discuss a film of two halves, the strangest martial arts movie ever made, consider health and safety tips for constructing torture dungeons, and Chris tests Joe on his single-nasty-word-horror-movie-title knowledge with his single-nasty-word-horror-movie-title quiz. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Some of the conversations you had with Gabriel just chilled us to the bone. Next time, it's a treat for our 250th episode: Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurviv

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 248...and I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave. Face/Off (1997) tells the story of FBI agent Sean Archer, tasked with apprehending the world's most-wanted terrorist-for-hire  Castor Troy. With time running out before a dirty bomb hits LA, Sean takes drastic action - impersonating a comatose Castor by stealing his face via a surgical face transplant. But things go from bad to worse when Castor wakes up and begins impersonating Sean in turn. Disaster! We discuss John Woo, ask how sensible a mid-surgery haircut would be, ask if you're really getting the best out of two actors by asking them to play each other, and ask ourselves is this the stupidest Hollywood blockbuster ever made? All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I could eat a peach for hours. Next time, we check out James Wan's 2021 horror smash Malignant. Get in touch! HowtoSurviveS

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 247...and we're gonna get killed by Murder Barbie.  Freaky (2021) tells the story of Millie, a high school student who swaps bodies with a middle-aged male serial killer known as The Blissfield Butcher. Millie has until midnight on Friday the 13th to swap their bodies back - and to prevent The Butcher from running amock in her body. We compliment a quick-thinking mass murderer; consider gun safety in a Middle American town and ponder the benefits of the hitting the open road.  All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: we're not here to clam jam. Next time, 'Body Swap' season continues apace with Face/Off (1997). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 246...and evil dies tonight. Halloween Kills (2021), starring Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, is (depending on your outlook) either the 12th or 3rd film in the beloved Halloween franchise, and a direct sequel to Halloween (2018), starring Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, which itself was a direct sequel to Halloween (1978), starring Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode. If that sounds confusing then don't worry, because the good news is that Halloween Kills is so rubbish that you'll quickly stop caring at all! We ask what went wrong, why any self-respecting modern-day slasher would draw inspiration from the very worst of the Friday the 13th films, whether 'First, do no harm' is followed by 'Second, evil dies tonight' and debate the merits of leaving a bloodied machete in the bed of a sleeping grandmother. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: People

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 245...and there's good man inside of you fighting to come out. The Mummy (2017) tells the story of Nick Morton, a tomb-raiding soldier serving in Iraq. Morton accidentally becomes cursed with ancient Egyptian magic, embroiled in a shady organisation's fight against evil, and must do what it takes to prevent the Egyptian Princess Ahmanet (who has been dead for 5,000 years) from running amok. We ask ourselves: what went wrong with this film? How much Tom Cruise is too much Tom Cruise? And look forward to a lively discussion about the transportation of rare metal in the ancient world. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: That was safely hidden for 5,000 years before you dropped a Hellfire missile on it. Next time, it's the spookiest time of the year, so look out for Halloween Kills (2021). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @H

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 244...and I only gamble with my life, never my money. The Mummy (1999) tells the story of the treasure-hunting trio of Rick, Evelyn and Jonathan, who head to the Ancient Egyptian city of Hamunatpra in the hope of unearthing riches. Instead, they awaken the cursed tomb of Imhotep, who rises from the dead and brings with him the Ten Plagues of Egypt. We crack open a 90s adventure classic, read aloud from the book of Evelyn, look upon Brendan Fraser's works and delight and, for the second film running, question why a man returned from the living dead with supernatural powers needs slaves at all. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: When Ramses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe! Next time, it's the final part of our triple-bill of Mummies, as we finally step into the Dark Universe with The Mummy (2017). Get in touch! HowtoSurviv

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 243...and do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with? The Mummy (1932) tells the story of Imhotep, an ancient Egyptian high priest condemned to eternal undeath for religious sacrilege, resurrected by intrepid archaeologists. Once alive, Imhotep seeks out the object of his everlasting love Anck-su-namun, who he believes is reincarnated in the form of half-Egyptian, half-British socialite Helen Grosvenor. Can a crack team of old men and lovelorn simps stop Imhotep from laying claim to Helen's soul? We dig up and inspect the most ancient film we've ever covered, blow the dust from Boris Karloff's incredible face, offer marriage advice for1930s women and Joe ponders how best to spread the good word of the ancient Egyptian Gods.  All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: He went for a little walk! You should have seen his face! Next time, it'

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 242...and it could be another Jigsaw copycat. Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021) tells the story of Ezekial 'Zeke' Banks, a hard-boiled detective in an unnamed city, hunting down a mysterious serial killer of corrupt Police officers in a manner not unlike everyone's favourite DIY enthusiast John Kramer, aka The Jigsaw Killer. We wonder if the Chris Rock-ification of the Saw franchise was something anybody needed and where we go from here, discuss a surprisingly gore-lite torture porn film, question the timing of a 'Cops as victims' plot in 2021 and ask why our mysterious killer would bother with the traps in the first place instead of, say, using a gun. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: John Kramer Was Right. The Spiral: A Symbol Of Change, Evolution, Progress. Next time, it's the first of a triple-bill of Mummies, starting with Karl Freund's The

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 241... so get over here! Mortal Kombat (2021) tells the story of 'Cole Young', a failed MMA fighter who has a strange birthmark. The birthmark automatically means he is a champion of earth, and must defend Earth Realm in the last of ten consecutive martial arts tournaments against 'Outworld' - but not if the Outworld team and its fearsome assassins have anything to say about it! We talk about the tournament that never was; the benefits of an assassin picking the best moment. means and moniker; and question some interdimensional treaty-writing decisions. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The fate of Earth is in OUR hands. Next time, we're caught in a trap: It's Spiral: from the Book of Saw (2021). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 240...and there's nothing left. A Quiet Place Part II (2021) continues the story started in John Krasinski's A Quiet Place, as Evelyn and her children struggle for survival in a world where a single errant noise could mean a violent death. The family meet Emmett, a fellow survivor, but he isn't convinced that what's left of the world is worth saving. We wonder if this is one of the best horror sequels of all time, discuss swamp people and the value of socks, ponder which noises would make our heads flap open, and talk about our about our experiences making our long-awaited return to the cinema. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: the people that are left, they're not the kind of people worth saving. Next time it's a fight to the death in Simon McQuoid's Mortal Kombat (2021). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurviv

It's episode 239...and would you look at that?   Greenland (2020) tells the story of John Garrity, who gathers with his estranged wife and son to watch as the Clarke comet flies past Earth. Turns out the boffins back at NASA got their calculations a bit wrong and it doesn't so much fly past Earth as smash straight into it. Can the Garritys make it to emergency shelter in the titular Greenland before it's too late?   We discuss perhaps the most stressful diaster movie journey of all time, ponder the ideal locations for United States emergency shelters, wonder aloud about the usefulness of a structural engineer after the world has ended and ultimately ask whether you should even bother? All that plus the ultimate Tom Cruise Dad quiz.   All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?   Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: My friend Teddy says your life flashes in front of your eyes when you die. I think it would be better if it did that while you lived. That way, you could see al

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 238...and these are dangerous times. Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) tells the story of...well you can probably guess. There's about 40 minutes of story and 40 minutes of fighting and somehow the film is still 2 hours long. Make of that what you will. It's time for titans, punch-ups on battleships, Hollow Earth (theory and practice), anti-gravity helicopters and building-sized ancient axes. What more could you ask for? A hastily put together quiz? You got it! All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: there can't be two alpha Titans. Next time - it's Gerard Butler vs the apocalypse in Greenland (2021). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 236...and I can't shake the feeling that you must have saved me for something greater than this. Saint Maud (2020) follows Maud, a palliative nurse and evangelical Roman Catholic who believes its her Godly duty to save the soul of her athiest patient Amanda. However, as her behaviour begins to spiral out of control, we learn more about Maud's troubled past and her grandiose ideas for how to achieve Sainthood.  We break down one of the most assured horror movie debuts for many years, question the extent to which the film is about religion at all, and answer all the burning questions about the film's dramatic conclusion.  All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I hope you will reveal your plan for me soon. Next time - it's time for some good, clean fun with Possessor (Brandon Cronenburg, 2020). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter