Marriagepath Radio

Description: Happiness can be experienced in many forms, ranging from inner contentment to hilarious laughter. Getting there is the result of intentional efforts to invest in relationships and in goodness. In this podcast we will highlight multiple ways to make happiness an ongoing part of your life. Something to Think about:   To be happy, you have to adjust your expectations in a realistic direction. People who like to serve also have greater episodes of happiness. Appreciating simplicity is directly linked to a life of joy. Let’s Talk Question: What are the top three or four things in your life that bring consistent happiness?

Few people like to think of themselves as broken, but the longer you live, you will be susceptible to unwanted difficulties. Your challenge is to take your broken moments as a sort of laboratory experience, using them to produce good from your strains. In this podcast we will gain inspiration from a pianist who did just that, and we will discuss turning sorrow into strength. Something to Think about In this episode, we identified that: Broken people deliberately choose to use their experiences to produce good, not bitterness. They understand the role of choice. Broken people are positioned to act as fellow sojourners with those they encounter along life’s way. Broken people can determine to be lifelong learners. Let's Talk “What heartaches have you experienced that could prompt you to be a more sincere, loving presence to those who draw near to you? How does this work?”

Description: When some people use the phrase “We’ve fallen out of love,” it can be the direct result of very serious problems like an affair, abuse, or gross irresponsibility. At other times, though, when that phrase is used it can really mean, “We’ve grown apart,” and that is something that can be addressed. When chemistry and high feelings fade, you can still choose love as a way of life, not as a duty but as an intentional mindset. Something to Think about:   Attitudes and character can be confronted and adjusted. As you strengthen communication skills and as you learn to monitor emotions well, lost love can be revived. When you have lived together for a significant time, something other than good feelings has to guide you in your quest to find love, and that something is free choice. Let’s Talk Question: What good can come to a relationship when you realize that wonderful feelings are not enough to sustain a viable connection?

Description: Sometimes when people say “that’s just the way I am,” it is a flimsy way of indicating a stubborn refusal to make needed adjustments. Being who you are is great...as long as you are honest with yourself about the motives and repercussions of your behaviors. In this podcast we will examine how stubbornness can hinder relational healthiness. Something to Think about:   Every person has blind spots, meaning it is never a good thing to presume that change is unnecessary. Healthy relationships are typified by “give and take” exchanges. The more powerfully you insist upon being right, the less influence you have. Let’s Talk Question: Why do you suppose some people hide behind the phrase: “That’s just the way I am”?

Description: Too commonly people manage tensions by going into a deep form of withdrawal that indicates punishment and contempt. While there are actually times when withdrawal can be a necessary tactic, it need not be accompanied by a message of rejection. In this episode we will examine how to find seek time for individual reflection even as relationship issues are in play. Something to Think about:   If your withdrawal illustrates feelings of deep contempt, the relationship is probably in major trouble. If you need time to gather your thoughts and feelings, you can choose to do so in a constructive fashion. Controlling behaviors are likely to lead to out of control emotions. Let’s Talk Question: Why do you suppose some people use the tactic of punishing withdrawal? What is the common result?

Because we tend to think of anger in mostly negative terms, we can overlook the fact that sometimes anger has a legitimate function. It is an emotion of self-preservation and can prompt the individual to stand firmly for valid needs and convictions. That said, it can be easily misused, so it is important for the angry person to pause long enough to discern how to match the legitimate message of anger with a respectful manner of communication. Something to Think about: At the base of anger there tends to be a hunger for dignity and respect. You can be stable in your emotional expressions even if the other person does not receive your message well. Healthy anger requires common sense, beginning with the notion that no one likes to be insulted. Let’s Talk Question: What causes you to communicate a legitimate message of anger in a disrespectful manner? What adjustment in thinking could help you communicate the emotion cleanly?

Description: While a superficial assumption may lead you to conclude that controllers are self-assured and confident, they are in fact quite insecure. Controllers set themselves up for inner tension by presuming they cannot be satisfied as long as others do not conform. Common sense tells us, though, that high control people have diminishing appeal since their behaviors tend to bring out the worst in relations. Something to Think about: The more you control, others look for ways to operate without you. Controlling behaviors diminish the potential for love. Secure people know that others are drawn in by love, understanding, and patience. Let’s Talk Question: In what ways does the controlling person operate with delusional thinking as they try to force others into a mold?

Description Shadow people can be described as those you encounter who are not at the center of your relational world, but who play small roles in your overall life. They might be waitresses, store clerks, or neighborhood acquaintances. Your manner of interaction with shadow people can reveal much about your overall emotional healthiness, and that is what we will explore in this episode. Something to Think about: Your interactions with shadow people illustrate your overall commitment to kindness and love. As you engage with shadow people you reveal your understanding of human dignity. To be consistently pleasant toward shadow people you must keep your ego in check. Let’s Talk Question: What would be some good examples of the shadow people in your world? How would you describe your overall philosophy in your treatment of these people?

Description: The way you respond to disagreements goes a long way in demonstrating your emotional maturity. Many people, when faced with conflict, elect to go into an invalidating style of communication. Your task is to recognize this, then to accept the challenge to stay on a course of constructive communication, despite the temptation to respond rudely. Something to Think about: When a person invalidates, it is more of a commentary about that person than about you. Instead of attacking or defending unnecessarily, you can set the pace by being objective, seeking clarification. Even when you do not get the desired response as you attempt to stay healthy, you can determine to rise above bad habits. Let’s Talk Question: When you feel invalidated, what adjustments will you need to make as you attempt to respond with a constructive attitude?

Description There is no denying that denial is a major problem in marital communication. Denial is a defense mechanism indicating fear and insecurity. It leaves others feeling invalidated and dismissed, and the net result is stagnation in personal growth. To eliminate denial, begin with the realization that there is much that could be gained by receiving input. Listening (as opposed to invalidating) can help you grow. Something to Think about: Every person interprets events differently, meaning you can learn from others’ input. Secure people can handle less-than-flattering input. You can’t improve as a person if you begin with the assumption there is nothing left to learn. Let’s Talk Question: In what circumstances is denial most common in your home? How does denial impact the overall home atmosphere?

Description More than just an emotion of physical isolation, loneliness represents the sensation of feeling disconnected and misunderstood. When you are agitated, when conflicts are adversarial, when you struggle with sexual issues, loneliness is in the root system. By learning to respond cleanly to the sensation of disconnection, you will be able to move forward toward relationship healthiness. Something to Think about: Chronic annoyance indicates a feeling of being misunderstood, disconnected. Sometimes loneliness is self-inflicted, as when you choose not to be proactive in reaching out to others. Minimizing lonely feelings often requires adjustments in expectation. Let’s Talk Question: What are some of the signals within your primary relationships indicating emotional disconnect? How can you keep lonely feelings from defining those relationships?

Description: Each of us is exposed to cursing, and you may be one of those who frequently communicates with crass words leading the way. Rather than seeing swear words as harmless, it can be challenging to look more fully into the habit of cursing  to determine what you are attempting to accomplish via word choice. Something to Think about:   Quite commonly cursing reflects a pessimistic view of the world in general. Even if cursing seems harmless, why not choose to err in the direction of common decency. Cursing rarely accomplishes the goal of affirming.   Let’s Talk Question: Why do you suppose some people balk at the suggestion of curtailing curse words?

Description: When someone is inappropriately angry toward you, it is easy to become pulled into the raw mood of the moment. As a contrast, if you can learn to recognize what is truly pushing that person’s anger along, you can develop objective understanding that prevents you from responding in your own maladaptive reactions. Something to Think about:   Angry people are commonly drawing upon fear and insecurity as they display their emotion. Often that person’s anger represents a lack of self-awareness, but if you maintain objectivity you can remain steady. Seeing into the other person’s anger can be a crucial step toward maintaining healthy relationship boundaries.   Let’s Talk Question: When your partner becomes angry, what unhealthy reactions can be stirred within you? What are your cleaner alternatives?

Description: Often when we experience suffering in the emotional or relational realm, we immediately wonder how to make it go away. Yet while suffering is not pleasant, lessons may be gleaned from it. Pain, though uncomfortable, is there for a reason. As you respond to it, you can find wisdom as you tend to the messages inherent in that situation. Something to Think about:   Suffering has a way of taking you “back to the Basics.” Suffering can prompt you to become more proactive in being true to the real you. Empathy can be built upon your difficult life circumstances.   Let’s Talk Question: As you have examined your painful circumstances, what good and necessary lessons have you learned?

Description: Often when tensions arise, the prevailing question can be: “What am I supposed to do?” While this is not necessarily a bad question, a more penetrating thought might be: “Who can I be in this moment?”  In this podcast we will focus on the ways your “being” can carry you when “doing” doesn’t seem to solve the problem. Something to Think about:   Often the focus on doing is accompanied by a critical, performance-based form of problem solving. When you concentrate on “being” a better person, your responses to tensions tend to be more effective. People tend to respond most to who you are, as opposed to what you do.   Let’s Talk Question: In what circumstances have you found that your “being” is more influential than your “doing”?

Description: When you are involved in a relationship as significant as marriage, you will need a clear focus on who you (plural) are and where you are going. In this podcast we specify 10 core values that are of utmost importance as you work together to keep marriage meaningful. Something to Think about:   Integrity, respect, and reliability are at the heart of a thriving marriage. Marital love, if it is to be meaningful, needs to be freely chosen, as opposed to being a sheer duty. When you have well-conceived joint plans, your potential for success increases greatly.   Let’s Talk Question: What are the most important 3 or 4 core values you share with your partner?

Description: Affairs happen for a reason; they do not just occur by chance. In this podcast we will examine five of the most common qualities that factor into the making an affair. Our purpose is to assist you in figuring out how to respond if an affair has occurred, or better yet, to show you what to address up front so an affair can be averted. Something to Think about:   Vulnerability to an affair represents emotional turmoil that has not been resolved. Healthy couples recognize the necessity of accountability and the need for ongoing openness. A goal for all marriages is to make the relationship a safe place where you can explore together who you are and what you believe in.   Let’s Talk Question: If a couple is deliberating about the best ways to affair-proof their marriage, what do you suppose are the most important ingredients that need to be in place?

Description: Having connections with people of the opposite gender is both inevitable and normal. That stated, it is good to know how to manage yourself in those relationships so they will not cross the line into an inappropriate bond. In this podcast we will identify ten ways to establish and maintain healthy boundaries so your marriage will be honored even as you interact with people of the opposite sex. Something to Think about:   Each person likes to be liked, which also means each person can be vulnerable to opposite sex attractions. When you engage with the opposite gender with deeply personal topics, you are flirting with potential danger. By giving your marriage primacy over all other male/female relationships, you illustrate the presence of trustworthiness.   Let’s Talk Question: What boundaries do you and your spouse have in place that create confidence in maintaining connections with the opposite gender?

Description: It is quite common for others to presume they can or should define who you are supposed to be and how you ought to feel and prioritize. In those cases, that represents a violation of relationship boundaries. Rather that collapsing in despair or trying to justify your legitimacy, you can choose to hold confidently to your own uniqueness. Something to Think about:   It is not the job of others to define who you are supposed to be. That is your job. Being self-preserving is not the same as selfishness. If others respond poorly to your reasonable choices, that is not your problem to solve.   Let’s Talk Question: Give us an example of a time when others have not respected your boundaries. In that situation, how might you respond reasonably, even when it is probable that the other person will not agree?

Description: In part, healthy relationships are defined by an open spirit. Some, however, struggle to know how revealing they can afford to be, and the result is a closed nature. In this podcast we will identify 8 reasons people can relate with a closed spirit, then we will discuss how to adjust so your communication style will not be hindered by a guarded, calculated nature. Something to Think about:   Often a closed nature indicates a history of low trust and high control. Change can happen when you determine that you do not have to live in perpetual reaction against others’ behaviors. Your self-revealing behavior can become a form of affirmation.   Let’s Talk Question: When are you inclined to be non-revealing?  What stress might be driving your behavior in that moment?