Marriagepath Radio

The phrase “you need to” means you are probably offering advice the other person does not want. While exchanges of perspectives and information can be good, too much of a good thing can perpetuate a feeling of defeat. In this podcast we will explore ways to eliminate defeat at home by finding positive alternatives to “you need to.” Something to Think about: Unsolicited advice, no matter how well intended, is commonly received as criticism. Your perspectives will be received in direct proportion to your willingness to elicit input from the other person. As your communication is more of a two-way process, you have less of a chance for the build up of defeated emotion. Let’s Talk: What happens inside your home when advice is given too frequently? What adjustments could you make to create balance in this matter?

Description: What would you think if I suggested that meekness can be a beginning point for power and influence (of a good nature)? Meekness is best described as strength under control, or better yet, it is wisdom in action. Meek people pursue personal goals within the context of goodness and they seek to build community. In this podcast we will identify seven essential ways to put meekness into wise action. Something to Think about: Meek people understand their own basic needs, so they then apply that same understanding toward others. Meek people want others’ days to be better because of their presence in it. Meek people are less concerned about their rights and more concerned about being responsible. Let’s Talk Question: In what ways could you adjust your priorities so you could incorporate more meekness in your relationship style?

Description: While many people assume that disagreements and fights go hand in hand, it does not have to be that way. Disagreements are a part of any long-term relationship, so it is necessary to have solid rules of engagement to keep tensions in check. This podcast will identify 12 essential ideas that will keep arguments from turning ugly. Something to Think about:   With a mind of maturity you can accept that disagreements happen. It is quite reasonable to expect disagreements to be managed with diplomacy and tact. Coordination, not winning, is the goal when addressing disagreements.     Let’s Talk Question: In your home what can cause arguments to turn ugly?  In those moments what are the better alternatives?

Description: Being an accepting person comes with a cost, beginning with the laying down of your ego. Accepting people sidestep the need to impose their own correctness in favor of displaying respect, even when it cuts against their emotional grain. In this episode we will discuss how you can gain influence via the path of self restraint. Something to Think about:   Being accepting can involve a sacrificial attitude. Acceptance means you rise above your immediate impulses to live inside a “big picture” mindset. Self restraint is a trait that an accepting person is quite familiar with.     Let’s Talk Question: In what circumstances do you struggle most to lay aside your ego for the purpose of offering acceptance to another?

As you live with someone for years, flaws and imperfections will repeatedly be displayed. When that happens, it is tempting to focus on making the other person change, but sometimes that effort repeatedly falls flat. That can be a signal that it is time to examine how you can stay steady inwardly even as your externals are not perfect. Something to Think about:  If you feel annoyed by your partner’s flaws, there is a high probability the same feeling is felt in reverse by the other person. Mature love is maintained by making accepting another person’s imperfections. Assertiveness and boundaries have a place in your response to frustrations, but ultimately you are in charge of your inner peace.   Let’s Talk Question: What ongoing imperfections do you need to accept in your mate, and in reverse, what imperfections does your mate need to accept in you?

It’s not enough to say you want to be less angry. That’s a good starting point, but you’ll need to have an idea of the positive qualities you are moving toward. In this segment, we will identify 10 elements inside anger that tend to sidetrack you, and we will then identify 10 alternative traits that will move you into a much healthier manner of anger management. Something to Think about:   Rather than using force in communicating anger, you can explain your needs, allowing others the space to absorb the message in their own timing. Angry people usually communicate in a defensive posture, while the better alternative would be open-mindedness. Rather than punishing others as you angrily express yourself, you can operate with a sense of tolerance. Let’s Talk Question: As you make plans to manage anger more cleanly, what 5 or 6 healthy traits are you moving toward?

There are various ways to manage your anger, some positive and some negative. In order to manage your anger most constructively you will need to be aware of the inner thoughts and needs feeding it. With insight and honesty about the true nature of your anger styles, you will be poised to make choices consistent with healthy lifestyle practices. That’s what we’ll explore in this podcast. Something to Think about:   Forceful anger indicates, among other things, fear and insecurity. Assertive anger can reveal empathy and a priority for goodness. As you maintain a mind of humility you will be more inclined to pick and choose your battles carefully so anger will not become destructive.   Let’s Talk Question: When tension and conflict arises, what are your most common displays of anger? What inner needs and thoughts pushes that anger along?

Wouldn’t it be nice to know that each person in your world has a keen understanding of you and chooses to respond with appropriateness. Regretfully, though, you probably know someone who seems oblivious to your feelings and needs, no matter how strongly you attempt to coordinate. With such people you will need to exercise caution as you respond, lest you fall into very unhealthy patterns. Something to Think about:  Each behavior has meaning, but amazingly there are some individuals who have no clue about the meaning of their most common behaviors. When you attempt to correct those who cannot understand you, you run the risk of becoming emotionally imbalanced. With unaware people, you will need to adjust your expectations to match ugly reality. Let’s Talk Question: What experiences have you had that point to the fact that someone truly has no capacity to know or understand you? How do you react emotionally in those moments?

When our emotions and communications become problematic, it is almost always connected to blurred relationship boundaries. We can be so consumed by having harmony that we behave in troublesome ways when it is not happening. In this podcast we will identify cues indicating blurred boundaries, then we will look at the better alternatives. Something to Think about:   When you feel emotions like anger, tension, and guilt, there is probably a valid message at the base. When your emotions (and accompanying communication and behavior) are exaggerated, it usually indicates a need for others’ validation. When you live with healthy boundaries, you are able to distinguish what you are and are not responsible for. Let’s Talk Question: Name 2 or 3 illustrations of times when your emotions or behaviors are tied too heavily to the other person’s responses. How would clear boundaries prompt you to respond differently?

When tensions and conflicts arise many people have a tendency to communicate with forcefulness or stubbornness leading the way. Common sense says that there are a variety of ways to look at any issue, so it would be wise to stay away from exaggerated attitudes in favor of modesty. This podcast will explore reasons to communicate in a more modest fashion. Something to Think about:   People who communicate with extreme reactions tend to have a deep history emphasizing all or nothing thinking. The more stubborn you are, the less influence you have. To stay away from extreme responses to one another, empathy is required. Let’s Talk Question: In your family, what are some examples of you or a family member operating with unnecessary stubbornness?  What would be the preferred alternatives?

Nitpickers have a tendency to overfocus on common, minor details to the extent that they perpetuate chronic tension. To minimize nitpicking, the need to be right needs to be exchanged for traits like acceptance, love, and tolerance. And if you are on the receiving end of nitpicking, you’ll need to cling to your inner confidence and calmness. Something to Think about:   Nitpickers tend to need control in order to feel peace. Their focus on externals keeps them from adjusting internal strength. Nitpickers need to recognize that unsolicited advice will be received as criticism. When you are in the presence of nitpicking, you need not become excessively defensive. Let’s Talk Question: In your home, what are some examples of small matters that can be given too much attention? What better alternatives do you have beyond nitpicking?

When you are committed to being fair in your primary relationships, it’s only natural to want the other person to share an equal commitment. Unfortunately, many people will  not have the same eagerness for personal growth. In those moments you are faced with the question: Who do I need to be even if my efforts are not reciprocated? Something to Think about:   We live in an interdependent world, so it is normal to want other people to work just as hard as you to find a reasonable middle ground. Regrettably, some people either cannot or will not make the effort to learn how to blend with you as you face life’s many challenges. Regardless of the other person’s behaviors, you are still responsible for you.   Let’s Talk Question: In what circumstances do you feel demotivated due to another person’s unwillingness to coordinate life with you? How do you feel about pursuing healthiness even when you have to do it as a solo act?

Most people like to think of themselves as accepting - until they’re not. At times, opinions and preferences can become so strong that we offer rejection and judgment instead. Being accepting does not require you to cease having opinions and preferences, but it does require wisdom and discernment as you respond to the differences presented by others. Something to Think about When you speak with coercion there is a high probability you are not demonstrating acceptance. The closer you feel to another person, your expectations go up, meaning your capacity for acceptance can go down. Accepting people want to offer love even in the midst of differences. Let’s Talk Question In what circumstances do you find it most difficult to show acceptance? Why is that?

Most people ending a marriage will state that they saw signs prior to marriage suggesting the relationship was not all it needed to be. In this podcast we will identify twelve qualities that need to be in place so you can move forward in a budding relationship with confidence. By knowing what to look for, your decision to commit to a long term relationship will be built upon more than just raw emotionalism. Something to Think about:   Reflective thinking is a solid indicator that a potential partner is able and willing to explore ways to grow personally. Being in love involves much more than feeling wonderful; it has many other dimensions that need to be identified. Good relationships don’t just happen. They involve much forethought and planning. Let’s Talk Question: What are your top 3 qualities that must be in place in order to know the relationship is built upon a solid foundation?

Commonly when individuals live in a very pleasing manner, they have too much of a good thing. The commitment to kindness can become a burden when it is not also balanced by firmness. In this episode we will examine ten ways to make sure your pleasing qualities are accompanied by firmness. Something to Think about:  People pleasers can sometimes allow others to rob them of basic dignity. There are times when pleasers need to express their emotions and needs more freely. Sometimes you are doing others a favor when you actually say no. Let’s Talk Question: When might you be inclined to be too pleasing to the extent that it hinders your ability to be true to the real you?

Description: Some individuals have such a deep history of looking at the negative side of life that they develop a reputation of chronic moodiness. This is a learned pattern, which means it can be unlearned and reversed. In this episode we will examine ways to reverse this tendency so a more upbeat approach toward life can emerge. Something to Think about:   Chronically frustrated people have yet to learn how to manage anger so it can lead to constructive adjustments. Rather that playing the inferior-superior game, you can begin relationships with the belief in human equality. As you choose to build another person’s feeling of significance, your own feeling of significance rises. Let’s Talk Question: Why do you suppose some people actually choose to camp out on the negative side of life? What needs to change so they can see life’s positives more clearly?

Description: When you confront or express a frustration, there is a high potential for the other person to reverse the course of words right back onto you. That’s called boomerang communication. Words and emotions are invalidated and tension explodes on the scene. In this podcast we will discuss how to keep that form of communication from escalating. Something to Think about:   When you respond to a confrontation with a quick retort, you indicate that your communication is driven by fear. Once boomerang communication begins, so does an emotional power struggle. While it may not feel natural to show understanding when you disagree, that can be a quick way to keep differences manageable. Let’s Talk Question: Why do you suppose it can be so easy to respond to a confrontation with a comment like: “Me? What about you?”

Description: For a marriage to function at its best, each partner needs to be willing to look out for the other’s best interests. As couples operate with a team spirit, they demonstrate love in all sorts of small, but significant gestures. This podcast will identify seven distinct ways that servitude can be illustrated inside a marriage. Something to Think about:   Servitude is not a duty but a privilege. Servants understand that the other person has needs requiring  coordination inside the relationship. Being an effective servant requires you to think from the other person’s perspective.   Let’s Talk Question: In what ways is your marriage strengthened when you and your partner willingly serve each other?

Description: When laughter is absent from a home, it is usually a sign of trouble. Conversely, when family members can enjoy funny stories or events, many good things can result. Humor has a way of creating bonding and it also diminishes our tendencies toward stress, anger, and tension. In this podcast we will explore the good that can come from this trait. Something to Think about:   As a general rule, when people laugh consistently they are actually less prone to physical disease. Humor teaches humility...in a good way. Humor allows others to see you as approachable and the result can be stronger relational bonds.   Let’s Talk Question: In your home, how does humor make a difference as you and your partner face life’s challenges?

Description: Quite commonly your comments or questions can be met with an agitated response even when there is no good reason for the agitation. Sometimes individuals just assume a hostile stance in communication, and this can create immediate problems. In this segment, we will examine ways to keep hostility from popping out, especially when there are cleaner ways to interact. Something to Think about:   Often argumentative responses are given when a simple informative response would be just fine. Individuals may respond with hostility because they have been conditioned to believe trouble is just around the corner. Rather than contributing to a hostile home atmosphere, you can choose objectivity as your first line of response. Let’s Talk Question: Why do you suppose some people react with quick agitation even when it is not necessary?