Torture Cinema

Cyborg spiders, diapers, and boob seams, oh my! Jen, Paul, Alex, and Elizabeth (in her Torture Cinema debut) discuss the utterly disastrous 1998 movie adaptation of Lost in Space. From the terrible costumes to atrocious world-building, they collectively dive into the travesty Stephen Hopkins nostalgic enema while still managing to find a few nuggets of […]

Singularities, Cenobites, and Gothic cathedrals, oh my! Jen, Paul, David, and Rachel get together to review the film that refused to stay buried in a Transylvanian Salt Mine. They discuss (or rather, David schools everyone) how Event Horizon is a stealth Warhammer 40k fanfic film, the brilliance of a supernatural horror in space, the failed […]

Killer lawnmowers, crucifixions, and cybersex, oh my! This is our very first Torture Cinema of the year, and so OF COURSE our Patrons had to pick something that was TRULY terrible! In this episode, Julia, Paul, Alex, and Daniel dig deep into the movie that is so awful and so unlike the short story it […]

Tang, overbites, and gratuitous boob shots, oh my! In this special Holiday edition of Torture Cinema, Shaun, Paul, Jen, Alex, and Becca mix too much alcohol with a really, truly terrible movie. This one definitely comes with some language and content warnings, because the team is just so very angry that they have to watch […]

Dino Olympics, Jurassic Park, and bikinis, oh my! For this episode of Torture Cinema, Shaun and Julia are joined by our intern, Becca, and special guest, Adam Callaway, to drunkenly review Cowboys vs Dinosaurs, an absolutely terrible movie about rampant sexism, one totally awesome guy (not the main character), and, you guessed it, cowboys fighting dinosaurs. […]

Cocaine, man eating machines, and AC-DC, oh my! In this special Halloween Horror edition of Torture Cinema, Shaun, David, and Alex are joined by Zena, the Real Queen of Horror, to review the 1986 Stephen King written and directed “horror” film, Maximum Overdrive. Apparently, even Stephen King couldn’t get Stephen King right. The crew discusses […]

Ewok traps, Finnish Ramones punk, and questionable cloning, oh my! Trish, Paul, and Julia are joined by our very own reviewer, Daniel Haeusser, to review the 1995 Stallone extravaganza, Judge Dredd. If only Rob Schneider hadn’t been in this film, it would still probably suck, but the team makes a few improvements, discovers some awesome […]

Suggestive spaceships, gin dispensers, and giant crystals, oh my! Paul and Jen are joined by one of our frequent victims, Michael J. Martinez, to discuss the 1980 Seven Samurai inspired space-sploitation(TM) film, Battle Beyond the Stars. Honestly, we probably should have known what to expect based on the producer (spoilers), but the sheer inconsistency of the […]

Killer comets, zombie scientists, and arcade game rivalries, oh my! Jen, Alex, and Paul are joined by the wonderful Keith Manuel to discuss the 1984 post apocalyptic film, Night of the Comet! A film which is really not all that torturous even when you consider it has absolutely no logical consistency to how a killer […]

Facehugger brains, Canadian tourism, and the mountains of Manitoba, oh my! This month, Trish, Shaun, and David (our resident Canadian horror film professor!) talk about the 1958… ummm… classic? Fiend Without a Face! It’s bad, folks, I mean, it’s really bad… So bad that Shaun ends up defending the Transformers films in response. However, David lays down […]

Scientology theories, nipple jackets, and, oh my god, is that Shaun singing?! This month, we honestly don’t know how to describe the bizarre twists and turns the conversation takes as Megan O’Keefe joins Shaun, Paul, and Jen to discuss the fairly maligned 2002 goth-wet dream, Queen of the Damned. Basically, the only reason to watch this movie […]

Baby taxis, french insults, and white messiahs, oh my! This month, in the most french episode we’ve ever had, Alex, Julia, David, and special guest, DongWon Song, review the problem-plagued film, Babylon AD. We’re pretty sure that this episode of Torture Cinema contains more action than Michelle Yeoh gets in the entire movie. Seriously. Michelle […]

Magical geodes, giant tumors, and drill-dos, oh my! This month in a hilarious edition of Torture Cinema we visit the 2003 scientific masterpiece, The Core, which was chosen by our completely unbiased listeners with absolutely no help from certain members of the Skiffy and Fanty Team and in NO WAY influenced by the fact that we have our […]

Stretchy weirdos, grumpy CEOs, and clobberin’, oh my! Torture Cinema returns with a special Marvel-icious edition, as selected by our listeners and co-starring none other than veteran Torture Goblin, Michael J. Martinez. We turn our sights to the infamous first Fantastic Four (2005) film, tackling its portrayal of the classic characters, its absurd plot, and much more. […]

Creepy statue babies, bad psychology, and evil old dudes, oh my! In this special edition of Torture Cinema, the crew punishes themselves by watching 1999’s sleeperfest, The Haunting. You voted for it, so we watched it! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review […]

Slobbering dogs, candy canes, and winter shenanigans, oh my! In this very special holiday edition of Torture Cinema, Jen, Paul, Julia, and Alex put their animal love to the test with Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure (2011). Happy holidays, everyone! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a […]

Weird genetics, floating sperm banks, and face kicks, oh my! In our latest Torture Cinema episode, the crew tackles the infamous 2005 adaptation of Aeon Flux. Needless to say, we had a bit of fun with this one! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note:  If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us […]

Eggs, squid, and bad dreams, oh my!  Our latest listener-directed Torture Cinema episode has finally arrived.  This time, we discuss the infamous adaptation of Michael Crichton’s Sphere starring Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone, Samuel L. Jackson, and more!  At least two of us have a bit of a rant about this movie, so you should expect some […]

Gorvilles, LARPing, and Tom Hanks, oh my!  In our much delayed first Torture for the year, the entire crew joins forces to tackle the infamous anti-D&D TV movie, Mazes and Monsters.  And boy did this one get away from us.  I think the best way to describe this episode is with a gif: We hope you […]

Elf special ops, killer hot cocoa, and reindeer, oh my!  The holidays are here, and no holiday would be complete without a holiday-themed Torture Cinema episode.  In our final episode of the season, we tackle 1994’s Tim Allen venture, The Santa Clause.  From kickass elves to creepy child kidnappings to the wonderful joy of the Christmas […]