Jason And Todd Talk Through Lousy Films

[[:encoded, "Beach Balls is one of those eighties movies about a bunch of jerks trying to get laid on Venice Beach. It takes place mostly in one room due to a limited budget. Doesn't really matter, because Jason and Todd are here to talk about entirely unrelated nonsense. Have a great summer!"]]

[[:encoded, "Beach Balls is one of those movies from the 80s about douchebags trying to get laid at Venice Beach. Most of it takes place in one room because it is wildly low budget. It makes Jason kinda mad, but no matter, because there are plenty of unrelated topics of discussion to hassle with while the movie goes. And goes. And goes..."]]

[[:encoded, "The Tormentors is about a bunch of bikers who do bad, bad things. They are a bunch of jerks, really. Jason and Todd are jerks in their own way, and they make that clear as they yammer about wildly politically incorrect things while equally terrible things happen on the screen in front of them. Jason finds the whole podcast thing distasteful. Todd is okay with it."]]

[[:encoded, "Jaws the Revenge is the Jaws movie where the shark got all personal. Science currently says they don't do that, but whatever. Luckily, this movie isn't weighed down by mesmerizing performances by people like Roy Scheider, so Jason and Todd have plenty of down time to talk about themselves. Really, really nice."]]

[[:encoded, "Jaws 3 was originally called Jaws 3-D because it was in 3-D but it isn't in 3-D anymore so it is just Jaws 3. Jason saw it in 3-D when it was released in the theater. Todd did not, but he had really wanted to. Doesn't matter, though, because all that matters is the now and we are in the now. Lou Gossett, Jr.!"]]

[[:encoded, "Ghosts Can't Do It is the actual name of a film that Jason and Todd talk through until suddenly Donald Trump shows up in a cameo and they completely freak out. That's right, your favorite monthly podcast with two guys and a lousy movie is back! Jason reads a poem and rereads last month's short story from Todd's kid. Todd talks about getting old and dying. It's fun!"]]

[[:encoded, "High Risk is an old movie with a terrible DVD transfer. It's got a dreamy James Brolin, a young Bruce Davison, and the ever wonderful Clevon Little. Doesn't matter though, because Jason is mostly interested in refusing to accept the new Star Wars movie is just okay, and Todd is horribly hungover. For the first time ever in this podcast's history, Todd actually has to go puke. Is it the movie or the Vicodin he took in a vain attempt to make himself feel better? It's a real mystery."]]

[[:encoded, "Gunmen is a movie with Christopher Lambert and Mario Van Peebles. Sometimes dumb guys go to movies like this because the word \"gun\" is in the title. Such is the case with Todd, but it really doesn't matter because Jason and Todd mostly talk about The Revenant, the recent works of Bill Murray, Donald Trump, and of course Jason reads the latest literary work from Todd's kid, Colby. Happy War on Christmas, everyone!"]]

[[:encoded, "Sheena: Queen of the Jungle is a movie about a white lady who can talk to African animals. She takes a lot of naked showers in a waterfall. It's for kids. Jason and Todd talk all the way through the 80s masterpiece with special guest Susan Tankersley who came all the way across the country with her DVD just to torture the boys. Given that she is the only listener and actually on the podcast, who the hell will actually listen to this?"]]

[[:encoded, "Cruel Gun Story is the actual name of an actual movie featuring an actual actor who had cheek implants. You read that right. Doesn't matter that much, though, because Jason and Todd talk about internet police, alien invasions, and other pointless nonsense instead of focusing on the movie in front of them. Which is the whole concept of this podcast. Which is not really a concept at all. Which is a word I just started three different sentences with."]]

[[:encoded, "The Wicker Man is a movie that was a movie before it was a movie with Nic Cage, but Jason really wanted to watch the Nic Cage one. This may be the happiest Jason has ever sounded, ever. Todd is not as happy because he is recovering from a Sunday bender, but at least he gets to see Cage screaming about cartoon bees. Jason reads a story about zombies and one of his reviews. Todd tries not to puke. This one's for Susan! We love you!"]]

[[:encoded, "Sword of Justice is a movie with a samurai cop who likes to beat up his unnaturally large junk with heavy rods and whatnot. Doesn't really matter, because Jason reads from Todd's son's horror story, they talk about everything from the use of rape in movies to what Japanese movies they like the best, and then at the end...surprise guest! Listen or get other more important things done."]]

[[:encoded, "Island of Death is an absolutely disgusting piece of inhumane garbage, and Jason and Todd sit down to watch every minute of it. In their first ever official segment, Jason reads the work of Todd's son, Colby. It's a horror story about miniature alien people. Also discussed are deeply offensive jokes, bad acting, and thrill kill murderballers. Did we mention that this movie is disgusting?"]]

[[:encoded, "The Perfect Storm is this episode's journey the boys must take. They talk about their love for William Fichtner, and break down the work of Wolfgang Peterson as well as talk about jet lag and fiction made by children. An hour in, Jason realizes the movie he picked was much too long. Luckily, because of a perfect storm of technical problems, Jason is super happy when they have to cut the movie short...a first for the show!"]]

[[:encoded, "Terminal Velocity is a movie about skydiving hijinks... Holy crap, we just realized these two yahoos have been doing this idiotic thing for over two years. Wowza! In celebration, Jason and Todd talk about Charlie Sheen, memorials, and one of those Baldwin brothers. But in the end, Todd still can't understand why Jason doesn't love the new Mad Max Movie. Soooooo weird."]]

[[:encoded, "Panic in the Year Zero is a very old movie about nuclear devastation in Los Angeles. Basically, a family drives around, stopping at a bunch of stores to stock up for the post-apocalypse. It's right up Todd's alley, but surprisingly was picked by Jason. Doesn't really matter, though, because they mostly talk about other things."]]

[[:encoded, "Jason and Todd talk about the films of Toby Hooper, the wonder of Ted Levine's voice, and the bowel trouble that can be caused by off-brand sugar cereals. They somehow manage do all this while The Mangler, a movie about a killer laundry machine, unfolds before them. If you love listening to the self-indulgence of others for two straight hours, this is the podcast for you!"]]

[[:encoded, "This time, Jason and Todd talk incessantly through the Uwe Boll classic Bloodrayne. Meatloaf has an orgy! Michael Madsen looks glum! And is that...Ghandi?! Doesn't matter, because Jason and Todd really talk about completely unrelated nonsense."]]

[[:encoded, "Jason and Todd start the new year off with a special picture: Devil In The Flesh 2. Why is it special? Todd is in it. Jason is of course super critical of Todd's performance, and the podcast ends in tears. That's entertainment!"]]

[[:encoded, "Gamera may be invincible, but Jason and Todd are not. Still, they plow ahead with talking through this old kid-friendly Godzilla rip-off movie, touching on everything from what Jason is looking forward to seeing at the movies in 2015 to Jason's favorite Jack-in-the-Box meal. Todd says stuff, too. Happy holidays!"]]