Limited Appeal

Listen closely, because the passing trucks are noisy today. This week's episode features another segment of Dictionary Plus, in which Warren introduces an exciting new contest: Who's that Word: Competitive Eating Edition. Warren will name a term used in the competitive eating circuit, and the others have to decide what it means. The closest guess will be awarded a point in some fashion that will no doubt contribute to one's chances of a reach-related-reward. Widen your stance a bit, shake things out, and turn your hat backwards in anticipation of this round: you'll need all the space you can manage, because today's term is "dropping the mule". We have done our best to keep ass-related puns to a minimum, but in case you were expecting something, our best isn't very good. Have you read any good books on competitive eating lately? Send us your recommendations by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Happy New Year! In the first episode of 2009, we boldly attempt to name 5 sports in which the danger and risk are maximized, but the respect gained by participating in the sport is minimized. Warren's suggested example is the luge. Sorry, lugers, but he's got a point. We come up with several other candidates, most of which seem to involve combinations of two other things, e.g., skiing and jumping, punting and tackling, croquet while horse riding, skateboarding while sun tanning, and sword fighting while being without pants (hey, the danger has to be maximized, remember)? Let us know if we neglected to mention your own sport, or if you wish to sign our petition to renew television coverage of the lumberjack games (email us at maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This year we bring you a brand new Tedmas special! Luc starts things off by revealing how the British are woefully deficient in eggnog and eggnog lore. Then it turns out that even we don't know what nog is. So we make some shit up, with some help from the internet. Then raise a glass of cornnog and join our discussion of redundant food names. Can you resolve the weakness in the naming conventions of redundant names? What other kinds of gum are there than chewing gum? You can probably guess where we're headed with this topic, but give us a listen anyway. You might be surprised about how many types of gum there are! Even if some of them are not really culturally accepted. Send us your jolly holly Tedmas greetings by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

What is the purpose of pants? Don't be so sure you know the answer until you've given us a listen. We could save you all kinds of showering time! Then in the Superhero's phone booth, Warren introduces Sabretooth Man! Get it? He has...sabreteeth! It's not clear how he manages to eat without injuring himself, nor what his main strategies are for defeating villains, but Warren insists he's effective in fighting crime, and even illustrates a scenario through which Sabretooth man might prevail, which involves stealth and biting the sweet spot. And maybe a gun (for long range fighting). Listen and then judge for yourself! Let us know what you think via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In this week's Urban Legend segment, Warren discusses the recent discovery of sabre-toothed deer, which once lurked among regular grazing deer and pounced upon unsuspecting herbivores. A key aspect of their predatory habits (how this was learned from fossils is not revealed) was to keep their heads in the grass to conceal their enormous teeth, a strategy that may or may not be shared by certain mimics of female fireflies. You can probably imagine that given all the discussion of neck width, the origin of the species, and the mechanics of hybrid sex, we're going to need more than one episode to fully treat this topic. If so, your imagination is in luck! We'll have more sabre teeth in next week's episode. If you would rather we don't, you can email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). It won't make a difference, but it might make John annoyed in a way that is entertaining to some of us. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Have you got a soothing neck or face? After an unsuccessful attempt to spin the tracks, Luc describes his trip to Belgium (pause for laughs) where he visited the spa in Spa, and received a facial. Apparently it was kind of relaxing in spite of all the goop covering his face. Would you rather be the facial giver or the facial receiver? Really? Even if you knew that there would be all kinds of gunk coming out of someone's head? You're a weirdo. Anyway, we also discuss new possible patterns of eyebrow grooming – you might want to try one of our suggestions and break new ground in the realm of facial hair fashion. Finally, we chat about the easy-listening music that characterizes any experience at a spa or thermal bath. If you are a new-age artist or masseur and can give us hints on how to stay awake at work, please email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Good morning AND welcome. This episode begins with another Nature Walk. Hooray! Warren was watching a movie by M. Night Shyamalan, and the one thing that shattered his suspension of disbelief was a quotation of Einstein on a science classroom board suggesting that if bees vanished, humans would quickly go extinct. Strangely, Warren is more sceptical than Luc about this "fact", perhaps because Luc considers the importance of bees for humans to stretch slightly beyond their delicious contributions of honey to our world. Then in Good Idea/Bad Idea, Warren asks if hybrid car owners deserve special nearby parking spaces. What about walkers and cyclists? Don't they deserve special parking privileges? What about people who drive an El Camino? Or doorless Jeeps? If you own any of these, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) so John can make an appointment to kick you in the balls. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We begin this week by asking whether amazon.com's experiments in changing the prices of items according to the interest and loyalty of customers are a good idea or a bad idea. What about changing the price of cold soda depending on how hot it is? Regardless of whether the idea is any good, it does make John predictably angry, which is somehow rewarding. What do you think? Should loyalty be rewarded or punished? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We don't actually care what you think, but asking fulfils my obligation to write a couple of lines for this episode's description, and gets the tricky insertion of our email address out of the way. Awesome! Anyway, after quite a lot of discussion, we decide to conduct a couple of experiments of our own to see if Amazon is doing anything shady in settings its prices. You can play along with us if you have a computer with Internet access and nothing better to do. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We begin this special holiday episode by trying to name five things to carve at Halloween other than pumpkins. (It's not very nice to the pumpkins, after all.) You can play along, but remember where to stick your candle. And all wooden things count together. Why can't pumpkin insides be a mash of non-stringy mush? It's just confusing. If you can help clear up the confusion, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then in Urban Legend, Warren tells us about the increased risk of zombification that arises when people are regularly hypnotized. Do you or your friends show any symptoms? Listen and we will reveal the two things that will certainly decrease your risk of turning into a zombie, presuming that's a bad thing. Voila! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Today's episode is full of provocative questions again. Get ready by polishing up your helmet for sportage, in which we discuss whether looking so good should be penalized, and for how long. How about looking so bad? Even in hockey? Maybe a free kick? Is this all related to the insurance industry? Then in Foody Goody, Warren describes his morning diet. Do you know a good gastroenterologist who might be able to sort out his guts? Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Also, can you tell us how big pea nuts should be? Have you tried wasabi-covered strawberries? Not even in a salad dressing? What's so special about special K? Does it just stand for Kereal? Does T-bone believe in segues? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Our episode starts with another refreshing segment of "Alcoholics Says", featuring a very loud drink, apparently newly invented by Luc. It's not very good, but perhaps better than its name suggests. You'll understand if you listen. Then in Foody Goody, we continue our long-delayed "What Am I Eating: Liquid Edition" contest, which T-bone hosts with more flourish than usual in an effort to give us a sense of the drink's texture. Play along and see if you can guess what T-bone is quaffing, and to whom. And how is pudding gargled? Tell us your experience by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This week's inventions and shit brought to you by Baba Ghanoush. You too could be featured in a Limited Appeal episode! Just email us with your ideas for a segment (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Anyway, Anfern-- sorry, Baba, suggests scratch and sniff underwear as a new invention. Turns out there are many scenarios in which this could be useful, including those pesky times when you can hardly stand the freshness of your underpants. If anyone is still listening, we'll also tell you why T-bone is perhaps always surrounded by exactly 400 people, and discuss whether scratching your ass is more or less embarrassing than farting. Another classic episode of Limited Appeal, even before we discuss the proper placement of brakelights during a hailstorm! Did I mention we're not big on segues? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In case you were expecting us to tell you when you're meant to laugh while listening to this, you're in luck! Given that our podcast has limited appeal, we thought we would help you out by providing a laugh track on this one episode. In the first controversial segment, we try to name five sitcoms that the world would be better off without. See if you agree with our choices. Then in Good Idea/Bad Idea, we discuss whether laugh tracks are a good idea or a bad idea. We put some extra effort into making sure you're focussed on our show, by giving you lots of laugh track pauses. But I think we've found the right balance so the laugh track is barely noticeable, and certainly not annoying. If we're wrong, once you stop laughing you can email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) to tell us we suck. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Once again we come to the rescue for a curious listener who asked the titular question of google, and somehow landed at our site. Since until now we had little to help our new friend, we've decided to remedy things by answering his query. Maybe. Alternatively, we might just start digressing about whether birds get drunk, and then how to explain drinking scotch at work to your boss, and then maybe the preferred snackable form for alcohol dehydrogenase, or why the ancient egyptians performed circumcisions, and how. Or maybe this was all about cats. Look, if you want us to stay on topic, at least articulate your question in an interpretable form. Jackass! Anyway, we somehow answer the dude's question in the end ­ listen to find out how we figured it out. And send us your questions directly by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In today's Nature Walk, Warren asks Luc whether there is such a thing as a Liger. Spoiler alert: yes there is. We're not sure about Jagther or hybrids of pandas and jaguars, or hybrids involving only male cats. But we have learned that google images has great photos of cross species mating! Then Luc discusses his trip to Africa. Did he spot any ligers? Spoiler alert: no. In spite of this upsetting absence of ligers as well as museums, he did nearly run over a cheetah, and he saw an enormous and aggressively horny bull elephant, leaking from multiple orifices. (Or is it orifi?) Spoiler alert: he survived. Express your disappointment with the prematurely revelatory nature of this description by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We begin by trying to name five things: lands, but we end up asking many more questions than we can answer in this episode. Can you help us? Is Greenland a country? Is Luseland a land? Can you name 5 Reichs? What is your dependency status? Is Scotland a country or just a nation? Does Greenland have its own soccer team? Who plays for the Vatican's side? Have you ever eaten while crapping? (You should have been expecting a poo question in here somewhere.) Is the problem swallowing or chewing? Continuously or continually? Are you sick of these questions? Why? Would you like to email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net)? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We begin by asking whether clairvoyant people ever mistake their memories of the future for memories of the past. We're so meta! Then in Foody Goody, Warren announces that we've all been eating bananas from the wrong end. Turns out, you're supposed to eat the bottom first, although now that I think of it, if you're one of the few who already knows this, then you'll probably start eating from the wrong end as a result of our advice. Anyway, it turns out there are lots of pros and cons for banana reversing, so you'll have supporters either way. If you're passionate about banana eating methods, or if you're a monkey and care to enlighten us about your technique (for eating bananas, flinging poo, or masturbating), please email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Warren begins this week by asking what is with the Dark Knight movie. Is it cursed, or a series of coincidences? Or poetry? All of the above? How much hoc is involved? Then in ETWTF we try explaining the Olympic opening ceremonies to an alien. If you are permanently employed as an opening ceremonies performer or planner, please email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) to explain what the point is, and why it's so hard for you to manipulate your box. T-bone wakes up just in time to make a thoroughly confusing (and apparently obscence) contribution, and then we close with some brief comments on the late Bernie Mac. RIP Bernie, however old you are. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

This week we'll rush through things, because T-bone needs to shower off before meeting his male friend. John's leg-ass slapping makes Warren think about two-headed dogs for some reason. Then John relates his own dogging story, which involves all kinds of water sports. As usual, the amusement comes at John's expense. Then we make a decision tree concerning what a dog should do towards objects that smell like other dogs. Finally, Warren reminds everyone about the sex habits of Luc's dog. Have you ever used ropes in sex play? If yes, you might want to meet Relic. Email us to set it up (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In case you were expecting us to have a few episodes without talking about defecating, this is what you get. In this week's Urban Legend, Warren exposes the truth about cats, milk, and diarrhoea. If you have a cat you might be disturbed to learn about what is best for it. Then Luc describes one of the (many) seminars he has seen about poop. In this case, he describes a lion scat full of quills from the porcupine he had eaten. Ouch! Why didn't he just eat meat? Finally, T-bone reveals a frightening but amusing lack of understanding about excretory physiology. If you work for the Ex-Lax company, please explain your brand name to us via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.