Idle Thumbs

Listen, dear readers, and I will tell you wondrous tales of a strange world—a world not so different to our own. A world of media conglomerates run rampant, of cavernous pulsing synthesizers, of long-buried digital treasure. Of legendary heroes and notorious agitators, and epic contests of three-laned skill. A world where nobody has time to play video games.

The lights dim and the curtains rise on the two competing teams. The players, who cannot hear the deafening crowd from their sound-proof booths, tense and untense their hands in anticipation, their fingers dancing over the keys and mouse. The buzzer. They snap on their work gloves, some pick up mops and buckets, and spread out, ready to work -- this docking bay won't clean itself. In the audience a father leans over to his son and says, "See, this is how it's done. You should do this." His son clutches his Meepo figurine tighter, deliberately ignoring him.

It is the present. John Q. Video Games comes home from a hard day at work making video games, ready to kick back. He turns on the latest console, in which he plays a video game developer who turns on a PC and plays a video game. He wakes up screaming and rates the experience four out of five stars; his rating is duly recorded. With Nick Breckon as Video Games.

It is the future. Robots have rolled their way into our office, taken our faces for their own, bested us at our own mobile phone games, and declared victory. Mankind's only recourse, its one hope, is to sit together with some microphones and discuss video games for two hours. Enjoy our latest podcast, robots.

A transmedia romp through news, media and literacy. What does it mean to be a child? What power lies within a joke? Weaving in and out of cast and criticism, we explore the true fourth dimension of video games: ourselves. With friend, fighter, reviewer and cast regular Danielle Riendeau.

Perched upon a slender neck of expertly machined titanium, our new telepresence robot peers into the studio. Chris compulsively manipulates an ever-evolving Doge. Jake obsesses over a perfectly orchestrated techno-heist. Sean daydreams of a professional gaming life forever out of reach. Three hosts, blind to the broadcast of their lives into the socially-connected Oculus Rifts of our shared future, lost, forever, to video games. (Photo credit: Norman Chan)

Following Tom Francis' recent Idle Thumbs network appearance on Tone Control, we've invited him up to the big leagues to headline as a guest on the network's flagship podcast: this one. In the wake of a Big Dog rampage, we convene to reminisce on the week's conferring.

Nick can't give up Hearthstone, Chris is still playing Spelunky, Sean has handcuffed himself to a MAME cabinet and Jake makes some comments about video games. Next week: Idle Thumbs 150.

Sean's in the room by himself, uh, talking to himself. But he's not alone. He is in the virtual battlefield of DayZ, where via an on-line connection to the world-wide network known as the Internet, he is able to meet up with fellow e-soldiers and scour the synthesized apocalyptic wasteland for prey. While hundreds watch, rooting from their video terminals at home, he and his band hunt a man from the United Kingdom and kill him. Also Nick Breckon's here!

2014. R. 1hr 30min The Titan Falls When Lt. Todd Titan returns home from the nine-hundred-years wars to bury his terminally ill uncle, he is forced into one last battle with his true life-long enemy: himself. Based upon the award winning two-act play by Cormac McCarthy.

Good morning students, this is Principal Newell: Christopher Remo is absent today and we are joined by Danielle Riendeau from Polygon and Greg Games Kasavin from Supergiant. Mr. Rodkin would like to remind you that this is your last week to order your 2013 Luigi Year Book. Today's hot lunch is chicken a'la king.

Much like the ephemeral Flappy Bird, Idle Thumbs spent this week embroiled in a conspiracy which quickly came to an end. Unlike Flappy Bird, the Idle Thumbs conspiracy concluded with us receiving amazing paintings of ourselves, Bobby Kotick, and J. Allard. In the words of Flappy Bird creator Nick Breckon, "I can call this podcast a success of mine. But it also ruins my simple life. So now I hate it."

Nick returns from Disneyland, armed with the latest tips and tricks for the hottest rides, but what help are the hidden moves when the whole game is rigged against you? We're joined by The Kingdom of Loathing's Zack Johnson for a discussion of game-like experiences in real life, SimCity's appealing journey to Tomorrowland, and a harder look at A Link Between Worlds.

Could Steve Jobs have saved Far Cry 2? Is Sega the Pepsi of video games? Is Apple the Nintendo of tomorrow?

The door to the plane opens; the crowd is deafening. Chris Remo descends the stairs onto the tarmac, the smell of Steam Dev Days still on his skin, the wave of the future shaping his every step. "What did you see?" someone asks. He continues past. "What did they tell you? What will happen to all of us?" another asks, as he pushes them aside, his gaze set. "Where are you going? What do you know!" Only as the door to his limousine swings to close does a boy see the Steam Machine and controller prototype under Chris' arm.

We're joined by Will Smith of Tested.com for a manic look at the aftermath of the 2013 Consumer Electronics Show, the heat and motion detecting revenge of Robot News, and other things which when taken in aggregate generally represent the future. We then marvel at this week, which seems to feature nothing but amazing independent games crashing into one another.

A message from the future arrives, delivered by hand: Idle Thumbs 140 -- a real bionic back massage of a cast -- is here, with reactions to the CES Steam Machine announcements, failed pursuit of the Nuclear Throne, and more terrible happenings in the world of DayZ. With special guest Chris Remo.

It's time for Old Man Video Games to put away his scythe and hourglass and make room for the Video Game Baby. We ring in 2014 with a triple length Idle News Podblast (that might just be a regular episode). Happy new year!

In this festive mailbag blast, we open three gifts for you. Or maybe two? One of them is definitely the highly anticipated conclusion of the Hat Baron Trilogy, which is the reason you're here. One of them is a Steam Box. The third gift is Video Games.

A single tap on your window. You turn. A flash, and the faint sound of a woman's voice, synthesized. "Data Complete." You look down to the street and catch a glimpse of an anodized aluminum foot disappearing around the corner. You return to your video game, and notice it is tailored impeccably to your tastes.