Idle Thumbs

Nick Breckon was juiced. The hook sunk into his gills. He felt the itch. He decoded the shit. He failed to appear on this podcast. He's no man's guy. In his stead: Nels Anderson and Olly Moss. They are not the enemy. You are the enemy.

I know you read about this episode, but that's not quite how it happened. Jake was unable to resist the temptation of Super Mario 3D World and became completely enveloped by it. Sean was charmed by Call of Juarez: Gunslinger but wants to play more to see how far it goes. Chris did get the good Internet at home. No no, they didn't play Assassin's Creed 4; they just talked about it a lot. That's my goof.

Patrick "Sports" Klepek joins the team for a quick huddle about the events of the day. Nintendo knocks it out of the park with Super Mario 3D World, and Jake is prepared to come out swinging for Luigi. But questions remain. Can Valve maintain full-court press in support of SteamOS? What will become of the no-holds-barred world of Steam hat trading? There's only one guaranteed slam-dunk: sports.

The next generation is here and seems pretty similar, but way sweatier. Nick sweatily plays NBA 2K14, Jake sweatily attends the NYU Practice game design conference, Chris sweatily probes the beginning of the new XCOM expansion, and Steve "Hot Scoops" Gaynor sits in the guest seat, sweating profusely.

Oh yeah. We meet in the temple and we fence, and then we read. Beautiful. Nick pretends he's really tall, but few care despite his seven rings. Even more beautiful. Oh yeah.

Just when you think Chris has fallen so deep into Spelunky there's no escape, out of the darkness emerge two open arms, ready for the catch. Jeff Green joins us this week for talk of games journalism, SteamOS, live streaming, his decade-later return to Black Mesa, and more Spelunky.

If our dark cyber-future lets you experience life through the eyes of a chicken, then so be it. If our dark cyber-future lets a chicken experience life through the eyes of man, has science gone too far? This episode best experienced with at least one sense augmented through technology, and one sense disabled to compensate. With special guest Zack Johnson, co-creator of the Kingdom of Loathing and host of the Video Games Hot Dog podcast. [Episode photo by Norm Chan of Tested.com]

You're presented with two doors, and can only enter one. The choice seems simple but before you know it you've spent an hour in a psychosomatic tornado, endlessly circling around a subject you think you can grasp in full, only to realize you've been off on a tangent the entire time. This is The Stanley Parable. This is this week's podcast. This is a reminder.

As the saying goes, "When life gives you an insane shipping schedule, sleeplessness, and you think you may be getting a little bit sick, make an episode of Idle Thumbs where you dig through the mailbag and answer a bunch of quality questions readers have sent in." We'll be back next week with a full episode!

Week 127. Sean spends a week in an empty mansion under the pretense of ridding it of ghosts, when in reality he robs the owners blind. He gets lost in a secret passage for two days. Chris spends a third week documenting his time lost in the caverns. Though he accomplishes little, he feels fulfilled. Jake remains at home with the door locked and the curtains drawn, counting the minutes since the mechanical cat's shadow last passed by the window. He loses one mind.

We visit an alien planet filled with warring robots, and get our butt kicked. Fortunately, it is a super majestic butt-kicking since it's happening in space. Also discussed: The state of early access alphas, and Super Mario.

Our modular, upgradeable, open source based, library-streaming, performance-optimized future is being revealed in 48 hour intervals and we are there. Or at least nearby, obsessively playing cartooney platformers. And Card Hunter.

Nick falls into a created world - a world both more real and more horrible than our own - from which he may not return. He is lost to us now, reachable only from within the rift, in his virtual dream state. Chris is lost as well, but it's in the intricate workings of an iPad app about Beethoven.

You peek around the corner and squint into the darkness. Nothing. You peek again, your hand gently resting on the door frame. Still nothing. Or... You flick open your camcorder view screen - the night vision already enabled - and see two tiny dots staring back from the end of the hall. They know you're here. They know. Deep breaths now. Deep breaths, then run. Count to three. Idle Thumbs One Two Three.

Things all started so well. We're joined by Mark of the Ninja's Nels Anderson and the Internet's Olly Moss for a lovely vacation that is sure to be ruined.

Everyone plays Super Pole Riders and has a blast, Sean pushes Papo & Yo, Jake grapples with the reality of Plants vs Zombies 2, and Lord Remo deigns to tell you which Star Wars movies are good and which are bad. Pay $3.99 or listen to two additional episodes to unlock Nick Breckon.

How many explorers does it take to escape a haunted cave? Clearly far fewer than we packed into our 4 player Spelunky co-op run. Nick and Sean are let back in the room even if it's to talk about The International, the fascinating history of The Bureau is discussed, and for some reason Ace Ventura 2 continues to occupy space in the brains of human beings.

Kotaku's Kirk Hamilton joins us for talk of some recent sneaky games and tries to sell Jake on a 3DS. Chris gets lost in a spooky cave and pushes some guys out of the way. Plus, we can't stop talking about those guys who can't stop talking about Sam Fisher, Fisher.

Did you know the President's job is to sign legislature and collect orbs? Did you know the real purpose of the BigDog is to carry Lords? Special guest Danielle Riendeau of Polygon joins us for a discussion of deep space survival, wilderness survival, and difficult to pronounce words.

Okay, real Idle Thumbs confession time: We can't stop playing and streaming Crusader Kings II. Chris and Nick's lives have been overtaken by it and there's just nothing else. There's... oh god, they're coming this way. Get down here in the grass, bandage yourself up and drink this whiskey so you have a bottle to throw if they get too close.