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Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you maintain a healthy mind and keep improving yourself when there are a lot of problems in the immediate family that no one has control over? [Answer: 01:55] A listener gives us his take on ego (as recently discussed in AoC episode 519: Ego Is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday). [Answer: 06:23] Still another listener gives us his take on the virginity issue discussed way back in FMF 60 -- and, it seems, every FMF since! (But we felt this was a unique insight worth sharing.) [Answer: 08:40] We all know Jordan has a face for radio, but how did he get that silky smooth broadcasting voice? [Answer: 09:26] When your marriage is otherwise great but the sex life is -- in your opinion -- lacking, how do you honestly open up to your partner in a way that doesn't cause them to shut down or get angry? (This was sent to us by one of The Art

Tim Urban (@waitbutwhy) of Wait But Why tells us how to build good patterns for defeating chronic procrastination and gain control over our own lives. The Cheat Sheet: Telling someone afflicted with chronic procrastination not to procrastinate is like telling someone with clinical depression to just be happier: it doesn't work. The chronic procrastinator experiences a constant struggle between their inner rational thinker -- who sees the future and understands the value of goals and hard work -- and an Instant Gratification Monkey that only lives for what's easy and fun today. Even when the inner Rational Decision-Maker knows there's an impending task that needs to be completed (whether it's a thesis or preparation for a TED Talk), the Instant Gratification Monkey will seize every distraction at hand to frustrate that task's completion (until another entity -- the Panic Monster -- awakens). How does the Procrastination Matrix compare to the Eisenhower Matrix, and what tasks does a present-day procrastinator

Jocko Willink (@jockowillink), commander for the most highly decorated special operations unit of the Iraq War, joins the show to talk about taking responsibility, discipline, intensity, and leadership to the next level as outlined in Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win. The Cheat Sheet: When making a decision, worrying about variables that can't be controlled is a waste of time. A better outcome is likely if we learn to focus otherwise wasted effort on factors that can be controlled. Understand why taking ownership of your mistakes, personal issues, and outcomes always gets better results than trying to pass blame to someone else. What does discipline = freedom mean? How do you stop small weaknesses that sometimes permeate discipline from having a negative impact on significant decisions? Is there such a thing as a natural leader? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jocko-willink-extreme-ownership-episode-521/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the

Welcome to the fifth episode of Minisode Monday, where we'll talk about testing our assumptions! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Here's what's up today: The Cheat Sheet: Give someone who remembers WWII an iPod or comparable modern media player and they may not be able to wrap their brains around how it can store so much music and other content. Maybe because they used to have a record collection that took up half the basement, they have assumptions about how much space it takes to store that much media based on past experience that haven't been updated to account for modern, unfamiliar technology. No matter our age, we all carry around assumptions -- right or wrong -- about the way the world works. As we get older and the world changes around us, many of our assumptions naturally become archaic. But how many of our assumptions are fact-based or purely opinion? It's our programming t

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If a partner is going through therapy and the 12 steps for recovery from alcoholism -- and doing well -- is it reasonable to worry they might have a relapse because of their "proven" addictive personality? What causes someone not to take an opportunity -- even when they have an offer that would vastly improve their lives sitting right in front of them? A listener writes in to give us more great ways for long-distance couples to stay connected. Would you rather get a direct but short reply from a busy person, or a longer reply from someone who's been outsourced to answer that busy person's mail? As painful as breaking up with a romantic partner may be, it at least has social precedents to follow. But how do you break up with a friend -- or nip a one-sided friendship in the bud? (Check out our recent episode with Sam Harris for some

Hines Ward (@mvp86hinesward) is a two-time Super Bowl champion and MVP of Super Bowl XL. He joins us to talk about how, in spite of just turning 40, he's just getting started. The Cheat Sheet: Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. By carving out his own niche in the game of football, Hines Ward proved he didn't have to be the tallest and fastest in the NFL to excel. How can someone in the spotlight stay positive even when faced with bouts of external negativity? In preparation for life post-game, Hines explains how he networked instead of playing Xbox all day like some of his contemporaries. What theme song "inspired" Hines during the swimming part of his Ironman triathlon? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/hines-ward-do-the-dirty-work-episode-520/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review th

Ryan Holiday (@ryanholiday), author of Ego Is the Enemy, talks about how learning to put our higher goals above a desire for recognition leads us to true accomplishment. The Cheat Sheet: What is the ego? When does the ego go from being a fundamental part of our existence to an all-destroying enemy? What are the downfalls of ego (and how can we avoid them)? Learn how aspiration, success, and failure are influenced by ego. Understand the delicate relationship between ego and envy. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/ryan-holiday-ego-is-the-enemy-episode-519/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the fourth episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. The Cheat Sheet: Off the top of your head, think of something for which you're grateful. It can be anything -- from a passion for teaching others to having a strong circle of friends to having a good job to loving where you live. Anything. In what ways does this thing for which you're grateful make your life better? Now think back to when and how you came upon whatever makes you grateful. Chances are pretty good another person was responsible for bringing the object of this gratefulness into your life. No matter how long ago this happened, track down and thank that person (thanks to social media like Facebook, it's easier than ever to do this). Let them know how grateful you are for this thing, but more important: how grateful you are to them for introducing you to it. Remember: it's never too late to

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Kimberly Seltzer (as featured in our Toolbox for Women episodes) joins us for this one, so let's cut to it! In this episode: Dating when you've been diagnosed with herpes can be tough. When is the time right to tell prospective partners? Too early, and you may be seen as presumptuous. But if you wait until things start getting serious, they may be angry you didn't tell them sooner. How do you make the call? A listener from Jordan's appearance on the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast writes in to ask for an alternative to the "just be yourself" advice usually given to someone who wants to approach an attractive stranger. If you're used to being a pushover, what do you do when your so-called friends resist the boundaries you're trying to set (as discussed with Kimberly Seltzer in episode 499)? Sometimes love is unrequited for good reason. But what do you do when "the one who

Raj Raghunathan (@Rajadon), author of If You're so Smart, Why Aren't You Happy?, examines why happiness often eludes us in all walks of life -- no matter how healthy, wealthy, or wise we seem to others. The Cheat Sheet: The very things that make people smart and successful can, paradoxically, get in the way of happiness. The typical education, no matter how extensive (or expensive), doesn't give us instructions for how to be happy. Are millennials naturally better equipped for happiness than elder generations? Being mindful intensifies positive feelings even as it mitigates negative ones. What's the recipe for your happiness? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/raj-raghunathan-youre-smart-arent-happy-episode-518/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofch

Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant), author of Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World, revisits the show to explain how defying conformity gives us the power to change the world instead of just accepting it as it is. The Cheat Sheet: Great creators don't necessarily have the deepest level of expertise. Question the default instead of taking the status quo for granted. Learn how to triple the number of ideas you generate. Procrastinate strategically. Balance your risk portfolio. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/adam-grant-originals-move-world-episode-517/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the third episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. The Cheat Sheet: When you're traveling around the world, communication can get tricky. You may not have time to master multiple foreign languages, but you can brush up on your nonverbal communication skills before catching a ride to the airport. While cultural differences are inevitable, many nonverbal cues are universal. For instance, you can convey confidence and charisma by the way you carry yourself -- in any country. When you get good at observing the nonverbal cues of others in front of you, your communication will be that much better by the time you reach the verbal part of the conversation. If observation is your friend, a partner who can practice with you, observe your nonverbal cues, and give you honest feedback for improvement is perhaps your best friend. Try to observe nonverbal communicatio

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: You've resolved to make big changes in your life -- but how do you prioritize them or even find a place to start? Is it possible to be oversaturated with good advice? We share more excellent listener advice for making a transition from the military to civilian office life as discussed in Fan Mail Friday #61. Dr. Duana Welch responds to an intellectually curious listener who challenges some scientific assertions she made in her most recent appearance: The Evolution of Love (Episode 509). Jordan further clarifies advice he gave in Fan Mail Friday #60 to the listener who wondered if voluntary virginity was still something worth holding onto. Is it anti-feminist to accept gender roles in courtship (as discussed in our AoC Toolbox for Women episodes? How can you balance spending quality time with a significant other while putting in th

Rob Norman (@robthenorman), co-host of The Backline podcast and author of Improvising Now, explains how we can use techniques from improvisational theater to conquer everyday life challenges. The Cheat Sheet: Improvisational theater skills go far beyond just helping us think quickly on our feet. In improv, as in all spontaneous life experiences, failure is a possible outcome. Sharpening improv skills gets us not only to overcome our fear of failure, but to learn from it. Learn how the "yes...and" exercise fosters positive interaction, teamwork, and better ideas not only with improv scene partners, but with people in our business and personal lives. Use the Last Line Response exercise in conversation as a powerful way to show that you're paying attention -- and elicit attention in return. No matter how experienced you are at something, confidence is an illusion. It's knowing how to respond when something goes wrong without spoiling that illusion that makes the difference. And so much more... Show notes at h

Cal Newport revisits the show to talk about deep work and how focus can make you not only more productive and effective, but happier and more neurologically healthy. The Cheat Sheet: What's the difference between shallow work and deep work? Why is engaging in deep work so important not only to personal satisfaction, but to your very survival in a ruthless marketplace? Learn how to schedule deep work into your own life. Discover what you can eliminate from your life to make deep work more natural. What the heck does orthogonal mean? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/cal-newport-deep-work-episode-515/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the second episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. The Cheat Sheet: How can you start reading people quickly? When observing someone, try to remember more than appearance-based traits. Noticing more than superficial features hones your judgment and makes you more observant in a deeper way. Pay attention to how your favorite writers describe characters -- the good ones will tell you more than what's just on the surface. Challenge: For the next week, put these observations in practice as you interact with people. You'll be surprised at how naturally your radar starts to pick up clues about what makes them tick. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartof

Time for Fan Mail Fridays, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. In this episode: Is there a polite way to snap your friend out of a need for attention from the opposite sex and get them to see they're awesome as they are? Why is it sometimes so hard to stay away from people we clearly know are wrong for us -- like the narcissists Kim Seltzer has discussed on the show before? A relationship seems to be going well until the other party backs out when you set boundaries. Are we supposed to constantly put ourselves out there no matter how many times we get rejected? What are the chances of having a successful relationship with someone who is much older than you? How can you get your otherwise perfect partner to be more vocal in the bedroom? We get some good feedback for advice given regarding how to disclose a history of breast cancer and reconstruction to a new romantic interest in FMF 61. What kind of memories do you hold on to

Sam Harris (@samharrisorg) is a neuroscientist, author, and philosopher; he's also a staunch critic of religion (while being an advocate of mindfulness) who joins the show to discuss some views that -- fair warning -- many may find controversial. The Cheat Sheet: When does stubbornness stop being a virtue and become a confession of intellectual dishonesty? What makes Sam Harris the Anti-Trump? Why do so many people subscribe to the package beliefs of their political parties or religions even when clearly proven scientific facts prove contradictory to these beliefs? If Sam Harris considers himself primarily a philosopher, how did he wind up with a PhD in neuroscience? Why do we lie -- even when we know how destructive it can be? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/sam-harris-anti-trump-episode-514/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the cred

Dr. Anders Ericsson (@PeakTheBook) is the expert in finding out what it takes to become an expert. Here, he discusses Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise, his new book co-authored with Robert Pool. The Cheat Sheet: Innate talent is a myth. How can we become amazing at any skill? Learn how to set up a deliberate practice regimen to become more effective at anything you do. Understand why "try differently" is a better solution than "try harder." Contrary to what was once believed, the brain can be rewired to excel toward a specific goal at any age with the proper training. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/dr-anders-ericsson-science-expertise-episode-513/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more

Welcome to the first episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. But don't worry! We'll still present the regular number of full-sized episodes every week, but the schedule will look more like this: Monday -- Minisode Monday Tuesday -- Full-sized episode #1 Wednesday -- Break Thursday -- Full-sized episode #2 Friday -- Fan Mail Friday It's good news; you're getting more in the rotation, and we get to impart something that's maybe five or 10 minutes long -- at most -- that you can apply today. Please let us know what you think in the comments below, at Twitter, or email jordan@theartofcharm.com! The Cheat Sheet: We learn manners via parents and society. So when we travel to the other side of the world, what we consider polite may not fly -- and vice versa. Consider the non-verbal cues you get from others when you breach these manners and how this makes you feel.