Mindset Academy

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m planning the wedding of my dreams with the man of my dreams.  Our visions are very different. I want a big wedding and he wants a small one. It’s CHAOS. What should we do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Vivienne on how to compromise when it comes to Wedding Planning.  Key Takeaways: [0:48] First of all lose the word “Chaos.” If that’s how you’re describing it, then guess what it’s going to be? Chaotic. You are creating a new family with the man of your dreams, look at it as a beautiful opportunity to find a way to find a common ground.  [1:35] Use this as a chance to talk things out. Getting through this ‘Chaotic’ time can set you up powerfully for the rest of your lives.  [3:15] Shift your chaos into opportunity, into loving and growing and learning.  Learn new things about your partner. Have compassion for yourself and your partner so you can learn to navigate things now and have the tools when other

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I keep taking everything that everyone around me is saying personally. What in the world do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Deborah on how she can stop taking everything personally.    Key Takeaways: [1:07] Often when people take things personally they take things that are neutral and add so much meaning to it and make it all about themselves. Whatever it is that you are feeling if it's ‘not worthy’ or ‘not enough’--then that’s what you are going to hear in whatever anyone else says to you.  [2:15] People’s opinions can reflect judgments we have placed on ourselves. Read the “Four Agreements” “Your Opinion of Me is None of My Business,” and really start to put these new tools into effect.  [3:45] Practice Compassionate Self-Forgiveness. We are so quick to forgive others and we often have trouble forgiving ourselves.  Forgive yourself for judging yourself and for taking other’s judgments personally.  Y

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “Can I Venmo the guy I’ve been seeing for the past few months a few bucks while he is on vacation, to buy himself a drink, to show him that I’m thinking of him...or is that really creepy?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Jill on if she should surprise her new beau? Key Takeaways: [1:00] Nice is what causes people to feel important, connected and valued. Go ahead and do it! -Monika [2:07] The reason you got the idea to do this, is probably because you would love it if someone did that for you. It’s probably your love language. If your heart tells you that you are just being nice, then go with your gut and trust your instincts! [3:00] If it isn’t received well, then maybe it’s a sign that he just isn’t a good fit for you or maybe you just need to figure out what his love language is.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who I have known since middle school. I always thought he was the one, but I am developing feelings for someone new. What should I do?” In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Jenny on what to do about her Long Distance Relationship and newfound feelings for another guy.  Key Takeaways: [1:00] Sounds like you are being very smart about assessing the situation.  We are attracted to qualities within people and it makes sense that you might be attracted to different things.  [2:15] Your 20’s are a time to develop your values, and take time to explore what you want and what you need out of a relationship. So do just that!  [3:00] The outerwork is to have conversations with your boyfriend and potentially this new guy to really be honest in every area of your life.  Evaluate what lesson you may be able to learn from this. When you take that perspective it can really shi

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My new girlfriend and I have been together for a few months. She’s already talking marriage and kids and I want more time to focus on my career before settling down. We have reached an impasse. She asked if I would be interested in an open relationship. I said yes and now she’s sad. What do I do?”  In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Freddy on his relationship issue.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] Timeline is such a personal thing. I would never want to be influenced by someone else’s timeline. They are allowed to have their own views but they shouldn’t push their agenda on you.  [2:00] Relationships are all about choice. If you aren’t choosing powerfully and just trying to please your partner then it could lead to resentment down the road. [3:15] Figure out if your hearts and desires are in alignment. Have a conversation and try to find a middle ground--or decide to end the relationship for now. If it’s meant to be, it

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I was having lunch the other day with a potential employer and my Boyfriend saw me, thought I was cheating, and blocked me on all social media and text messaging.” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Margo on what to do about her suspicious boyfriend.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] Consider the inner work.  Ask yourself, “Why am I attracting a person who responds in this way?” and what is the inner work you need to do to heal this. [2:15] The outer work is to connect with your Boyfriend. Ask him questions like “What made you assume I was cheating on you?” Uncover issues in the past that may have contributed to this. [3:15] What is this situation trying to teach you?  Outer realities are reflections of our inner experiences. So see if this situation is reflecting something within yourself that you need to come to terms with.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I just reconnected with my ex-girlfriend and we decided to be friends again. I still have feelings for her but I don’t want to ruin the new friendship. What should I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Greg about how to navigate his new friendship with his ex-girlfriend.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] Let your friendship strengthen before sharing your thoughts and feelings.  [1:30] There may be inner work you need to do to complete the old relationship. Forgive yourself, love yourself and come to terms with things from the past and see how the friendship grows and evolves naturally.  [3:30] Why did the relationship end in the first place?  It will be helpful to review this in a loving neutral way together. When you clean up the past and close one chapter, you allow for a whole new chapter to open.  [4:15] Get clear on what’s in your heart. Get comfortable in the friend one and see where things go.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My boyfriend has a new habit of talking dirty in bed. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't know what to do. Thoughts?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Shelley on what to do about her boyfriend’s new habit in the bedroom. Key Takeaways: [0:30] Try reading some books about dirty talk.  Explore from a safe and logical perspective [1:30] Take some time to discover what exactly is making you uncomfortable in the first place.  [1:45] Have a conversation from a place of love where you discuss how you would prefer to be talked to in bed. [2:10] Do your research, take some time to discover the source of upset, and come to new agreements with your partner.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Girlfriend is still wearing her old wedding ring. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Elijah on what to do about his girlfriend wearing a wedding ring from her past. Key Takeaways: [1:00] In the physical sense, it’s just a ring.  We can attach whatever significance we want to it.  You can make it to mean that she still loves him. Or she loves big diamonds.  You are the one who attaches the meaning. [1:30] You can pay attention to how she is responding to your discomfort.  It would be loving if she acknowledged the fact it was upsetting you and in a loving relationship it always helps to talk things out and get to the bottom of why you are feeling the way you are feeling.  [4:00] Ask yourself, why is this upsetting and triggering me?  Then have a conversation that allows the two of you to come to some new agreements that put both of you at ease. [3:10] Practice having a loving conversation where

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Girlfriend wants all my social media passwords, do I give them to her?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Marvin on whether or not to share his passwords with his Girlfriend.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] Why don’t you want to share them? Do you have something to hide? If you are in a loving relationship you shouldn’t have anything to hide.  You may wish to have a conversation with yourself and figure out why you are hiding something from your girlfriend in the first place. [1:20] Why is she asking you? If it’s because she is fear based and doesn’t trust you, then that isn’t good. You are allowed to have your own life.  The other person doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING about you.  [2:10] Don’t lose your autonomy and individuality. Every relationship is made of YOU, THEM and the RELATIONSHIP. You are still you no matter what and if you do lose yourself in the relationship, it will become very hard for you to show up

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Wife is 7 months pregnant and doesn’t want to have any sexual activity with me.  What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Steve on how to deal with his sexual urges during his wive's pregnancy.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] As a pregnant woman, there are times when you will be really horny and times where you don’t want them to get near you! So be patient. Don’t pressure or force anything.  [1:00] Be complimentary, loving and just know that each month the hormones shift, so you never know when the hormones may shift in your favor! [2:50] This time is about her and not you.  Connect on an emotional and intimate level with your wife and find ways to be intimate through your communication. Try taking care of you while she takes take of her. [4:10] There will be times in you relationship where there are ups and downs, not just in the bedroom but in all areas of life. Put love into it, honor it, accept it.  Fin

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’ve been single for 5 years and I’m ready to find the one.  How do I go about doing that?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Rachel on how to get ready to put herself out there and find “The One.” Key Takeaways: [0:30] Make a list of everything that you want in a partner. What are you really looking for? What do you want to attract?  What does an ideal relationship look like for you?  Get SUPER clear on this. Make a list of all the qualities you want them to have.  [1:30] Start at the surface level, and then go deeper.  The deeper you go into this assignment will be the degree to which you attract what you are looking for, because you will be super CLEAR on what you want. [2:00] Are you being the person who will attract the person you’d like?  Do you smoke and would like to quit? Do you work too much? Are you living a healthy life?  If you become the person you want to be, you will be healthier, happier and t

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Fiance and I were talking about our Wedding and our Honeymoon and we can’t figure out where to go. What do we do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Wesley on how to navigate their disagreement about their honeymoon destination. Key Takeaways: [1:30] Acknowledge the other person for their wonderful opinion. If you are going back and forth, it can create a big conflict, so it’s really important to talk about the parameters of what you are deciding.  [2:30] Each person should share everything they are thinking and why they are thinking that and make sure you are validating the other person.  In each person’s mind their own opinion will make perfect sense to them, so it will be helpful to hear exactly why they are thinking what they are thinking. [3:00] The opportunity to consider new things and be flexible is SO important in a relationship and especially a marriage. [3:10] Figure out how important it is to yo

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m newly married with a child from my previous marriage. I don’t love the way my new wife parents my child. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Teddy on how to navigate his new marriage and parental duties at the same time.  Key Takeaways: [0:20] Get really clear on the rules and regulations that you have around your child and your parenting style. Be careful not to crush her involvement. You want her to feel included, it might be tough if it’s her first time being a parent so try to have love and compassion for her. [1:30] Ease her into the conversations. Recognize what she is doing right and tell her so! Try showing her how you like things done with your child rather than just telling her how she needs to do things differently.  [2:00] When you enter a marriage. There are so many new things that you need to make new agreements around. You want it to be a loving environment for the child. Try to

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “How do I tell my partner I have an STI?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer on how to tell their partner that they have an STI. Key Takeaways: [1:10] Take out the stigma. This is something from the past that you need to bring up and you just have to find the appropriate time and own up to the responsibility of telling your partner.   [1:45] It’s about shame.  Figure out where the shame is coming from inside. Once you are able to move past the shame and once you have healed that part of you, there will be no fear and shame in talking about it anymore. [3:30] To deal with shame you have to practice A LOT of self forgiveness. Come to terms with the negative voice in your head and figure out solutions and find the opportunity in it.  [4:15] Practice Compassionate Self forgiveness. Tell yourself “I was just doing the best that I could, I’m only human,” and learn to truly forgive yourself.  Once you come to terms wit

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m a stay at home mom, and up until recently my husband worked all day long and we had a great relationship. Now he has a new job and he’s working from home. And we’re getting into way more arguments. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Becky on how to navigate being home together all day. Key Takeaways: [1:00] Have a conversation with your husband. Communicate how you are feeling. Bring it to the surface and work through it together as a team.  [1:45] Don’t spend every waking hour together. Create a routine and schedule that works for you. If you are comfortable with it, have him find an alternate space to work from home for a couple days a week.  [2:15] It’s all about communication.  Tell him how you would like it to be, ask him how he would like it to be,  and create new agreements. Make sure that you are not saying Yes just to appease, because that can cause resentment later.  [2:45] Do something s

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I love watching Netflix with my Girlfriend, but she keeps falling asleep and getting mad at me for getting ahead in the show. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Bob on how to navigate an issue around Netflix and his girlfriend. Key Takeaways: [0:40] This happens to us too and it can be really frustrating!  [1:24] You should have the freedom to watch what you want when you want, but also maybe there are certain shows you don’t like as much that you can put off watching so that you can watch with your girlfriend as well.  [2:15 ] The key is to talk to your partner about what is important to you and validate them. Let them know how much you appreciate that they want to spend time with you watching Netflix. Also let them know what your needs are and maybe you can compromise.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I have some difficult things that I want to share with my partner, but when we have difficult conversations it never seems to go well. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Jermone on how to have difficult conversations with his partner. Key Takeaways: [0:20] First off try not to label things as “Difficult”.  Once you label it that way, it will not go well. They will either defend or attack and it will not be a constructive conversation.   [0:55] The most effective conversations come from being vulnerable and transparent. No matter what you are talking about whether it be money or sex or family...it doesnt have to be “difficult”...these talks could be easy, light and fun, who knows!   [2:00 ] When you place a judgment, all of a sudden:  assumptions happen, you take things personally, you try to get to the bottom of things, you blame and shame.  We recommend you practice compassionate self-forgiveness. Bef

In today's Episode we answer one of our very own questions! “My teenager is constantly on the internet, how can I get him to give social media a break?” In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise themselves on how to navigate their teen's obsession with Social Media! Key Takeaways: [0:20] Try to find things that you can bond over.  Get them out of the house, and try and do something interesting together that can be a bonding experience as well as giving them a break from their screens. [1:15] It is a tricky one, because our kids are online chatting with their friends, so it’s a weird mix of being social and antisocial at the same time. “Socially Alone” is a thing. It’s hard because we as parents are also on our phones so it can feel hypocritical to tell them to get off their devices. [2:25 ] Clear communication and agreements are key. It’s all about meeting in the middle. You can come to them and say “This is what we want, and this what we suggest” and they might very well counter something c

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Girlfriend constantly complains about her body and doesn’t do anything about it. What should I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Shane on what to do to stop his frustration, help his girlfriend and be a supportive partner.  Key Takeaways: [0:25] Consider that there may be pain underneath what she is saying. Try being patient, compassionate and understanding.  Women are VERY harsh on themselves.  It really can help if a partner practices kindness.  [1:35] A tool that can help those who are judging themselves is this:  First identify what specifically am I judging about myself? Don’t hide from it, dive into it!  By doing that, you can peel the layers away, like an onion and see what is at the core of your judgments. Am I feeling inadequate, scared, overwhelmed?  [2:20 ] Practice compassionate self forgiveness. While we often apologize to others that we may have hurt...we often forget to say sorry to ourselves.