Intentional Living With Tanya Hale

We've all been there.  Someone blames and the other person gets defensive, and around and around we go.  We breed contention, when what we're really after in our relationships is connection.  So, how to break the cycle?  Today I'll teach you the tools you need to have stronger, better relationships where responsibility and curiosity reign!

'I'm sorry' is probably one of the most used phrases by women in our society.  We have been conditioned to use this phrase not just when we have done something hurtful or wrong, but very often even when we are taking up space as a human.  Today we're going to take a closer look at why it's important to stop apologizing for being a breathing human and how to acknowledge our space in the world with more gratitude and grace. 

Some of the emotions we experience in life do not feel good.  Not even a little bit.  But actually feeling and processing these emotions allows us to move through them and into a healthier space that does feel good. And when we realize how important all emotions are to our well-being, both the easy and the hard emotions, it can become easier to move into processing.  Let's chat about it!

Sometimes it seems so much easier not to say anything. So we take our 'issue' and we put it on the back burner and pretend it doesn't exist. But the thing is, things on the back burner eventually start to stink and wreak a lot of havoc in our lives. Having a no back-burner issue standard in your relationships is an amazing way to keep things clean and moving forward, and even moving deeper.

Learning to distinguish between the facts of our lives and the thoughts in our heads is one of the first and most valuable tools I use in life coaching.  When we start to understand the difference, we are able to become empowered by our own agency and begin to create the kind of life we really want to live.  This is a skill you won't want to miss!

Trying to control others is often an innate behavior for humans. We think that if we control how everyone else thinks, feels, and behaves, that life will be easier for us.  But it actually destroys relationships by keeping us from connecting with others and with ourselves, and limits our emotional maturity.

All of us have the tendency to build protective walls when we start to feel emotionally unsafe.  Understanding what is behind those walls and why we're feeling emotionally unsafe is the key to creating the close, connected, intimate relationships we innately desire.  This is work we can do with ourselves, and with the people we love the most in this world.

So much of our life is run by established patterns of behavior that we are completely unaware of. And when these patterns create dysfunctional behaviors, it can be very frustrating to pinpoint the cause of the struggle in our relationship. When we can learn to identify the patterns that are not serving us, and create and implement patterns that do serve us, everything can change. Whether your relationship is new or long-term, we can all use some better patterns of behavior.    

Awareness is the first key ingredient to growth. If we're not aware of our flaws and weaknesses, we won't take the necessary steps to grow beyond them. But when our primitive brain thinks we're going to be punished or ridiculed or shut down for having flaws, it will resist showing them to us. Today we're talking about how to create a safe space to become aware of our flaws and weaknesses, so that our growth game is strong.  

Recently I was interviewed on a podcast called 'Latter-day Life Coaches' about the work I often do with divorced women and men in the church. We're not so unique anymore, but often the stigma of being divorced can seem pretty big whether you're the one who is divorced, or whether it's someone you know. Sometimes we don't know what to do with ourselves, and others don't know what to do with us either! But divorce is such an incredible opportunity to grow into a better version of ourselves. Let's talk about it!

Three weeks into your New Years goals and you might be finding yourself waning a bit. You are so not alone! Often we think that we are committed to something when we are actually just interested in it. We think we 'should' really want to accomplish this goal for reasons that don't really align with our values. Understanding these concepts can help us to interact with more grace towards ourselves, find more peace in our lives, and actually accomplish more.

What is the impact of our personal growth on the lives of those around us?  Here's an interview with my daughter Allison where we talk about how my personal growth over the last few years has impacted her life in positive ways.  Because when one person changes, it impacts everyone they come in contact with.

Do you feel like you're stuck? Middle-age has come and you don't know what you want to do, how to move forward, or how to fix what you want to fix? Today we are talking about how to shift your mindset so you can begin to move forward, get unstuck, and dream amazing dreams again. Because middle-age is the perfect time to start resurrecting your dreams that may have been put on the back shelf while you were busy raising a family and dreaming dreams for them. Now it's your turn. Let's go!

Do you want to create something different in your life?  Maybe deeper relationships or more purpose?  Becoming the person we really want to be will require some risk on your part.  All growth requires that we step into discomfort and into doing things we have never done before in order to become our desired person.  Let's talk today about what this can mean for you.

When our children choose to take a different path than we, as their parents, have envisioned for them, we will often label them as 'wayward.' Let's chat today about how not only does this term 'wayward' not serve us or them, but also how our children, using their free agency to make their own choices, bless our lives and help us to become more the kind of people we really want to be.

I do believe that the holiday season is one of the greatest reasons for stress and anxiety for a lot of people. Today I have 6 really practical tips for you on how you can step back from the stress, spread yourself a little thicker, and really enjoy your holidays this year.

Parenting adult children is nothing like parenting our younger, dependent children. It requires a completely different mindset and skillset. Learning how to approach these relationships from a new perspective will help to create the better, stronger relationship you really want.

So often we think that if we are kind to ourselves that we are letting ourselves off the hook, and that the only way to motivate ourselves is it call us out by saying harsh things. Today I want to offer that, actually, the best way to motivate ourselves and get us moving in the direction we want, is to extend greater kindness in how we speak to and interact with ourselves. Let's talk about the why and the how.

Although we are often taught to forget ourselves and serve others, there is one place where stepping into "I" will always serve us the best and also help us to serve others.  Learning to manage our thoughts around how we want to show up and what we want to create in our lives is an incredibly valuable tool to becoming our next best version.  

Really though, we can make change easier. By understanding some great things about our primitive brain, and by learning to leverage them, we can 'hack' the part of our brain that resists change and we can begin to make the changes that we seek.