Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel Of Time Podcast

Our entire podcast might be one big foible, but at least we're not Aes Sedai dropouts. For ch. 13-14, we discuss Kool-Aid Man Tarna Feir, Nynaeve's Foreshadowing Bucket, and everything wrong with Gawyn's Toxic Dream Fantasy (it's a lot). Transcript

This episode (ch. 11-12) is short only because we had to delete our Top Five Sexiest Anime Men discussion. Uncut are our talks about Brandy on the Binky, Mazrim Taim's Second Location, CSI: Caemlyn, the Boys-Throwing-Rocks Instinct, and Theodrin, Queen of Staying in Her Lane. Transcript

This episode, covering ch. 9-10, includes some of our hottest takes: Idris Elba should be in a "Hatchet" movie. Unlike Pedron Niall, at least Rand has a to-do list. Everyone is bad at Minecraft. And Bashere is a master of emotional curb-stomping. Transcript

Oh, Lord of Chaos, asking the big questions, like, "Is torture still bad even when the people getting tortured are annoying?" Yes, actually! For ch. 7-8, we discuss Fantasy Ambien, Demandred's Evil Laugh, Editorial Conflict of Interest, and Salidar Video Game Glitching. Transcript

Ch. 5-6 are good and bad. Bad because of the Human Circus, the Short Bastard Man, and the Whitest Woman to Ever White. Good because of the Dark One's Candy Mountain and Mat's OT4. Are themes just for eighth graders and wimps? You be the judge. Transcript

For chapters 3-4, we talk about Cricket Player Douchebaggery, Weaponizing Toxic Masculinity (and Toxic Femininity!), Mazrim Taim's School for Deranged War Criminals, and how Famine Has Control of Boston. Now with better audio quality! Transcript

We're getting sued by Shrek for our coverage of chapters 1 and 2. Discussion points include: Bashere's Erotic Energy, Tybalt the Fartful Dodger, Mazrim Taim Slip 'n' Slide, and a War Crimes-Shaped Cookie Cutter. Uh, sorry? Transcript

Apologies for the low volume as we adjust to a new recording space. We finish the prologue by discussing John Travlota Rand, Alternate Lord of Chaos Titles, D-d-damn Daniel, Bad Decision-Making in the Royal House of Andor, and Rand's Monarchy (But Make It Bigger).  Transcript

Welcome to season six! The title says it all. We get halfway through the prologue of Lord of Chaos, discussing Pop Culture Neo, Who Needs to Be Guillotined, The Dark One Firing Demandred, and Rand's Revolving Door of Women. Transcript

We haven't worked up the courage to face Lord of Chaos yet, so we decided to discuss how (and if!) indigenous people are represented in Wheel of Time. We also laugh for, like, ten minutes at the word "moo-nionizing."  Transcript

The heavens have been fired, and we're officially done with book five! And what a chaotic ride it's been. For chapters 55-56, we talk about Moghedien's Opera Glasses, how Nynaeve Has the High Ground, and Rand's School for Boys Who Want to Do Magic. Transcript

If you think men have tear ducts, chapters 53-54 will prove you wrong. This episode will also prove that Emily is gay and can't do math, that Lan has reached a new low on the break-up scale (BENEATH Facebook Messenger break-up), and that we're all just following Fast and Furious logic.  Transcript

We've reached one of the most iconic sequences in the Wheel of Time: when Moiraine stage manages the HELL out of her own "death." For ch. 51 & 52, we also talk about Sexy Zombie Mat, Catching Frish, Don't Skin the Messenger, and Sulin Joining Mat's War Council.  Transcript

Ch. 49 and 50 are so, so long. There's no humor to be found in them, but a lot of questions: Should Sherlock Holmes be sexy? Is smuggling a victimless crime? Are the seals actually important? Has Robert Jordan heard of friends?  Transcript

Robert Jordan is taking leaves in ch. 47 & 48, just like he always does. Other discussion topics include: Egg's Amyrlin Box, Jazz Hands Shimmying, Be Nicer to Mat 2k20, and Galad's Bleached Violence. Transcript

This week, we cover ch. 45-46, and Mat goes on Reddit to ask: AITA? Meanwhile, Asmodean can't pronounce the word "friend," Moiraine supervises Special K, the nobility suffer through an unsanitary spear kissing ritual, and Robert Jordan uses his page space unwisely. What else is new? Transcript

We'd like to remind you that we are not the glee club. Other discussion topics for chapters 43-44 include: Signature for Ants, Beefalo, and Mantrum with Lantrum. Plus, for the first time ever, Lan actually acts like a good mentor?   Transcript

As the title implies, there's a highly graphic sidebar in this episode about the big blue dildo in HBO's "Watchmen." Whoops! More WoT-centric topics include: Glass-Blowing Inconsistencies, Mat's Transition Lenses, and Miners vs. Minors. Chapters 41 & 42.  Transcript

Chapters 39 and 40 are here to teach us all about cults (and whether you're in one)! Discussion topics include: a Tybalt-centric Universe, Masema's 12 Friends Justice System, Alliandre's Resume, and Fergalicious Galaxy Brain. Transcript

Emily "Eyeball" Juchau and Sally "Sadness" Goodger are back after a brief hiatus to talk about ch. 37 and 38. We'll discuss the history of circuses and "freak shows" and the intersections between human cruelty and animal cruelty. If that sounds like a downer, worry not: there's a guy named Philip Ass-ley involved.  Transcript