Everybody Hates Rand: A Wheel Of Time Podcast

Unsurprisingly, ch. 29-30, set in Salidar, absolutely suck. We discuss Freud's Wet Dream (Thom and Elayne), Nynaeve Being a gOoD LiTtLe wOmAn, Equal Opportunity Sluts, and we demand to know: Where Are the Vineyards? TW: Aran'gar Transcript

In our coverage of ch. 28, we remind Rand and his Goldfish Brain about Diplomacy (Get Some). We also commission a Lews Therin Motivational Poster and remind you: Don't Be Anthony. CW: This episode discusses the sexual assault that happens in this chapter.   Transcript

Who or what is Pope Shark, and what does it have to do with Wheel of Time? Well, nothing. But for ch. 26-27, we also talk about Bashere's Tik Tok Account, Rand's Analysis Paralysis, Spotting Mormons in the Wild, and Magic Goosebumps (Tingling Saidar Senses). Transcript

Have you ever wondered if there's any WoT content on Pornhub? Don't worry, Sally will look it up. Talking points for ch. 24-25 include: Aiel Copycat Murderers, Eggy Phantom,  Gawyn's Traveling Frat House, and Charming White Man (Derogatory). Transcript

During ch. 22-23, Emily has no idea what's going on (as usual). But seriously, where's all this going? Where's the pay-off to this set-up? We need Poirot Cauthon on the case. At least we have Olver's rock resume to keep us going. Transcript

Hi, everyone! This isn't a full-length episode, and the info covered here can also be found on our Instagram. This is mostly meant for anyone who might be listening after the release date and doesn't want to scroll through social media to get the deets. Thanks for being cool! Transcript 

In ch. 17-18, we're asking hard questions, like: What if Berelain was a mentor to Egg? What if Rand used creative problem-solving? Where does Juilin put the thieves he catches? And which fruit WAS it, actually, in the Garden of Eden? Transcript

Welcome to 2021! We think Halwin Norry should be Queen of Andor. Other controversial topics from ch. 15-16 include Pillows of Fiber, Gawyn's Sim Sex Dreams, Egg-ucation, and how Salidar is just Plot Purgatory. Transcript

Our entire podcast might be one big foible, but at least we're not Aes Sedai dropouts. For ch. 13-14, we discuss Kool-Aid Man Tarna Feir, Nynaeve's Foreshadowing Bucket, and everything wrong with Gawyn's Toxic Dream Fantasy (it's a lot). Transcript

This episode (ch. 11-12) is short only because we had to delete our Top Five Sexiest Anime Men discussion. Uncut are our talks about Brandy on the Binky, Mazrim Taim's Second Location, CSI: Caemlyn, the Boys-Throwing-Rocks Instinct, and Theodrin, Queen of Staying in Her Lane. Transcript

This episode, covering ch. 9-10, includes some of our hottest takes: Idris Elba should be in a "Hatchet" movie. Unlike Pedron Niall, at least Rand has a to-do list. Everyone is bad at Minecraft. And Bashere is a master of emotional curb-stomping. Transcript

Oh, Lord of Chaos, asking the big questions, like, "Is torture still bad even when the people getting tortured are annoying?" Yes, actually! For ch. 7-8, we discuss Fantasy Ambien, Demandred's Evil Laugh, Editorial Conflict of Interest, and Salidar Video Game Glitching. Transcript

Ch. 5-6 are good and bad. Bad because of the Human Circus, the Short Bastard Man, and the Whitest Woman to Ever White. Good because of the Dark One's Candy Mountain and Mat's OT4. Are themes just for eighth graders and wimps? You be the judge. Transcript

For chapters 3-4, we talk about Cricket Player Douchebaggery, Weaponizing Toxic Masculinity (and Toxic Femininity!), Mazrim Taim's School for Deranged War Criminals, and how Famine Has Control of Boston. Now with better audio quality! Transcript

We're getting sued by Shrek for our coverage of chapters 1 and 2. Discussion points include: Bashere's Erotic Energy, Tybalt the Fartful Dodger, Mazrim Taim Slip 'n' Slide, and a War Crimes-Shaped Cookie Cutter. Uh, sorry? Transcript

Apologies for the low volume as we adjust to a new recording space. We finish the prologue by discussing John Travlota Rand, Alternate Lord of Chaos Titles, D-d-damn Daniel, Bad Decision-Making in the Royal House of Andor, and Rand's Monarchy (But Make It Bigger).  Transcript

Welcome to season six! The title says it all. We get halfway through the prologue of Lord of Chaos, discussing Pop Culture Neo, Who Needs to Be Guillotined, The Dark One Firing Demandred, and Rand's Revolving Door of Women. Transcript

We haven't worked up the courage to face Lord of Chaos yet, so we decided to discuss how (and if!) indigenous people are represented in Wheel of Time. We also laugh for, like, ten minutes at the word "moo-nionizing."  Transcript

The heavens have been fired, and we're officially done with book five! And what a chaotic ride it's been. For chapters 55-56, we talk about Moghedien's Opera Glasses, how Nynaeve Has the High Ground, and Rand's School for Boys Who Want to Do Magic. Transcript

If you think men have tear ducts, chapters 53-54 will prove you wrong. This episode will also prove that Emily is gay and can't do math, that Lan has reached a new low on the break-up scale (BENEATH Facebook Messenger break-up), and that we're all just following Fast and Furious logic.  Transcript