Goop Yourself

Gwyneth rolls out her comprehensive health care plan, Goop Wellness, and it is a true gamechanger for our country. Everyone is covered for $90 per month! Everything is included except for doctors, prescriptions, ER visits, Western medicine... it's vitamins, little packs of vitamins. We're all going to die very soon.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Goop gives us an essential oil primer and Bryan and Aggie are into it. Things they're not into: childish phonecases, unflattering jump suits and cringeworthy TED Talks. We can all agree - TED Talks are the worst. Plus - Gwyneth poses on a swing, and Aggie gives us an exclusive glimpse into Ask Jean's past.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Hilarious actor and writer Jeff Hiller (Nightcap, 30 Rock) shares his intimate stories of working with Gwyneth after we ply him with Trader Joe's Rosé. Then we discuss the week's very depressing newsletter, touching on addiction and codependency, Alzheimer's prevention, sexism in the workplace, and $1500 caftans! FLOSS OR DIE. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week we discover Gwyneth doesn't know how to use a pressure cooker, but some women are so damaged they're scared to even go near the kitchen. The solution: talk to some crazy lady in Pasadena who will tell you to slice a banana and DANCE. Also, why chocolate is a vitamin, why addictions are like imaginary friends, and why do we keep listening to what these clearly insane people have to say? Help. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Gwyneth teaches us how to throw an Oscar party inspired by classic Hollywood, i.e. the late 90s. We also discuss taking Vitamin D by the fistful, learn how to prevent face oil from exploding en route to Tahiti, and discover that feeling empathy is the biggest indicator of personal failure. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

After Gwyneth's political rant last week, she retreats to the snowy cocoon of Park City and white privilege. Bryan and Aggie loathe the concept behind 'Thug Kitchen,' but they'd still try their cocktails. And will Valentine's day never end? Not until Goop dives into the psychological astrology of long term relationships and tries to convince us avocados are aphrodisiacs - because of their shape (an oval with a hole in it) and texture (gooey baby shit.) Whatever floats your boat GP. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Gwyneth finally gets WOKE in a strongly worded letter about diversity and inclusion, and Bryan and Aggie have very different takes. She continues her foray into radical feminism by burning her bras (because she's sad about an ex-boyfriend.) Oh well, small steps. We also learn how to layer in winter and plan our own deaths.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Valentine's Day comes earlier and earlier every year, so get ready for bunny ears, feather dusters, and a million types of body oil. After Bryan and Aggie finish vomiting, they talk about Danielle Steel books, tattoo removal, and what a Medical Medium really does. Meanwhile, Gwyneth continues her Red State listening tour by going to Milwaukee, Philly, and Memphis. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week, Aggie and Bryan learn what smudging is and get really excited about it. They also find out that everyone is full of toxic yeast caused by being fat slobs, and debate the merits of buying foam rollers, trampolines, and floral tinctures that help with self-esteem and baby making. Plus, is Gwyneth trying to sabatoge the podcast by not delivering the Monday newsletter to Aggie?? Probably not.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On this honeymoon edition of Goop Yourself, Bryan and Aggie discuss eggs that go in your yoni, extreme hallucinogens, and the mysterious lack of Hawaiian locations on G. Spotting. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It's a brand new year, and if you're a Goophead you know what that means: self-flagellation and restrictive dieting!!! Aggie and Bryan discuss lattes that aren't lattes, mystical orbs you can buy at Staples, and what to do with all that miso clogging up your fridge. Plus, everyone has parasites! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On the final Goop Yourself of the year, Bryan and Aggie discuss the stupidity of cooking with children, makeup artists who ride the bus, and shamen who've died and come back to life. They're also fully on Team Jean. Happy New Year! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On this very special Goop Yourself, Aggie and Bryan reexamine Gwyneth's infamous sex issue from earlier this year. We talk female orgasms, pelvic floor exercises, golden dildos and Bernie Sanders. May your holidays be goopy and bright!!        See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On this gloomy Goop Yourself, Aggie wants to maybe try pot again, and Bryan definitely wants to get a room at the Ritz in Paris. Gwyneth puts as much effort into Volume 2 of 'this & that' as the new administration is going to put into combatting climate change. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Aggie and Bryan are joined by special guest Michelle Markowitz to discuss Gwyneth's love for terrible tacos, holiday outfits, and sex sex sex. Also, we report back from our journey to the Brentwood Country Mart where we finally smelled "THE CANDLE." See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Bryan and Aggie struggle to find much good in this week's newsletters, but we take solace in essential oils, black pants, gluten-free cookies, and a Louisiana senate candidate that believes in climate change. Gwyneth and Jean keep hawking their candle, but won't let us smell before we buy.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Goop Yourself's first bi-coastal episode! Bryan calls in from the wilds of New Jersey,  and Gwyneth puts her foot in her mouth for the 1000th time. Aggie and Bryan disagree on practicing gratitude, but are on the same page when it comes to the power of crystals. Please excuse the less than perfect audio - we'll both be back in the studio next week! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week Bryan and Aggie get VERY political, talking about the state of the country and tables with pictures of butts. Gwyneth launches a perfume, but you're not allowed to smell it. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week, we all stare at the ceiling for an hour. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This week, Gwyneth relaxes into November with a new goop label collection, reconnects with her (alleged) old flame Mario Batali, and surrenders into the shitstorm we call life. Plus, Bryan gets emotional about food deserts. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.