Table Reads

The resurrection of evil incarnate! The power of the gods used to hustle at chess and play the MOST TEDIOUS game of baseball in film history! And if you think that Billy’ isn’t going to a “mature” movie on his first day with an adult body, YOU ARE MISTAKEN. But don’t worry... there are some actual super-heroics. With juggling. Y’know, writing a synopsis like this really does a great job of illustrating how little thought must have gone into this script.But, hey, the gang take a brief break from a particularly painful part of the script to discuss how the game of Quiddich could be improved. So there’s that...

It's part 2 of Shazam, so you know what that means! Captain Marvel [not the Brie Larson character -ed.] makes his big debut, allowing William Goldman to explore the sexual desires of a 15 year old girl for a man described as being 25! Ew!Aside from the super inappropriate sexual tension, Jenny helps Billy get a grip on his new situation as Earth's Mightiest Mortal while elsewhere, we meet the children of Sivana, who have the Rowlingest names you ever heard! The transport their father's remains home in a rather unconventional way. But don't worry! Before the end of the episode, we get STILL MORE incredibly discomforting sexualization of a 15-year-old girl! Gah!It's like Lolita, if Nabokov thought her behavior was totally normal.

This is the first episode of the ALL NEW TABLE READS!With this episode, we welcome back Kelly Leviay as a full-time co-host and introduce Joshua Baker as a second full-time co-host in addition to show creator Shawn McBee, making Table Reads a 3 person podcast! For the first foray of the new lineup, we’re reading our first script authored by an Academy Award winner: Shazam, by the legendary William Goldman! Get a listen at what might have been if the new film starring Zachary Levi had been made about 10 years earlier (probably without Zachary Levi). Guys, it’s pretty weird.

It's the Looney conclusion of Termite Terrace! You'll find out what this has all been building to! Spoiler: think of the most groundbreaking and/or popular and/or revered cartoon character to come out of the Warner Bros animation department... IT'S NOT THAT ONE. No, this film builds up to... nothing you would expect to be the culmination of the story of the creation of the Looney Tunes. It's like if a Biopic were made about Stephen King, where the big finishing note was a shot of the manuscript for Rose Madder. Next Week:Table Reads will return with William Goldman's SHAZAM! -- As well as an all-new Table Reads lineup! It's a new chapter for Table Reads and we think you're gonna love it!

Pete deals with the fallout from taking a movie starlet to bone-town, which involves the conspicuously-introduced Dot to cool to him... but not so much that they don't still get married before this episode is over. And if you feel like that's a spoiler, it's only because you don't understand how little importance this event seems to hold for anyone involved, including the writer. Far more important seems to be Pete getting his own unit with Landy (who is up to something shady), a labor union forming in Hollywood, and some incremental development of a rabbit character at the studio.

Our young hero Pete gets an opportunity to sneak a peek at a big-time actress for a cartoon, and ends up meeting a dame in the process. Yeah, that’s right, a dame... this IS the 1930s we’re talking about. The cartoon leads to some success and something altogether unexpected (and not completely believable) Join Shawn and Trevor as they continue to be entirely unimpressed by the professional attempt at telling a story they've found interesting all their lives!

Table Reads co-founder and YouTube's own Looney Tunes Critic is back on Table Reads for the most appropriate script ever: Termite Terrace, the failed Joe Dante project that would have told the interesting tale of the birth of the Looney Tunes in probably the least interesting way imaginable! In part one, you will meet all the pseudonymous creators of your favorite cartoons--and I do mean ALL, right down to the guy who delivers memos--while also learning IN SUCH DETAIL how an animated cartoon is made! It's like reading the script to an instructional video from the 40s!It's a good thing Shawn and Trevor are here to put this script in it's place, while also doing a better job than the script at telling the real origins of the Looney Tunes, as animation history is a passion of theirs going back decades.

The stunning FINALE of Kevin Smith's Six Million Dollar Man! The final confrontation between Klatch and our hero, Steve Austin... and the fate of the world hangs in the balance! Or so we're led to believe. In reality, a script that is MUCH longer than it needs to be, still somehow ends up feeling like the ending was rushed to get it in under a 4 hour run-time. Remember, if you want to read a 173 page script from 1996 that reboots a property from the 70s by stringing together every cliché on Earth, you can download it at www.TableReadsPodcast.com!

After taking an extended hiatus to completely overhaul our lives, the studio and the show, TABLE READS IS BACK! We left you hanging in the middle of Kevin Smith's utter masterpiece *cough* The Six Million Dollar Man, so we have picked up right where we left off...As we re-join our hero, he's setting off on the mission for which he was created: Stopping Klatch!This episode features a Bond-Villain-Like Mountain base, a Die-Hard-Like ventilation shaft incursion, robot ninjas and enough exposition to choke a blue whale to death! Oh, and guard sharks. Yeah. Really.

Having faced off against the mysterious Klatch, Steve confronts the Old Man and learns the origins of Project Six Million, as well as the limits of his freedom.Needless to say, there's a lot that doesn't make sense. That's where we come in. Oh, no, we don't make sense of it, we make FUN of it! Is this your first time here?Enjoy part 5 of Kevin Smith's Six Million Dollar Man (who costs $1.6 Billion).Anyway, SUBSCRIBE! You won't regret it! (Probably). 

Alright, we're back again for another read of this marvelous script!  People die, secrets are exposed, and Cliche?  Yea, there's lots of that too.  SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THING. And check out RogueIntel.com for other great podcasts. And remember: Where we're going, we don't need good scripts! 

Who'd believe that we're finally getting to the "Good" (Finger Quotes) part of the script...you know, the part where Steve Austin actually gets to enjoy his new body!Steve has a little fun, gets into a tight spot...and not unlike any other action screenplay, gets into a little trouble!SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THING. And check out RogueIntel.com for other great podcasts. And remember: We're your real father.

Following the not-at-all-seen-from-a-million-miles-away tragic crash of Col. Steve Austin, he wakes to find himself a little the worse for wear, much in the same way that Anakin Skywalker was a little the worse for wear after his fight with Obi Wan on that weird volcano planet. What were we talking about? OH, YEAH!So, you'll never guess who the government decides to use for their super-secret bionics program. Never in a millio--oh, yeah. How'd you guess? Damn, you're good!SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THING. And check out RogueIntel.com for other great podcasts. And remember: We're your real father.

Meet Steve Austin, the non-wrestlingest test pilot in the world! And he know's his fiancee! (They've spent some time together). How does he fit with robot-crushing, data-downloading ninjas? Um. Okay, you don't find that out in this part. Sorry. BUT YOU"LL WANT TO KNOW, so HAHA, we trapped you.Also, this episode Shawn welcomes a new co-host in Patrick Duffy! No, not the guy from Step By Step, even better... the guy from Prime, on the Rogue Intel Podcast Network!Subscribe to this podcast to make sure you get it right away every week. And, if you'd like to read the script with us (or on your own), head to tablereadspodcast.com, where you can download this and every script we read. FOR FREE....The things we do for you people...

This is the moment you've all been waiting for: the end of the stupid James Cameron Spider-Man script from hell! It's been a long, strange trip down megalomania lane with "Professor" Octopus, A.K.A. "The Real Spider-Man" and everyone's favorite wall-crawler. We're not going to even discuss the batshit insanity that happens in this final installment because it must just be heard to be not believed. Needless to say, it's basically the Batman and Robin of the Spider-Man franchise, except nowhere near as good or believable. And remember, if you'd like to read the script on your own, all our scripts are available HERE.Subscribe, or we'll hire James Cameron to adapt YOUR life into a movie!

In this, the penultimate part of James Cameron's Spider-Man, Spidey proves himself SO BAD at maintaining his secret identity that even with a full face mask, his disguise is less convincing than Clark Kent's glasses. Beyond that, Liz and Aunt May have a Bechdel test-failing conversation, Plutonium turns out to be pretty easy to get your hands on, and traffic out of New York continues to be the real menace of the Big Apple.PLEASE NOTE: We do not make any money off this podcast. But when people listen, it validates our sad, sad lives. Be a hero: SUBSCRIBE

As Halloween comes about at Empire State University, find out what the hot costumes are this year (1993)! Learn about J. Jonah Jameson's amazing photo reconstruction powers! Find out just how little protection a cinched robe offers against gunshots! Marvel (HA!) at Spider-Man's complete inability to mourn his departed loved ones! And finally, witness the first full-on confrontation between Doctor Octopus and the Amazing Spider-Man! All on this week's thrilling episiode of Table Reads!Of course, when new episodes post, you want to be among the first to receive them, so don't forget to subscribe, or we'll hire James Cameron to write a toast for your wedding!

Picking up after Prof. Octavius' totally preventable lab accident, things kick into top gear as Peter finds himself tussling with the same spider that gave Ock so much grief and quickly discovering that he is a wrestler. Meanwhile, Doc Ock is in the hospital, unconscious... so we have to wait until the middle of the episode to hear him mutter "Okey...Dokey!" Also, I think Aunt May has Alzheimers. That bitch is battier than a Gotham Billionaire. Oh, and Peter is the WORST at maintaining his secret identity. So much so that I don't even feel bad calling him Peter. You don't want to miss the rest of this script, so subscribe! And if you want to read it yourself, you can download it for free at http://tablereadspodcast.com/scripts.htmlWe love you.

In 1993, James Cameron took a pretty decent script for a Spider-Man film, gave it his magic touch and then turned in one of the worst scripts ever written! In this first part, we meet a demented college professor obsessed with destroying the universe... BEFORE he becomes a supervillain! We also meet Peter Parker, a hapless college student who has no luck with the ladies! Joining them are some girls, a jock, a nerdy friend, a completely unimportant spider, and some university administrators. And SOMEONE gets bitten by a Spider in a science experiment! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO! (no, really). If you want to be sure you don't miss a single part of this 5-part epic, subscribe to this podcast on the podcast platform of your choosing!

It's an action-packed finale as Roger, Jessica, Richie and a calvacade of Toons take on the Nazis and try to save the Allied leaders from a nefarious plot! Will we win the war? Will Roger and Jessica live happily ever after? Will Roger ever find his real mother? HINT: All these questions have the same answer. We at Table Reads would like to once again give screenwriter Nat Mauldin massive kudos for such a funny, well-executed script. Our normal fare is mockery, but this script is beyond good; it is a masterwork, a great addition to the Roger Rabbit mythos with a true love of cartoon apparent in every scene. Thanks, Nat. If you liked this episode: don't get used to it. We're back to reading bad scripts next week! But if you like THOSE, subscribe! We're on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher, etc.