Dr. Ross Greene

Parents of behaviorally challenging kids are often told that they need to be stronger, firmer, and more consistent...and yet, as discussed on today's Parents Panel, solving problems collaboratively takes a lot of strength too...and parents seem to feel a lot stronger when they know how to solve problems together with their children.

As always, lots of questions answered on today's program. One of the key points: once Plan B becomes a habit, kids (and caregivers) listen better to each others' concerns because they aren't so worried about having their own concerns blown off the table.

As always, lots of territory was covered on today's program, including a call from an overwhelmed mom who wanted to know how to get started on helping her behaviorally challenging child. But, early on, Dr. Greene explained how skills are taught when you're solving problems collaboratively. And at the end of the program, he reminded us that adults learn skills through the same process.

The Parents Panel covered a wide range of topics on today's program, but the starting and ending theme went something like this: Is there any age at which you wouldn't try to be responsive to the hand you've been dealt and try to understand and address your child's concerns? The answer from the Panel was a resounding No.

Parenting is really hard, but it's especially hard if you're the parent of a child with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges.  There's so much advice being thrown your way, a lot of it telling you to be more firm, more consistent, and more diligent with the rewards and punishments. If all those sticker charts, time-outs, screaming matches, arguments have you feeling like a lot of parents do -- isolated, frustrated, and desperate -- well, you've found a program that can help. On this program, Dr. Ross Greene -- author of The Explosive Child and originator of the Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach -- helps parents understand challenging behavior and overcome many of the hurdles involved in implementing his model. It's very hard work...and this is a great opportunity to call in, ask questions, get the support you need, and or just listen to other parents or relatives who are dealing with similar real-life issues. The program airs every Monday at 11 am Eastern time from September through May. Sp

Dr. Greene made his way through lots of email today, and there was a key them that cut across many of them: while psychiatric diagnoses can be useful in some ways, identifying your child's lagging skills and unsolved problems is almost always more informative and productive.

Lots of good info on today's program. We heard back from last week's mom, who was starting to organize the effort in working on her son's behavioral challenges. Dr. Greene also answered a bunch of questions he received via email, including one from a mom who's wondering why her son won't talk to her when she's trying to gather information in the Empathy step of Plan B.

Many parents wonder if they need to completely drop their old ways of doing things when they're implementing Dr. Greene's CPS model, and the Educators Panel had some ideas about that...and then responded to a very distressed mom looking for some guidance.

Thanks to our callers and emailers, lots of good information on this program...but a familiar theme kept coming through: identifying unsolved problems helps you know what you're working on, makes challenging episodes predictable, and helps you intervene proactively.

We returned to siblings today on the Parents Panel, and had a very interesting discussion about the pressure parents feel to agree or disagree with a child's concerns (and to take sides). The reality is that agreeing/disagreeing and taking sides are often counterproductive, can lead to conflict, and are unnecessary anyway. But you'll have to listen to the program to hear the rest. 

Dr. Greene answered lots of emailed questions on today's program, including one from two parents who were themselves raised on Plan A, recognize that Plan A isn't working for their behaviorally challenging child, are doing their best to roll with Plan B, and finding the road to be rocky.

What do you do when Plan A keeps backfiring but you want to feel like you still have some control as a parent? That's the gist of what today's first caller was asking...and Dr. Greene's answer was "Plan B".  That mom has her work cut out for her...but at least she's starting to become clear on the fact that Plan A isn't getting the job done.

Our first program (and Parents Panel) of 2014 was a poignant one, as we heard from the sibling of a previously explosive child. She had some words of wisdom for all of us.

On the last show before the New Year, Dr. Greene answers some parent email questions. Topics discussed include redefining descriptions of behaviorally challenging kids in a more helpful way, initiating conversations about very specific topics, and prioritizing problems that may be best solved after more information is gathered.

This was a Parents Panel program, and our two moms had lots to say about how they got the ball rolling with CPS in their families, including what changed for the better and what mistakes they learned from along the way. These moms are good!

Plan B with a teenager may require some special considerations, like how to deal with skepticism (and eye-rolling) from your teen as you start out with the model. Dr. Greene offers a caller some advice on how to implement the model with her teenage daughter, stressing the importance of drilling, the usefulness of theories, and how to introduce the model after years of Plan A.  

Dr. Greene catches up on some email questions sent in by Parents. Topics discussed include using resources to encourage educators to change the lenses with which they view behaviorally challenging children, using Plan B with nonverbal children, and recognizing that not all kids (even in the same family) respond to the same parenting style. Dr. Greene also shares his thoughts on violent video games.

Dr. Greene is joined by our Parents Panel today, who help field concerns from live callers. The first caller reports her success in having Plan B conversations with her son, which have increased the level of trust in their relationship and taught her about her own lagging skills. Anna echoes this phenomenon, that Plan B allows both child and caregiver to examine and improve on their own lagging skills, including the importance of flexibility for both parties. Our parents panel offers the practical suggestion of implementing Plan B for low priority unsolved problem in order to practice the model as well as build trust between child and caregiver.

On this episode, we hear from two live callers who are trying the model, as well as a parent who is at the end of her rope with daughter’s challenging behavior. Dr. Greene troubleshoots, reminding us of the importance of the Empathy Step. Skepticism (i.e., I think my kid is lying about his concern) can cause a kid to become defensive and stymie the collaborative process. So skepticism means more drilling is necessary. The callers highlight the importance of being patient in learning how to implement Plan B. Dr. Greene reassures them that while the learning model may take some practice, poorly executed Plan B is much more effective than well-executed Plan A.  

The difficulties of behaviorally challenging kids tend to be complex, which can be further complicated when caregivers or educators are not viewing the kid through a prism of lagging skills and unsolved problems. On this program, we hear a parent's sincere concerns regarding the challenge of getting educators and other caregivers to change their lenses. Dr. Greene also dishes advice for a caller who is attempting Plan B with his 3.5 year old son on how to adapt the model to a child's developmental communication skills.