Dr. Ross Greene

As always, a lot of territory was covered on this program, including a mom who called in for help figuring out why the solutions that are being applied to her son's difficulties haven't been accomplishing the mission.

Challenging behavior isn't a puzzle anymore when you put the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP) to work.      

On this, our last program of this "broadcast year" (the program airs from September through May), we responded to emails from several parents and talked with a mental health professional who's finding the CPS model very much in keeping with her values.  And, to close, we read emails from parents who are just beginning their CPS journeys with their children...we can't wait to hear back from them in September!  All of this year's programs are archived in the Listening Library on the Lives in the Balance website and in i-Tunes.

When you're working on what happens WHEN an unsolved problem has already caused challenging behavior, you're focused on the aftermath of the problem.  So you don't want to work on WHEN...you want to paddle upstream and start solving problems BEFORE they cause those behaviors that are floating downstream.

Are ABA (applied behavior analysis) and CPS completely incompatible?  Well, CPS won't have you rewarding and punishing your child...but the real answer is that it depends on who you ask.

Some great questions answered on today's program, including the one in the title...but also how to transform "No" into an unsolved problem.  

Unfortunately, there are lots of things that have changed for the worse for kids in the last 40-50 years...maybe that explains it...  

On today's program we heard from a long-time caller who's been implementing the CPS model with her sons for over three years. We reflected a little on the "good old days," heard about how far her sons have come, and learned that Plan A isn't necessarily the best way to help a spouse use Plan B!

What should you do when your child is already in the midst of an explosive outburst?  Defuse, de-escalate, keep everyone safe.  Then figure out what just happened (so it doesn't happen again).

Challenging behavior occurs when the demands being placed upon a kid outstrip the skills the kid has to respond adaptively.  And the embarrassment factor plays a role as well.

A lot of territory covered on today's program, including a discussion on the following question:  If you're always collaborating with a kid and working toward mutually satisfactory solutions, won't the kid come to believe that he needs to meet expectations only when he feels like it?

If you're only paying attention to a child's challenging behavior, then modifying or medicating the behavior will make the most sense.  But behavior is what's happening downstream.  If you paddle upstream -- toward the problems that are causing the behavior -- other intervention strategies start to make a lot more sense.

As usual, lots of questions answered and topics covered from the mailbag during today's program, including the one in the title.

When you're in the Empathy step, are you seeking information about a child's concerns or unmet needs?  It's the former...when you're focused on the latter, you're more likely to hear about the child's solutions (rather than his or her concerns), and brainstorming solutions shouldn't occur until the Invitation.  

We turned to the mailbag on today's program, and responded to inquiries from five parents.  But there was a fairly consistent theme:  it all begins with the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems.  

One of the questions parents frequently have relates to how much to tell kids about Plan B. That question -- and a whole bunch of others -- were discussed on today's program.

Maybe the title of today's program tells you all you need to know...but maybe not! While it's tempting to use Plan A to keep things organized and keep life moving when there's three boys under the age of eight in one household, Plan B can probably help more than you might think.

A variety of topics were covered on the last program of 2014, including a rather in-depth discussion of the "embarrassment factor" (kids who can hold it together outside of the home but are very challenging inside the home).  Just because a kid is holding it together outside of the home doesn't mean there aren't problems to be solved.

Lots of ground covered on today's program -- a mom whose son becomes upset when he gets hurt phsyically, an emailer who noticed that the CPS model has moved from "baskets" to "Plans," from emergent to proactive, and from "compromising" to problem-solving -- but the most moving email came from a mom whose son is still being placed in restraint and seclusion at school.

It's not uncommon to start Plan B with one unsolved problem and then learn about other unsolved problems that will require separate solutions.  Thanks to a caller, that's one of the things we talked about on today's program.