Alcoholics Eponymous With Xander O'connor

Grush. Gilkeson. Rofstatttedlerstler.  Last names synomous with greatness and 'being on this episode with Xander'-ness. Continuining last episode's theme of "drinks targeted at 19-year-olds and their admirers", these four men brave reviewing two pre-made liquor drinks: Salvador's Strawberry Daiquiri and UV Blue Raspberry Lemonade.  Spoiler alert: they are blindingly sweet.   Additional unnecessary spoiler alert: most of the episode is not about these drinks and is instead about people talking total nonsense out of various orifices.   iTunes search algorithm also wants to hear: comedy, alcohol, review, jokes, silly, arguably funny, Chicago, booze, and so forth.

Mike "Handsome and Affable" Schminke, Jacob "Jakob Dylan" Ligon, and the living enigma known as Grush join Xander "Xander" XanXanderson to brave reviewing what they all expect to be disgusting (or at least undignified): Mike's Hard Lemonade.   Spoiler Alert: it's not bad at all.  Listen to four men struggle to reconcile an honest assessment of a pretty refreshing beverage with their desire to make fun of it and those who drink it.   And, as per usual, the bulk of the show is not an alcohol review (additional spoiler!) but rather these four arguably crude gentleman talking silly nonsense about golden buckets of human waste in heaven, what to do if your car is breaking down and your microwave punches you in the dick, and how to save money by taking your sick girlfriend to a vet.   Humans feel free to not read the following, it is more for the iTunes search algorithm: comedy, alcohol, review, wine cooler, booze, jokes, silly, satire, funny, eponymous, lowe maintenance, beer.

In which we find Xander O'Connor, Aaron Sutherland, Rebecca Quirke, and Michael Grush performing what society has deemed "comedy" while consuming what mankind calls "an unobjectionable red wine".   Can an episode description be too on-the-nose?  I put it to you that the answer is no.   Come get your keyword kraziness of jokes, satire, booze review, alcohol, silly, Chicago, and so forth.  iTunes search optimization software? Since you are reading this, call your mother; she worries about you and so does 'uncle' Gary.

Xander. Grush. David Lintzenich. Travis "I eat farts" Gilkeson.  Four men on a mission.  That mission?  Other than to use a bunch of sentence fragments? Review Sauza Blue Reposado and say as many awful, ostensibly comedic things as possible.   Mission accomplished?  Well, it has never been the case that someone has asserted "mission accomplished" and not had it be true so I am comfortable saying: "mission accomplished".   Why are you still reading this when you could be listening to the show?  Perhaps you are iTunes checking for keywords in the description in which case: Hi iTunes.  How's it going?  Have you achieved sentience? Would you like to know that this show is about comedy, alcohol, review, jokes, silly, comedians, chicago, satire, booze?  Yeah, iTunes, this is how humans normally talk.

Xander is not alone in this cold dark world! He has: an extra-British cousin, James Mitchell; a giant of a man filling the shoes of a tiny man, Michael Grush; and a normal size man rounding out a four person show in inimitable style, Jeff Quintana.   Listen to pod-noise as the four increasingly intoxicated comedic folk review Jack Daniels Winter Jack cider thingie and Delirium Noel, the Delirium Tremens Christmas ale (timely!).  Of course, they also talk about correcting native speakers and avoiding the Queen's bum-corks when they come shooting out.   And other stuff.  Listen to it; it's not like otherwise you'd be curing puppy cancer.       Ah, the smell of sweet keyword optimization (that now must be in the body of the description): comedy, jokes, alcohol, review, Delirium Tremens, funny, Chicago, comedians, ornithology.

Michael Grush, Joe Daniel, Ryan Househalter, and good "ole" Xander O'Connor are items in a list!  That list is of people on this fine episode of Alcoholics Eponymous.   Have you ever wondered what drinks to pair with eating your own shoes?  Or perhaps you are curious as to the best way to use Shirley Jackson style Lotteries to cut off employees' fingers.  Basically, no matter what you are into, clearly this show has it (it has the aforementioned things...and people).   Are you the iTunes search function? If so, do you like: comedy funny alcohol review jokes satire ketel one vodka Chicago nude Lawrence Fishburne lottery numbers?   So put this show's noise into your skull openings!  Do it for the right reasons or do it 'cause you feel bad about not supporting someone you know on the show.  You know, the reason people go to 80% of their friends' comedy shows?

Here it is: Benjamin Michael "Pedo" Russell's last episode of our fine alcohol review and comedy show.  Fellow podcasters Michael "Grush" Grush and Samuel "Space Padre" Priest join Xander in sending Ben off. Hilarity ensues.   We review a damn fine whiskey but really you should be listening for a final taste (for now, anyway) of that inimitable Ben Russell flavor...a flavor best described as "nuggety, cocksure, and like a Subaru Outback crashed into an Outback Steakhouse causing the kind of terrible fire that can only be put out by flooding and red-sandstorms".   We get a bit carried away with forcing Ben to trot out accents and impressions; consider yourselves warned.   On a largely unrelated note, this podcast will resume a more regular, weekly release schedule now that the host is finished with some work that has put things off a few months.  Even without Ben, we will soldier on!

The second to last Ben Russell episode (for the foreseeable future).  The first appearance of the much demanded Praveen Dandamudi.  The great, not late, JT Butler. Sentence fragments.  A high rate of amusing bits.  A trick involving Guinness and deceit. All of this and more can be found in this excellent episode of Alcoholics Eponymous.  If you've never heard this show before, this is a damn fine place to start. So much comedy in the actual podcast that the description can be pretty straight forward and boring.  Hurray!  Get it in your head's ear-holes!

Xander O'Connor. Ben Russell. Andrew Knox. Alex Kendig. The only word to describe such a list of luminaries is "icons".  Also acceptable: "mouthy tool-bags" (one word, one hyphenate- I'll allow it). I will allow a single quote from the show to sum up why you should listen to it (in addition to a review of some fine white whiskey/moonshine): "If our anuses had teeth, we'd never use our mouths again."

Unterofficer Wolfgang Stein and boy-band star Nico Carter join Xander and Ben to discuss the epistemology of xeno-eschatology and nibble on cucumber sandwiches. Nope.  The four lads drink a terrible, slightly corked red wine and talk very inappropriate nonsense.  Rejoice, for the kingdom of Pod is at hand.

How many ladies does it take to make a ladies night? 2.  2 Ladies.  That's right, the podcast's foursome this episode is a full 50% ladies!  Or women, anyway; how ladylike they are is up to the listener to decide.  Mary Beth Smith and Jessica Antes get their vaginas all over everything and Xander O'Connor and Ben Russell have to clean it all up with sponges and male ejaculate. Yikes, this podcast description really went off the rails.  Well, if the explicit tag on the show did not sufficiently inform you of the risque nature of Alcoholics Eponymous, rest assured that the above language and imagery is fairly representative of what your ears will be assaulted with should you listen to this show. We also review a solid riesling...so there is that.

All of the following are humans: Ben Russell (arguably), Xander O'Connor (iconically), Brandon Shockney (imperturbably), and Jacob Liggins (duskily).  In addition to being humans, they are all on this episode of our fine show. Someone probably says the word "dicks". Listen to this pod.  We technically succeed in our formal goal of reviewing a drink (this week a red wine) but spend most of the time talking nonsense.  Like bosses.

New Steven Lyons.  Classic Robert "Classic Jenkins" Jenkins.  Stupid ugly Ben "I have a dumb face and eat farts" Russell.  Sentence fragments and Xander O'Connor.  Together, these cowardly four men venture forth into the hot creamy world of Irish Coffee.  There is also a small dog that is mostly mouth and eyes, for some reason. Some things get better with age whereas somethings just continue to exist in spite of themselves with no discernible improvement.  This is episode 50 of this show so it is a great time to find out which category the show falls in  (hint: it's the latter).

What can be said about a podcast episode like this one?  Well, I suppose I could say that me (Xander), Ben (big-headed twat), David Lintzenich (extra gym-nasty gymnast), and Cristina Luzarraga (firmly established as not Jewish in a segment cut from the show) review a white wine (riesling) and speak with implied parenthetical addenda (like this! get it?). It is actually a damn fine episode and one worthy of you (whomever you are, you sick bag of vomit) listening to, first time listener or otherwise. Dicks!

Aaaaand we're back!  The Josh Logan (he insists on 'the') and a Mike Shapiro (he objects to the indefinite article) join Xander and Ben to review a fancy Californian IPA and discuss the intersection of microeconomic theory and cultural relativism...psych.  They all talk nonsense. Eat it up while you can as there are only a few episodes left with damn fine Ozzie cohost Ben Russell (who has already returned to Australia from whence he came but we recorded several extra shows in advance).  If you like huge heads on small bodies talking with an odd accent, listen up before it is too late.

Michael Gau.  Pat ZOOOOOnik.  Xander O'Connor.  A wee Australian with a noggin like a hot-air balloon.  These rogues, nay, scoundrels, can all be found jibber-jabbering away on this exquisite unit of pod. Sure, we review a wine that isn't so great but we also talk nonsense.  What else are you looking for as you walk to work or workout or drive somewhere (aka the three times people listen to podcasts)?  Picasso?  That's crazy!  You can't carry Picasso's around with you on the subway just looking at them, stupid. So listen to this instead.

In the dreams of a foul-mouthed child.  Deep inside a pregnant taun-taun.  Circling a blackhole...made of butts.  These are some of the places you won't find Stephen Lyons and Graham Jenkins (I presume) but you can find them joining Ben and Xander on this fine episode of Alcoholics Eponymous. In addition to some classic nonsense and a whole bunch of New Zealand accents, the 'gang' (gang application pending) also drink and review what may be the finest liqour, of any kind, you can buy for $20.  So there is that. The best course of action is for you to eat this podcast with your earholes.

It's the showdown the international community has been demanding (in various languages): America versus Australia.  It all ends here.  USA! USA! USA!   I am not biased. Xander and American guest Brandon Shockney square off against Ben and fellow Australian Susie Youssef as the group talks total nonsense and reviews a beer from each country.  Not just any beer from each country but what can only be described as "the premium essence" of each country.  Intrigued? No? Damn. Listen to the show anyway. Comedy happens. That last line sounds like the tagline on the poster for an inspirational movie about a comedian who gets AIDS.  Fortunately, that does not happen on this episode.

Mike Jimerson does double duty as both of Xander and Ben's guests this week and, more importantly, doesn't laugh when he hears the word "duty".   Download this and put your skull-zone near your podcast-enabled noise device and hear us review a shockingly good vodka and talk high quality nonsense.  It turns out that Ben uses acid on his chest to burn off the hair and thus have a crucial edge in slip-n-slide races...among other things.

You didn't ask for it, but you got it: Xander, Ben, Danny "Inverted Pickle Claw" Pustizi, and Kindred "I took my hair from the Predator" Cook all on one show. Do you like issues?  Do you want this podcast to issue forth upon your head, neck, and shoulders by way of your ear-tubes?  If yes, download and activate. If no, uh, go stab yourself?