Spoilerpiece Theatre

Longtime listener Sean Burns joins Kris and Evan as the special guest on this week’s episode! The guys talk about remakes like POINT BREAK and why one particular remake made Sean wish he was fired earlier from a gig. Kris leads things off by describing how Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson fights the elements in the disaster flick SAN ANDREAS, a movie which quintuples down on bad science and plot. Then Sean spoils the trippy biopic SAINT LAURENT aka “the gay DOORS.” He couldn’t get enough of its sex, drugs, and fashion. To round out the show Evan and Sean spill the beans on the Michael Fassbender western SLOW WEST. Bon Jovi references, tales of an epic last half hour, and comparisons to both pizza and sex feature prominently in this segment before Sean and Kris do some last-minute griping about ME, EARL, and THE DYING GIRL.

This week the Spoilerpiece Hotline receives a call from Dave?! He has a special message for our listeners, so please excuse the audio quality. Then guest Dede Crimmins joins Evan and Kris to talk about the MAD MEN series finale, the state of horror movies in 2015, and the Brad Bird film TOMORROWLAND starring George Clooney. If you don't want MAD MEN spoilers, fast forward to 13:20, where you’ll hear Dede tell the guys about 2015’s hits and misses in horror. You can also learn the plural of Duplass and why THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE is “the most tasteful ass to mouth you can find in the theatre.” While talking about horror, the gang swaps stories about movies that scared each of them growing up and Dede shares how she got into writing about horror. Everything gets wrapped up with discussion about TOMORROWLAND, which everyone thought was an overbearing pessimistic film with delusions of Randian and Orwellian grandeur.

This week Evan debates wearing a G-string while discussing MAGIC MIKE with Kris. Sadly, Dave has a last-minute change of plans and can’t make it, leaving Kris and Evan quite literally to their own devices. This leads to some slight audio issues (sorry if you hear a minor buzz at points), but the guys soldier on to talk about how holy-shit, fuckin’ amazing MAD MAX: FURY ROAD is before they explore the strange similarities between PITCH PERFECT 2 and THE WARRIORS. Finally, they end up randomly referencing Joe Piscopo in JOHNNY DANGEROUSLY. Once…just once.

This week Kris starts off by recommending a title for Dave's autobiography. Dave gets a good laugh out of that before explaining why he doesn't watch bad '80s John Travolta movies (except "Urban Cowboy") and why Debra Winger is one of his least favorite onscreen presences. After that he talks about how "Hot Pursuit" tries to subvert buddy comedy cliches and fails. In the process, Kris describes how he got accidentally hooked on "The New Girl." Then he and Evan talk about the layers and complexity in "Far from the Madding Crowd" that make it such an enjoyable film. Finally, Dave wraps things up with his take on "Playing it Cool," a romantic comedy which has some decent moments, but mostly gets demerits from him for "being dumb as shit."

This week the guys all agree that they would be better off never seeing another Adam Sandler movie after discussing Dave's op ed on Sandler's project THE RIDICULOUS 6. Then they move on to talking about THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON, which Evan forgets to refer to by its full name. Dave likes the film a lot, but Evan and Kris have some issues with it. Next, Dave fills them in on Alex Garland's EX MACHINA, leading Kris to wonder aloud "Why does a robot have a butt?" No one really has a good answer other than sexism. Finally, Kris wraps up by talking about stuff he caught at IFFBoston like WELCOME TO LEITH, CALL ME LUCKY, and THE TRIBE. One of these films almost made Kris lose his burrito dinner because it was "astounding, gripping, and holy shit disturbing." Tune in to find out which one it is.

  It’s fan mail day on Spoilerpiece Theatre. Dave reads a letter his editors received at the Santa Fe Reporter, and the writer, in admonishing Dave for using foul language, swears more than Dave ever does in print. Evan rips LITTLE BOY a new one, Kris gets into history with his review of Russell Crowe's THE WATER DIVINER (and Evan and Dave do a lot of talking with Australian accents), and Dave is on board with THE AGE OF ADALINE’s magical realism. Please forgive the audio problem we had at the end of the recording. One of the mic cords went dead and a few of Kris’ final thoughts are at low volume; it’ll be fixed by the next episode.

  It’s a tangent kinda night at Spoilerpiece! We open with a lengthy discussion of the new STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS trailer. Evan and Kris are on board. Dave has doubts (to say the least). Kris points out that Evan and Dave are the kinds of guys who would sit in the back of the classroom, pass notes, and crack jokes. There’s a lot of singing in this episode, and then the guys get to TRUE STORY, the not-great movie starring Jonah Hill and James Franco. Finally, it’s onto HORROR! Kris and Dave saw UNFRIENDED, and it’s way more fun than it should be.

  “AM I ACTING IRRATIONALLY?” shouts Dave after a long anti-Nicholas Sparks rant. It’s an epic episode this week, kids. Kris admits he didn’t turn to look at the people behind him at the screening of the Sparks adaptation THE LONGEST RIDE because “I didn’t want them to get mad in my face.” Evan and Dave dip in Scientological waters when they discuss GOING CLEAR, and Dave wraps it up with MERCHANTS OF DOUBT, the documentary about climate change deniers. There are a million tangents this week, including a lengthy discussion of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s acting choices, HOT FUZZ, and why SPACED wouldn’t work in the U.S.

  Vin Diesel said FURIOUS 7 should win Best Picture if the Oscars want to be relevant. Hey, NOTHING could make the Oscars relevant, not even THIS KICK-ASS PIECE OF AWESOME MOVIE. Holy crap, is it amazing. It’s not FAST & FURIOUS 6, but it’s close. Also on the show, Dave shows off his love for the German accent when Evan talks about WOMAN IN GOLD, and Kris regales us with stories of DER SAMURAI and Passover cake. Plus, there’s a Steve Martin moment or two at the top.

  Today is a good day to die on Spoilerpiece. We spend some time wondering what a phone call from Liam Neeson would be like. Then we delve into the odd comic sensibilities of GET HARD, and Evan brings a deeper level of consideration to it than Dave and Kris thought possible. (How is Evan not a Pulitzer-nominated critic?) Kris gives everyone the lowdown on the Boston Underground Film Festival, which, as of publication, is still going on (it concludes March 29). Bonus! A great story about Udo Kier.

  “He marries her vindictively? Let’s analyze that statement.” In what kind of film does someone get married vindictively? In a film like THE GUNMAN (or in this case, specifically THE GUNMAN). Kris hated it so much he could barely get through spoilerpiecing it for Dave and Evan. They didn’t do much better with INSURGENT; Evan liked it. Dave didn’t. It’s YA action, adventure, and romance at its most bland (that’s what Dave thinks, anyway). And Kris touches briefly on Godard’s GOODBYE TO LANGUAGE. Tangents this week include reality TV shows that we wish existed; old-guy-killin’ movies; Dave’s dislike of Ray Winstone performances; the old, fat villain in “Commando”; and we break down what Kris means when he says, “Sean Penn has made movies before?”

This week's bullshit segment is brought to you by: horse shit. We all wonder how the special effects guys in BACK TO THE FUTURE III made the manure look so real, and then Dave points out something that Kris never noticed in the first film. Kris is under the weather, but he soldiers through as we discuss RUN ALL NIGHT, CINDERELLA, and IT FOLLOWS. Dave heaps some hate on RUN ALL NIGHT and other Liam Neeson films that piss him off. He mixes up who is Danny and who is Mike in the movie, but it doesn't matter. All he knows is that one looks like a low rent, Ryan Gosling. Kris gets inspired to start a fairy tale metal band before he and Dave talk about how surprised they are by all the praise CINDERELLA is getting. Their description of it reminds Evan of a SIMPSONS reference. Finally, Evan and Kris talk about how creeped out they were while watching the horror flick IT FOLLOWS. Neither of them scare easily, so you know it has to be good.

It’s CHAPPIE time on Spoilerpiece Theatre! We delve deeply into Neill Blomkamp’s latest dystopian sci-fi flick, which two-thirds of the guys like; talk about Yolandi and Ninja from Die Antwoord; debate the merits of cold pizza on an episode of “Cooking with Kris”; take cheap shots at Nickelback; run through the list of fake names Bart supplies Moe the Bartender with on “The Simpsons”; rip on the title of THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL; and Kris and Dave tell Evan he needs to listen to more Prince.

  You know it’s a good night at SPOILERPIECE when we break into a lengthy tangent about Journey, Steve Perry, and the video for “Oh Sherrie,” which Kris dubs “fuckin’ weird.” When we’re not talking about eighties pop-rock icons, we’re talking about aughts icons Tenacious D, and the movies FOCUS (which has a great performance by the underappreciated B.D. Wong), and THE LAZARUS EFFECT. One is worth seeing; one isn’t. In other news, Kris fills us in on his ongoing attempts to cook; Evan does more singing than he usually does; and Dave has a question about the Lego Oscar. Oh, what a night!

Ooh! We got your Oscars right here! So we’re talking about the glitz, glamor and gauche nonsense that is the Academy Awards. But first we hit the movies we saw this week. Kris made it through THE DUFF, a high school movie that, for Kris, doesn’t rank among the great high school movies. Then Evan and Dave saw HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2—and they’re dumber for it. On the plus side, we rip on the Oscars. Dave GOES OFF on the Oscar voter featured in “The Hollywood Reporter,” Kris enlightens us about jobs at NASA with funny names, and Evan explains the reason for his particular pronunciation of the word “biopic.”

  What a week it’s been at Spoilerpiece Theatre! The crappy weather here (currently the lead story on several national newscasts) caused several critics’ screening cancellations, so all ya get this week is FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, a movie that isn’t good, but is as good as any movie could be that started as TWILIGHT fan fiction. And besides, there’s plenty to say about it. We get into the nitty gritty of FIFTY SHADES, but not before grousing about Boston’s crappy public transportation. Kris, Evan, and Dave all agree on the movie, by the way — and they agree that the best way to talk about it is ridicule ceaselessly while acknowledging the talent of star Dakota Johnson and director San Taylor-Johnson. There are a million double entendres this week, ladies and gentlemen.

We spend a lot of time this week on JUPITER ASCENDING, and not because it's good. Because - JAYSUS - it's really, really bad. Like, so bad. You think THE MATRIX sequels were bad? YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET. This movie is a cesspool of overused ideas and underbaked plotlines. Gah. Evan and Dave absolutely lose their minds. Dave says "It's so stupid" about a million times. At least Sean Bean survives (holy shit)! And at least Kris makes an attempt at putting the movie in a broader cultural context (in his estimation: the Wachowskis made a Y.A. movie on purpose). Plus, Kris finally pissed Dave off, and not the other way around. Then Kris briefs us on DUKE OF BURGUNDY (which he recommends) and THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER (which he reluctantly recommends). Tangents this week include a dip into TITANIC, the new MAGIC MIKE movie, STEP UP, how much arm strength actors have, PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES,and the phrase "show your ass." It all makes sense in the end. We swear.

As the Beastie Boys said, “Another plane, another train, another bottle in the brain, another girl, another fight, another drive all night.” What does that have to do with Spoilerpiece? IT’S MIDNIGHT, WHO KNOWS, DON’T JUDGE US. What we do know is that we got through 24 inches of snow (that’s twice the length of “Informer,” as far as we know) and convened for a late episode discussing the Mike Binder-directed Kevin Costner vehicle BLACK OR WHITE and J.C. Chandor’s third flick, A MOST VIOLENT YEAR. We also got into tangents about parking, abandoning cars, and Kris had a great story about drunk wasps. Evan didn’t leave his house for two days and there are birds in Dave’s bedroom. It was, as Dave’s college R.A. would have said, a fuggin’ week.

HEY-O! It's an especially dirty episode this week as we tackle movies with explicit sex and plots that make us swear in disbelief. That's right, gang! It's THE BOY NEXT DOOR, the Jennifer Lopez comeback vehicle that, if there's any justice, will soon be playing at midnight shows alongside THE ROOM. Kris and Dave could NOT believe how awful it is - and they highly recommend it. Plus, Evan lays out the coma-filled grief-sex feature SONG ONE, and Kris explains that, in many ways, STILL ALICE and CAKE are the same movie. Plus, we talk about "Law & Order: SVU," and we'd love to know from you what movies we should commentary.

Well, it finally happened. A movie made Evan really, really angry. And the thing that made him angry is a movie he otherwise liked. That's right, gang! It's Michael Mann's BLACKHAT (which Dave didn't know was Michael Mann until five minutes before the screening), and AMERICAN SNIPER. Plus, Kris has the best line of the night in his one-sentence description of Chris Hemsworth's character in "Blackhat." Anyway, there are plentiful tangents, and we also wanted to say thank you for listening! Last week was our most downloaded yet.