Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

A 4-year-old struggles when friends won't follow her rules of play. A 3-year-old is reserved around other people. Another preschooler is routinely excluded from a group of friends. Janet weighs in on these issues and explores how parents may be playing a bigger role in these dynamics than they realize, and what they can do instead to encourage their kids to build confidence, resilience, and healthy social skills. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent wonders if it’s respectful—or even reasonable—to expect to sometimes have an adult conversation with her partner over dinner when their three-year-old constantly interrupts, protests, and demands attention. The situation leaves this mom questioning her approach to respectful parenting. Janet explores what children are truly ready for and how confidence in our boundaries makes all the difference, offering three practical bits of guidance to help parents approach these moments with greater clarity, conviction, and respect—for themselves and their children—while making room for both the child’s needs and the parents’ relationship. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes that she's struggling with her nearly 2.5-year old's hitting. Her toddler also talks a lot about pushing and hitting her friends "almost as if it's a joke." The parent's various attempts to curb this behavior aren't working, and she's feeling defeated. Meanwhile, the toddler's language is sounding increasingly intense and violent. Janet advises a reframe that's simpler than most parents might expect and applies to many other concerning childhood behaviors as well. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent is concerned about the negative, judgmental comments her parents and in-laws make about her children’s behavior and their parenting. She writes that she and her husband try to implement Janet’s advice (with a mix of Montessori). While she says she isn’t personally offended by their old school opinions, she does worry about “the confusing, sometimes negative, shaming, mixed messages” and how those might affect her children. In this encore episode, Janet offers advice how she and her husband can gracefully navigate “the outside noise.” Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

While every child will eventually and inevitably learn to use the potty, the process can be stressful, frustrating, and often counterproductive for both the child and caregiver. Janet knows it doesn’t have to be this way. In this encore episode, she offers her perspective on the process and a potty learning method that recognizes a child’s natural motivation to achieve this milestone (they can do this), and how parents can support the effort without pressure, bribes, or deal-making. The result is a child whose self-confidence grows in all areas because he has been allowed to own this accomplishment. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠ and ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A mother has questions about her three-year-old son's impulsive, dysregulated behavior and the differences in the way she and her husband are handling it. She handles these moments calmly and gently, while her husband tends to be firmer, requires the child to correct his actions, and uses language like "don't be destructive." She’s concerned that his response crosses a line from setting healthy limits into causing shame. He feels their son is more likely to act out when she’s around and is more likely to listen and behave more calmly in his company.  Janet offers her perspective on what both parents may be missing. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When your child melts down, do you freeze, give in, or reach for a distraction trick? Janet explains why trying to stop the storm only makes it worse and how your own triggers and discomfort may be driving your response. She offers advice to help us hold boundaries, encourage our kids' resilience, and create lasting calm. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes a deceptively simple disagreement with her father about her 2.5-year-old son's unwillingness to share a bowl of blueberries. This mom doesn't believe a child will develop a generous spirit or other positive character traits by being coerced, but her father's more authoritarian view differs. Janet points out the nuances of the situation, which touch on big questions about sharing, boundaries, and raising kids who genuinely want to be kind. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When a toddler plays favorites, it stings. One parent writes: "It feels as if I'm being rejected when I'm the one who's with her all day, putting so much energy into her care. It make me feel that I'm insufficient as a parent." Janet unpacks the surprising reasons behind parent preference —and the mindset that makes it stop. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A mother writes that she's been struggling with her 5-year-old daughter lately, who's been "provoking and testing boundaries on a new level." She has been especially harsh on her two-year old sibling, but when this mom and her partner step in, it inevitably leads to confrontation, tears, and hurtful words. Janet suggests an empathic approach—understanding the "why" behind this behavior -- and explains when, why, and how her approach to setting effective limits works. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes her 4-year-old daughter as smart, funny, incredibly strong-willed, but sometimes “downright mean.” While she appreciates her child’s spirit and doesn’t want to stifle that, when she says mean things to her she doesn’t feel it’s enough to simply acknowledge her daughter’s emotions and let slide her hurtful words and behavior. “I need her to find a better way to express that she is angry with me,” she writes. In this encore episode, Janet offers a perspective on the situation that she believes will help this mom better understand her daughter’s unconscious motives and intent, and ultimately ameliorate the behavior. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet offers her advice for handling typical playground behaviors in preschool-aged children, such as physical aggression, bossiness, and shyness. Whether our child is exhibiting these behaviors or they're on the receiving end of another child's dysregulation, in this encore episode Janet shares how helping children to feel understood, protected, and supported encourages the most positive learning process. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When a toddler throws his fork, tips over his bowl, and falls apart over the wrong-sized watermelon pieces — what is really going on? In this episode, Janet responds to a mom of a two-and-a-half-year-old with a new baby just weeks away who describes her son's throwing, hitting, and increasingly impossible-to-please demands. She writes, "This completely breaks my heart and really stresses me out."  Janet shares the one simple but counterintuitive shift that can change almost everything. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes the power struggles he and his partner go through with their daughter to get her to brush her teeth. The process has deteriorated into a wrestling match. While on the one hand, the parents feel it's their responsibility to make sure their toddler's teeth get brushed. On the other, they sense that they are damaging their relationship, perhaps permanently. This dad writes: "Part of me thinks a calm, confident leader just gets it done, but getting it done currently means two adults restraining a screaming, fighting child."  Janet offers a different perspective on toothbrushing and other daily routines that emphasize cooperation over control.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In a previous 'Unruffled' episode, a parent reached out to Janet with concerns about her then 8-month-old son's play . "If I leave the room, he stands at the gate and screams and cries, even if he can see me and we are chatting." She wondered, "Should I work on doing some exposure therapy, so to speak, leaving the room for short periods of time.. ?" Janet suggested a more organic, relationship-centered approach, and then had a back and forth with this mom. Now, nearly two years later, the mom has written back with an update describing her learning curve and her process.   Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You may have heard Janet, other parents, or early childhood professionals speak about "RIE" (pronounced "rye"). Perhaps they described "RIE" as profound and life changing.  Or maybe they outright panned it. They may have brought up elements that sounded odd or controversial or even ridiculous. You wondered what this was really all about. In this episode  you'll hear RIE Executive Director Melani Ladygo and Janet respond thoroughly and passionately to the questions: What is RIE, and how does it help us as parents? Find out more about RIE at: RIE.org Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes that she's become uncomfortable with the language she's using when setting limits with her daughter. She's using a lot of "if/then" ultimatums and doesn't like the suggestion of a threat. "I was an elementary school teacher for years before having children and am realizing I'm still recovering from all the behaviorism my teacher training instilled in me." She asks Janet "if there's another way you would suggest going about this." Janet recommends a simple adjustment this parent can make that's actually the key to her respectful parenting approach.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent feels devastated by recent behavior her 5-year-old daughter has picked up from her peers. She has tried speaking calmly to her about the issue, but this hasn't helped.  Janet offers what she hopes is a beneficial perspective that may help ameliorate her daughter's behavior. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent feels confused by her children's demands and wonders if her boundaries are too unclear. Another parent feels overwhelmed by her 4-year-old's emotional behavior at the preschool she opened at her home: "He's gotten increasingly unsafe, hitting, pushing, screaming, etc." She regrets she hasn't been able to be more trusting and acknowledges, "I know I'm putting an expectation on him that isn't fair." A third parent has been facing a series of personal hardships, and she worries that her sadness and anxiety are negatively affecting her child. Janet offers all three of these families what she believes is a helpful (though counterintuitive) healing path toward connection. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Trauma informed coaches Lavinia Brown and Andrew Lynn join Janet to discuss how they help parents identify triggers and heal wounds that are preventing them from being the parents they wish to be and otherwise negatively impact their daily lives. Andrew says: "Trauma robs you of the freedom to choose how you react." In this encore episode, Lavinia and Andrew describe some of the common signs of trauma and repressed emotions, how they recognized their own, and how their respective coaching practices enable parents to process these emotions by connecting with the needs of their inner child. Reach Lavinia at ⁠LaviniaBrown.com⁠. Her Instagram is LaviniaBrownCoaching. Reach Andrew at ⁠AndrewLynn.net⁠, or on Instagram at Andrew.g.Lynn. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠ and ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices