Full 90 - Extra Time

Zombie-diaz is giving us big Nate Jaqua vibes, and Will Bruin is giving us more than we bargained for. We have more questionable ideas about a new Sounders crest and a new Sounders goal celebration that will leave the opponents picking fish guts out of their hair. Someone buy Stef a beer (or a house). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

#NoNoNotLikeThat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Here’s your chance to name Branden’s baby! Sorry, Helicopter is already taken. The UNDEFEATED Sounders host the British Morlumbia Real Vancouver WhiteSaltlakes FC. Come for the soccer; stay for the pancake recipe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Suffering from a severe case of Kangaroo Glaucoma, our baby bald big golden bogan boi is coming home. Clint Dempsey is a walking meme (but hasn’t he always been?) and the only way Fredy could get more Seattle is if he smoked weed in beautiful Ballard while watching Fraser. Dempsey Dempsey Dempsey Dempsey Dempsey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Brian Schmetzer Orchestra takes on the [Extremely Matthew McConaughey voice] “not good not good not good” Austin FC after a Deb-tastic draw against the flying Josefs. The pandemic made us all jerks, but at least the new kit makes us look skinny, but seriously folks, we wish they just put the 5G in us instead of the UEFA Level B Coaching Badges. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Imagine not supporting the Sounders? The bald gets it done again and daddy Schmetz’s boys take care of old man Bob Sadley. The FC Columbus Crew SC got rid of their Dorito and the padawan trio of Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle have a new master. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What. Was. That. Which Roldan is a Sounders legend? Answer: yes. We find out just how many Nouhous Nouhou is actually making, and why all the coffee at Starfire and Lumen might start tasting like Santos... LAFC in town this weekend, but who cares, Sounders are hot fire. Photo by ISIPhoto.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you look like you know math? Aaron does. Fredy Montero switched his numbers around and brought out peak 2012 while NewHou looked like OldHou and Yeimar looked thicc. Wash your hooves and hide your pipe because they’re looking for your horse drugs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sit down, grab your spicy ‘yaki and join us for a few minutes of #HotGarbage and XXL bikes (don’t combine spicy teriyaki and bike rides though without a travel #bidet). We take a peak behind the digital ad boards and find the marketing genius wizard bird. Praise be Nouhou. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

ALWAYS LISTEN TO NOUHOU. We wag our fingers (and our big dumb mouths) at one member of the Sounders FC central defense and make up for missing our 4/20 pod with 69* dumb jokes about our new league villain, who just gave me a swirlie. Off to pet Mr Dr Murder. *def not 69. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Right before recording, we said, “let’s remember to be dumb,” then we were smart for like, 10 minutes straight. We’re sorry. We made up for it with bad Chewbacca impressions. Nouhou is a New HouMan and relaxed Arreaga has way less waggin’. Let’s hope the Nico-less in Seattle Sounders Football Club can prove major league soccer soccer dot com dot com right. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Looks like the band is back together, and by band we mean two dudes who used to do magic in Utah. Fredy Montero is teaching Nouhou how to wax, Ruidiaz gets his green card, and Arreaga gets his red card (probably). TLDL - don’t be the third guy to get bonked. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the same episode as yesterday but without cutting Branden off mid-sentence. The injustice, we know! Anyway, thanks/sorry but what were you expecting from this show?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This kit is #hot, it’s our bodies that are #garbage. Haterz gonna hate, but Sounders gonna cash in on a son about the history of the wars on Neptune. Look, we’re gonna be honest, we spend a lot of time talking about this wizard bird kit and a little bit of time talking about how we aren’t over the fact Danny Leyva WAS ROBBED. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

LIBERTY LIBERTY LIBERTY CLAP CLAP CLAP. We finally figured out what Zulily does, and finally, a review that *gets* us. It’s impossible to tear your hamstring in Canada (because you end up tearing something else). Go get a cup of Fredy’s coffee, and listen to our garbage. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’re back, and we’re so sorry. We finally found the megazord of Branden and Gregr’s favorite sports (and the athletes even look like Power Rangers), plus we prove just how little we know about what happened in the Sounders offseason! God I hope we bleeped everything.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The offseason abyss is upon us, but not until we figure out a Nouhou way to make money, one suitable for your resume. We talk all the players who are coming back (like Jowel Paulo), the ones who are leaving, and the ones who are starting their own consulting firms in 2021. BRB - figuring out how to waste your time with new episodes this offseason. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Combination DJ Schmetz House Muzik/Taco Time went BANANAS last night and we’re going to the Cup! Minnesota got all Fartland leaky in the end and Big Bill Energy took over. We spent way too much time talking about actual soccer but at least our wives aren’t mad at us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Top o’ the mornin’ to Shane O’Neill and ABSOLUTELY NOBODY ELSE. The man who we all expected to carry us into playoff glory...checks notes… Shane O’Neill used his noggin to secure yet another berth into the Water Closet Finals. It’s a good thing he’s a big boy because that green screen jersey is gonna sell SO MANY ADS.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We've got an idea to really anger the "football" purists that quickly gets wiener-y and then we basically spend an entire episode hashing out the existence of commentator Taylor Twellman. One of our shows got cancelled but it's not the one about ol' crazy legs - #ThatsSoNouhou. Sure glad it wasn't him with the #NouFlu... or is it #FluHou? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices