Expert Advice From Helpmesara

Sara Dimerman in conversation with Lana Feinstein. Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: What defines a normal parent Whether or not "normal" is all that its cracked up to be What thoughts, feelings and behaviours you share in common with others What percentage of parents feel bad (guilty) when they're mad and what you can do if you're one of them What percentage of parents tell their children "I'll be there in a minute" but really take ten or more and whether or not this is such a bad thing How many parents feel that they are slaves to their children and unappreciated. What you can do if you're one of them and want to turn things around. How many parents feel judged by others and if you're one of them, what you can say and do when you feel this way. What percentage of parents struggle to find time for their children, other adults and themselves and if you're one of them, how to balance things out. How many parents have a hard time deciding where to draw the line between being protective

Sara Dimerman in conversation with Lana Feinstein. Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: Why children misbehave. The many influences on our children and how to combat them. Who has the most power and influence on our children. How individual temperament, personality and genetics play a role in "bad" behaviour and whether this can be changed. Why children who are demanding, stubborn and strong willed may be better off in the long run than obedient, passive children. Why using the word "bad" is no good. How a parent's self fulfilling prophecy can lead to positive or negative behaviour. The difference between praise and encouragement and which works best. How even negative role models can provide learning opportunities to develop positive behaviour. How to build character (strong morals and values) in your children and your family. How to cope with some of the more common behavioural concerns e.g. not getting up for school or going to bed on time, not telling the truth, homework hassles, br

Sara Dimerman in conversation with Rozanne Israel. Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: How to identify signs that your child may be speech/language delayed compared to the average child his/her age. Reasons why your child may be experiencing speech/language difficulties. What's the difference between a speech versus a language concern. What steps to take in order to have your child assessed and by whom Why a formal assessment may be key to getting your child the help he/she needs The tests that may be used to assess your child Various types of speech/language delays or difficulties e.g. stuttering, voice disorders, receptive language delay, expressive language delay, phonological delay, articulation difficulty, motor speech disorder Treatment approaches to dealing with speech/language delays or difficulties in children. Your emotional reaction to learning that your child has a speech/language delay or difficulty. How to advocate on your child's behalf at school and outside of school Do

Hello, I am wanting to move out of my own house lately or buy a shed for my daughter to live in. She never has a polite tone towards me, is always arguing with absolutely everything, doesn't seem to care about anyone but herself. This is extremely difficult for her older aspergers sister and younger brother. I understand where she is coming from but she doesn't even try to change. I am at my wits end so to speak. Please help, I know she needs to feel important and she is special but doesn't think so because her siblings are more needy and take more time away from her. It is only me here to try to give everyone a fair share of myself. Eeeeeek! Thanks for anything you can help me out with. I have no supports, can't seem to find and/or keep any and no family to speak of. I am trying everything! Signed, Feeling Helpless

Hi Sara, I am a 25 year old mother of a 4 year old little girl. I am running out of ideas on how to discipline her properly and have her understand she has to listen or else there are consequences. I have tried time out in the corner and her room, taking things she enjoys away, quiet time etc. She is very bad because I let her get away with things for too long and now I feel its too late. I also have trouble with sticking to disciplinary actions that I am trying to enforce and I give in way too much! She says bad words at day care and hits and yells and also has been saying "I hate you" or "I dont love you!" to people when she doesn't get her way. I explained, as did her daycare, that these things she says are unacceptable and hurtful to people around us. People we do in fact love and care greatly for. I just dont know what else to do. I am panicking because she is going to start pre-school next year and I want her attitude fixed, but I want to do it right. Can you give me any ideas or pointers?

Recently my daughter wanted to have a sleepover with a few friends. Both of the friends she wanted to have over had iPhones, iPads and cell phones. We dont feel our daughter has any need for this as of yet. We have, in the past, found that these friends bring these devices and then text other kids instead of engaging with friends often leaving each other out. I'm not sure if its ok to ask kids to leave their cell phones and iPads at home or check them at the door. I have spoken to their parents to ask how they feel, but they dont seem to think there is any reason for concern. Please help, I need some advice.

Hi Sara, I am a first generation Canadian Born Chinese and my wife had immigrated to Canada and has Canadian Citizenship. We both live in Vancouver, BC and have two kids.My first child is about to start Kindergarten and my second child is still in preschool. I want my kids to speak more English at home so that they can do better in school but my wife disagrees and wants them to speak more Chinese at home.From my past experience, when I was elementary school, I had problems with English grammar. My teachers said to my parents that I should speak more English at home to improve my English skills to do well in school and since then my parents have been speaking English at home.My wife is accusing me of killing our cultural identity saying that I'm teaching our kids to forget their mother tongue. Now I'm in a flood basement scenario, help!

Hello Sara, I am a mother of two. My son was born a month ago and my daughter is almost 3 and half. She's unravelled and thus so have I.I thought I prepared her but unfortunately for all of us she has a very defiant and jealous streak. I'm not sure who needs the therapy me or her. I feel like I'm failing her as a parent. Her tantrums, defiance, disrespect is making me fall to pieces. I'm shocked and angry. Everyone keeps saying it will pass and she will get used to her new brother but I can't help but think that although the time will pass and she will adjust, something within her is drastically changing and our bond is being affected.I used to watch episodes of The Nanny and think "How could things get so bad?". Well, in the last three weeks suddenly my reality has totally changed to one of those embarassing episodes.Please help.

Hello Sara, I was listening to CBC radio the other day and heard your discussion on divorce. I am recently separated and my ex is very angry, bitter and does not say nice things about me in front of our 10 yr old daughter. I make a conscious effort not to do this about her dad, however he did it even before we separated. My question to you is what would you recommend I do in this situation? Also what book could you recommend? I really enjoyed listening to the radio program although I did not catch it from the beginning. Thank you for your assistance.

Hi Sara, I'm so glad I found your website! I had alot of unanswered questions and your article about children & a new partner gave me comfort. I need some advice on how a 5 year-old can accept someone else in place of their father. Although she isn't attached to her father she might be jealous but then again its not the right time to introduce anything at the moment right?? I just need some brief advice, anything will do :) Thx for your time, appreciate it!

I am a grandmother for the first time and simply adore my little granddaughter who is now 17 months. My problem is that I am very nervous when she sleeps overnight. I have tried it twice - once when she was 6 weeks and once at 5 months - and I get so nervous that I get the runs and cannot sleep at all. I worry that I will be too tired to look after her all night and all day. How can I just relax and be myself with her and not worry so much when I take her all night? I love looking after her during the day or even in the evening while her parents are out (I KNOW they are coming home eventually so I'm okay). ANY suggestions would be so helpful as my daughter-in-law has again asked me to take her overnight or for the whole weekend and I'm in panic mode!!! Lori

Hi Sara, please help me. I'm a mother of 2 children who are 3 and 4 years old and a stay home mom. My 4 year old goes to school from 9am to noon and my 3 year old is at home all day. I want to get a job but I have to consider my husbands work schedule - from 4pm to 2am (or even until 6am if they're really busy). Everytime we fight this becomes the issue, following the money issue. I also have a jealousy problem and my husband did something stupid that he thought it would help me but it just made me crazy. If you could give me advice I would really appreciate it.

Hi Sara, I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. During the past year my five year old son and my boyfriend have been hanging out at least once a week, no sleepovers yet. My son likes my boyfriend but whenever he is around my son misbehaves - he whines, cries and just isn't himself.My boyfriend wants us to move in with him eventually but if their relationship doesn't improve I dont see it happening. How can I get my son to behave appropriately around my boyfriend? I think my son views him as a friend and someone to play with. Your thoughts?

Hi Sara - I would really appreciate some feedback on this topic. My maternity leave has ended, and so I started looking into home care & daycare providers. I myself had a bad experience with a babysitter when I was younger and, as my husband likes to say, I'm an "overprotective" mother.I'm having real trust issues when it comes to leaving my daughter as well as an overwhelming feeling of guilt. It seems like no one is good enough to watch her unless they're a close relative; and even then my cell phone is always in my hands or beside me. I'm tempted to stay at home but money would be extremely tight and I've been considering home care but alot of people say it's really hard work, and I should do it because I want to, not because I have to.Do you have any suggestions as to how to make up my mind and feel confident and happy with my decision in the end?

Hi Sara,We have a great but extremely talkative boy who will be 5 in June. He has a great vocabulary, but doesn't possess any natural shyness. When on elevators, in the store, no other child is safe from him chattering endlessly about his toys, likes or talents. Other kids often just stare, mouth agape, not knowing how or where to begin. He scares away potential friends, which scares me. I want him to be well-liked and know how to relate to others, as he will begin primary school in the Fall. How should I address this issue without squashing his exuberance?

Dear Sara, My son is 19 and is overweight (275 lbs). He was consistently in the honour roll during high school and graduated as an Ontario Scholar.He received a scholarship during his first term at university in September 2009, which was also his first time living away from his family. When his grades were released we found out that he failed his 3 core courses. He told us that he was overwhelmed with his first university experience and had procrastination problems. He had also gained more weight and told us that he was always sleepy. He retook the courses but he again failed those same 3 core courses. He told us that he could not explain what happened, he knew what he needed to do but was just too lazy to do more. He also mentioned high expectations from us and we told him that we only expected him to pass this term. We told him to find a summer job and to find a way to get out of the rut he is in. We know that addressing his weight problem is the priority and are having his health assessed. We are scared to

I have been divorced for 11 yrs from my daughters Dad. We still do a lot of holidays and birthdays together and had another child who is 3 years old.We never remarried and parted 1 year ago. I found someone who is 14 years younger and my daughter wont have anything to do with him. She doesnt know him but tells me that she doesnt feel comfortable around him. They've met 3 times and I have known him for about 2 years. How can I help her get to know him? She tells me if I choose him then I can only see her every other weekend!I don't know where to start with this...

My eight year old daughter is already paying a lot of attention to her private parts, especially with the shower head, she said it is because it tickles.Is this normal for her age?

I have a 4 1/2 yr old son and an 8 yr old daughter. Both are great kids except they cry at the drop of a hat and my husband & I are at the end of our rope! My daughter is getting better as she gets older but my son cries because his pants are too short or because he's not as good at Super Mario Wii as his friend. I try to tell him that it doesn't matter and he will get better with practice but he doesn't believe me and says he'll never be good. If he gets into a fight with his sister and we have to step in they both start to cry. When they get angry they end up crying. When they are frustrated they start to cry.The other day I was going out to the store with my daughter and my son was going to stay home with my husband. When I told my daughter to get ready I looked over and my son was sobbing. I asked him why he was crying and he said "because I'll miss you" and he said he wanted to go with us. I said no, he had to stay home with his dad and they would probably watch TV. He's trying to stop sobbing and wi

Sara, I have no idea where to turn anymore when it comes to potty training. I think we have done it all and our patience with our 3-year-old son has run out. I am expecting my second child any day now and my plan was to have my oldest son trained before the arrival of this baby. My sitter is wonderful and has had great success in the potty department with my son. I believe he has been going for her since he was around two. To make life easier for her I started buying Pull-Ups and he never seems to wet them when he is at her house. So to keep the pattern going I asked her what it is she does at her home. She simply calls him and says "Owen go potty". He drops whatever he is doing and goes all by himself. At home we have tried to do the same but it has failed. We have tried bribes (smarties, stickers, etc...), we have taken him shopping to pick out "big boy underwear" recently but he wore them and dirtied them.It seems that if we let him run around without anything on he will go potty by himselfbut as soon as h