Savage Lovecast

Kissing?! Blecchhh! A 33 year old woman is a bit of a late bloomer. She has just started dating, and likes to have sex. But the kissing? It disgusts her. Her shrink told her she just hasn’t met the right guy. But she knows better. She doesn’t like to kiss and that’s that. How can she tell her fellas this?  A bi woman is into daddy dom/little girl play. But she was incensed to see a warning on Porn Hub comparing her harmless kink to child pornography. Porn Hub is riddled with far darker stuff. Why Porn Hub, why?!! On the Magnum, Dan chats with the good Doctor Joe Kort, who coined the term “sides.” Sides are gay men who aren’t into anal sex (but do plenty of other things.) They talk about the weird reaction sides get from both gay and straight folks, and also about first loves, the unwarranted herpes stigma, and meet sleazys. You should listen to this conversation but we warn you- you’re gonna feel good… And, a woman wants Dan to call her dad and berate him for getting in so many toxic relationships and then co

Believe it or not, a straight male dom is struggling with how to be selfish in bed. As a dom, he learned to please his sub and obtain consent every step of the way. But his current girlfriend wants him to do whatever he wants. He just doesn’t know what that is… A mother overheard her daughter’s friend say she was bi. The mother wanted to pounce and avow her support and acceptance, but she said nothing. Should she say something super-nice next time?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with kindred spirit Ryan O’Connell from the Queer as Folk reboot. They talk about sex and dating with cerebral palsy and what to make of being fetishized for a disability. They also war over who coined “cumspringa” first. (It’s Dan.) Ryan is whipsmart and we all love him.  A woman has been with her boyfriend for 10 years. He’s straight as an arrow…when he’s sober. When he drinks he talks about wanting to be with men. He refuses to acknowledge that he has a touch of the queer in him. How can the caller get him to embrace this about himself

A woman has been with her boyfriend for one year. She knew he was into cam girls from the beginning of the relationship. But lately he watches cam girls all the time- even when they are having sex. Now that he is choosing cam girls over the caller, she’s beginning to wonder if there might be... a problem.  A man is coming to the end of his 9-year relationship with his girlfriend. But she is about to have surgery on her leg, and will need a lot of help. Is this a terrible time to break up? Can he leave her in the care of her adult children who live with her?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Emmy and Tony-nominated actor, author, and producer Jesse Tyler Fergusson about Broadway, casting gays, and meddling, jealous ex-girlfriends. A gay man still has some photos up on social media of him and his ex. Some of his friends say he should take them down- it looks like he hasn’t moved on. Other advise him to keep them up- it shows high emotional IQ that he is still friends with his exes. What should he do?  We know wha

A bi man in a monogamous heterosexual marriage keeps having his sexuality questioned by gay friends. It’s super annoying! Should he even bring up his bisexuality? Should he feel miffed?  A woman with a newish boyfriend wants to try some consensual non-consent. Specifically, she wants to be woken from a deep sleep to him having sex with her. He readily agreed saying he would also like to be woken up mid-blow job. But how do they negotiate this ahead of time? When he’s sleeping so peacefully, she looks at him and chickens out.  On the Magnum: Pegging WILL be in the Oxford English Dictionary. Or so says Dan’s new inside man. In the noble quest to enshrine the word “Pegging” in the world’s most respected record of the English language, Dan brings on Jesse Sheidlower, former editor at large of the OED to explain why some words get in and some don’t. Nerds rejoice! In your FACE Bill Savage! (This is one of Nancy’s favorite Magnum conversations just so you know.)  Ok, is it true that men don’t like it if you put out

A trans man used to be an escort before his transition. Now that he is hornier than ever on testosterone, he wants to try sleeping with gay men. But in his escorting days he would disassociate to get through the sessions. How can he learn to be more present in bed with cis men?  A woman has started dating an older man. In sharing their secrets, he confided that he likes to cross-dress. She’s game to indulge him, but what does she need to know about it?   In these dark times there is only one man who can bring the light. It’s Randy Rainbow! The genius who got us through the Trump years is out with a new book, and continues to churn out super-clever, super-gay videos. They answer a couple calls togethers, they laugh, they cry, they misgender someone, you get to listen. Some is on the Micro, all is on the Magnum.  Hear the pathos in the voice of this 30 year old man, who tumbled together with a woman and her husband. Now he’s catching feelings for the wife, the husband is pissed and the marriage just might end.

An Australian woman in her mid 20s fondly remembers the intimate online relationship she had throughout high school. She thought he was 20, and though they never met in person, they would chat well into the early hours every night. Recently, she became curious about what became of him. She learned that he was in fact 35 at the time, with a wife and kids. When she confronted him, he was self-pitying in his defense. This relationship was good for her at the time. But the lie is galling, and if he did this to her, is he still pretending to be someone he isn’t for other young women/girls? Should she tell his wife and blow up his life?  It’s hard to be ethically non-monogamous! It really is! This is what a man and his wife have learned after she cheated on him with a man who was cheating on *his* wife. Are there resources for folks trying to be open and honest?  Our all time favorite dominatrix, Mistress Matisse is back to discuss a few thorny issues. 1) Can we call ourselves and our pals “whore” in a sex-positive

“Help! I’m trapped with my very nice in-laws! “ An introverted woman loves her husband’s family dearly. But when they all descend on her house and stay for weeks with their kids and their dinners and their constant togetherness, she loses her mind. How can she carve out a little alone time without offending the herd?  A lesbian connected with a super-hottie bisexual. They planned to hook up, but the hottie asked if they could get some video or pics and show to her boyfriend to turn him on/make him jealous. As a lesbian, the caller recoils at the idea of providing “content” for some man. She and Dan discuss the matter. You get to hear their conversation. We have two guests for you this week. Did you know that England has sex scandals too? They do! Rachel Cunliffe, the Senior Associate Editor of the New Statesman, is on to talk about the naughty MP Neil Parish who resigned after he was discovered watching porn on the crowded House of Commons floor.  And on the Magnum, Dan chats with Searah Deysach from Chicago’

A man is excited to marry his beloved fiancé. But he harbors a corrosive secret. Early in their relationship he went to massage parlors for happy endings. He’s done with all that now, and feels terribly ashamed. But should he tell her? Does he owe her the truth? Can she handle the truth? Can he handle a lifelong secret?  A woman used to have bad sex in her youth, with lots of unrequited blow jobs. Now that she’s with an attentive, loving boyfriend, she would like to give him toe-curling oral sex. But she can’t get the distaste for them out of her head. How can she learn to love giving them again?  On the Magnum, Dan interviews psychology professor Dr. Craig Harper about his research on sex doll owners. Is there a personality type associated with sex doll ownership? What kind of relationships do they have with women?  Finally, if a guy has an STI, does his semen taste different?  Like butterscotch maybe? voicemail@savagelovecast.com     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep-the best mat

A gay man discovered that his friend had a nude photo of him on his phone. The caller had asked him to take the picture so he could edit it and send it to someone. But the friend kept the pic for himself and sent it to other people without the caller’s knowledge or consent. So. Can they still be friends? How bad is this? A queer woman has been on 2 dates with a gal, and they are getting along really well. The caller did a deep internet search and discovered that her date is in fact trans. Not only had the woman not disclosed this, but she volunteered that she was cis, and talked about having period cramps in her youth. Lies? Why would she lie? The caller is very game to date a trans woman. How should she proceed?  Our guest this week is Christine Emba, author of “Rethinking Sex: A Provocation.” And Dan was indeed provoked! They discuss her critique of sex culture in which attaining consent is considered a high bar to clear when in fact it is the very lowest bar. Choking? Sadism? What is wrong with us? They ta

Mazel tov, you’re a new daddy! And by “daddy” we mean a queer, dirty-talkin’, older dom. A newly single bi man in his 40s suddenly finds himself with a bevy of young men who want him to play this role, and he doesn’t know where to begin.  More semen please! A man wants to know if the various foods and supplements that promise to increase semen volume really work.  On the Magnum, you should have seen the Tech-Savvy At-Risk Youth™ scurry around when we found out that Anna Sale was coming on the show. The host of Death, Sex & Money has a new podcast all about erectile dysfunction called HARD, so Dan chatted with her about ED and Viagra and much more. Unsurprisingly, Anna Sale was a delight.  And, can cis people use the term “dead-naming?” The caller saw a YouTuber complaining that some people in a bar had called out the name they read from his driver’s license. He now uses his slick YouTube handle and accused the bartender of “dead-naming” him. But isn’t this term specifically for people who use a trans person’s

A woman discovered that her boyfriend cheated on her. How did she know? He washed his own sheets for the first time EVER. When confronted, (after lying at first,) he said that men need variety and monogamy is unnatural. Is this correct?  A man and his husband now live apart because one of them didn’t want to live in the cold, dark, rainy Pacific Northwest. But they still love and miss each other so much. The caller feels like his house is a museum of their love, with objects everywhere to remind him of his man. Should he sell the house and move on?  On the Magnum, Dan lures the delightful stand-up comedian Gianmarco Soresi, to give his straight male perspective on dating whilst famous and…dick picks.  And, a sex worker has a boyfriend who disapproves of her job. He started seeing another woman because he claims it’s the only way he can stomach his girlfriend’s profession. The caller agreed to let him see both of them, so long as the other woman knew about her. When the woman found out, she dumped the lad, lea

A woman and her husband are getting into group sex. The catch? She’s newly pregnant. Should she disclose this to participants?  4 years ago, soon after a woman got together with her boyfriend, in a fit of paranoia, he checked to see if she was indeed doing what she said she would be doing with some friends. When she found out about this, she confronted him and he apologized. He’s never done anything like this since and their relationship is good. Still. Should she dump him for this past transgression?  On the Magnum, we welcome back our favorite ghost(ing) writer, Justine Ang Fonte, to discuss the delicate art of saying “No.” A woman sent her friend-with-benefits a sex tape of herself. He said he loved it and has watched it “many times.” But she was able to see that he watched it only twice. Is this grounds for freaking out?  voicemail@savagelovecast.com         206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an exte

Strap in (or on) for a wild ride folks, because this is the April Fool’s Day show. We asked you to send in fake calls and you came through in a big way. It is Dan Savage’s challenge to spot the phonies.  A woman wonders how to help her friend dispose of his unwanted sex doll. Can he just take it to the dump?  A man and his wife both got Fitbits. But now, when they have sex, they both immediately check them to see how they did from a fitness perspective!  Some kinks explored on this show: globes, bones, animals, talking peeholes, nudism, mullets and astrology. Which are real? Can you tell?  Have you ever wanted to hear Yoda talk dirty? No? Nobody’s making you subscribe to the Magnum… 206-302-2064           voicemail@savagelovecast.com This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. Support for the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by MANSCAP

A woman with teenaged kids has started seeing a man she’s known for a decade. It’s a dom/sub relationship, where she is the dom. Part of their arrangement is that she gets to date other people and he does not. She has always been transparent and open with her kids, but she hasn’t told them about this new relationship. Should she? A man has decided he never wants to bring kids into the world. But he’s eager to adopt and have a family. How and when can he explain this on his dating profiles? On the Magnum, our guest is Laura Kipness- author of “Love in the Time of Contagion.” The two talk about everything under the sun, including polyamory, relationship anarchy, power as an aphrodisiac, the perversity of being confined during covid times and much more.  And, Dan councils a woman whose father is a big ole cheater. He got caught kissing a woman at a bar by the caller and then lied about it to the whole family. His wife is disabled and needs a lot of care. The caller doesn’t want to butt in on her parents’ sex lif

Gather round listeners, and hear the gruesome tale of a spit roasting mishap.  A Ukrainian queer woman living in Canada is horrified and heartbroken that her Russian grandmother is not only homophobic, but pro-Putin as well. How do you maintain a relationship with such a person?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with his old enemy, reformed Republican strategist Tim Miller from The Bulwark about Florida’s reprehensible “Don’t Say Gay “ bill.  And finally! Dan offers THE definition of sex.  voicemail@savagelovecast.com             206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $100 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com and use the offer code Savage. This episode is brought to you by Doordash. Get breakfast, lunch, dinner and more delivered from your favorite restaurants right to your doorstep with one easy click. Get $5 off your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and enter promo code SAVAGE. This episo

A man matched with a woman in an ethical non-monogamous relationship. She proposed they meet at a lifestyle club. He had never heard of lifestyle clubs before and wonders if this is an elaborate scam to boost the club’s membership. Is this on the up and up?  A man started seeing a new woman, and it’s time to share his kinks. He is into cross-dressing. (Ho hum.) And wearing maxi pads. (Oh my!) How can he tell her this without scaring her off?  Speaking of scaring people off…our What You Got is extra spicy today. In what must be our first combination of a What You Got and Darwin Award nomination, a man inserted the straw from a can of spray foam insulation into his urethra, and pressed the button. Dr. Susan MacDonald, the intrepid researcher and Urology Professor, presents this case study with more calm than most of us are capable of.  And, a domme woman is trying to get pregnant with her sub. How can they adjust their sex practices to maximize the chances of fertilization?  We’re looking for answers here.  v

It’s pretty much the nightmare scenario. Her new boyfriend gave her a digital picture frame. She mischievously sent him a nude, not knowing that it would post to a whole network of his friends, including his conservative Evangelical Christian mother. She hasn’t met his mother yet. When the day comes, how can she look her in the eye?  A brave woman has taken up being a Dom to men she meets online. They come to her house and the fun begins. But she hates the awkward chit-chat at the beginning, before they assume their roles. How can she cut to the chase?  On the Magnum version, a man asks Dan to reconcile the seeming contradiction of the public health mandate to wash one’s hands, with the celebrated practice of eating ass. “Please explain.” Dan brings on Dr. Daniel Summers- pediatrician, and hand-washing advocate to shed light on the situation.  And, a bisexual man would like to dress more…bisexually. Can anyone help him pick out some threads?  voicemail@savagelovecast.com.  206-302-2064 This episode is brough

Hey everyone! Meet your new co-worker, and her …master. At the work party, the new gal showed up with her 24/7 master who fed her in front of everyone, the whole time. Now, the caller doesn’t want to be sex-negative or anything, but is this appropriate workplace etiquette?  Next up! Do you like to crank them hogs? This widower had a rich, fulfilling sex life with his wife Barb, but she passed away. How can he find sexual fulfillment in his golden years? (And, Nancy has an important message for you.) Dan meets his millennial match in Shan Boodram- host of the “Lovers and Friends” podcast. They talk about why so many women can’t let go of bad partners, “trauma bonds” vs. “survivor bonds” and when white women are attracted to “Black Girl Magic.” You get a taste of it on the Micro, and all of it on the Magnum.  And, a trans guy is in a monogamous relationship with his boyfriend. But the caller wants to open it up so he can have sex with friends. Can the boyfriend come around in time? (Hint: Dan’s husband did…”) v

Hoo boy do we have a goodie for you today.  First off, a woman and her boyfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years. They stay home, watch tv, play videos games and don’t have sex. When one of them tries to initiate, they both feel too silly to get in the mood. How can they get their mojo back?  Our guests are Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson from the Guys We F****d podcast. Why we haven’t had them on the show sooner is a mystery to everyone. Dan and the ladies gab about dating younger guys, dating sexual prudes, getting laid when you aren’t so pretty, how we all have daddy issues, cuckolding and so much more. A bit of it is on the Micro and the whole sordid thing is on the Magnum.  And, how you teach your man to clean his ass properly?  voicemail@savagelovecast.com. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $100 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com and use the offer code Savage. This episode is brought to you

Ah Valentine’s Day. This year, Dan will finally teach you how keep it spicy...very, very spicy. Let’s tuck in. Inevitable Divorce: A man with a history of divorce in his family was chatting with a friend about how he would consider marriage when he could afford to get divorced. But his boyfriend of 3 years overheard and now there’s hell to pay.  A lesbian bought a delightful dildo to use on her girlfriend. But guess what. They broke up! Does our caller have to throw away the sex toy, still in its box? And does she always have to be the one to buy them?  On the Magnum version of the show, have your Dear John letter written by a pro. Dan talks to Justine Ang Fonte, a ghostwriter who will happily write the texts you dread to send.  And, a lesbian is in that unenviable position of being the piece on the side. The woman she’s in love with already has a girlfriend and despite the great sex with the caller, won’t break up with anyone. Love hurts. Oooooh oooooh, love hurts.  voicemail@savagelovecast.com  206-302-206