Jenn Taylor #rerouting

* had a hard time getting pregnant, and despite going through the "infertility gauntlet", the "problem" was never identified * did get pregnant with an IUI and assumed whatever had been the obstacle was now resolved (who in retrospect is bonkers optimistic) * 25 weeks into the pregnancy my doctors find a too slow fetal heartrate *drs find life threatening heart condition for the fetus, created by an autoimmune problem I didn't know I had *12 weeks in limbo, with drs saying fetus would not survive pregnancy or birth *scheduled C section at 37 weeks...after she is born alive; next day has open heart surgery to implant a pacemaker *after surgery drs say whether she lives or dies "is up to her" *creating a strong sense that this life is "hers" *that baby just graduated college *learn about the very hard limits of my control over my child (whose life was "in her own hands", and my body ABOUT  I am a writer. I write essays about women's health focused on pr